Women Want A Man Who Is A Challenge

Aug 8, 2011 by Coach Corey Wayne

Photo by iStock.com/anyaberkut
Women like men who are a challenge to them. Guys who they can’t always get their way with. When a woman is getting to know a guy, she will test him usually by trying to see if she can jerk him around a little bit and if he will just sit there and take it. When a woman starts to mistreat you and you take it, she will lose respect for you. If a woman does not respect you, she will never love you.

Every guy that is screwing up with women he is trying to date makes the same mistakes as other guys. Instead of setting definite dates, they call and expect the woman to be direct and make all the decisions. This is the last thing women want. Women want a man who is direct, confident, knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to ask for it.

When I was trying and failing miserably with women, I always needed to know exactly where I stood with them. If they did not do the things I expected in the time that I expected them to… I would get upset, fearful, needy, insecure and generally do things that would cause women to correctly assess that I was weak, needy and therefore not a dominant male or a good catch.

As I discuss in my articles women want to be in a love story, what women are attracted to men, the ultimate alpha male, how to sexually attract women who are out of your league, how to project strength and confidence to attract women, how to make a definite date with a woman so she doesn’t break, how to go with the flow with women, etc. women want a man who acts like a man, and knows how to treat a lady.

When a guy acts needy and un-centered around women, it causes them to feel wishy-washy on the inside as well as lowering their interest level in him. When women are around needy and un-centered men, they don’t feel comfortable or trust their masculine core because these men seem awkward and unsure of themselves around women. They don’t know how to act around or talk to women. Women want to be comfortable and have fun. Guys that get this make it easy for women to be themselves around them. They therefore, want to stay around guys who they can be themselves with. To women, dating and interacting with needy guys is a drag, hastle and awkward. Can you blame them for getting turned off?

The following is an e-mail I got from a reader who was dating a girl that seemed to really be into him at first, however, he did a ton of things wrong that turned her off and now she does not return his phone calls. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:

Dear Corey,

I met this girl at a wedding of her cousin (my bf) and hadn’t seen her in years. We ended up hooking up and she said she had a crush on me growing up (awesome) as did I. She got my number through her sister and texted me saying here is her number (80% interest level to start with) not that I asked for it haha. We texted and set up a date but she canceled and didn’t answer for a week (never continue to try and contact a woman when she still has not responded to your last text, email, voicemail, etc.-YOU MUST give her the space and time to respond-otherwise you will appear needy and she will lose interest in you slowly over time) cause her grandpa died. We didn’t talk through next week and then started again setting up a date for Saturday. We went out Fri (sounds like she changed the plans on you at the last minute-this was a test which you failed and went along with if it was not for a good reason) instead and she was very flirty and we kissed and she later texted I hope you do like me cause I like you (since her interest was so high to start out, you could do a lot wrong before completely turning her off where her interest level went below 50%). She went to Michigan not telling me (she owes you nothing. You are not her boyfriend) or answering texts (you chased too much and continued to try and contact her even though she was ignoring you) and for another week we didn’t talk. We started talking again and she asked me to a wedding saying its on short notice but her friends weren’t all bringing dates and were deciding so if they were gonna bring dates would I come (NEVER agree to be backup plans for anyone. Tell her “I really want to see you, but lets just make plans when you know you are going to be free” and then turn down her invitation). She said they decided not to but would call me after to meet up which she never did (she has lost respect for you at this point. She kept testing and you kept failing. She could totally jerk you around and you would take it). We talked for another week and when I asked her if what she was up to for week and if she wanted to do something she said work Fri work Sat during day but gonna be by me later and I said hope to meet up. I didn’t call or text and found out she was at a bar w family and didn’t call me when she knew i was kinda close (she didn’t want to see you). I texted her next day” i don’t know whats going on and I’m not a relationship guy (you are communicating you want a relationship with her. Totally out of sequence and inappropriate discussion with only 1 date) but like you and don’t know if you are shy or not interested (weak statement-a dominant male always knows where he stands because he looks at a woman’s actions. You communicated to her that you do not understand and are probably not very successful with women). I thought we had a good time when we went out and you told me that you liked me (she meant that in the moment she said it, but you kept acting needy and insecure which turned her off and lowered her interest level in you) then nothing happened. I know you have crazy work schedule and had a long relationship (ended year and half ago after 4) but just wanna know what is going on (bringing up her ex has nothing to do with you two. Bad move on your part. BTW-nothing is going on now, hence the silence from her). That was a week ago and i have yet to hear from her (you probably never will. Never call, text message or contact her again. If she contacts you, don’t respond until the next day or on Monday if its a weekend. Set up a definite date via text by texting her the day after you hear from her. She has been rude and dismissive to you. You trained her to treat you this way, if you have any chance with her, she will contact you. If her interest is below 50%, you will never hear from her again. When you’re out… you’re out).

I’m sorry if this email is long and hope you have advice.

Tom

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Published on August 8, 2011

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Hey Corey,

    I just want to say thank you for all the kick ass dating/love life advice you provide on your site.

    I am a very confident guy with women, however, being a challenge (with the ladies) has been my achilles heel.

    This article has helped me tighten my game.

    Thank you again,

    Ian.

  2. Interesting but what I want to know is how do you keep being challenge to someone in a relationship as in keeping a girlfriend with you.

  3. I read that cradling my head in my hands. DAMN. That is so true. Especially this:

    “Instead of setting definite dates, they call and expect the woman to be direct and make all the decisions.”

    I hate that SO much. I don’t mind having input, but when I have to set the date, choose the venue, decide where we’ll meet, how we’ll ge there… my mind goes “FFS, does this guy have any personality or preferences at all, or does he just want Mommy to write his schedule for him?!”

    Thank you for writing this!

  4. Dear Corey:

    I bought your book and I read it and re read it. I re-read it some more. Much of what you teach and preach is what my mother’s been telling me for years; a little bit of chasing every now and then is ok but the key is, as my old hockey coach used to say,
    ” A good player doesn’t chase the puck.”

    The essence here in is being confident. The French call it ‘non-plused’. Christians call it “being in the world but not of the world “. (And I might add that the bible warns us to ‘guard our heart”.

    I’ve been in a relationship for nine months now with a georgeous lady who was a national college champion volley ball player. I must admit that I gushed heart throbbing muck all over her. She still likes me but is somewhat indifferent because I’ve given too much. She still likes me because I keep remembering to, slow down, ease up and not get so G.D’ed worked up and needy .

    I do need her but I must continue to remind myself to be – indifferent. It does sound counter intuitive but it is true. Indifference to everything and anyone is actually a sign of leadership . It is also a critical personality function to those of us in business and especially people like me in high end commercial sales.

    So to all of the guys out there that are struggling to cope, remind them again – dig deep, forgive and forget past childhood and adult guilt and shame. Don’t let any one or anything get you off your game. Maintain poise always and love yourself by protecting your heart at all costs !

    Thanks and keep up the great work!

    Linden Ritchie

    Calgary, Alberta

  5. Dear Corey,
    Women don’t want a man who challenges them. Well, not an emotionally and mentally balanced woman. Humans generally have the same needs unless there is an unresolved emotional or mental condition or issue such as any of the many traumas that can befall a person throughout their life. If you are speaking about the emotionally and mentally balanced woman, then no, they don’t want a man to challenge them. Life presents enough challenges in itself. Studies show that women fare better in mental and physical health when they are single, and this applies to all ages of women, while their partnered sisters fare worse in terms of health in general while they are with a man. Yet, the studies show that single men at any age are worse off than in mental and emotional health and financial health than married or partnered men, even if they say their relationships are frustrating, it seems that simply being in a relationship boosts a man’s well being in every aspect of life.
    Women want a trustworthy, caring companion and lover and men want this too. Together, a couple must face the challenges life will throw at them. Their challenges are: staying mentally and emotionally and physically healthy so that their energy can be contributed to enhancing the well being of their partner, their children, their community, the whole existence in general, and in doing so they enhance their own well-being. That is what the divine sacred reason for coupling is, not self pleasuring, but rather, self-actualisation through your unique contribution to enhancing the well-being of others.
    If one of the partners is more interested in controlling the other just for the sake of feeling powerful, or getting into a game of master and servant, then this is due to mental and emotional dysfunction.

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