How to master the process of finding your self-worth again after a breakup, overcoming your limiting beliefs and succeeding like never before.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss three different emails from three different viewers. The first email is from a viewer in his early twenties who says he is in a downward spiral. He has a job he loves but is not happy with his personal life and asks what he can do to turn it around. The second email is a success story from a forty-eight year old divorced man who has four kids. He details how my work helped him turn around his life after thinking and believing that nobody would want a divorced guy with four kids.
The third email is a success story from a guy who details how he completely turned his life around and become so good with women, that he is now helping his mother recover after a recent breakup. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.
1st Viewer’s Email:
A friend recommended I start watching your videos on YouTube. I recently started going on this downward spiral in life. I have spent pretty much all of my 20s, (I want to say 21/22 and beyond), working, school, and going to the college.
Well, that’s pretty much what most people are doing around that time. You’re trying to figure things out. If you want to read about purpose, drive, mission and figuring out your calling in life, in my book, “Mastering Yourself,” I go through the road map of what I followed.
In college, I started working in my field instead of waiting until I was done with school. That way when I finally finished my degree, I already had several years of experience, so I was a lot further along than most of my friends who went off to college, joined fraternities, maybe had some part-time jobs in school, and kind of partied their asses off. There’s nothing wrong with that. I just worked my way through college, because I didn’t have a choice.
I have had zero social life in a long time and have recently been trying to escape my shell, (cage really), rekindling old friendships and trying to get out. I have been on one date in the last 7 years, and it went horribly.
At the end of the day, you’ve got to give yourself permission to be a beginner, dude. Everybody starts out somewhere in life. Some guys don’t even start dating until their thirties, so at this point in your life, in your twenties, getting where you want to be is a matter of time and repetition and applying the fundamentals that you’re going to see and read about in “How To Be A 3% Man.”
My downward spiral was realizing I have no social life, no hobbies, and no romantic life at all.
Great. That means you’ve got a clean slate. You’re kind of hard on yourself like, “I suck. I’m not making any progress.” The reality is, in order to feel successful in life, you have to feel like you’re making progress. That’s where 3% Man can really help you out. As you start learning the things and just start observing other people, especially men and women interacting, you start to notice the things in the book. Then you kind of feel like you have a lens on the world that most of the people you encounter in life just simply don’t have. And it makes you feel a little more confident, because you’re going to start seeing things that most people never see and never recognize. And that builds your confidence. That makes you feel a little better.
When you encounter women, you start chatting with them, making small talk, asking questions, being curious, taking a sincere, authentic interest in other people, you’re going to notice when you do it enough, that there are some girls that just like you. For whatever reason, you do it for them, and vice versa. When you meet a girl you find attractive, you just know, you feel it. It’s instantaneous.
And it’s the same thing with women. When they see a guy that they like, they just like them. So, you’re pretty much either in or out. Like I talk about in the book, if you’re a 5 in their eyes or better, you’ve got a shot. And if you’re a 4 and below in a woman’s eyes, you don’t, so you don’t waste your time. It’s not a big deal. The reality is, most women you’re going to be interested in or find attractive, you’re not even going to move the needle for them. They’re not going to care unless you’re some super good looking dude that most girls like. And at the end of the day, being good looking just gets your foot in the door. If you don’t know what you’re doing, you’ll still fuck it up.
I feel like I have no backbone outside of my career.
Well, you can build upon that. You just haven’t been through enough repetitions and interactions with women where you’ve seen success to feel good about it. You went through the repetitions in your career. You weren’t bothered by rejection, mistakes or not knowing things. You just took action. It’s the same way with women, but with the average guy, if he doesn’t feel very successful or confident with women, it’s hard to feel like you’re a man on a lot of levels, especially if you’ve got friends that are doing well with women.
I absolutely love my job, and really struck the lottery with it.
The most important thing to a man is your purpose, your mission, who you are and what you’re trying to accomplish in life, and everything flows from that. A man who knows what he wants, knows why he wants it and is going after it, that’s incredibly attractive and sexy to women, so you’ve got that part of your life handled, which is great.
There’s a lot of guys out there who have no idea what they want to do, and they don’t do anything about it. They don’t even try to figure out what they want to do. You’re way ahead of most people your age dude, so you’re beating yourself up, and it’s unnecessary. You’re creating unnecessary, limiting beliefs and imaginary obstacles that just simply aren’t there because of what you’re focusing on in life.
And that’s where not only “How To Be A 3% Man” can help you, but also “Mastering Yourself” can help you, because again, I take you through my whole journey, everything I learned over the course of my life in business, career and getting the jobs I wanted. It will really help you out if you just apply what’s in there. I figured these things out. I learned from the best of the best, and I applied it consistently. Like I talked about in the quote, it’s applying the science of high achievement fundamentals.
I get along with my co-workers and customers very well and have been complimented many times on this by both co-workers and customers.
So you already have the skills, you just need to start displaying them more on a consistent basis with the women that you meet. And I’m talking about all women, not just the pretty girls you like.
I work in IT, servicing various small-mid size businesses in the city I live in. I still live at home at age 29, and I’m working to save for home, (loser).
So, big deal. You already have good social skills. What’s good for you is just the nature of your career. If you’re going to different businesses, that’s a great way to grow your social life. You already have the skills obviously. Just continue to interact with other people, and eventually you’ll meet girls, and if you’re applying what’s in the book, you’ll start to notice the ones that like you. And if you’re worried about approaching them, you can give your phone number out and go about your business. Some of those women will reach out to you.
Life feels bland, and due to the lack of hobbies and lack of interests, I feel I struggle to connect with people outside of work.
If you’re able to connect with people at work, it’s the same process of making small talk, whether at work, at the grocery store, at the gym or just hanging out with your friends. Again, you’re creating obstacles that are just imaginary. Typically, we do that because we’re afraid of rejection, so we just avoid it and create these obstacles, saying, “Oh, well I can’t do anything about it.” It’s all in your head, dude.
I also am struggling, (now that I woke up to my problem), with finding hobbies and interests.
Well, that’s okay. Try anything that you seem curious about or are interested in. And if you don’t like it, cross it off the list and keep moving on. The important thing is you’ve got to be curious. And when something seems appealing to you, go explore it. That’s how you figure out what you’re into.
This all started on Halloween when I was at a customer, and my primary contact who I deal with there gave me this ear-to-ear smile and her eyes lit up while I was talking to her about work related stuff.
Obviously, you were passionate about it, and she found that attractive.
I have never had a woman look at me that way before.
Again, masculinity — purpose, drive, mission, succeeding, accomplishing, breaking through barriers, overcoming challenges — that’s why she finds you attractive. Just say, “Hey, we should get together sometime. Let me grab your number, and I’ll give you a call next week to see what you’re doing. Maybe we can meet up for a drink.” Pretty simple, dude. It’s not hard.
Her legs where crossed and pointed straight at me, and I almost went from talking to blah-blah-blah, but lightly chuckled it off instead.
I came to the realization that I cannot go through with pursuing anything due to my “Life feels bland” problem.
That’s just an excuse. The goal is to get better. This is the process of getting better. So what that you’re just starting out at this stuff at twenty-nine. It really doesn’t fucking matter. Every day that you wake up, it’s like an Etch-a-sketch. You shake it, it’s brand new, create what you want. Every day, we’re creating our lives. Whatever we do or fail to do determines our outcome in the future.
My dating problem is probably the result of my other social issues. Besides seeing a shrink, (which I don’t want to, and probably could not afford), do you have any advice for me?
Yeah, take massive fucking action. Whatever you’re afraid of doing, you’ve got to do more of. If you say you’re not very social, instead of sitting at home on the weekend, go out and get involved in anything publicly — anything where there’s lots of people. Get off your ass and go talk to strangers. That’s what you need to do, because when you interact with strangers, it doesn’t matter whether you get phone numbers or not. You’re going to feel better about yourself when you interact with other human beings, so go talk to strangers. That is the best medicine for your problem.
I am actively trying the online dating scene on Plenty of Fish, and I was on Tinder, (bit of a cesspool if you ask me).
Well, Bumble I found to be a bit better. Women tend to be a little more professional, a little more success-oriented. They tend to be looking more for a relationship. You’re not going to see as many women on there that you’re going to match with, but compared to the others, it’s a pretty good platform. The quality of women is way better.
But I feel my “Life feels bland” problem is going to bite me in the ass sooner than later on there too.
Again, the solution to your simple problem is to go interact with other human beings, and do it in the same way that you do at work. It’s about talking to strangers. I would also encourage you to go through Dale Carnegie’s “How To Win Friends and Influence People,” and just take a sincere interest in other people.
Make a six month commitment to yourself to do nothing but develop your skills of talking to strangers, engaging them in small talk and conversations. Then, when that gets easy and comfortable, then you can start asking women out. There’s no time frame on it. Your simple goal is to improve your social skills.
I hope this email was not too long and look forward to your response.
2nd Viewer’s Email:
I am recently divorced and have custody of my 4 kids. I was having a hard time with my emotions and was kind of in the dumps, thinking who would want a 48-year-old man with 4 kids. My buddy sent me a link to your website. IT CHANGED MY LIFE.
Well, thank your friend, because he’s obviously a good friend.
I bought your book and the audio version of it. I have read it twice and listened to it 6 times as I commute to work. I know, 10 to 15 times. I am still listening!
There was a woman at work, she is a director of project management. She is 5’9, black hair, piercing blue eyes, killer body. In my eyes, a 10. At this time, I had been practicing my communication skills.
You’ll notice, this guy’s a little further along with taking action than the guy in the first email.
I signed up for a membership at Match.com (using your Ultimate dating profile example as a template. Google Corey Wayne “How to Create the Ultimate Online Dating Profile.” Lol, had to say that. I hear it so much on the audio book, it’s drilled in my head! I started going out on as many dates as I could. Being married for 18 years, my communication skills sucked. So, I went to work.
One day at work, I walked by this woman’s office. She was squinting at her computer screen, I stopped, backed up and popped my head in her door and said “Hey, if you do that too much you’ll go blind, at least that is what my dad tells me.”
What’s great about that is the guy is just using his surroundings. That’s all you really have to do. He made a funny little joke, and she laughed.
She looked up and laughed. I walked in, sat down in a chair across from her desk and said, “Hello Jessica, for the past year I have walked by your office, passed you in the halls and not one time have we ever exchanged a hello. My name is Bob, and I would love to take you out to dinner. Can I get your number and we can set a time and date offline.” She looked at me, kind of shocked, and said sure and gave me her number.
That’s pretty ballsy. Now, how often do you think something like that happens to her? Probably not very often. He rolled the dice. He was respectful, he was funny, playful, very confident. She could’ve said, I have a boyfriend, I’m married, I’m seeing somebody, but then you just say, “Well, if it doesn’t work out, it was nice meeting you. Come find me.”
I waited a day and called her the next evening. We set definite plans for the weekend. We went out, she did 90% of the talking, twirling her hair, laughing, touching me. To be honest, I never had a woman rape me with her eyes, it was pretty awesome. We had a great time. I walked her to the car, she gave me a hug, and I gave her a kiss. Which led to more kisses. I thanked her for a great time, opened the door for her and said good night.
That evening, she sent me a text and said she has never met a man who had enough balls to do what I did, the meeting in the office, the kiss in the parking lot.
That’s what’s so powerful about just rolling the fucking dice. Even if you get rejected, she’s going to appreciate it. “Wow, there are real men in the world.”
She said she can’t quite put her finger on me or figure me out.
In other words, “You’re completely different than about every man I’ve ever met, and I like it.”
She asked me if I wanted to have dinner at her house the next evening. I agreed. You were right. Second date. Indoor Summer Olympics! Date, have fun, hook up. Rinse and repeat.
Thank you, Coach. Your work had brought me out of a dark place, pulled my head out of my ass and made me see that I am a catch, and I have value in this world. I am a better man because of you.
Take care and God Bless you,
It’s pretty simple. You can feel that your life totally sucks ass, and you could have been failing for years, or feeling like a failure for years, but two dates, indoor Olympics with a woman who’s a 10 in your eyes, and boom! You could have just broken up with somebody a few days before and been feeling like shit, and one experience, boom! In two evenings, everything completely changes. And you’re like, “Well, if I did that once, I can do it again.” It’s beautiful, it’s simple. A complete paradigm shift in a really short period of time. So good job dude.
3rd Viewer’s Email:
I got your book a little over a year ago. The best way to phrase what you’ve done for me is you gave me the blueprint to becoming the man I always envisioned myself as. I’m currently on read 16 of “How To Be A 3% Man.” The moment I knew when my energy changed and I understood what my center was is when I saw how everything you teach applied to literally every aspect of my life.
The book “How To Be A 3% Man” focuses on pickup skills, dating skills and relationship skills, but it really does apply to everything. It applies to human interaction. That’s why the title of my website is “Understanding Relationships,” because everything in life is relationships. If you understand human beings, if you understand the things that are in my book, you will be way ahead of just about every person you will ever meet in your life.
This happened after the 12th read. I’ve had several successful and great experiences with women since then that reinforced what I’ve become, and other areas of my life are better because of my newly discovered masculine center.
It was always there. It just wasn’t being displayed. I love seeing people like this just totally get opened up and start reaching their full potential. Because not only does it change his life, it changes everybody in his life that he interacts with. When you go through life and you demonstrate this vibe, this energy, you give everybody around you, unconsciously, permission to be the same way. Notice how it affects himself and his social circle in a positive way.
For example, it only took me a few days to go from the shy, geeky guy in my friend group to the stud who ran the damn thing. My best friend even commented out of the blue, “So you run squad now, huh?” It was just an observation on his part, but my behavior has changed so drastically that even HE noticed it!
I found you after a breakup in the summer of 2018. I left her, got scared, and tried to get her back. She wouldn’t take me back, and I couldn’t figure out why, because she’d been so heartbroken when I left a month earlier. I finally decided I had to do something when I went two full nights without sleep, just sitting through waves of panic attacks. “This is NOT who I am, I need to fix this.” I found your videos on YouTube and binge-watched them.
I work construction with my dad, and it’s a really laid back work environment, so it was perfect. I got your book on Audible and put in my headphones and listened to it while I worked. I could get through the book in about 2-3 days. I did that over and over for a couple months. I go through it once every couple of months now for a refresher.
This is a guy who is serious about his success. That’s why he’s getting these great fucking results. He now is the leader in his peer group, and everybody wants to follow his example. Sun Tzu said, “A leader leads by example, not by force.”
I’ve heard you and Tony Robbins talk about how people do more to avoid pain than to gain pleasure. I used to NEVER go out of my comfort zone, didn’t speak unless spoken too, just super unsure of myself. It is now physically sickening and painful to be shy and awkward, because I literally cannot allow myself to step out of my center. It’s too painful to not be masculine.
This is your natural state. When you apply these things, it feels natural. It’s not like you’re trying to fake anything. You’re just being what a man is supposed to be, what the Creator designed you to be. This is already in your heart. You already embody this. You just have to start expressing this in the ways I talk about in the book, and it feels natural. You see such radical changes in people and these great success stories when people start applying these things.
The benefit I’m most excited about though is how I’ve been able to help my mom. My dad is a weak man, it was a loveless marriage. It’s good to know why I was so screwed up! She finally left him last year, and I went from hating her to understanding and sympathizing with her. She got involved with another man, who is very masculine, and things went south. She’s having a hard time, and I have been her sole confidant through everything because of what I now understand. It feels so good to be there for someone who would otherwise have no one, and that is miserable.
So, thank you on behalf of myself and my mother.
How fucking awesome is that?! That’s fucking beautiful. Thanks for sharing that, dude.
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Success is a process, not a destination. Success is the result of applying the fundamentals of the science of high achievement on a consistent and focused manner and using failure as simply part of the learning and growing process to get better. With enough time, repetition, persistence and learning from your mistakes, you can overcome any setback or challenge and succeed like never before. Winners take action despite the risks and potential for failure, while losers make excuses and do nothing to move their lives forward. Every day we decide to either take the required action to move our lives forward or do nothing by wasting time and avoiding life. Your life is the result of the actions you take or the actions you avoid taking. Choose wisely.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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