How to prevent dates from flaking on you at the last minute.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who is seeing a lot of dates he meets online flake and never show up or who cancel at the last minute. He has no problem meeting women in person, but his online dating experiences are full of women just completely flaking and blowing him off.
He asks what he can do to prevent this from happening. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
This email, like the one I did yesterday, just perfectly illustrates the difficulty that you’re going to have if you’re just an average, regular dude on the online dating apps. Because the reality is, the really super good-looking guys, all they’ve got to do is show up, and the women are throwing themselves at them. And if you’re just a regular dude, because most guys are weak and lazy and have no confidence, they’re going to the dating apps. Women have all the leverage on the dating apps. It’s like supply and demand; there’s tons of supply of male thirst on dating apps, but there is a limited supply of good women on the dating apps. So, your game has got to be tight if you’re going to participate in this arena.
So, this guy’s email is really short, but it’s it’s a problem that a lot of guys have with online dating. The quote says:
“When it comes to online dating, women have all the power and leverage. Many women go on dating apps simply to get attention and validation, not to meet any guys.”
If you’ve seen the video that we did with Gracie, and I believe Jennifer was in it as well, (Jen, her being her mom), we were talking about this. It’s called, “Harsh Realities of Online Dating,” and you can see we’re Gracie talks about it. She would go on a dating app when she was feeling down about herself, or if a guy didn’t like her that she had liked. She’d go on there, get a bunch of attention and validation, and she comes right out and says, “I had no intention of meeting any of these guys.” So, you’re dealing with that.
You’re dealing with women on there, maybe a guy dumped them or the guy that they liked blew them off or didn’t call them back, so they go on the dating app to make sure they’ve still got it. They’re not there to meet anybody. So, as a man who’s on there trying to meet women, you’re dealing with women that are on there just looking for attention and validation. In addition, the reality is you’re competing against guys that are way better looking than you, in better shape, and they’re going to get chosen more. That’s the bottom line.
“The average guy is competing against guys who are way better looking than them and who have their pick with women. Ten percent of the guys are sleeping with and dating most of the women on dating apps. Smart men create a life and lifestyle where meeting women is a side effect of enjoying their lives. Then women compete for their time and attention. It’s all about setup. Work smarter, not harder.”
That’s why I’m not a big fan of the dating apps, because that’s where everybody is, that’s where all the attention is. So, go where there is no attention. Create a ruckus in your own world, if you will. Create a life and a lifestyle where you’re the top dog in your social group or social circle. And then, the women that are in your social circle are going to see you as the prize and the catch, and they’ll work for your attention and validation. You know, it’s like in a in a battlefield; why go onto the playing field of the enemy who has all the leverage? You want to go where you have all the leverage.
I have a question regarding dates flaking. I’m a confident guy who has no problem setting dates with women, even on the spot. However, I’ve had a handful of dates flake on me without a heads up.
Meaning he makes dates, thinks they have a date, goes to show up and then they just blow him off. And this is part of the problem with women. Just like the the email that I read yesterday; that particular guy met a girl, they slept together on their first date, and she tells him how special the evening was. Well, in between then and him setting up the next date, she met another guy through the dating app, and it was ‘special’ with him too. And then she came became confused, “which guy do I like more?”
So now, the woman’s got several guys, so she’s got to figure out who’s the best guy for her. And so, she shares this with him, and instead of him being amused and responding the way I talk about in “How To Be A 3% Man,” he gets perturbed and butt-hurt and tells her to basically “have a nice life.” Then a week later, because he’s got no other prospects, the thirst overcomes him and he starts reaching out and apologizing. But she wasn’t having it. She’d already made up her mind.
And that’s part of the problem, they’ve got all the leverage. So, even though he hooked up with this girl and she’s told him how special it was, more likely he was just the first dude she met when she got on the dating app. She hooked up with him, hooked up with another guy, and probably had tons of other emails and messages from other guys that wanted to see her. And so, it was easier for her to just blow off this guy who everything was ‘special ‘with.
It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. Women are emotional beings. They only care about how they feel about you. It doesn’t matter how much you like them. So, the important thing is, what is it doing to their emotions?
I know this says more about them than it does me, but I can’t help to feel like I could improve from this.
Well, a great thing you could do, say, three or four hours before you’re supposed to have your date, send her a text and say, “Hey, I’m running late today. Can we push our meeting back for a half hour, hour? Does that work for you?” Something along those lines. And she’ll tell you, “Oh, I’m glad you texted,” or, “Oh, hey, I didn’t hear from you all week, so I didn’t think we were still on. I made other plans.” The reality is, unless she’s just an absolute pile of dog shit, they’ll show up, at least, if they tell you.
But there will be some women who will probably tell you, yeah, you’re still on or that, yeah, pushing it back a half hour works, and then still blow you off because they don’t give a fuck, because they’ve got so much attention. So, a woman without any integrity is not going to care about blowing you off and not calling or texting. But a text like that, if it’s somebody that you met online, can really help eliminate most, if not all, of your flakes.
The other thing is making sure you spend enough time, at least 10-15 minutes on the phone, because you want to make sure there’s rapport, Does the conversation flow? Is she excited to talk to you? Is she asking you anything about yourself? You’re looking for signs that she’s interested, and obviously I go all over all these in “How To Be A 3% Man,” which you can read for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com.
My last two dates that cancelled, we only talked once in between setting up our date, which was a week, and I feel like we had good conversation. I met these girls online. Am I setting dates too soon, or does this just show these girls have no integrity and low interest?
Well, it can be a combination of them. But, like I said, if they’re on a dating app, they’re getting barraged by other male attention, and there’s probably a good chance that they’re going to match with a guy that’s better looking than you. And if they’re talking to that guy, maybe that guy is available sooner, or whatever, he makes a date, goes out, rearranges her insides, and she forgets about you, because now she’s fucking him. And then, tomorrow she’ll be fucking somebody else.
That’s why it’s helpful if you’re strictly going to do online dating, which I don’t advise, but a lot of guys are lazy, and they’re weak, and they have no confidence, so they’d rather do that. Just understand, you’re competing in a big arena with people that are just way better than you. They’re better looking. They won the gene pool lottery. Maybe they’re more charming, as well, more successful. But the reality is, from a leverage perspective, that’s the weakest position to be in.
I have a date tomorrow, which I wanted to cancel on my date last night for but didn’t want to do that, because I want to keep my word as a man.
Well, that’s what you should do, just because you’re running into a lot of low integrity women on these dating apps. It doesn’t mean that you need to stoop to their level. You need to become better at screening them out. And that’s why I say, it’s always better to build yourself up, and build your life, and meet women through your social life and what you do for fun. Because if you’re meeting them in person, you’re going to have some time to hang out and talk and get to know one another. See what her body language, is she playing with her hair? Is she touching your arm? Is she getting extra close? And if she’s really into you, maybe you end up going home that first night.
Versus somebody that you’re meeting online, she doesn’t know you, you don’t know her, you don’t know any of her friends, she doesn’t know any of your friends. She has no connection to you. Girls in a group, or a group of friends, or mutual friends, to make a date and then just never show up, I mean, she’s going to hear about it from her friends, because she’s going to make everybody look bad in her social circle. But when it’s online, they don’t know you, you don’t know them, they don’t owe you shit.
Any advice would be appreciated, and thank you for everything you do, Coach!
Like I said, a text the day of the date, three or four hours before, “Hey, I’m running late.” If you’re supposed to meet at 7:00 say, “Hey, is it okay if we meet 7:45? Does that work for you?” And if she says yes, you keep your date. If she’s like, “Oh, I completely forgot. Oh, sorry, I’m so glad you texted that. I’m not going to be able to make it,” when you hear something like that, that’s low interest. Again, it’s somebody you met online. She doesn’t feel anything for you. You don’t know her. And it’s easier to find that out before going on a date with her. That would really solve most of your problems.
And, like I said, you’re just better off if you’re confident meeting women in person, so create the conditions where you’re doing more things socially, so you can meet other women and have better options and choices than trying to compete against the hordes of thirsty beta males on the dating apps.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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“When it comes to online dating, women have all the power and leverage. Many women go on dating apps simply to get attention and validation, not to meet any guys. The average guy is competing against guys who are way better looking than them and who have their pick with women. Ten percent of the guys are sleeping with and dating most of the women on dating apps. Smart men create a life and lifestyle where meeting women is a side effect of enjoying their lives. Then women compete for their time and attention. It’s all about setup. Work smarter, not harder.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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