Girlfriend Of 9 Months Slept With Another Guy Before Our 3rd Date. Dealbreaker?

Things to consider if your girlfriend slept with another guy before your 3rd date.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is 9 months into dating his girlfriend. I answered his previous email in, “My Girlfriend Has Too Many Ex’s & Male Orbiters Hitting On Her”. She just admitted that she slept with a random guy before their 3rd date. Now he’s unsure of her character and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Girlfriend Of 9 Months Slept With Another Guy Before Our 3rd Date. Dealbreaker?”

Well, this is actually an update. I answered this guy’s Video Newsletter I don’t know how long ago. Probably around the time he was starting to date her. And that original video was, “My Girlfriend Has Too Many Ex’s & Male Orbiters Hitting On Her”. So obviously, that’s kind of some red flags there. Because if a girl’s raised right, if she’s raised in a safe environment with a strong father who loves her, who takes care of her, who teaches her which men to trust, which men are trustworthy, she’s typically not going to have lots of exes and male orbiters and constantly inviting attention from other men, typically.

But at the end of the day, you’re trying to evaluate for character. Can you trust her? Is she going to be loyal and faithful? Will she honor her commitments, or is she a lying, cheating dirtbag? So he proceeded after that. And so later, because this is the interesting thing about women. And when you get a girl to fall completely head over heels in love with you, that’s usually when she tells you everything. And so many months down the road, he caught her and what he thought was a lie because her stories tended to change.

And again, this is what you’re looking for when you’re vetting is can you trust that what she tells you is the truth, or is it an embellishment or just outright bullshit? So again, you can’t just get drunk on your emotions and get all dopey and focus on how much you like her and how much you hope she chooses you over any other guy she’s potentially talking to. You got to find out if she’s trustworthy. Is she an honorable person? Can you believe what she says?

Because if you can’t, love cannot exist where there is no trust. It’s just a fact of life. So now that he’s got this information, he’s kind of scratching his head, going, oh, man. Because he’s like, you know, literally after she got done getting her back blown out by this guy, she was on the phone with him. And so later on, obviously nine months later, when he’s in a long term relationship with her, then he finds this out. So let’s see what the circumstances are.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

Long time student and subscriber of yours. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about 9 months now, since December 2024. You answered a question regarding the relationship in May.

So this was in May.

Titled, “My Girlfriend Has Too Many Ex’s & Male Orbiters Hitting On Her”, and I got some great advice from that, namely to continue vetting her character. 

That’s the most important thing. And you shouldn’t just do this with the women in your life. You should do it with the people you associate with and you hang out with. You become like the people that you spend most of your time with. Choose wisely.

Which is exactly why I am writing you this message – something has come up recently that has made me question it. I’m 9 months into this relationship and my feelings are involved so I don’t want to lose my center. The long-and-short of it is that she talked too much about previous dating stuff in too much graphic detail, to the point where it made me uncomfortable and I told her to stop.

So in other words, she’s constantly bringing up exes. We did this, we did that. And if it’s too graphic, you’re like, I don’t want to fucking hear about that. So you tell her to knock it off. And eventually, I guess apparently she did.

Although it eventually did, some of her timelines about a few of those stories didn’t quite add up and recently she admitted to me that she had sex with a random person literally a day before our third date, while we were texting to set that date up.

Yeah, that’s not something that you really want to hear, but now it’s out in the open like the turd floating in the punch bowl.

I wish that this information hadn’t come out, but she was too loose with some of the things she said and I pressed her on something that seemed like a lie, whereupon this came out.

Interesting.

In a way, I suppose it is helping me to make a better decision about the type of person she is and if I want to be in a relationship with her.

Yep, it’s the right mindset, dude. Even though you’re getting stuff that she’s admitting to that you’re like, ah, I don’t like that at all.

She tells me that she feels terrible about it and that had she known that things were going to progress between us, that she wouldn’t have done it.

In other words, if you’d have been further on down the road and closer to getting into a relationship, she wouldn’t have done that at all, is what she’s basically saying. The question is, that sounds good, but can we believe it? That is the unknown. The known unknowns.

I understand that we were not exclusive, but I still find it hurtful and concerning.

Well, what if you had a rotation and you were doing the same thing, would you feel different? I mean, the reality is, you know, again, I got all the girls in the podcast. We talk about all these things. You get the women’s perspective on the live streams. And yes, they all have practice squads too, even the really hot ones that you think are really innocent and sweet. They got a practice squad going. Girls just know. They know better. They know that one is no choice. Two is a dilemma. Three is a proper choice.

Given that she was texting me minutes after getting her back blown out by another guy. I believe that she has been loyal while we have been in a relationship but I am having a hard time figuring out whether this is a case of “she belongs to the streets/ you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife” or whether I’m just being an overly-sensitive bitch about it. I appreciate your wisdom and input as always.

Bob

Well, basically the way I would look at it, it’s another data point for your analysis. So she had the troubling behavior in May with all these male orbiters and exes. And I assume you put your foot down, you’re like, this shit stops. And so I’m assuming that it did. And so because it’s still early, I mean, you’re nine months in, you’re not even really even out of the honeymoon period yet. So the question becomes then what happens after a year, year and a half, maybe two years, what happens when you slip up? What happens when you get lazy or you get complacent, you get caught up in work?

Or trying to save money or whatever happens to be, and you’re not dating and courting her like you should have been or like you were, and you’re not making her feel heard and understood like you used to. What happens then? Does she come to you and communicate? Or does she start thinking, uh oh, this is probably not going to work out? Let me get in touch with the ex or exes or other male orbiters and go have friendly lunches and drinks with them. That’s what you’re trying to figure out. How is she going to react when things aren’t great between the two of you?

Is she going to keep it between the two of you, or is she going to go seek attention from other men? That’s something we don’t know. So if I’m this guy, I mean, it’s easy to sit here and go, “ah, dump her. She’s a hoe.” But so far as he says, it looks like she’s been loyal. But it also looks like there were inconsistencies in her stories. So the jury’s still out. And so if you’re in this relationship, another data point, it’s kind of disconcerting, obviously, but you don’t have enough evidence to really blow it up. So I would continue dating her to see what happens to see if other inconsistencies show up. You got to find out whether she’s a liar or not.

You got to find out what happens when she’s comfortable and you’re comfortable and you’re out of the honeymoon period, and maybe you’re slipping up. What does she do then? Is she inviting attention from other men? Because usually what you’ll see in these cases, if you’re dealing with a chick that’s a ratchet and truly is a hoe and belongs to the streets. When you slip up, she’ll be back in touch with the male orbiters and the exes. That’s what you’re looking for. Because a good, loyal woman, if there’s a problem in the relationship or you’ve been slipping up, or you haven’t been taking her out as much, or you’ve been kind of neglecting her, she’ll either come to you with the concerns.

Or she’ll be like, well, or maybe she’ll complain a few times. And then when nothing changes, then she’ll start talking to the exes and male orbiters again. And if that happens, if she starts inviting the attention when you start having problems or you’re not perfect or you get complacent, if she starts inviting the attention from the orbiters and the exes again, then that’s it. She’s out. I wouldn’t go any further with her. I would end it because she’s not going to be loyal. But if she’s a good, loyal girl, she’ll stick with you. She’ll honor the commitment, and she won’t be in touch with those guys. And if they do reach out, she’s going to say, “hey, I’m in a relationship”, and say, thanks, but no thanks.

If she does that, then you proceed. But right now, you don’t have enough data one way or another. So far, it looks like she’s respecting his boundaries. But quite frankly, you don’t really know what we don’t know. So you’ve still got to be Sherlock Holmes. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Because so far, you haven’t seen anything to justify. I mean, obviously that’s a shitty thing to do, but it’s like girl’s got practice squads. Guys should have practice squads. Unfortunately, most guys do not. But it would be better if you did because the women do it all the time.

Here’s another case in point. And again, all the girls on my podcast, they all talked about it. They all admitted they do it because they’re just telling you the way it is. They’re not going to blow sunshine up your ass. Even the little innocent, cute girls you think would know she would never be like that. It’s like they’re like that. So continue keeping your eyes open. Continue to vet and see what happens going forward.

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