How to recover from getting dumped and divorced so you can attract a hotter and better woman.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a 41-year-old guy who got dumped by his soon to be ex wife, who was a woman he had settled for. He joined a gym, lost 88 pounds and got serious about reading 3% Man, and reaching his full potential. After watching my video, “Mindset: Why Men Should Never Try To Get An Ex Back” 20 times, something clicked.
He got on the dating apps and very quickly matched with a woman who knocked his socks off. The chemistry was amazing from the moment they met. Two months later, she wanted to be an item and they are now exclusive. Another success story that shows once a guy really gets serious about turning his life around and learning my material, he can improve himself and his life to have exceptional success in a matter of months. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
In the last year, this guy on his own recognized he had a drinking problem, he handled that, took care of it. Then that illuminated the problems in his marriage that he’s later come to realize, especially with since he’s been with his new girl, that he just settled in his marriage as part of the reason why he wasn’t so happy. It just goes to show in a short period of time, a guy can completely transform his life when he gets serious about learning what’s in 3% Man. This guy’s also read Mastering Yourself three times.
It’s like, in his marriage, he completely got away from his mission and his purpose in life. He kind of had no direction. He wasn’t embodying all the things that are masculine energy that attracts women to us guys. Once he started doing that, his life completely changed.
You could tell this guy, as you go through the email, was in a bad place. He’s in a lot of despair during the holidays. His wife is gone. He’s home by himself, and what’s he doing? He’s watching my videos, getting stronger, learning, exercising. Then within the five to six month period, he doesn’t even recognize his life. It’s so much better than it used to be.
For those of you guys that are going through a difficult time, they’re watching this. They’re struggling. Maybe you just got dumped. Maybe you’re in the middle of a nasty divorce or maybe a girl broke your heart, and you’re thinking life’s never going to get any better.
You got to put your head down, because as Dale Carnegie said, “Inaction breeds fear and doubt. Taking action breeds confidence and courage,” and so this guy took what Tony Robbins would call a “massive action.” He had a MAP, massive action plan, and my books gave him the tools to do that, and he did the work. If you guys want to be inspired, those of you who are going through a difficult time, this is the email newsletter for you.
Coach, you legend!
First off, I hope you are doing well and sorry this email is a little long, but wanted to let you know how your work has turned my life around. I’m 41 from England, my wife is 38 and I have two kids from a previous relationship (they live with their mum).
For those of you guys that have been on my Instagram, there’s a few clips that we posted, a few reels with Katie, who was my English girlfriend that I wrote about from the U.K., and she came by, about 3-4 weeks ago I guess it was, and she just happened to be traveling. She’s like, “Hey, I’d love to see you guys.” She came by and we hung out with the girls.
She was here for a few days. We did a bunch of podcasts, filmed a bunch of videos, we published an Instagram story. People asked all these questions that were familiar with my work. What would what do they want to ask Katie and I? We made a lot of great videos that we’re going to release over the next year, so be on the lookout for those. We did some extensive podcasts and answered the questions that everybody wanted to ask. It was really cool that she stopped by and I’m sure you guys will enjoy it because she’s just an amazing girl.
Last year back in July 2022, I put myself into rehab for drinking as it was playing a massive toll on my marriage, kids and health. When I came out of rehab, I tried to make things better with my wife as I know I had been neglecting, just playing video games, drinking, not dating her and the communication between us was nonexistent for the past year and half.
It sounds like Elvis had already left the building.
Fast forward a couple of months to October and my wife started coming down with really bad anxiety and depression. The depression got that bad that she needed to move out to her friend’s house. She told me she needed some space and she doesn’t know who she is anymore (I know, I know. Looking back, I could see what went wrong). So she left and moved out on the 1st of December.
This was December 2022.
She told me that she didn’t want me to contact her and she would contact me when she sorted her self out.
When women want space, they’re basically taking space to see if their feelings return, because they felt smothered. Obviously in this case, they weren’t happy for a long time. I mean, a year and a half living together and not really communicating? That’s not a lot of fun. Plus, he had a drinking problem, which he has since rectified. He handled it, because that’s what men do. We handle things.
As you could probably guess, I didn’t see this coming at all.
Most guys do not.
I stuck to her request and didn’t contact her at all and waited. In this time, I was going insane, wondering what went wrong, how could I fix this as the deep pain of hurt inside was getting worse, and this is how I stumbled across your work.
I’d say most of the guys at first come to me, the overwhelming majority, that’s pretty much where they’re at. They’re in a lot of pain and they’re trying to figure out what the hell just happened.
Christmas was nonexistent as I had nothing to celebrate at the time…
Well, you were sober.
…So I ended up watching your videos from the moment I woke up, til the time I fell asleep (That’s if I could sleep). On Boxing Day, I decided I needed to sort my life out. So I joined the gym, downloaded your audio book and had that on repeat constantly, in the car, in the house, in my headphones, when I needed to get out for a walk to clear my head just everywhere! I had your voice constantly in my ears. I learnt what I had been doing to turn her off and pushing her away to the point of leaving.
This is super important, because so many guys do this. Especially when you take into account, what is the archetype that is presented to us in all the movies and TV shows?
I had become needy, no purpose or drive, put her on a pedestal, didn’t do anything for myself and just became her lapdog, as I was trying to make up for how shitty I had been through drinking.
Yeah, it’s understandable, but that’s what you see in all the movies and TV shows. All the men tend to treat the women like their mommies. In the real world, that makes their pussies drier than the Sahara Desert.
Come the first week of January 2023, my wife called and asked if we could meet up. She told me that she needed to call it a day, but doesn’t want to get a divorce as she doesn’t know what the future holds.
In other words, she’s like, “Hey, be be my back up plan in case I can’t find anybody else. Hey, we’ll still be married.”
I told her that I don’t want to be friends with her and if she ever decides to change her mind to give me a call. I drove home and sat on the sofa just looking back at what the hell had gone wrong and why I didn’t see any of this coming.
Most guys do not, so you’re not alone.
I put YouTube on and watched one of your videos that changed everything for me!! It was called “Mindset: Why Men Should Never Try To Get An Ex Back.” I must of watched this over 20 times, and something just clicked.
That video was a good video, because it really talks about the mindset of reaching your full potential and putting you in the position as a man where you’re the most attractive man that you can be. You’re working on yourself, because those are the controllables, as I talk about in “Mastering Yourself.”
Those are the things you have influence over, which is yourself. In this case, he had no influence over what his wife is thinking and feeling. She doesn’t live in the home anymore. They hadn’t talked for over a month at that point, and now she wants to dip out, and he’s doing these things for himself.
You got to get to a happy place yourself, instead of trying to find somebody and then become happy with that person. When you’re already in a good, happy place, somebody else that you attract, who’s also in a happy place, becomes a compliment to your life instead of the person that saves you, if you will, or the person that you put all your success on, because that’s someone outside of yourself. If they don’t behave the way you want or the relationship doesn’t want, you can’t be happy, because you’ve told yourself that you need that person.
I got on dating apps, I started going back out with friends and family and just started to enjoy life again. Finding the old me that had been lost for years. I sat down one evening and wrote out my pros and cons list of what I wanted in a woman as it said in your book.
See, this is another thing. The guy followed the instructions and he read the material. He immersed himself in my work, constantly watching videos, trying to figure out where he went wrong, filling in his knowledge gaps so he doesn’t make the same mistakes in the future. This is what men do. This is masculine energy. He’s fixing himself because you’ve got to participate in your own rescue. Nobody’s coming to save you. Nobody’s going to do it for you. You have to do that yourself. You have to become self reliant.
I’ve been out on several dates, but I’ve said to myself I’m not going to settle, just want to have fun and wait til someone comes along and blows my socks off. Well, I got talking to this girl one afternoon on a dating app and things just seem to hit it off. I asked her to give me some dates when she is free to meet up. She is a air hostess…
I assume like air stewardess, Maybe?
…And was away for the next four days, but was free that evening. So I set a definite date and we met up in wine bar that evening.
Wine bars are great first dates, because it’s just a glass of wine. You can have one glass of wine and if it’s not really clicking you can say, “Hey, it was really wonderful meeting you, but I got to run. I wish you all the best in your search,” or, “Hey, it was great meeting you, but I got to run. This has been fun.” Then you can dip out.
If it goes well, you can have another glass of wine. Then you can go to a second place, maybe have some dinner. Then after dinner, maybe go someplace to throw some darts, shoot some pool, maybe bowling, throw some axes, play miniature golf, like Topgolf is another great place to go for a date. Those things are everywhere now, and what’s cool about a place like Topgolf is it’s a physical thing.
Interacting and touching one another becomes something that is really facilitated by what you’re doing in the date, just like miniature golf is. Anything you can do physically, or in arcade, driving bumper cars around, or an amusement park, or something like that. Things where you can interact with each other.
When I spotted her by the front door, my jaw dropped! She was absolutely beautiful, 10/10, and her profile pictures did nothing for her.
In other words, her pictures did not do her justice.
We went in, I got the drinks, and I sat there and let her do 80% of the talking, asking good quality and fun questions, was playful with her and gave her a bit of banter. We ended up just sitting taking til the staff asked us to leave, as we realized the place was closed and we were the only two left.
It’s kind of like the experience that I had with Katie back in at Date With Destiny. This was like December 2004, when we met. We never ordered dinner. I think we had some tea and we were there like probably three in the morning, and all the chairs are stacked on the table. They’re vacuuming the carpet. I mean, like everybody was literally gone. That’s what happens when you really click with somebody and time stands still. It’s like you’re in your own little world together.
I walked her up the road to her car, said good night and went in for the kiss and she ended up snogging my face off.
Well, I have not heard snogging, so obviously you English guys can tell us in the comments what snogging means, but we get the idea.
She asked when I was free to meet up again when she was back and I replied with, “I don’t set a second date on the same night. I need time to reflect on how this date went” (with a James Bond smirk).
That’s pretty good, because he did it in a playful way. He wasn’t like, “I don’t make second dates on the first date or at the end of the first date because that’s what my book told me to do.” He’s doing it in a fun way. He’s also communicating that he’s very selective. He wants to take his time. He wants to reflect on it. That creates scarcity. Scarcity creates value.
A guy that doesn’t have abundance, like the video we talked about yesterday, about the abundance mindset, that is the abundance mindset right there. “I want to reflect on this.” Even though it went real well, he’s like, “I want to reflect on this,” and what’s that going to do? It’s going to cause her to think, “What’s going on here? I have to work harder for this guy.” Women like you more if they think that they are more into you than you are into them.
Cut along story short, as I know my email has gone on for a bit, me and my ex wife are currently going through a divorce as I said to her that I’m not waiting around and, as she said, she doesn’t know what the future holds. I love her for everything she has done for me and my kids and wish her all the best for her future. Looking back at the relationship, it just turned into two friends living together.
Lots of dudes have that experience.
I’ve been hitting the gym hard and I’ve lost 88lbs since Christmas…
That’s amazing, dude. Good job!
…Started up my own business, lost count of how many times I’ve listened to your audio book and still have it on everyday on my headphones at work and currently on my 3rd read of Mastering Yourself.
This is somebody that takes self-help, personal development and reaching his full potential seriously. He’s putting in the work. One of the emails that I answered yesterday, the guy had been following me for many, many years. I think 2014, maybe. Like 6-8 years. He’s like, “I’ve read the book seven times. I think.” He’s not really sure. You could tell he wasn’t really applying very much.
This guy is applying. He’s learning the book relentless. He gets in the dating apps like right away and he’s taking action. You have to participate in your own rescue. No one is coming to save you.
Looking back at my relationship with my ex, the marriage had broken down over a year and half ago, and I resized…
Or maybe he said, “realized.”
…That I was drinking and playing video games to mask the fact that I was unhappy and just settled. I am currently 332 days sober and going back to Jessica, the smoking hot air hostess.
She has blown my socks off and is everything I wrote down in my list of qualities I was looking in a woman. I have done everything your book has taught me from setting dates, going to 2-3 places on dates, letting her reach out 80% of the time, watching where her attraction level is, backing off when she backs off, finding her little test cute and just letting the relationship play out so she think it’s her idea.
She asked me that she doesn’t want to just date me anymore, she wants to be a item. We gave currently been seeing each other for two months. All I can say is thank you, as I would have never been able to meet someone like her due to the fact I would have blow my chances on the first date or if I was lucky to get to the second.
I can safely say what you teach works, as she is always saying, “You’re so different. Hard to read,” and finds it frustrating that I don’t chase (Well I do a little to keep her on her toes). James Bond, not perturbed, and the indifference that makes the difference.
Thanks again, Coach
Well Bob, thanks for sharing that success story. Keep in mind when I say read the book 10-15 times, so you can get to know it so well, you could teach it. That’s what this guy did and that’s why he was able to recover so quickly. Plus, because he wasn’t really focused on his mission and purpose, he got into “Mastering Yourself,” which is all about how to align your life with your true calling.
I know there’s still people out there that don’t know I even have my quotes books out, because I see it in the comments. I have two quotes books out, “Volume I” and “Volume II” that are available everywhere. These are the nice, beautiful hardcovers.
You can see these books are like, almost 700 pages long, because they each have about 250 quotes in it. Plus, just like I used to do when I would read the quote and then I would kind of talk about the quote. That’s what I do throughout the book, and they got mostly five star reviews on it, so you guys love it and appreciate it.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur