Got Friend Zoned. I Said Friends With Benefits. She Said No. Now She’s Back!

What to do if she said no to friends with benefits but now she’s back a month later.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who got friend-zoned after their second date. He suggested friends with benefits. She said no. A month later, she finally reached out.

He wants to know how to stay out of friend zone now that she’s back. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a viewer who, I guess after the second date, he got friend-zoned because her interest went down instead of up. He said, “Hey, how about friends with benefits? I’m not looking for anything just platonic.” She said, “No.” He said, “Hey well, hit me up if you change your mind.” A month later, she reached out, and now he wants to know what to do to make sure he stays out of friend zone. Pretty much I would imagine everybody that’s watching this video has had a similar experience when they didn’t know any better.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

Love your work! Read your book three times over the course of the year.

I had a textbook date with this girl that ended in kissing and sex that she initiated. The next morning, she suggested a second date but has been flaky when it came to making it definite. It took a month before I finally saw her again.

So honestly if something like that happens, because oftentimes women will suggest a second date when deep down they don’t really want one, just to be nice to say something on the way out, but she suggests a second date and then it takes a month to actually go out with her, well that means she wasn’t really excited about seeing you because we got to bottom line what a woman does, not what she says.

Girls do not want to hurt your feelings So they tell you things that sound good, but in reality, when they don’t follow through, that’s what you have to look at, is the fact that they did not follow through. So if you have a date, she initiates sex and then she can’t make time for you for a whole month, usually that means the sex was really lousy. So you got to work on your sex game, you got to learn how to please and pleasure a woman.

There is a video series called the Better Sex Video Series. It’s quite old actually, I’m sure you can get it online, but the models are not very attractive, it’s all to demonstrate techniques. So anytime you have sex with a girl and then she blows you off afterwards, it means the sex sucked and it was so bad, or just not good enough that she didn’t wanna see you again. That’s what’s really going on here, because if it was good dick, she’ll be back with a quickness for another round, but that didn’t happen. So we have to assume he was not good in bed.

I was friend-zoned by this girl at the end of our second date. I told her that I didn’t want to be just platonic and that I wanted to be, at the very least, friends with benefits. She did not agree and I told her to reach out when she changed her mind.

Which is the proper response.

Today, which is a month later, she messaged me for the first time since and suggested meeting up.

So this is right out of 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. This is why you go no contact. You want sex and romance. She says, “How about some blue balls and some friendship and you can be my Harry Honda?” He’s like, “Well, I’m down for friends of benefits, but I ain’t into all that other stuff.” She says, no, she walks away it’s like, “OK, you’ll be back.” He doesn’t say that, but that should be the mindset.

So a month later, because he had the balls to let her go and even though the sex wasn’t that great, she reaches back out suggests meeting up, so she’s obviously willing to give him another chance. So in this case, because she tried to friend-zone him, she should be earning another chance with him, not the other way around. This is why she must come to him. This is why the only date he’s going to be willing to make with her is dinner at his place. In other words, making dinner together at his place in the evening. If she’s trying to friend-zone you, she’ll try to get you to meet her out for lunch, coffee, on mutual ground, meet halfway or do a group date or group friends, that kind of thing. You’re never going to agree to that. On how to handle those objections, I’ve got responses laid out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back to what to say if she tries to get you to meet her out, because the furthest distance you’re gonna be willing to travel to see her is the distance it takes to go from wherever you are in your house to your front door to let her in when she comes over to make dinner together.

So she has to come over three dates in a row. As long as you hook up all three times, you can meet her out and pick her up and do normal dating, but she’s got to come over three dates in a row and you’ve got to hook up on all three dates. That shows that she’s submissive, she’s willing to go along with what you want, because you want the woman to submit to you after all. The other thing is you’ve got to let her do 100 % of the reaching out, the calling, texting and pursuing, because again, if she’s trying to earn another chance with you, she’s got to do the reaching out. It’s got to be her idea.

I’m worried she might do like at the last date and act like friends.

Well again, this is why you do a dinner date in the evening at your place to make dinner together because that’s a romantic date. Women know that if we’re coming over to your house in the evening to make dinner together, sex is on the table. If they’re trying to keep you stuck in friend-zone, even though they know you’re interested in sex and romance, if they’re trying to keep you in friend-zone and they just want you for attention, validation and maybe some free meals out of it and free drinks, they’ll try to get you to meet them out at a bar, a coffee shop, lunch or on neutral ground, that kind of thing. She’s got to come to you because this way it prevents from getting jerked around.

So that’s the biggest thing he’s worried about. Again, this is why 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back is all laid out. I did all the hard work, I experienced this on and off for years, I fine tuned all that stuff, I’ve been perfecting it over two decades and I’ve been teaching it professionally. So it’s the best way to go about getting an ex back and making sure that you’re having sex and romance and you don’t get blue balls. If you deviate or you stray from what I suggest, the likelihood of you hanging out, having fun and hooking up with her and having sex again is significantly less. If you follow what I teach in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back and obviously the book, 3% Man, which if you’re new, you can read it for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the email newsletter.

So as long as you stick to the things I teach, you’re going to put yourself in the best possible position to get what it is that you want, but if you start caving, you start bending the rules and you start acquiescing to go to lunch, to coffee and those things, the likelihood that you get laid again is diminished significantly. The goal is to stack the deck in your favor. So you did the right thing and congratulations for being able to hold out for a whole month because a lot of guys wouldn’t be able to do that. A lot of guys would just cave and be OK with friendship thinking they’ll get her to change her mind later on when she spends enough time with them.

You did the right thing because the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. You told her reach out, she changed her mind, so she reached out. She suggest getting together, invite her over to make dinner at your place. Hang out, have fun, hook up. It’s really simple where you’re at right now because you guys have already hooked up. So hopefully in the meantime, maybe you can do some sex videos, learn how to please a woman, understand a woman’s body. Remember, the clitoris is on the outside of the body, that’s where most of the nerve endings are. Just like men, the tip of the penis, that’s where the most nerve endings are. So where you focus on the most nerve endings is when you’re going to be able to give her the best pleasurable experience.

Again, Better Sex Video Series, you can look it up. I’m sure they probably have digital downloads at this point or whatever that you could probably do, but it’s very simple because when she comes over the next time, you want it to be like, “Wow, it’s a lot better than the first time!” Then she’ll be back for more, because if she comes over and the sex sucks again, might be another month or two before you see her, if at all.

Should I first say something like, “Oh hey, happy you changed your mind about being just friends. Yes, Thursday night works…”

I wouldn’t. I would just say, “Hey! Awesome to hear from you! Let’s make dinner at my place 8 p.m., Thursday. Does that work for you?” Depending on what day she says she’s available.

…To set expectations clear, or is that too much?

Again, I would say exactly what I said. Follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. It’s very simple. If you stray from it, the likelihood of success and getting laid again is gonna be a lot less. It’s gonna be highly doubtful.

Could I simply go with the flow without pressure and agree without explicitly saying I’m not down for just being friends?

You don’t have to do that. It’s unnecessary. Again, this is why she reaches out. You assume she wants to see you. You assume she’s acquiesced to your demands because you said, “Hey, hit me up when you change your mind.” So now she’s hitting you up. You assume she’s changed her mind. That’s why you invite her over to make dinner, because she understands if you’re inviting her over to make dinner in the evening that sex is on the table. Then when the signs are there, like I talk about in 3% Man, that she’s ready to be touched, kissed and seduced, you make your move and you seduce her. It’s pretty simple.

My gut tells me I should shut up and agree to the plans without saying more to maintain a light vibe and let the flow of the night determine if there is any romance.

Thank you. Your help is much appreciated.

Kind Regards,

Bob

Again, she’s got to come to your place. It sounds like you’re planning on meeting her and doing everything on her terms. If you do that, if you meet her for lunch or coffee, the chance of getting laid, probably not going to happen. So if you follow the things I teach, you’ll give yourself the best possible chance for success. If you cherry-pick, you break rules, you bend the rules and you do the opposite, you’re going to get a nice case of blue balls, which you kind of did. So that’s what I would do if I were you. I mean, all you have to do is make sure you perform well and you get her off. Maybe you get where the cunniling is for the first 20 minutes or so, make her cum a few times and then you can have sex, because after that, it’s not gonna really matter. She’s already had a few orgasms, she’ll be more sensitive, it’ll be easier for more orgasms when you’re inside her. I mean, it’s like on a silver platter. It’s like playing T-ball. When you’re a little kid, the ball is in the T, and all you got to do is hit it. Like that sweet sound that aluminum bat connects with the ball. Piece of cake, dude.

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