Have you or someone you know ever been in a relationship with someone who you breakup with, then get back together, only to breakup again and then get back together? I was talking with a new coaching client the other day and he has been dating a woman off and on for 10 years. That’s a long time! She keeps breaking up with him every six months to a year. Then months later she wants him back.
When I was just learning to understand women, I was involved with a woman who would constantly breakup up with me every time she got scared things were not going to work out. Her whole family was very loving mostly, and at other times, mean and cruel. My ex-girlfriend would get into an argument with her mother, and then they would not speak for months. Normally they would talk a dozen times a day and see each other daily. It usually took her father coming over to ask her to talk to her mother and work it out.
She would get mad at me for some reason unknown to me (because her communication skills were non-existent) and then break up with me. Weeks later she would be balling and trying to get me back. Showing up on my porch for hours, while I was out partying with my friends. By the time I got home she had left. She never called to say she was coming over. She just would show up and I would be out. After several hours she would give up and go home. She later would confess this once we got back together.
In my article “Do Most Relationships Suck?” I talk about how most people stay in relationships way longer than they should. People stay in bad relationships usually because they are too scared to be single and find someone better. They spend a life of quite desperation instead of designing the life of their dreams.
This next email question is from a guy who is constantly creating problems for himself because he acts like a needy insecure jackass around his girl when other men are present. He makes her miserable by projecting his own insecurities and neediness onto her, then they breakup, only to get back together again. My comments are in (bold brackets like this) in the body of his email:
Dear Coach Corey,
Me and my ex are having ups and downs in our relationship (if she’s your ex, you’re obviously no longer in a relationship), we take frequent breaks from each other, but end up eventually talking to each other, but the arguing is nonstop (men who understand women don’t argue with them. They LISTEN and communicate in a loving a kind way). I’m a jealous person and I can’t stand when she talks to other guys (stop acting like a little bitch. Act like a man. Real men have the attitude that if their girl cheats on him then… fuck her… its her loss… “I’m gonna find an ever hotter and better woman for me” and they really feel that way). She always tells me how much she loves me and will never fool around on me, but for some reason I don’t believe her (that’s because you are causing her to tire of your bullshit. Eventually she will meet another guy who knows how to treat her properly. Then what you fear most… will happen and it will be YOUR fault). When we usually start talking after time she always says that she’s tired of being the one to call me first (eventually you will wear her down and she will quit you for good. You better cut it out ASAP). But after that I started to call more and communicate with her. I feel she wants me to Chase her around. It’s been about a week since I heard from her and it seems as if she wants me to be the one to call her and put things back on good terms (if you are the one who fucked things up, then you need to make it right. Apologize for what you did and how and why you know how it hurt her. You have to let her tell you first and listen without getting all butt-hurt when she says things that make you feel uncomfortable or hurt your feelings). I guess I’m just looking for some guidance on what my next move should be (You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.).
The purpose of all relationships is that you go there to give. Two people come together to love each other and help each other grow and become more. Over time you will either grow together or grow apart. Sometimes people grow, evolve and become interested in other things. If down the road your life paths go in a different direction, don’t hate, just love, bless and appreciate the good times and love you shared together. Wish them well and wish them love and happiness in their journey. For a good healthy relationship to last, a couple has to have similar life goals and dreams, good communication skills and be confident and authentically connected to who they really are as individuals. They don’t seek to complete one another, they seek to share their completeness.
“The past does not equal the future.”-Tony Robbins