Here’s Why Most Men Blow Their Chances On Dating Apps

How most men blow their chances with women who like them on dating apps.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who spent about a week talking on a dating app and Instagram with a girl who was initially interested. However, he noticed her replies became shorter and she took longer to respond until she simply stopped replying. He shares what they talked about until she ghosted him.

He wonders if she will come back. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, this is a cautionary tale on how to not bore women out of liking you. A big complaint that women have on dating apps is guys just chit-chat and goes on for days and weeks, and they never ask them out. They never get around to doing anything and eventually the girl fades away.

So as the book says, 3% Man, your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen, which is obviously what a date is. So if you’re meeting a girl on an app and you both match, typically she likes you, you like her. In other words, you passed her physical attraction test. She liked you enough to potentially go out with you. So all you really need to do is send a few texts back and forth so she can see that you’re a normal person and you can carry on a conversation. Then after a few messages, give her your phone number and say, “Hey, let’s chat on the phone and maybe meet up for a drink.” Pretty simple. If she doesn’t feel comfortable calling you, just say, “Hey, here’s my number. Give me a call or send me your number and I’ll give you a call and we can chat and maybe meet up for a drink.” So it’s pretty simple to do that.

What this guy did, which is he’s thinking, “Well, I got to let this girl get to know me and we’ll text for a few weeks, and then maybe we’ll get around to going out.” Women like men that have confidence. That’s the number one male strength characteristic that women love in men. They want you to be direct, they want to be decisive, and they want you to get to the point. The more you talk and text, because this guy was talking or texting through the app, instead of getting a number or offering his and then asking for hers if she wasn’t comfortable and he’d call her, he says, “What’s your Instagram?” So they go from one app to another app. Again, most women complain is guys just dither and they just spin around in circles and they never get anywhere. Basically what it looks like is this guy talked this girl out of liking him, and he’s wondering because she basically ended up ghosting him.

It’s a good email to learn from, and there’s still a chance that maybe in a few weeks she reaches back out after she hasn’t heard anything from him.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I met a girl on a dating app and we had good back-and-forth for about four days.

Well, that’s just too long and it’s unnecessary. You can go back and forth over an hour or two, say, “Hey, here’s my number. Let’s get on a phone call and maybe we can meet up for a drink.” That shows you’re direct, you’re decisive, you got a plan, you want to make something happen. Also you want to know, is she really interested, or is she just there getting her ego stroked because Chad Thundercock blew her off?

So she went on the dating apps just to get some attention and validation from other men, but she doesn’t have any intention of meeting anybody in the dating apps. I’ve had some of the girls in my podcast talk about that. Guy blows them off, doesn’t go well, they don’t really want to meet anybody in a dating app. So they go on there, they get lots of attention, and then they shut their profile off and they dip again. So you don’t want to have girls that are wasting your time, but it definitely looks like this girl is interested, but because he kept dithering, hesitating and basically a dog chasing his tail, she just got bored and stopped replying.

A few of those days she even texted first.

That’s definitely high interest. So she really liked you.

I really got her to talk about her interest.

You want to get her to talk about things she would enjoy answering and things she enjoys talking about.

On day four, I asked for her Instagram.

I would have said, again, I would have been four days into it asking for Instagram. All that says is, “Hey, let me pour you some more, but let me bore you on Instagram now.”

Again, this is the biggest complaint women have, is they start talking to guys and they just talk, talk, talk, and the guy never works up the courage to ask her out because he doesn’t know what he’s doing. He’s thinking, “Oh, I gotta get to know her for a few weeks or a few months, and then we’ll get on a phone call and then meet.” Like, there’s 80% dudes on the dating apps. So you dither and hesitate like that, somebody else is going to come along, Chad Thundercock, and he’s going to know what he’s doing. He’s going to get on a phone call with her. He’s going to talk to her for maybe 10, 15 minutes, see if he likes talking to her and she likes talking to him, and the conversation flows well. In other words, he’s talking to her, he’s excited to talk to her, he enjoys it and she appears to enjoy talking to him, and if that goes, well just say, “Hey, we should get together for a drink. What’s your schedule like?” Direct. Decisive. Boom! Get to the point.

That’s what women like. A guy that’s got a plan, knows what he’s doing, and he’s used to getting it. He’s not going to waste his time chit-chatting with girls for two or three weeks who are just on there because they need their ego stroke, because again, some other dude blew them off.

She replied about six hours later and we moved the conversation to Instagram DMs. Notably, she accepted my DM request but did not follow me back, something I didn’t press her on or think much on since her account was empty.

So again, why would she follow you back? It’s boring. You should be talking on the phone by now.

After moving to IG, her responses slowed…

Yeah, because you’re not the first guy that’s done this to her. It happens constantly.

…And then she stopped responding for about a week. I followed up lightly once and then stopped. After that got ignored. I didn’t chase and left the messages alone. A week later, she came back, apologized, responded to my previous messages, and we had a short friendly exchange with positive emojis.

So you see what happens when you stop moving forward, when you bore her, you disappear, because most guys keep talking and texting, or they get pissed off and you just walk away because the door slammed in your face like the book says. That’s the right move at that point, but again, you shouldn’t be like three weeks into this. This is just going nowhere.

She had even viewed the stuff I posted on my story, something she wouldn’t even see unless she was curious about what I was working on.

Again, this girl liked you. She had high interest, and all you had to do was give her your number or just say, “Send me yours and I’ll give you a call. Hey, here’s my number. Give me a call. Let’s chat on the phone and maybe meet up for a drink. Send me your number and I’ll give you a call.”

The following day I didn’t reach out. The day after that, I sent something light and playful…

Again, this is just so boring. So you’re trying to use a digital device to have an interaction with her when you should have already been on your first date by now.

…Teasing her for approval of something I bought that’s related to a shared interest. She replied about seven hours later with responses like, “Fr lol,” “Aww so cute,” and “Definitely a valid purchase.”

Again, just boring conversation. Be direct, be decisive, get to the point. If you can’t get to the point and ask her out, it’s not very masculine, it’s not very confident, it’s not very decisive or direct.

After that reply, I sent two messages: A photo of what I was doing and then said something like, “I’m with my friend right now. Wanna FaceTime for 10 when I’m done? I’ll be free around 9:30 or 10.”

Instead of offering a choice, “Hey, we should FaceTime. Hey, we should get on a FaceTime chat, maybe meet up for a drink.” Again, that should have happened weeks ago.

“If tonight doesn’t work, tomorrow’s fine too.”

“Oh, my schedule’s wide open! You’re the only girl I’m talking to Your Highness!”

She has left that message on delivered for several days.

Yep. She’s bored. Not really interested at this point.

During this time she has remained active on the Instagram and has started posting on what was previously an inactive account with no posts.

Probably just because you’re like a little ball of yarn at this point and kitty cat’s just seeing what happens, seeing if she can get you to continue chasing or pursuing because now she’s amused.

I haven’t followed up, reacted to her posts, or reached out again.

And you shouldn’t be watching her stories because that shows that you’re paying attention to everything she’s doing.

I’ve stayed put and just continued my work.

My questions:

1. At this point, is there any realistic way to recover her interest (Seemingly a second time), or is the correct move to assume low interest and move on unless she reaches out?

Yeah, move on, because dating is like tennis. I talk about this in the book. He hit the ball over the net. You gotta wait for her to hit it back. What you’re ignoring is her replies are short. She’s not engaging you in text anymore. It’s like she’s already given up on you because you just behaved the way dozens and dozens of other dudes have behaved that she’s interacted with on the dating app. Meanwhile, she’s getting her back blown out two days after meeting on a dating app with Chad Thundercock. Then Chad Thundercock is going to hit it and quit it and move on. Then she’s got no other prospects. She’ll be like, “Hey, what happened to that guy?” Then she reaches back out. So she reaches out, “Hey, it’s great to hear from you. Let’s get on a call and chat. Here’s my number. Give me a call or send me your number, and I’ll call you and chat. Maybe we can meet up for a drink.” Very simple.

2. If she does reach out later, what’s the best way to respond?

Just like I said.

Should I simply set a definite date, or bring up the FaceTime idea again? Can she even find a way to justify coming back into my life from this?

Well again, what’s really attractive to women is your inaction and the fact that you just stopped moving forward because you recognize she’s not putting any effort in and she has returned to the conversation even though she took a week. So there is some level of interest there.

Again, at the end of the day, your job should be to get on a phone call with her because you want to make sure you like talking to her, ideally even a FaceTime chat, because if you’re talking for maybe five or 10 minutes, you’re going, “I just want to make sure she looks like her pictures.” Just say, “Hey, why don’t we switch to FaceTime?” If you’re talking on the phone. All you do is you just press one button and boom! You’re FaceTiming. “Hey, let’s FaceTime.” Boop! “Hey, are you somewhere where you can FaceTime?” Boop! Very simple.

3. Is unfollowing her necessary, or is it fine to leave things as they are and remain no-contact?

Thank You,

Bob

Well Bob, you fumbled the football. Read the book. I go over this in the book. This girl really liked you. I mean, she’s really interested, and quite frankly, there’s a 50/50 chance that she reaches back out in the future. You just got to get to the point where you can’t dither, hesitate, and waste your time because, as I say all the time and I’ve talked about it in videos that are actually titled that, If You Hesitate, You Will Masturbate, women like guys that are direct, decisive, and get to the point, and you bored her out of liking you. So knock it off, because this will happen with every girl you do this with.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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