The importance of observing and noticing how friends, family and lovers are treating you, so you can make sure you only spend your time with people who love, value and appreciate you.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer I answered a previous email from in my article titled, “Alcohol: Liquid Courage Or Attraction Killer?” In his latest email, he updates us on his progress and what he has learned and improved in his life. He details his experiences on a recent date he had with a woman. They agreed to meet at a local pub for drinks and conversation. However, she spent most of the evening chatting with other guys she knew and kind of gave him the cold shoulder.
He could tell all three of these guys who had the hot’s for her were really needy and insecure, like he used to be. He details what he did and said when he noticed this behavior that got her attention and caused her to apologize for the way she treated him. It’s a great email on the power of being observant, noticing your surroundings, dealing with bad pickup artists trying to hit on your date and what it all means. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
Remember me? You were ‘dead on’ correct with regard to my indecisiveness when I contacted you the last time, (See my article and video, “Alcohol: Liquid Courage Or Attraction Killer?”) Thanks so much!!! I’ve learned so much from your book and your video posts. I’d like to update you on my progress, as a means to say thank you, as well as to verify that your advice is worthwhile:
1) I’ve been refraining from drinking before dating. I’m past it. I’m more confident, due to increased dating and overall effort, and even better yet, I’ve refrained from liquid courage before public speaking. (It definitely sounds like you were using alcohol as a crutch.) Trust me, that’s a huge improvement, especially since fear of public speaking for me, and many people, is right up there with fear of death.But, more importantly…
2) Just tonight, and I’m still a bit pleased with myself, hence the quick email, I ran into a similar situation that’s in your book. It’s hilarious how your experiences are so relevant. (Most guys and girls are going to find themselves in similar situations, and when you can understand what’s really going on, it gives you a leg up on everybody.) A woman with whom I set a date to meet at a local pub spent most of the evening paying attention to other male individuals, at least 3 of them, that were overly eager for her attention. (Guys like that who know her have zero respect for the fact you’re on a date with her. They are focused on themselves and trying to rip her off from you. Those particular guys have a scarcity mindset.) It was so obvious to me that the men approaching her were needy and overzealous. It didn’t bother me too much. I realized that she knew all of them quite well, and I could also see their true intentions as they approached her. (It’s good to be quiet in this situation, and see how this woman will behave when you’re not around. She’s not stupid. She knows these guys are interested. Loyalty is probably not a big deal to this woman. It’s pretty rude to talk to other guys and ignore your date.) To be honest, some of them reminded me of myself… the past self, the insecure self. Actually, the only thing that really bothered me was, the woman either failed to recognize their advances toward her, which I doubt, or she just didn’t care. (Probably a little bit of both. She did not care, because she’s used to getting away with that.) Or perhaps she wanted to see how it affected me. (Possibly.)
Well, in short, I became bored. (Hang out, have fun and hook up. The whole idea is to create memories.) Also, when I went to the men’s room, I thought to myself, how you would handle the situation. (I’d never call a girl like that again.) It gave me time to reflect on what I have read. I realized, I have too much respect for myself, and when on a date, I expect the woman to treat me as well as I intend to treat her. (Exactly. You want to spend your time with somebody who’s excited you’re there.) So, just like in your book, regarding the time you went to a club and the woman was hardly around/to be seen, I decided to leave. (Scarcity creates value.) I politely paid for the drinks and stated to her that I was leaving. I had 3 pints. That was enough. I wasn’t angry. Yes, I was a bit displeased, but I can’t control how others behave. Anyway, this is the sweet part, as you might suspect, she ended up texting me, several times after I left, apologizing for having so many distractions, and said she enjoyed my company. (It went from her not respecting you at all, to her apologizing.) BUT SERIOUISLY, ‘Words come easy.’ No, I didn’t play games. I just texted back, “No worries. Good night.” (I would never call or text her again after that.)
I might decide to go on another date with her, but here’s the thing, I feel so good right now. I feel on top of the world. Why? Because I didn’t let it bother me. (You didn’t lose your shit. Quite frankly, a woman like that didn’t deserve you losing your shit.) I’m not supposed to fight for her attention. That’s ridiculous. I’m so confident now. I figure, a real woman, a woman that truly wants to be with her date and engage in conversation with her date, would make an effort. (Absolutely.) She didn’t. Could I have handled myself better? I’m not sure how. (Dude, you did great. I wouldn’t change anything.) Honestly, I couldn’t find the correct words. I wanted to say, “Hey, why did we meet? You’re going to let these men distract you?” but, I just observed. Be objective, right? (Remember, you’re putting the other person on probation. You want to see if she’s respectful.)
If I could have done a better job handling the situation, please advise, but let this be a testament that I’m enjoying dating so much more after reading your book and following your videos. No, I’m not perfect, but I’m leaps and bounds in the right direction. (Yes, you’re not getting shitfaced and blowing things, like in your first email, “Alcohol: Liquid Courage Or Attraction Killer?” You just need to try and get a little better every day.)
Corey… Coach… you ROCK!!!
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“You can’t control or predict what life is going to bring your way, but you always have the power to decide what it means to you. Successful people tend to look for the gift in every experience, failure, rejection, challenge, setback and things that simply do not turn out like they expect, so they can learn and get better. The one thing all high achievers have in spades is a positive attitude. No matter what happens, they tend to look at everything that happens as being for the best and the way things are supposed to be. Unsuccessful people tend to dwell on their problems, while successful people tend to focus on and look for things to be grateful for. Whatever you focus your brain on will expand in your life, as well as your perception of it. Cultivating a positive attitude, outlook and worldview is one of the smartest decisions you can make, which will improve the overall quality of your life and what you are able to achieve. Successful people believe they can and will succeed eventually. Unsuccessful people have convinced themselves, failure and disappointment is simply the way life is supposed to be.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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