The things many guys do that turn women off which causes the breakup of their relationships, and how you can avoid the same mistakes.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a guy who recently found my work after he broke up with his girlfriend. He says that his more recent breakup was caused by him, just like all of his other previous relationship breakups. He shares what he has learned about what he did wrong that led to the breakup of all of his relationships.
The best part is that he takes total ownership of his mistakes, like a Man should, and resolves to make the necessary changes to prevent this from happening again in the future. He is hopeful that his now ex-girlfriend will come back and asks my opinion on the likelihood that she does. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
I see this a lot when guys first come to my work. As they start reading the book and they recognize, “I did that, I made that mistake. She said that. That’s right. That totally turned her off in the same way I turned my girlfriend off,” and they’re able to see what they did wrong. And what I like about his email is he takes total ownership of his mistakes. He doesn’t try to blame anybody else. He doesn’t blame society, he doesn’t blame women, he doesn’t bitching about single moms. He’s just a man.
He takes ownership of his mistakes and he resolves to fix it. That’s what men do. They don’t cry about it and want a solution from somebody else or someone or something that they have no control over. They just take stock of where they’re at in life, and they resolve to pay the price to turn things around and fix it. It’s what men are supposed to do.
We’re here because we’re interested in being men, fixing what we’re doing wrong and doing more of what we’re doing right and filling in our knowledge gap so we can get better. That’s the most important thing, you’ve got to try. Just like I talk about my second book, Mastering Yourself. Your goal as a human being really should be trying to get a little better each and every day. Because repetition is the mother of skill. Everything you want to become better at, you’ve got to practice at it. Everybody starts out as a novice. Nobody starts out as an expert. And so, when you accept personal responsibility for your own life, then it’s up to you to fix and change it.
And by the way, my third book, Quotes, Ruminations and Contemplations, is out. It’s my first book of quotes. I think it’s going to be six or seven volumes right now with all of the quotes that I’ve got. I’ve just got so many of them. But the iTunes book is finally live on iTunes. Obviously it’s available at Audible. You can get it on paperback and hardcover. So far, the reviews are really good. Everybody seems like it. So, thanks for all of the great reviews and all of the good feedback.
With that said, let’s go through this guy’s email and see if we have another potential 3% man in the making.
Hello Coach Corey,
Hope all is well. Well, it happened. I lost my woman because I have been living my life as a 97% man. I started talking to a woman just when the world shut down. We talked for a while and then she ghosted me after talking for a few months. We never went on any dates or anything, just chit-chat. Something happened and she posted it on social media, and I just sent a friendly “hope everything is okay.” She then reached out that she would like to link up, so I set up a date. So, things went well and we continued to talk and date.
After 3 months, she said she really liked me, so in January of 2021 we got into an exclusive relationship. Then 2 months later she dumped me.
Bet that’s fun.
Backstory. I came from a family of dysfunctional relationships.
You can say, “Oh, poor me. That’s just my lot in life,” or you can be like this guy, which is like, “The past does not equal the future. Just because I came from this background doesn’t mean it needs to be my future.” This is what being a man is all about. You take care of things. We just handle things.
A lot of men in my family not showing affection and sleeping around while in relationships.
It’s hard when you come from a background like that to learn what healthy looks like, because like he says, all you see is examples of dysfunctional relationships. You can choose to be like them, or you can choose to be different and learn from it and resolve that you’re never going to have that kind of garbage in your life, that you’re going to be better.
And at the end of the day, that’s what parents want for their kids anyway. They want to see their kids do better, that they become more successful, they have happier lives, better relationships, better friends, just everything is better.
So, I never really was around the right company or learned how to date or maintain a healthy relationship. Long story short, I didn’t understand the process of courting, the mission and the relationship. She was an alpha woman, meaning she’s always in her masculine state. Because I was not being a 3% man and in my masculine, I pushed her away.
Yeah, you forced her to be the man in the relationship. And obviously, she’s a feminine woman, but because you acted like a feminine man, it ruined the sexual polarity. It turned her off, she backed away, and you didn’t really realize what was happening until it was too late, like most guys.
I’m only on my second time reading your book. I still have a lot to learn, but I can replay all the things I did wrong. I basically shot myself in the foot and ended up in the friend zone. I received a bullshit reason from her, so she didn’t hurt my feelings.
Yeah, because remember, women don’t want to hurt your feelings. “It’s not you, it’s me. You’re great. You’re really great. You’re really nice. There’s nothing wrong with you. You don’t need change anything. It’s great. It’s just me.” And the guy’s going, “What? If I’m so great and I’m so nice, then why are you breaking up with me?”
But that reason stung even more. She basically said that the age of my kids didn’t work for her (6 & 7 boys).
It sounds like a legitimate thing, “Oh, it’s your age, your kids, that’s the reason.” And then the average guy will hear that and go, “Huh?” The reality is she dumped him because of low interest.
When she said that, it threw me off my masculine core and I buckled and initially agreed to be friends.
Come on, man. But then again, this is before you read my book. So he thought, “Oh okay, we’ll be friends and maybe she’ll want me back again.” Men don’t agree to that. Men are interested in sex and romance. If you’re changing the terms of our relationship unilaterally, “See you later. Good luck. Call me if you change your mind. I’ll be sipping margaritas with a sweet senorita.”
After a couple of days, because I just started reading your material, I called her back and told her being friends would not work for me, and if she changed her mind to give me a call.
Good job, that’s taking your power back. You’re like, “No, I don’t want this.” So, he’s walking away from the negotiating table because he’s like, “I’m not interested in friendship,” even though he agreed to that. And so, the interesting thing is because he agreed a friendship early on, if she does start to come back and he’s following the script in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” she’ll more than likely probably try to friend zone him in several ways to see if he’ll go along with it. And that’s why I say, “No.”
And by the way, when he got in touch with her after all those months, obviously this particular most recent ex, she was obviously in a different headspace than when they first talked, and that’s why he was able to get her out. Things had obviously changed for her. Sometimes that works too.
And of course, I’m new so I’m still dying inside, but have been disciplined not to contact her. I’m trying to come to grips that she’s gone and trying to move on, but I still need to read your book many more times before I can get out and date successfully.
Well, you don’t read the book and master the book and then go date successfully. You read the book, and go out and make mistakes, and you get better and you learn. It’s a process, a process of continually reading the book, applying what the book teaches, getting results, good and bad, and learning from your mistakes, so you fine tune your approach. Like what we do in these video newsletters, it’s meant to help fine tune the approach of the fundamentals that are in the book. That’s what serious students do. That’s what serious men do. They figure it out. We handle shit.
This is all new to me and I have been sabotaging myself for years. I think I just did so much wrong in this relationship that it was easy to come up with the kid story to let me go. What do you think?
Well, the kid story was BS. It was to say, “It’s not you. It’s your kids.”
So all the things I did wrong:
- Not going for the kiss on all our dates
That communicates that you’re timid, that you’re shy, that you don’t know what to do, that you’re not strong enough and masculine enough to be the leader, where she can follow and submit to you. When you think about the act of sex, a woman is completely submitting to you and opening herself up to you. I mean, she literally spreads her legs and is like, “Come on inside, big boy.” So, don’t act like a woman if you want access to the box.
- Not hooking up, even when she invited me to her house… being a nice respectful guy… best friendsies, SMH
So he’s trying to be Mr. White Knight because he’s probably saw something going, “Oh, I’ve got to be extra nice to her, and then she’ll see how great I am and then she’ll want to sleep with me.” She wants you to pin her down on the bed naked and have your way with her. That’s what she really wants. She wants you to be the man, the beast, and tear it up. Knock the the bottom out of that thing!
- Brought her flowers on every date
Oh, a bribe for sex and a relationship. “I will be extra nice because I saw girls like chocolates and flowers in all these cheesy movies.” It works in the movies, but in real life, it’s like, “Oh yeah, thanks for the flowers buddy.”
- Called and texted her more than she did me
So, he was investing more in the relationship than she was. He was way more into her than she was, and he was not paying attention to that. Because what you’re looking for is an equal, somebody that really wants to be with you and makes the effort. And when you’re making most of the effort, like I talk about in “How To Be A 3% Man,” the guy should never do more than 20-30% of the calling, texting and pursuing. It’s just way too much. When it’s 50/50, it’s always going to end in being stuck in friend zone.
Obviously, in this case he’s pursuing even more. One of the first things I ask guys I’m doing phone sessions with is, “Tell me about your contact, your texting and your phone exchanges.” When I hear the guy go, “Oh, it was 50/50”, I’m like, “Oh yeah.” Before he’s even gotten to the end of the story and telling me what happened, I already know he got friend zoned. It’s as predictable as the sun coming up in the East and setting in the West.
Remember, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. Never try to keep somebody who doesn’t want to keep you. You’ve got to match and mirror the effort from the other person. And women are like cats. Sometimes they get their fill of you and they really love spending time. And then after that, they want to get away and they want to go do other things. And then when they don’t hear from you for a few days or a week or so, “What happened to that guy? I thought he really liked me. Maybe I’ll text him.”
- I put her on a pedestal and made her the ultimate prize
So, you basically treated her like a celebrity and she treated you like an ass kissing fan.
- Definitely liked her more than she liked me
- Definitely chased her and not her chasing me… so she dumped me… chased her right out of my life
Well, if a woman is always chasing you, as the late Doc Love used to say, she’s not getting rid of you. So everything that I teach in “How To Be A 3% Man” is about creating those conditions from the moment you meet to where she starts to pursue you more. Because she perceives you as mysterious and interesting and more dominant, she wants to know about you. Curiosity makes kitty cats stick around. They’ve got to know more.
In fact, after just one time through your book, I can look at all my relationships of the past and see how I caused all my breakups. Most recently, I ran the girl I really liked off. Right now, I’m accepting this breakup as a blessing and found your material to upgrade my mind to be a 3% man, so I can live the life I deserve and not put myself in this position ever again.
Good job, dude. That’s what it takes. Just saying, “Hey, I fucked up. I made a mistake.” You don’t need to feel bad about it. And the other important thing about accepting your mistakes, your flaws, your faults and your shortcomings is once you do that, nobody else can use them against you, because you’ve already accepted them. It’s a great way to live.
So, if you’re in a situation similar to this guy and you’re trying to get your ex back, you should be following “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” — what’s laid out in that video and that article, which is also on my website, UnderstandingRelationships.com. And then if you’d like to talk to me in person, you want to do a coaching session, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab on top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Part of being a self-reliant Man is taking total ownership for everything that happens in your life, good and bad. Every person and every circumstance in your life is the result of your thoughts, words and deeds. Alpha males take total responsibility for their own lives, while beta males complain and blame others to avoid it. Alpha males know that it is up to them to fix themselves and their lives. Beta males wait to be saved by someone or something outside of themselves. Alpha males embrace their masculinity while beta males shrink from it. If you don’t take personal responsibility for your own life, then you are powerless to shape and change your destiny and reach your full potential.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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