How I Got Over My Ex & Life Is Better Than Ever!

How to get over your ex so your life becomes better than it ever has been before.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an update from a viewer whose previous email I answered in a members only video, First Rate Pussy Is The Best Way To Get Over A Breakup! He shares how he got over his ex and has been living his best life ever since. He got serious about the book and learning it and talks about all the great successes he’s had since then.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This email is an update to an email that I did back in February of this year, which would be February 2025. So we’re now into July 2025, about five months or so later. He was really struggling because he had to break up. That previous email was titled First Rate Pussy Is The Best Way To Get Over A Breakup!

He shares how he got over his ex and he’s been living his best life. He’s obviously been reading the book, being a good student, he’s taking it seriously, he’s participating in his own rescue, he’s taken massive action to turn his life around and move towards the things that he wants and away from the things that no longer serve him.

So let’s see what he’s done successfully.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

Hope all is well!

I wanted to update as to how things are going. Back in February, you did a newsletter First Rate Pussy Is The Best Way To Get Over A Breakup! My BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) ex came and fucked me one last time and moved in with a guy down the street. 

I’m not sure. I think this was one where he found out his ex was sleeping with a dude down the street that wasn’t on the same level as he was. So you’re in the middle of a breakup and you find out your ex or your girlfriend that you thought was your girlfriend, I don’t know if she was cheating on him, I can’t remember because it was five months ago. Then you see her every day down the street. If I remember right, he was struggling pretty hard at the time because usually guys are the last to know. They’re the last ones to find out. Women do the dumping 75% of the time. So he was surprised that it happened, but better always comes. When one door closes, another one opens.

I can’t believe how much life has improved for me since I wrote to you, all by just staying buried in the book…

Obviously talking about 3% Man. If you’re new here and you haven’t read it, it’s free to read at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the email newsletter, put your name, your first name, your email address, create a password, hit submit and it’ll open up right in your web browser.

So he’s been reading the book, obviously…

…And becoming a better student than I ever have been.

So he’s taken this seriously. He’s not half-assing it and he’s not cherry-picking. He’s not trying to find the perfect video with the perfect line from a scenario that matches his, then that’s all he has to do and everything magically goes back together. This takes real, sincere effort. What I teach is not easy. There are no shortcuts to success, but in the end, the victories are much sweeter.

Before I would listen to the audio at work through headphones and sure, I learned the material, but wasn’t absorbing it enough. I started doing as you recommend and followed along at two-speed with the written copy. What a game changer, I was missing so much!

So when you do that, if you think about it, if you’re driving in your car and you’re listening to the audio-book, maybe you’re working out, you’re not really paying attention, you’re kind of intermittently fading in and out of listening to it and then you get interrupted or somebody cuts you off and you’re giving them the finger or whatever, then the audio-book is still playing the whole time, so you’re not really paying attention. If you’re in your house, you’re in a room, your office, whatever happens to be, and you’re hearing the audio-book, you’re sitting down. Maybe you’re on my website looking at it as it’s being read to you, and then you follow along in a digital or physical copy. So you’re seeing the words as you’re hearing them being spoken, and then you speed it up to the two-speed. Then you can get through the book in about four hours, because it’s about seven and a half, almost just under eight hours at normal speed.

What it does, it forces your eyes and your ears to focus on the words that are being spoken, because you’re seeing the words as they’re being spoken and you’re hearing them. There’s no distractions. There’s no driving in your car. There’s no shit going on in the background. So you’re forcing your brain to really concentrate on the material. So each read through is way more efficient and you’re way more focused on the material. So you’re just going to absorb it and learn a lot better versus just kind of trying to get through the read and listen to it as background noise.

That’s what serious students do because again, if you can get through it in four hours, if you do that a couple of times a week, you can get through two to three reads a week. That’s eight hours, two reads, 12 hours, three reads. So 10 to 15 times, you can do that in a couple of months or a few weeks if you’re really diligent about it.

At 41 years old, I have found the hardest thing is to undo all the old programming I have had installed over four decades.

Yeah, because you’re emotionally anchored to those behaviors. If you start to do something that is natural, innate and attractive as the book says, but you’ve got a negative charge over what you think you should do just because you’ve been again, 40 fucking years, thinking of being the same way, you’re going to feel some discomfort, I should say. That’s what we call getting outside your comfort zone.

So as you start to apply things that don’t kind of necessarily feel right or you feel conflicted, but you always have done it for 40 years this way and you didn’t get the results you want, and then you start applying it, even though it’s uncomfortable and doing things that might not necessarily feel good or that you’re fearful about, then you see that what’s in the book shows up in your life exactly the same way and you’re like, “Oh wow!” Then it happens again and again. What happens is over time, you start to rewire your brain to think in ways that are appropriate, natural and innate, and because you’re getting life experience of things being the right way and doing things the right way, you have a new frame of reference that gives you wisdom and it also gives you the courage and the strength to continue to do more things that are aligned with the book and less with what you see in traditional media, movies, TV and societal programming.

Like you, I come from a bit of a fucked up family, but seeing how my upbringing has played a role in the types of relationships I have chosen in life has really helped me progress. It really is a mindset. I avoid all the negative news, talk and shit jammed down our throats by the media and for the first time in a long time, even with all the shit happening in the world I am just looking around everyday thinking life is beautiful.

Well, one thing I do want to say about that is, good men sleep peacefully in their beds at night because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf. So you can pretend like the problems don’t affect you or they don’t bother you, but at the end of the day, you still live in that world and you still have a vote in elections to determine whether the barbarians are outside the gates or like what the Democrats have been doing when Biden was in office, letting all the barbarians inside the gates. That’s how you ruin your society. That’s eventually what led to the fall of Rome. They just let too many people in that didn’t share Roman values. Didn’t believe in the system. Didn’t believe in the government. They debauched the currency. They became corrupt, the society became corrupt, and eventually it collapsed, and a lot of people died. Then you had the Dark Ages.

I had a girlfriend when I wrote last but decided to end it with her. Truth is deep down inside me I feel like I have never gotten even close to the best I can get in a woman and like you say, “You deserve the best you can get, that is your birthright.”

Well, what initially, for most of us, seems like the dream woman or the unattainable, the reality is you’re that attracted to somebody like that because attraction is not a choice. You’re supposed to be that attracted to somebody and they’re supposed to be that attracted to you, but if you don’t think you’re worthy or deserving of it, even when you meet somebody that really likes you, you’ll talk, text and chase her right out of your life, because you’re convinced deep down that you don’t deserve to have what you really want. That’s where the book can really help you, is to cut out all those behaviors you may have been doing that turns off women that really like you.

I didn’t want to do it, but I ended it because I felt  inside that it had to be done. I talked about it with her, gave her closure and ended it respectfully and amicably, a courtesy I have never been granted by any woman that has dumped me. 

True, women are pretty savage because usually guys don’t take no for an answer and they try to beg, plead and get her to change her mind because they’re focused on what they want, but when the woman’s ready to tap out, you let her go.

So, there I was, no girlfriend, no prospects, but felt totally calm and comfortable inside myself with this fact. I started engaging with people everywhere I went. I started by confidently walking up to the sexiest cashier at stores with my purchases and confidently engaging with them in playful and fun ways. I saw the effects immediately the way most of them would light up with this smile and energy that said, “Wow, most people who come through here don’t have this guy’s type of positive, fun and easygoing energy.”

So they remember you because you light them up. It’s good energy, good vibes.

Young women in their 20’s do this, same with older women in their 60’s respond the same way. That was my first real a-ha moment.

It’s like when I tell guys, you just get in the habit of talking to people anywhere and everywhere. Old people, young people, beautiful people, ugly people, dudes. Just anybody you encounter, whether it’s in the elevator, standing in line at the grocery store, somebody sitting next to you at the restaurant or the bar, just get in the habit of taking sincere, authentic interest in other people. You practice that because it’s the same process, whether you’re just making small talk with a nice little old lady or the hottest woman that you’ve seen this week. It’s the same process. People that haven’t practiced it enough won’t do it.

Like, I was talking about this in a video newsletter a couple of weeks ago, and there were five or six smart asses saying, “That was ridiculous.You shouldn’t go and do that,” but for guys that have never practiced it, it’s easy to ridicule because then they don’t have to do nothing because doing that is so uncomfortable to them. They would rather ridicule it and insult me than do something to change their life. Even though I’ve been doing this 20 years and there’s constant success stories of guys that do these things, it’s easier to mock it and dismiss it because then you don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to risk being uncomfortable. This guy was willing to risk being uncomfortable and trust the things that I was saying, and he started opening the big hole in his face and talking to people that he met in his daily life. Like, cute girls, old ladies, they all respond the same.

So he got to see in his life, in the real world, the things that I was talking about, he had to experience it himself because he was brave and he was courageous, unlike some of the dudes that were, it was last week or the week before, I did a video newsletter talking about improving your social skills, because the guy, I think he was totally reliant on dating apps and he was terrified to talk to people in person. So when you got somebody like that ,that you’re trying to help ,and then you got a bunch of jackasses in the comments going, “Oh, that’s stupid. That’s ridiculous. That’s weird. Creepy. Don’t do that,” because they’re too weak to do. It. Can have a negative effect on the guy that is open to it, but they make them feel ashamed of thinking to do those things.

After a couple weeks of this, I got comfortable and started engaging with women out in public that smiled and made eye contact with me. Ask them a few questions about themselves and their name. If they asked mine I say, “I’d like to talk some more with you, what’s your number?” As I pull my phone out of my pocket. I will open it up and have her put the number in.

Yeah, so as you’re asking that, you’re pulling the phone out of your pocket and you get to the screen to where you put a new contact, and then you just hand them your phone. It’s very simple, very easy, very smooth.

I will call three or four days later. If they answer, I talk a bit and try to set a date. If not, I leave a message and if I hear from them great, if not, “See ya! Bye!” Number gets deleted. I haven’t gotten more women on the phone than I have, but I have never been turned down when asking for a number, yet.

Since it kind of didn’t make any sense, I think he mistyped some words there.

I have gotten out on dates with some of these women, something I have never done. I’d always meet people through friends or worse, dating apps (Man, those things are a beacon for the disordered).

It’s like fishing in the sewer.

I have hooked up with some of them, but these women are throwing out crazy red flags. Telling me about how their last two exes were toxic. Another told me that when she breaks up she just wants to dissociate. A third who only ever talked about money. These are all things I would have ignored before out of fear I couldn’t find better, but not anymore.

About five weeks ago, I ran into an ex I had, not BPD ex, but another one. She was the best relationship and girlfriend I’ve had. I really hurt this particular girl. This was back in 2016, a long time ago. We bumped into each other and chatted for a bit. I told her, “Give me your number. We can get together for a drink.” She said, “It’s still the same, but I doubt you have it.”  I told her I don’t and she gave me the number. I called five days later and set a date for three days after. She texted me 30 minutes before the date saying, “I am going to be 10 minutes late.” I told her that now she is going to be 20 minutes late because she is going to grab a bottle of wine and is going to just come to my house. She said it was a nice day and was hoping to sit outside. I told her it was her lucky day because it was a nice day and I didn’t wanna waste it indoors. She said, “OK, so see you at 6:30?” I said, “Yes.” She said, “No wine?” I told her to get a bottle of wine, just in case.

We met and she gave me a hug and we went to the patio. Sat down, I was sprawled out taking up too much space, relaxed. She was touching my arm then she leaned in toward me. I said, “You look like you want to give me a kiss. Why don’t you just lean in here the rest of the way and get it over with?” She did. After about 10 minutes and our drinks were done I stood up and said, “I’m going home. Take that bottle of wine and let’s have a glass together at my place.” 

It’s a two-minute drive and we went to my place. A little time went by and she is getting more tipsy and things start to go sideways. She started crying, talking about how much I hurt her back then, sobbing. I felt so bad because I never really took the time in all the previous years to think about how I made her feel (This was really the second a-ha moment). It wasn’t easy to see. We did end up hooking up that night and I don’t ever remember her fucking me like that ever before. She was wild.

Well, it’s because she was really turned on.

She texted me the next day saying that I had her in her feels last night but it was good seeing me and wouldn’t mind seeing me again. I knew the night before watching her reaction that wasn’t going to be the case. I simply told her to, “Reach out to me when you are ready.” I left it at that, no big deal. Neither of us has reached out since. I did feel kinda rotten for about a week for the pain I had caused her. I sat in it, felt it and things got better fast.

Well, as I always say, you got to feel it to heal it. You got to get into it before you can get out of it.

As I said at the start of the email I really feel like I haven’t got the best I can get in life and I am not worried about hearing from her. I can’t be mad at her. Look how I made her feel.

Well, if you really wanted to see her again, you should be the one to reach out until she starts pursuing you.

One last thing about BPD ex. Turns out they moved back in May. I guess someone couldn’t handle it mentally or they just didn’t have the money to stay. It really is funny how the universe works. Once I became indifferent to the situation, the situation changed. It really is nice to be able to walk out my front door and know I am never going to see her or him drive by my house again. For the first time, I feel the weight of the world lifted off me as a man. I feel like this is the tip of the iceberg and it will only get better day by day.

I will continue to pour my heart into my work and hobbies. I remember the very first time I saw a YouTube video of yours and you said, “A date is a fun filled romantic opportunity for sex to happen.” I remember thinking, “Yeah right. What does this guy know?” 

Well I say it all the time. If you think I’m full of shit, if you apply what’s in the book, you’re going to get way better results than you’re used to getting.

Turns out, he knows the key to a happier life and I am glad I found your work. Thank you Coach Wayne for trying to leave this sick world better than you found it. The craziest part to me is that you give this all away for free. It didn’t cost me anything, I had nothing to lose. Turns out I lost a lot, old beta male me. As I have seen the positive results, I have felt compelled to donate through YouTube and will continue to do so. 

Thanks Again, Coach!

Bob

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.