How Much Time Should I Spend With My Ex When She Wants Me Back?

How much time is ok to spend with your ex when you start seeing each other again.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who got dumped by his ex because of long distance. He’s in the military in California and she’s in Texas. He will be in Texas for a week and has a date setup. However, before they broke up they were to spend the week together. Now he’s unsure how much time to spend with her since they’re not together anymore. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “How Much Time Should I Spend With My Ex When She Wants Me Back?”.

Well, this particular emails from a guy, he’s kind of long distance. He’s in the military, he lives in California. This girl lives in Texas. And so they’ve kind of been long distance. He was in her state for a while, but she just basically said she couldn’t do the long distance thing anymore. It was too difficult. Broke up with him. And then 2 to 3 days later, she’s texting him constantly and he’s like, I need to be able to move on and heal because this is not helpful. And now they have a date to get together because I guess he’s going to be in Texas for a week after the holidays.

And so they’ve agreed to get together to have a drink, and maybe some dinner and catch up. And you know, originally before she dumped him, they were going to spend the whole week together. But now that they’ve been broken up and he’s just got a date set, he’s like, “How much time should I spend with her? So the simple answer is as much time as she wants, as much time as she’s available, and you’re available. Because your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. To hang out, have fun, and hook up. So you go back.

You go on your date, say it ends in the three H’s. Maybe she stays with you, stays over. I mean, this woman’s a teacher, so I imagine she’ll be out for the holidays. In other words, she’s not going to be teaching school because everybody’s off, and which is a good thing. So she’s available then what I would do is just keep hanging out with her. It’s like the date, you know, she stays the night. You get up. “Hey, let’s go do this. Let’s go do that.” She’s like, “Oh, I’ve got to do this. I’ve got to do that.” “Hey, no problem. Go do what you’ve got to do and hit me up and we can get together later.”

And then she’ll probably won’t call you later. She’ll wait till the next day or whatever. And when she does, just make the next plans. But since she dumped you, as 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says, she’s got to do all the calling, all the texting, all the pursuing, and you just make dates. So if you’re hanging out and the date continues on for several days, maybe you got a Friday night date. I think he said it’s the day after Christmas. So the 26th, they’re supposed to get together. Let’s see what day that would be here, let’s look at the calendar, that would be a Friday.

So that’s like a weekend. So if she reaches out on a Friday or I say you get together with on Friday, I would imagine you haven’t seen each other in a few months. She’ll probably stay the night. And when you get up Saturday, “Hey, let’s go do this.” And she says, “Oh, no, I’ve got to do this. I got to.” “Hey. No problem. Well, go do that and hit me up later.” And then you’re never going to call, you’re never going to reach out. You’re just going to tell her to hit you up. When she hits you up.

You assume she wants to see you make the next get together happen. Hang out, have fun, hook up. If you don’t hear from her, you’re not going to call. You’re not going to text at all. She’s got to do 100% of the reaching out. This is what 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back teaches, because again, she dumped you. She must earn another chance with you, not the other way around. So if she wants to keep hanging out, Keep hanging out. If she says she’s got errands and everything to do. Say, “Great. Call me later.” But be prepared. It might be a day or two.

You might not hear anything. And you know, because guys in your situation are like, “Oh, I’m only here seven days. I wanted to see her most of the time. And now I haven’t heard from her in two days.” What happens? They’re going to typically start freaking out and calling and texting. But you just can’t do that. You’ve got one date set, so take it one day at a time. Hang out, have fun, hook up. And if on Friday night she stays the night, “Hey, I’m gonna go do this. You want to come along? Or. Hey, I’m going to go to this. You should join me.” And she’s like, “Oh, I can’t. I’ve got to do this. I got to do that.”

“Hey. No problem. Well, hit me up later and we’ll get together then.” And then just leave it at that. And whenever she reaches back out, consider that later. Later could be that night. Later could be the next day. It could be two days from now. You just don’t know. The important thing is you’ve got to let her do all the contact initiation. The worst thing you can do is to go into town and then keep calling her and texting her every day, trying to get her to hang out with you. So you’ve got to let women come to you with their pace. And this is a really easy situation to fix.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I wanted to get your honest opinion on a situation I’m currently in and how best to handle it using your principles. I recently broke up with my girlfriend after a long-distance relationship. We met while I was in Texas for military training, and during that time we spent about two months together in person. She’s a teacher and had the entire summer off, and my training schedule was pretty flexible, so we had a lot of time together. We were seeing each other constantly, usually two, three, sometimes even four times a week. Because of that, we built a strong connection very quickly.

Well, as the book says, it takes about two months for a woman to fall in love with you. Between weeks 6 to 8, depending on the woman, depending on where interest starts out. If it starts out super high, probably week six. If it starts out just average, probably week seven or week eight, she’ll be wanting to be exclusive.

When my training ended and I went back to California, she came with me. We both kind of knew the distance would be hard, and after that trip we decided to end things, but we didn’t really stop talking.

I wouldn’t say it was we. I think she decided to end things.

We continued communicating almost like we were still together. Later, she came back to California again to visit me, and eventually we became exclusive. Throughout the relationship, there were a few moments where the distance felt overwhelming to her. She would break up, then regret it the next day and come back. This last time, she told me she couldn’t handle the long-distance relationship anymore.

I’d say probably her interest wasn’t super high. When a woman’s head over heels in love you, she’ll move to your state to be with you. But I would say she’s not that into it. And it’d be a good idea to really spend some time learning the book so you can fill in your knowledge gap and figure out where you’ve probably been going wrong. Because women don’t dump men they’re in love with. That’s just a fact of life.

After that breakup, she kept texting me casually, like we were friends. That felt confusing and painful, so after watching more of your videos and revisiting your 7 principles for getting an ex back.

Yeah, I don’t think he’s ever read the book. I think he’s just half-assing it and cherry picking and being lazy. So that’s why he’s got the problems he’s got. You’ve got to participate in your own rescue, dude. And you’re trying to cherry pick videos and I tell you not to. It’s not going to give you sustainable success. And you didn’t listen and you got dumped. So there’s things that you’re doing and saying that are unattractive and you don’t even realize it. And that’s where the book comes in. You’ve got to learn the fundamentals. These videos are based on the assumption that you read the book, and you learned the fundamentals, which you clearly have not.

I decided to be direct. I told her that continuing to text like that was too hard for me and that I needed space. I then went into no contact. About three days later, she reached out on WhatsApp saying she missed me, my presence, and my smile, but she deleted the message. I still saw it as a preview on my phone before it disappeared. The next day, she contacted me again asking if I was still coming to Texas, since I already had a trip planned from December 26^th through New Year’s Day. Originally, that trip was planned for us together. I stayed calm and followed your principles. I confirmed I’d be in Texas and suggested we meet up for dinner and a glass of wine. She agreed, said she wanted to see me and talk, and we’ve now scheduled a date for the evening of the 26^th. She’s choosing the place.

Well, you’re letting her choose a place. Again, you’re supposed to be inviting her to join you for things, instead, you left plans up in the air, and you’re leaving it for her to make the decision. So again, this is what happens. You don’t read the book. You’re making unnecessary mistakes. The book or the videos can give you some attainable success, but you won’t be able to sustain it.

Here’s where I’m unsure what the best move is. Before the breakup, we had planned a multi-day trip together to visit several national parks during that same time frame. I’ve kept my plans intact and haven’t invited her or brought it up. However, I have a feeling she may want to join me, since that was originally “our” trip. My question is, after following Triple H on the 26^th, hanging out, having fun, and hooking up if the vibe is right, should I invite her to join me on the trip if things go well?

Well, I would just invite her to continue doing those things. If she declines or says she’s got other things to do. Just say, “Hey, no problem, hit me up later.” And then leave it at that.

Or should I continue with my plans independently and only address it if she brings it up herself?

Well, again, I went through that in the beginning of the email, how I would handle these things.

I don’t want to rush anything or recreate the same on-again, off-again pattern, but I also don’t want to mishandle the situation if she’s genuinely reconsidering things.

You’ve got to look at it as attraction. Her attraction is going back up. You’re going to be there for a week. If she’s available, hang out, have fun and hook up. You already got the Friday night date set up. Maybe she ends up hanging out with you the whole weekend, and then Monday she goes and does other things. But since your pursuit is over forever, if you’re really following 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, then you’re not going to do anything if she disappears. Why are you barking at the dogs down the hallway? What are you doing? The dog’s got to talk to each other.

So this, you know, again, you can’t look at it as she’s reconsidering things. It’s just, attraction goes up and it goes down. If your behavior is attractive, it goes up. If your behavior is unattractive, it goes down. And again, you never read the book. So you’re clearly doing and saying things that caused her to not fall head over heels in love with you and want to move states to be with you. You did just enough to keep a long distance booty call. And she didn’t want to stay committed because she wanted to date and see other people.

I appreciate any insight you’re willing to share. Your work has helped me stay centered and grounded through all of this.

Sincerely,

Bob

Again, you’ve got to read the book, dude. It’s free to read in the Members Area on my website. Put your name, your email address and create a password and it will literally open up right in your web browser, on your mobile device or your desktop computer. Ideally, I’d be reading this on a desktop, but I know a lot of you guys like to look at the little fucking device wherever you happen to be, but you got to take this shit seriously. You’ve got to learn this. Because you’re clearly doing and saying things that are turning her off, and you don’t even realize that you’re doing it. So again, you’ve got to take it seriously.

When I tell you to read the book 10 to 15 times, don’t cherry picking videos and yet you’re doing it anyways and you’re struggling, and this is a really easy situation to handle. Let her do all the reaching out. Just make dates, arrange get togethers. And even when you go back. “Hey, if you want to come visit, I’d love to see you.” Don’t call, don’t text. I wouldn’t get into texting and talking all throughout the day like you have been. Again, that’s another rule in the book that you’re violating because you’re not together.

And the more you talk and text in the phone, the less you’re going to see each other in person. And what women do is they will keep you talking and texting on the phone so they get a good feeling of comfort that, well, you’ll always be there if it doesn’t work out with the other guy they’re talking to or guys. So you basically become a backup plan, and then as soon as she finds someone else, she’ll fade away and you’ll not hear from her at all.

So if you don’t correct your behavior, you’re going to get rejected and you’re going to get your heart broken. But all I can do is suggest, if you want to do it your way and try to reinvent the wheel. Good luck with that. But again, I’ve been teaching this for 20 years. I know what works and you can either implement it, or you can try to cherry pick and keep struggling along and messing things up unnecessarily.

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