How Needy & Neurotic Behavior Ruins Attraction & Respect

How needy & neurotic behavior ruins attraction & respect to avoid rejection.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who’s new to my work. He has a history with acting needy and neurotic when he doesn’t hear back from women quickly enough. He’s 25 and was dating an 18 year old. He now realizes after reading my book what a turnoff his behavior was that led to him getting dumped. He wonders if she will ever come back. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “How Needy & Neurotic Behavior Ruins Attraction & Respect”.

Well, this email looks like it’s from a viewer who’s new to my work, and he’s recently just gone through 3% Man for the first time. And if you’re new here, you can read it for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the Email Newsletter and it’ll open up right in your web browser so you can try before you buy.

So once this guy went through it, he realized, “Man, what a mess.” And a lot of guys have that effect. That’s why they come to me in the first place, because they’re dating a girl they thought was going to be their future ex wife or girlfriend, and all of a sudden they get friend zoned or there’s no chemistry, there’s no spark.

And so what this guy was doing, he’s needy, he’s neurotic. And when he wouldn’t hear back from a woman at a time like he would text her there in the middle of a text exchange, and all of a sudden she just stops replying. And then an hour or two later, she re-engages guys that don’t know any better. They blow their top when they see that.

And that’s often why women will do that is to separate the men from the boys, the guys who have their shit together, from the guys that are a Jack-In-The-Box emotionally, and are easily emotionally hijacked and triggered. So it’s important, one of the concepts I talk about in the book is that dating is like tennis. You hit the ball over the net and you’ve got to wait for her to hit it back.

If he texts her and she doesn’t text back, or you call her and she doesn’t call back right away, go play with somebody else. Wait for her to return the call or the text. And then when she does, don’t be mad, don’t be upset. Just pick up where you left off. She’s either doing it on purpose, or especially if she waits 24 hours it usually means her interest is low.

And if you blow your top, then she probably just will stop replying altogether. Women with high interest will reply quickly. But especially in the beginning stages, you’ll see some of this what appears to be kind of hot and cold behavior, And the average woman, especially if you’re dating a lot of girls that are on dating apps. They have a lot of guys that they’re talking to.

And so they may be hot for you one day, but a couple days later they go out and Chad Thunder Cock and they get really into him and then they put you in the back burner. And then Chad Thunder Cock just moves on because he’s not looking to stick around. He’s looking to hit it and quit it. So that’s just the experience.

And you’ve got to understand what is going on and how attraction works. Because when you act needy and neurotic, you have to understand masculinity is calm, femininity is chaos. So when you get needy and neurotic and you get upset, you’re basically acting like a chick, which is an incredible turnoff.

So this guy is 25, he was dating an 18 year old, and now he realizes, obviously after reading the book, what a turnoff his behavior was. So he turned this girl off, chased her out of his life, and he’s wondering what the chances are she’ll potentially come back.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

I’m 25 and was exclusive with an 18-year-old woman I met online for about three months. The first few weeks went well, but around weeks three to four my needy and desperate behavior surfaced.

So what happened was you really started caring. There was a lot of downside risk because obviously you’ve seen this happen many times. You get 3 or 4 weeks down the road and then things start going sideways. And I’ve talked about this with the girls on the podcast and on the live streams. You know, they’ll start dating a guy in the first couple of weeks. They’re really into him. And they’re like, “This guy’s great.”

And then as soon as the guy really starts caring, he becomes needy. He becomes desperate, he gets upset easily, they’ll go from being really into the guy to being turned off pretty quickly. And so that’s about where the average guy just starts losing his shit. Which is 3 to 4 weeks in the courtship. And that’s what most guys will experience that don’t know any better. Her interest is going up and all of a sudden it just goes down, and then they dip on them.

I have a pattern of this, with three past relationships ending for the same reason.

Well, if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll continue to get what you’ve always got. And so what happens is their behavior changes when they really start to care.

During this relationship, I impulsively broke up with her and got back together three times because of slow communication, which I now see damaged attraction.

Yeah, so in other words, if she didn’t text or call back in a certain period of time, he’d blow his top and just break it off. Because deep down, he’s assuming she’s going to blow him off. So he figures I’ll blow her off first. And then what happens is she finally does reach out and is like, “What the hell?” And he realized, “Oh shit, I was wrong again.”

And then he tries to patch it up, but each time he does it, it just gets worse and worse because she continues to lose respect because she feels like she’s always walking on eggshells. This is where it’s important to understand the Thích Nhất Hạnh quote, “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”

And the needy, neurotic guy doesn’t do that. He doesn’t create enough space and time away from him for the girl to wonder and to miss him, and for her feelings to develop. Because he basically is always chasing and getting freaked out over the distance.

And so she never falls in love. She never mostly bonds with him. And the more he does this, the more it turns her off. And because she feels like she can’t be herself, that’s usually what a lot of these women will say.

After the third reconciliation, her excitement dropped noticeably. After three dates, I didn’t see her for about three weeks. She became colder, distant, and canceled three dates—two were rescheduled, but the third was canceled last minute without rescheduling. She said she preferred staying home and didn’t feel like going out.

And what that really means is, “Yeah, I don’t really want to see you. You dried me up.”

I told her it was fine and to let me know when she wanted to see me, but internally I sensed a breakup coming.

Yeah, because he’d been through it before. And eventually, with the average guy, this happens enough that eventually that’s what causes them to go to YouTube or Google and search, and then they eventually come across my work.

About 24 hours later, she ended things, saying she couldn’t put in the effort she felt I wanted, thought I might like another girl, and said she just wanted me to be happy.

Yeah, because what she realized was, “No matter what I do, the guy gets upset at me, so I can’t make him happy. Let him just go find somebody else that’ll put up with that neediness and the neuroticism.”

She ended it calmly and lovingly, said she loved me, and wished me the best. I stated what I wanted and told her to reach out if she changed her mind. I believe the real reason for the breakup was my needy behavior and frequent picking fights, though she didn’t say that directly.

Yeah, she didn’t need to. Because you’re picking fights over her lack of response or lack of a timely response. Because once you understand women are like cats, this doesn’t really bother you anymore. You just let them be, and you just go, well, this is just the process that women have to go through. They have to go through being with you, getting very familiar with you, kind of going off and being present with their feelings and thoughts.

And your inaction is what’s really attractive. The fact that you don’t chase, you don’t reach out, you don’t freak out about it. You’re just very stoic, very relaxed. And that’s why the once a week dating rule. In other words, you reach out once per week to make a date in the beginning causes her interest to go up, and then she starts calling and texting you, and then you just make dates.

It makes it really easy, and it makes it easy for you to go at her pace and also go slightly slower than she is. Because then what happens is she feels like she’s more into you than you are into her. And so she’ll work harder to try to convince you to be with her, which is what you want. Which is women are designed to be this way anyways.

After the breakup, I started reading 3% Man and realized how many mistakes I made, which was awakening and emotional for me.

Yeah, because when that happens, you look back and you just think about all the relationships and the girls you were dating where it went sideways and you go, “Ah.” And the light bulbs go off, you connect the dots, and then you realize the women were telling you all along what you were doing, but you just didn’t understand it because they were speaking from an emotional place and not using logic and reason.

Women care about how they feel about you, not what a great dude you are. And if you behave needy and neurotic, you will turn them off and you will dry them up and in essence, chase them right out of your life, which is what this guy did. He just blew up after one too many times and she finally had enough.

We still follow each other on Instagram; she liked one of my stories, but I’ve muted her posts and stories and haven’t engaged.

That’s what you should be doing. So you should be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back the Article and Video that I did many years ago.

I’ve been in no contact for about two weeks. My questions are, what are the realistic odds she reaches out again?

Flip a coin. It could go either way.

And am I handling no contact correctly given the damage I caused?

Best regards,

Bob

Yes, she ended it. So in other words, if she ended it, she’s got to fix it. And so what you’re doing, the reason why you go No Contact is because the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it most importantly. You wanted to stay together, she didn’t. She said go find somebody else. You said, “Okay”, but you left the door open saying, “Hey, hit me up if you change your mind.”

And so now she gets to experience what life is like without you. She’ll probably start going out on dates if she isn’t already, and then maybe in a few weeks or a few months after she goes out on a few dates, or if things go sideways, or she goes out with a few guys that are just total douchebags and she thinks, “What about Bob? I haven’t heard from him. Maybe I was too harsh with him. He was better than the most recent guys I’ve seen.”

And then she’ll typically reach out and go, “Hey, how you been?” Or she’ll send you a meme or something that reminded you of her. She’s not going to ask you out, but if she does reach out and break No Contact, you assume she had enough of life without you, and she probably wants to see you again. And that’s why you invite her over to make dinner at your place in the evening. You don’t go to coffee, you don’t do lunches.

You don’t meet her on neutral ground. You don’t go out on group dates with your mutual friends. She has to come to your house to make dinner in the evening, or you withdraw the offer. And obviously, that’s all laid out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. So it makes it really simple. But you know, again, what are the chances she comes back? Flip a coin, it could go either way.

If she met somebody else already and he’s doing real well, and his game is tight that might be the end. You might never hear from her. You might hear from her in a few weeks or a few months. Maybe a few years even. It happens. Sometimes seven, ten years later, girls reach back out and they think about the past and they go, “Well, you know, I judged that guy a little too harshly. I haven’t met anybody that was as kind and as attentive as his him. Even though he acted like a needy, neurotic beta male, it’s still possible.”

So I would do nothing. The most important thing is reading the book, filling in your knowledge gap, getting to know it backwards and forwards. And if she comes over and you hook up all three dates in a row, meaning she has to do all the calling, texting and pursuing from here on out. Because again, she screwed it up. And the only way you can fix anything is if she’s willing to fix. And the only way you know she’s willing to fix is she reaches out to you.

Because if you keep pursuing a woman who is rejected you or stuck you in friend zone, it shows that you’re okay with being friends and it makes you look weak and pathetic when you keep hanging out with her, hoping that she’s going to change her mind. Because a self-respecting man of value is just simply not going to do that.

If a woman tells him the relationship is over, she’s only interested in friendship, no sex and romance. He’s not going to try to change your mind. He is not going to beg. He ain’t going to plead. He is not seeking her validation or attention because that’s feminine, and he acts like a man. So he’s just simply going to vote with his feet and go hang out with women who are excited to hang out and have fun and hook up with him. Makes it really simple that way.

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