How to attract the kind of women you’ve always wanted without trying.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an updated email success story from a fifty-three year old guy who got divorced about ten years ago, then knocked up a woman half his age and swore off women all together. I discussed an email of his in a previous video coaching newsletter titled, “Flakey Ex-Girlfriend,” and he sends an update to let up know how things have changed since his last email.
He details how he attracted his current girlfriend without trying, and how he used what he learned from me to keep things easy, effortless and her pursuing him. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
What’s interesting is I did an email last year called “Flakey Ex-Girlfriend” with him. He was one of the three emails that I went through, the last one. And at the time, he had just come across my work because of a divorce that he had. And then after his divorce, he ended up knocking up a girl that was half his age. He’s like, “That’s it, I’ve sworn off women all together. I’m not going to date, I want nothing to do with it,” and it obviously led to a series of events. And just because he didn’t want to date anybody after his experiences, he was giving off the perfect vibe of indifference.
He’s a pool player. He’s been playing pool for like thirty-four years. That’s where he likes to hang out, his friends are there. And so, this particular woman he met at the pool hall, she’s beautiful and pretty much every guy in there has been trying to date her for years, but she chose him. And what I like about this email, obviously it’s an update because he’s continued to study the work, but now he’s ten, eleven months, close to a year, down the road since finding my work, and he’s done a really good job of maintaining the relationship. Because it’s not about getting laid and hooking up. You want to be able to maintain it beyond that, especially when you’re with somebody you really like and you actually want to listen to and hang out with. And these two both love to shoot pool, so they obviously have a lot in common.
As I say all the time, and I’ve just done in countless phone sessions over the years, meeting women, at least for men, is a side effect of having a great life and a great lifestyle. If you’re a successful guy, an alpha type guy who goes for the things that he wants in life, you’re going to become successful. And if you work your ass off and you apply the things that I talk about in Mastering Yourself, all around self-reliance, as well as my first book, How To Be A 3% Man, you’re going to make yourself the most attractive man that you can be, and women will find you.
They will seek you out and they will come on to you and present themselves to you in just the normal course of living your life. You don’t really have to go looking for it. It just kind of presents itself, and you’re like, “Oh wow, look at her. She obviously likes me.” So, this email is a perfect example of how that works. Because the average guy, he’s not going clubbing, he’s not out trying to pick up women every night of the week. He’s just trying to live a great life and have a lot of fun. And in the process of doing that, he’s going to meet other like-minded guys to become friends with and obviously like-minded girls.
Remember, like attracts like. People that like the same things tend to like each other. And this guy is going to the pool hall just because he loves shooting pool, and as a side effect of shooting pool and kind of being like the mayor of the pool hall where everybody knows who he is, he set himself up in his little corner of the world as the alpha in his community. And so, what’s interesting is that this woman also relayed to him some of the comments that some of the other women were sharing, because they were obviously kind of jealous of the fact that she was getting so much more attention from him than the rest of them were. It’s just really a great email success story, and I’m sure you guys will like it.
Love your work. This is somewhat of an update to an email I sent you almost a year ago, “Flakey Ex-Girlfriend”. I’ve read your book a few times and watched lots of videos, but I was actually applying a lot of your principles accidentally prior to finding your YouTube channel. Here’s my story.
Well, remember, attraction is not a choice. And if you’re in relatively decent shape and you take care of yourself — because the reality is, especially in America, most people are obese now — you don’t have to be one of those big, huge, bulky guys. I’m not a big, huge, bulky guy that can barely get through the door and can’t walk like a normal person because I’m so roided out, but I look good. And you’re going to get noticed when you look good, because most people, they don’t look good.
And so, just by getting yourself in a relatively decent shape and wearing nice, tight fitting clothes, you’re already ahead of most of the guys that you’re going to be competing against. That helps level the playing field in your favor as much as anything does, and it’s the easiest thing we all can do to make ourselves more attractive.
I play pool. I’ve been playing pool for about 34 years, and I’m pretty good. At the pool hall/bar I hang out in, I’m one of if not the best pool player there.
So, he’s the top dog. He’s kind of like the guy in a famous rock and roll band. Everybody comes to see him, and all the groupie girls want to sleep with the lead singer and the other guys in the band.
Obviously, this means that the pool players that frequent this particular pool hall all have a lot of respect for me.
All the other men, all the other alphas, defer to him and respect him. The women that notice this, they know who the top dog is. Women are naturally most attracted to the most dominant guys. You don’t have to be rich. You can just be a guy, in this case, he’s the top dog in his little corner of the world.
This kind of makes me the alpha male in this particular location. The great thing about pool is that it is enjoyable for people of all ages, so there are all different age groups of women that hang out here. But, unfortunately, it’s mostly just dudes, so there’s actually a lot of competition for the few women that hang out there, LOL.
Well, that’s why it’s so powerful just going there and playing pool, not because you’re trying to meet girls, but because you want to go have fun with your friends. When you and your friends are having the best time and you’re focused on your little group and having a great time, and then you’ve got all of the rest of the dudes in the place throwing their dicks at the few women that are in there, the women are going to start to wonder why you guys are not really paying attention.
Because guys that aren’t paying attention, they’re either taken or they’re gay. And obviously in this case, they’re all heterosexual dudes. And so, therefore, they’re going to wonder, “What’s with these guys? Why don’t they pay any attention to us? How come they ever come up and try to buy us drinks?”
I am 53 years old. About 10 years ago, after a bad divorce and then getting a girl pregnant who was half my age, I decided to just swear off women for a while. I just didn’t really want to make any more bad choices with them, so I just cut them out of my life, so to speak.
He took a hiatus, a self-imposed pussy embargo.
There a few good looking women that hang out in the bar, and I could tell some of them had a little bit of interest in me, but I always just kind of acted indifferent. I wasn’t looking for a woman, after all. I would flirt some, if they flirted first, but beyond the casual flirting I wouldn’t take it any further. I certainly never asked any of them out. Like I said, I had really sworn off of women and decided that I was happy being alone. I was a card-carrying MGTOW member I guess you could say.
There is one woman in particular, a hot little 36-year-old cutie that every man in the bar wanted. She had a gorgeous body, good personality, and seemed to be a really good person.
There’s nothing like women who are really nice people. What a difference that makes in your life — women that bring in drama versus women who are easy-going, easy to get along with. I’ve been blessed. I wrote about a couple of them in my book. Man, the sassy, bitchy women, these days, you just don’t want to deal with that shit. And it’s nice to have a woman is just kind of always… she’s not too high, not too low, just pretty even keeled.
One of my best friends, he and his wife have been together almost thirty years. He says it all time, “The reason I married her is because she was nice to me.” She’s still nice to him, and she’s nice to everybody.
All the guys in the pool hall would constantly hit on her, throw out cheesy pickup lines, chase her around like little puppy dogs and buy her drinks. I did none of that. I noticed she seemed to put herself in my orbit a lot, and we would frequently shoot pool together.
Remember, attraction’s not a choice. She can’t help but be drawn to this guy.
And I would give her pointers, etc. We would flirt a little bit, but that’s as far as it went. This went on for four years, Lol.
So, he’s totally giving off a non-hungry vibe, not even trying, whereas every other guy is.
The last 6 months or so, I noticed she was being even more flirtatious than usual, and really giving me all of the signals. (I found out later that she had just broken up with her abusive boyfriend. He wasn’t anyone who hung out at the pool hall.)
So, that’s a bonus. You don’t have to deal with any kind of psycho exes or anything like that.
Again, I wasn’t interested in being with a woman to be honest, so I never asked her out. I would flirt and banter with her, and then I would go home with my roommates and tell them that “Jessica” really had the hots for me, and that I could probably have her if I wanted her. They would laugh at me. I’m 18 years older than her.
Age is just a number, and at the end of the day, she was interested in you.
Anyway, one night I had a couple too many to drink and I was sitting at a table with her after we had gotten done shooting some games of pool. I guess because I had a little buzz, she got up some courage and she said, “When are you going to get it over with and ask me out, damn it?” I smirked and said, “Probably never, but if you want to ask me out I’m right here.”
Because he already knows the answer to that. But it’s all part of the fun and games. As I’ve said, I love the movie “Charade” with Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn in the ’60s, because he does such a great job of that. She expresses interest, and then he kind of acts like he’s not interested, in a playful way that’s kind of obvious that he’s acting like he’s not interested. But that’s the whole point. Love is playful and fun.
She looked taken aback a bit but said, “Can we go to dinner together sometime?” I told her, “I have sworn off women, years ago, but I guess for you I can make an exception.”
I’ve never seen anyone smile so big. When she walked away, her ponytail bounced back and forth like a little schoolgirl, she was so happy.
Well, like I talk about in “How To Be A 3% Man,” masculine energy grows through challenge, and feminine energy grows through praise. So, she’s beaming, not because he praised her looks, but because he simply said “yes” to her. What did that do? It moved her completely into her feminine, just like a little schoolgirl in love for the first time.
Anyway, we’ve been dating about 10 months now, and everything is great. She told me the other day that the thing she liked most about me was that I didn’t act all try-hard or go out of my way to try to please her, and I was always just being myself.
So, another thing, I use these movies a lot, because they did such a good job of capturing the right vibe on screen, but in “It’s a Wonderful Life,” if you notice Violet, the blonde who all the guys in town are after and promising things to, she wanted George Bailey, even though Mary ended up with George Bailey. But George was a gentleman to everybody, even Violet, he even helped her out. Even though she presented herself and made it obvious that she liked him, he wasn’t interested.
And what I think is great about that movie is you see three or four dudes that are all dressed up in nice suits and hats, and they’re trying to do things for Violet, “Oh, can I buy you a drink? Let me take you here. Let me do this for you.” And so as I was reading this, like, all the other guys are hitting on her and he’s just not doing anything. He’s just being awesome, and it still worked. He did nothing. He’s just an awesome, attractive guy.
And so what happens? She has to take more and more risk. She makes more and more of an effort to get noticed, and she doesn’t have to do that with anybody else. You think, well, that doesn’t make any sense. You’ve got dozens of guys after her, but she goes after the guy that seemingly disinterested.
When I went to take her on that first date, I looked up first date ideas and I ran across your YouTube channel. As I learned more about your principles, I realized that I had been using them all along, if only by accident. My indifference allowed me to be myself, charming, not care about the outcome, not to put women on a pedestal, not to chase them around like a little puppy dog like all the other guys were doing.
And this is what I also like. Notice what she says about the other women in the bar. And this shows you the power that this guy had just by his presence and going and having fun playing pool. He’s like, “I’m not looking for chicks. I just want to have a good time.” And yet all the women were talking about him and noticing him, and it made him more attractive and desirable, and he wasn’t doing anything.
Now that we’ve been dating awhile, she tells me that there were other women in the bar that wanted me as well, and that she was lucky to have me.
Makes it pretty easy. Hang out, hook up.
She said that these girls would always come up to her after we got done playing and say, “I wish Bob would give me the attention he’s giving you.” She would say, “Well, he’s really not giving me as much attention as I want, but thanks.” The funny thing is, I never asked her to shoot pool with me, it was always her asking me to play.
When women like you, they help you. They put themselves in your orbit, and that’s what she did.
I generally like to play for money, not for fun, but if she saw me standing around not playing pool, she would ask me to shoot a few games with her.
Really hard, it’s really difficult.
Anyway, I managed to snag the best looking girl in the pool hall, the one that nobody else could snag, many of them after years of trying, and it’s simply because of the principles that you teach that I was actually applying accidentally.
Well, I wouldn’t look at it as you managed to snag the best looking girl. She managed to snag the top dog, alpha, from the pool hall. That’s what really happened here, bro. So good job.
When you don’t care about the outcome, it’s easy to be charming, not nervous, and of course, not to chase them. Your book and your videos have helped immensely in keeping her interested. I have a feeling I would have been a needy little bitch had I not found your work as soon as this relationship started.
Also, after reviewing your work I have decided that I’m not going to swear off women for the rest of my life like I thought I was going to.
Yeah, it’s like, when you get the fucking cheat codes, life is easy and effortless.
I’m just going to hang out, have fun and hook up. What a way to live.
P.S. Since she chased me for 4 years, I guess I can say that I have gotten even at least for some of the dudes out there that have been in the friend zone for years, Lol.
Well, again, I wouldn’t look at it as you were stuck in the friend zone. She was stuck in the friend zone. If you really take a step back, that’s what happened. She was in friend zone because, you know, your reasoning was you had just sworn off all women. But at the end of the day, she was in friend zone and she got herself out of friend zone by seducing you, my friend, because that’s the way it’s supposed to be.
So if you’ve got a challenge in your personal or your professional life and you’d like to get my help with it, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Men may pick the women that they want to date, but it is women who actually do the choosing. Women are naturally inclined to dress sexy and look intoxicatingly beautiful and irresistible so that the men they desire find it hard to resist them. That is why it’s best for men to get themselves into great shape, not just physically, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually to cause the most desirable women to inquire about and pursue them. Top tier men who have their lives together don’t have to go looking for women. Their lives and lifestyle naturally attract the best quality women to them effortlessly. Love is allowing, and therefore, it simply becomes a matter of saying yes when opportunities present themselves.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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