How to avoid a breakup and save a failing relationship, full of arguing and drama, so it becomes loving, playful and passionate.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a viewer who shares how he saved his 5-year relationship with his girlfriend that was full of arguing, drama and headed for a breakup. He realized his mistakes, started courting and communicating with her properly, and he says it’s like a whole new relationship.
She also became more feminine, submissive and wanted to wear more makeup and look hot for him again. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
I do a lot of phone sessions with guys that are in long-term relationships, whether they’re married or they’re with their girlfriend. This guy was in a 5-year relationship with his girlfriend. And as I often say, it’s usually two reasons when I’m talking to these guys – and this is assuming the woman is a normal, happy, healthy woman, not a fruit loop, a lunatic, a narcissist or somebody with personality disorders or anything like that.
With those kinds of women, when you apply what’s in the book, they don’t react too well to that. Their insecurities, their manipulations, their gaslighting, all that stuff comes out, and you’re like, “Whoa, what am I dealing with here?” So, it makes it easy to pre-screen the good ones from the bad ones. And if it’s salvageable, we have to assume that you’re dating a normal, healthy woman and she’ll respond properly to you being in your masculine and, therefore, she’ll shift into her feminine energy, which is what this guy’s girlfriend did.
Thank you, Corey, for saving my relationship,
I was having major issues in my 5-year relationships that I was consistently blaming on her.
We all tend to do that. We all tend to project, “It’s not my fault, it’s her fault. She’s the crazy one.” But if the guy cleans up his behavior and follows what’s in “3% Man,” takes personal responsibility for his own life, participates in his own rescue, as the late, great Don Shula used to say, “Strong men believe that blame themselves. Weak men blame others.”
A little back story, we started dating when I was 23 and she was 21 and moved in together within months. After several years, I was getting very angry and we fought almost daily. I started seeking therapy but also found your videos on YouTube around the same time. I have made it through 3% Man twice in the last 3 weeks and will continue to repeat it. You have helped me realize all the things I was doing wrong, and I began to correct them. First, I was not taking full responsibility and being a man.
I see the guys in the red pill community, the guys that are the avid followers of that say, “Oh, Coach, you teach guys to cater to women.” It’s like, you’re in a relationship. You go there to give, dudes. These guys think that just because you’re with somebody, they owe you certain behaviors or certain treatment, but it doesn’t matter how you show up. The woman’s just supposed to have sex with you 24/7, whenever you want it. You don’t really have to do anything for it, because you’re just awesome.
All it does, what I see from most of these guys, is it just enables their behavior. It enables them, just like this guy was doing, to say, “It’s not my fault, it’s her fault. She’s the crazy one. She’s the wacky one.” Now, there are wacky women out there, and I’ve done lots of video newsletters over the years where you could spot those traits, but from what I’ve seen here and based upon the results this guy’s gotten, it sounds like he’s got a normal, healthy woman. But again, I’m going off of what he’s shared here.
I immediately began to date my girlfriend again, work on myself, and rediscover my masculinity and drive.
Well, there’s a chapter in “3% Man” called “The Courtship Never Ends.” The two things that guys do in long-term relationships, either they stop dating and courting her, because they figure, “Hey, we’re in a relationship, it’s a different thing now.” And number two, they don’t communicate with her properly, so she doesn’t feel heard and understood.
When a woman feels heard and understood, the legs open, and when she doesn’t, the legs close. That’s just the way it is. The guys in the red pill community, they say that’s catering to women. It’s like, those guys are never going to have a happy relationship if they can’t understand women, and communicate with them, and get them to open up and feel safe and comfortable trusting their masculine core.
I stopped complaining about our relationship or sex life and just started putting work in. I made reservations for a nice restaurant one night and just told her to be ready when I got home from work and wearing something nice. I opened doors for her and pulled out her chair.
In other words, he was acting like a gentleman treats a lady.
Our waitress thought that we were on a first date because my girl was so giddy and nervous.
Notice how he takes the direction. He acts like a man, and this woman he’s been with for five years, she’s acting girly, nervous, unsure of herself, giddy.
So, I turned it into an inside joke and kept the “first date” joke running all night. I have been doing similar surprises recently…
Remember, love is playful and fun.
…and always switching it up, (we are very active so I have a lot of options). Several days into working on finding my masculine center my girlfriend stated, “I want to wear more make up again and find my feminine side.”
Why? Why would she say that? Because she feels safe. Because the man of the household has finally returned home to his queen. And so, now she can relax and really get into her feminine energy, which is her natural essence.
I could hear you in the back of my mind saying, “I wonder why?” sarcastically, because we really know exactly why she said that.
Yeah, you treat her right, she’ll treat you right. Love is about giving, after all. You don’t get participation trophies in a relationship. That’s why the guys in the red pill community think they’re entitled to a participation trophy. It’s like, nope, that’s not how it works.
Best of all, I never told her I was going to be more masculine. She could just feel it and followed my lead.
Yeah, because masculine energy naturally provides a blanket of safety for feminine energy to blossom. It’s like you’re providing the green house for her garden.
Now, I ask the right questions at the right time and let her lead most of the conversation, while I lead most of the activities.
Well, typically, I think women say about 8,000 words a day, and guys tend to say around 2,000. So, women are natural talkers. They solve their problems by talking about them, and you facilitate them talking without trying to solve the problems, unless they want advice from you. And this is addressed in “3% Man,” also in the video that I did years ago called “How to Communicate with Women Effectively.”
She is showing me how happy she is when I give without expecting.
Well, that’s what love is. Love is about giving. Everybody that’s got kids, it’s like, you’re always giving to them. Giving, giving, giving, giving of yourself, your time, your money, your assets, your resources, your heart, your soul, everything you put into your children.
We are screwing like rabbits and are both happy as hell. Not only has my relationships improved, so have my social skills and my desire to be a better me.
There’s nothing that will make a man feel alive on the inside like a having a great woman that he’s able to light up consistently. Because if you’ve got a great girl that you love and you adore, and she loves and adores you back, you feel like king of the world. You feel like you could do anything.
I am going to the gym again, working harder, and even improved in skateboarding significantly because of my boost in confidence. The naysayers who don’t think you know what you are talking about in long term relationships really are just too lazy to put in the work, because within days I noticed a change, and within weeks it feels like a whole new relationship.
Well, for those of you who haven’t read “3% Man,” you can read it for free right now. Just go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, put your name and your email address and the email signup box, and as soon as you hit the little blue submit button, you’ll be able to read “3% Man” along with “Mastering Yourself” and “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations – Volume I.”
Actually, the second one just came out recently. “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations – Volume II” is now out. You can read my work for free and learn the information, and like I said, you can see it instantly. You can start applying it right now. As soon as you start reading and learning, apply it. Even if you think I’m full of shit, if you apply the things I teach, they will work for you.
I could go on and on about how right you are, but I think I’m getting close to 500 words.
I am truly grateful for your lessons,
Well, you know what, thanks for being a great student and sharing your great success story. And congratulations to you and your queen and the fact that you have a completely new relationship, new and improved. Because not only are you impacting each other’s lives, and hopefully, eventually the lives of your children that you guys may have together, but everybody that gets the gift of knowing you guys and seeing and watching the two of you interact.
So, if you’ve got a question or challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur