How To Avoid Becoming “The Other Woman”

Jul 27, 2011 by Coach Corey Wayne

Photo by iStock.com/Juanmonino
Why do men who are married or who are in committed relationships cheat or have girlfriends on the side? Men who are unfaithful are unfaithful for a multitude of reasons. 99.9% of the time it involves the man deceiving his woman and in most cases, his mistress as well.

In a very small percentage of these cases and usually due to an arranged marriage, the husband strays with his wife’s full knowledge and support. They stay together because it’s culturally unacceptable to divorce, but they allow one another to seek their own fulfillment outside of the marriage.

Women who become “the other woman” stay with men who are still with another woman because she believes or has hope that he eventually will leave his wife or girlfriend. In time, as the months and sometimes years drag on, she starts to contemplate the reality that he probably is not going to leave his wife or girlfriend. Then she is faced with having invested so many of her months/years of her life in a relationship with a man who is simply too weak or too dishonest to leave his wife or girlfriend.

She loves what they have together, but staying together means being the other woman. Most women would naturally want to have him all to themselves. But if she knows he will never leave her, she either must accept this, or end it and go it alone until she finds someone new.

If you or someone you know is starting to become involved with a man who is married or generally taken, the smartest thing to do is to put your foot down, stand up for yourself and tell him to give you a call once he finally divorces his wife or leaves his girlfriend. If you’re a woman and you start dating a man who is married or in a relationship, you are training him and enabling him to have his cake and eat it too. If you continue to see him once you know he’s in a committed relationship with someone else, the likelihood that he leaves her for you exclusively plummets. Why? He’s got you, and he’s got her. If you leave him, he still has her. It will be harder for you to get over him, then it will be for him to get over you.

This is an e-mail I got from a twitter follower. She is involved with a man who already has a girlfriend. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of her e-mail:

Hi Coach Corey

I follow you on Twitter and I want to ask you something that has confused me for a while. Jeff is in a long distance relationship with Sue but they hardly talk. He then meets Pearl and falls for her. They go on dates, talk business, spend time together, he calls her all the time, they visit and open up to each other… but then when Pearl thinks its wrong he agrees and says that because he respects her he will never lead her on, and that if he were to break up with Sue it would be entirely out of choice and not coz of her couz he would not want her to get the wrong impression. I have 2 questions

1) Is he just holding onto his girl because he knows he will never leave her (its possible. He may be too weak to leave her. He keeps her as a security blanket so he does not risk going it alone).
2) Why would he give Pearl so much attention and treat her like she is his girlfriend if he already has one? (his girlfriend is obviously not fulfilling his needs) Is it to fill the loneliness? (Some guys are just weak. Most relationships suck, but usually one or both people don’t have the guts to leave as I discuss in this article).
3) Why do men do that in the first place (they are too weak to leave and the woman who they are cheating with, puts up with his duplicity which enables and encourages his bad behavior) and why do you think women allow this? (He is a challenge. She thinks she will be able to convince him over time to dump his wife/girlfriend). Do you think it is out of loneliness? (people want to be happy and fulfilled. Most are simply too weak to do the honorable thing).

I truly want to understand the psychology behind the things that men do, especially things like that because its wrong and I do not understand how you can like two people at the same time (its not all his fault. You have enabled his behavior, but you don’t have to tolerate it. You can simply leave and tell him to get in touch with you once he resolves/ends the relationship with his girlfriend). I have heard of stories where people who have been happily married met under those circumstances but realistically what do you think? (it does happen, but it does not happen that often).

Thanks so much for reading this, I await your response and great work by the way!

Regards,

Kim

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Published on July 27, 2011

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Well I’ve never been in that situation but if I was I would tell the guy to break up with his wife or girlfriend or leave me alone because I don’t think I’d be friends with a guy that’s married much less a guy that I had a crush on that had a girlfriend

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