How To Avoid Chasing Women Away So They Chase You Instead

How to avoid chasing women out of your life so they chase you instead.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is new to my work. He got dumped by his girlfriend of 5 months because he was pressuring her to advance the relationship faster than she was ready for along with a lot of other little mistakes most guys make that chase women away. He’s in no contact and wonders if she will come back. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “How To Avoid Chasing Women Away So They Chase You Instead”.

Well, this particular email is from a viewer who’s got the opposite problem. He chased his girlfriend of five years out of his life because he was pressuring her basically to advance the relationship. He was all focused on his feelings and his interest in her, and wasn’t really paying attention to the fact her interest was lower. And so therefore he wasn’t allowing her to come to him at her pace.

And eventually she bounced on him. And so now he’s in No Contact and he wonders if she will come back. So he’s new to my work and he’s only about, he says about halfway through 3% Man so far, and I’d say he’s probably in the same boat as most of the guys that come to me. They were in a relationship or they were dating a girl and they were really into it.

The girl seemed to be into it at first and then she starts backing away. They don’t really notice it, of course, until it’s too late. So he’s trying to course correct in the middle of, or I should say, after the fact that he’s been dumped. So he wants to know, like most guys do in this situation, what are the chances she’s actually going to come back?

Viewer Email:

Morning Corey,

I have recently started about halfway through your book. I plan to continue studying and being a good student. I can tell you that listening and reflecting on my prior relationship as it relates to your book that I have messed up. I was introduced to my ex through a mutual friend, a female, so I was already passing the safety test.

In other words, he had social proof. Because he was introduced by another woman. And so it’s like the drawbridge is open and all you got to do is walk through.

My courtship skills have never lacked heavily and I related heavily to your book. We were long distance but one week a month I was always in town.

Well that’s what makes things hard, is if you’re going to date long distance, if you’re going to date long term, eventually somebody’s going to have to move. And typically the guy should only move if moving to where she is is a better place, better upgrade. In other words, he likes the area better than where he lives now. And as far as his mission and purpose go, there is a better job or better employment opportunities. Every time I’ve seen a guy move for a girl, not because he wanted to live in the area, but he was doing it to please her.

Usually by the time he gets there, within a few weeks she dumps him. And this is after he’s uprooted his life. He sold his house. He sold his investment properties. He’s sold a lot of his possessions because he doesn’t want to move everything across town or sometimes across countries. He gets there, and after a year, year and a half. Because especially in the corporate world, it’s not like you just flip a switch and go, hey, I want to move to this country because that’s where my girlfriend is. And so it takes like a year, year and a half, sometimes two years.

So you can imagine going through all of that and then moving somewhere, uprooting your life. And you get there and the girl’s like, “eh, yeah, I’m going to date somebody else.” I’ve had cases where guys get there, they get dumped within two weeks of uprooting their life, and then they find out she’s already sleeping with another guy in the office, and they’re thinking, what the hell? So these are things you got to consider if you’re going to date long distance. It can be great for if it’s just short term, but longer term, somebody’s going to have to move eventually. And it usually should be the woman.

My issues came up when I let my emotions run wild as she was a gorgeous woman who was all about me.

So in other words, he got kind of dopey. He got drunk on his feelings. He probably talked about how much he liked her and loved her and saw a future together and all those things. So he basically drooled all over her. And as I talk about in the book, when we don’t care about how you feel about them, what’s most important is how they feel about you. And when a guy talks about his feelings and how much he loves a girl or likes her or whatever, it has no effect on her attraction towards him. So masculinity is calm. Feminine energy is chaos.

And so, as he said, he let his emotions run wild. So in other words, he became like a chaotic, overly emotional woman, which is the exact opposite of masculinity. So from that perspective, it’s going to ruin the sexual polarity. He’s basically acting like another girl. So he starts out strong, but when he gets dopey and drunk on his feelings, he acts like an overly emotional woman, which is a total turnoff.

I was strong at the beginning. I never lost my purpose or let her consume me but I would talk about the future with her and told her I loved her first.

Well, something else from the book. The more you talk about your future with a woman, because usually the guys talking about their future together and the woman is just going along with it, she’s not the one bringing it up. And the more you talk about your future together, and the less she does, the more than likely than not, you’re not going to have a future with her.

I was overwhelming to her but she was very passive.

So if a woman says she feels overwhelmed, which she’s really saying is, “I can’t believe how fast you are going in the courtship.” You need to pump the brakes. In other words, she knows that he’s way more into her than she is into him. And the reality is, women like it better if it’s the other way around. Women like it better, even though they may protest and say the opposite. They like it much better if they think they’re way more into you than you are into them.

Because then you’re a challenge and they have to work to get your attention, but if you’re dopey and you’re drooling all over them and kissing their ass, treating them like a celebrity pedestalizing the girl, she’s gonna eventually treat you like a fan. If she treats you like a fan you’re no longer an equal or a man that she can admire, respect, and look up to.

We had a 5 month relationship. I did some begging, gave her 2 weeks after the breakup and told her the balls in her court and I am starting to learn, studying from you. After this I am now on another two weeks of no contact course and I will not be reaching out thanks to your 7 principals to get an ex back.

So the reason why 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back lays out you go No Contact is because he got dumped. He probably didn’t see it coming like most guys. And so he went and begged and pleaded and probably talked about how great they were together, how compatible they were, and how much fun they had, and all the stuff about the future and begging and pleading for her time and her attention. Because again, you see that in the movies, but in the real world, she’s dumping him because her interest is low. And then when you don’t disengage and you keep pursuing, you keep over pursuing. In this case, which is what he was also doing that while they were dating, he, in essence chased her out of his life.

And you don’t try to keep somebody who doesn’t want to keep you. If a girl is dumping you because her attraction, her respect and her interest are gone, the longer you stick around, the more you firmly cement yourself in friend zone, or as a backup while she goes and dates and sleeps with other guys. And the self-respecting thing to do is you lay it out what you want. If she’s still adamant that she wants to break up, then that’s it. You’re pursuits over forever. You’re not going to beg and plead and try to change your mind. You’re like, well, if you ever change your mind, hit me up. And if I’m still single, we can go on a date. And that’s all I can promise. And then after that, that No Contact means No Contact.

It means you don’t go, No Contact for two weeks and then reengage pursuing her because you got dumped because you over pursued. So it makes zero sense. And it’s counterproductive to stop pursuing for two weeks and then pick back up your pursuit. Because, again, the problem was you already chased her out of your life. And so no self-respecting, self-loving man is going to stick around while he’s a backup plan or stuck in friend zone. He’s just going to move on with his life and look for a woman who shares his goals and values and chalk it up to experience and charge one to the game. So in other words, unless she reaches out, you guys will never speak as long as you live.

I am naturally confident, in good shape, have a solid managerial career in insurance, I simply lost my masculine energy with her as time went on.

It’s not that you lost it. You stopped displaying it. What happened was you started cooing like a dove. And you got dopey, and you were drunk on your feelings and your interest in her, and you weren’t looking or paying attention to her feelings and low interest in you until obviously, it was too late. And again, we’ve all been there. Most of the guys watching this can relate. We’ve all done it. The key is to stop doing it because it’s unattractive. Acting like a woman is unattractive. It ruins the sexual polarity.

I was giving too much of my time while I was there and talking too much outside of being physically with her though she was all about it. I was buying her a lot of stuff towards the end out of the goodness of my heart.

Yeah, so he was probably buying her things, and it comes off as a bribe for sex in a relationship, and probably completely ignoring the fact she didn’t buy him anything.

I was simply applying too much pressure and I worry my shot is gone. I appreciate you taking the time to write this book. I was needy, not coming from a place of strength, and was very open to her. We had a good connection in the earlier months but I know a woman is guided by her emotions. Thanks for reading.

Bob

Well, all you can do now is stick to what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, be reading the book because the idea is you should be getting better while she’s out of your life. So if she does happen to reach out in the weeks and months in the future, when that happens, you want her to find a more confident, a cockier guy who has more swagger and confidence and competence than the last time she spoke, because that’s going to be confusing to her. That’s going to cause our interest to go up and you’ll be a challenge to her.

And especially if you’ve got a couple of other girls that you’re dating by then, then you’re not going to be so overly eager to go back to chasing her and begging and pleading with her to give you attention. You’ll let her do all the reaching out, and you’ll just simply make dates in the evening at your place to make dinner. And if she comes over three dates in a row, and you hook up all three times, and after that, again you got to let her do all the reaching out going forward because she fucked it up.

She ended the relationship unilaterally. And so therefore she’s got to fix it. So she has to earn another chance with you, not the other way around. You wanted to stay together. You wanted to beg and plead. And she said, pound sand, dude, hit the bricks. So when you go, No Contact and she goes out, maybe on a few bad dates, or she was hoping the guy that she had met things would work out with him and then they don’t. Then she starts thinking about you. Maybe she hears through the grapevine that you’re doing well and life is great and. Oh, wow, did you see the beautiful girl he was out with last week. That all has a positive effect on her interest.

And if she reaches back out, then you just invite her over to make dinner at your place, hang out, have fun, hook up. When she leaves say, “call me later” and she’s got to do all the reaching out. She’s got to do all the pursuing. That way she comes back at her pace she falls in love at her pace. And when she falls back in love, then that’s when she’s going to bring up getting back together. And if there were things that happened last time, maybe you weren’t good at; you never said any healthy boundaries.

There was some behavior you didn’t like or things you want her to cut out, was part of the terms for you agreeing to be exclusive with her again, whatever those things are, you lay them out and say, “these are the boundaries and you need to respect these in order for me to feel comfortable giving you another chance.” Because if she’s not willing to respect them, then you’re not going to give her another chance. So this way, if she’s having to earn another chance with you she’s gonna treat you a hell of a lot better versus you begging and pleading.

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