How to have an easy and effortless relationship, free of unnecessary drama.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a viewer that is 9 years in the making. He originally found my work when he was broke and his ex-girlfriend walked away and never came back.
Since then, he has changed countries, excelled in his career and is about to have his first child with his wife. He shares how he keeps his relationship drama free. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
His career is doing well and everything is going great in this particular guy’s life, so it’s a good success story of what happens when you come out on the other side. And like a lot of guys when they first find me, it’s usually when a breakup is happening, or has happened, or is about to happen. And so, we’ve got nine years of history here of him applying what’s in 3% Man successfully, and he includes some examples in his own relationship.
As I talk about in 3% Man, women tend to take little things and they blow them up and do these big ordeals, and it’s your job as a man to kind of shrink it down and just handle things. But there’s an art to doing that, and the key is to not get hurt, not to let it get under your skin, to understand what’s going on, and to be able to open up your woman, to get her to talk about what she’s thinking and feeling, so you can resolve things in an effortless, easy and drama free manner.
I began reading your book, How to Be a 3% Man, 9 years ago when things went really bad, when the so called love of my life walked away and never came back. I was in a bad spot, but the one thing I told myself was, “you’re going to be okay. Figure out what YOU can do about this, sit with your pain and it will pass.” I was drawn to your YouTube videos, and I was so broke at the time I didn’t have a credit card, so I read your PDF book from your site the first 5 times, until I could get my own copy.
Well, you probably see the free ebooks on my website, and that means you can read a digital version of “3% Man,” the ebook that he’s referencing, on my website. Plus, you can read “Mastering Yourself,” a book about self reliance and how to discover your purpose and reach your full potential. Plus, you can read my first quotes, book “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations,” on there also, which ties all of the concepts from both books.
Because I know there’s people in the world that might not have a credit card, or don’t have access to it, or just simply can’t afford to buy the book, and I’d rather them get the help, because at some point in the future, they’ll be in a better place and they’ll either refer their friends and family to me. Or, they’ll throw a donation my way or be able to get a physical copy, or an Audible audiobook copy when they can afford it. I’d rather the people get the help and turn their lives around, and later on they can pay it forward.
It wasn’t easy for me because I wasn’t all that patient at the time.
There are no shortcuts to success, and I see guys sometimes give me grief about, “I was going to read your book 10 to 15 times,” but if you really want to learn it, if you really want to undo the negative programming that society has programmed us all to believe – especially when it comes to male/female relationships, masculine and feminine relationships – you’ve got to undo that programming, so you can display your most attractive self to attract the person in your life that you want to attract and keep them there, which is the important thing. You want to attract and keep people, especially the good ones.
What happened was I wound up moving from Hong Kong back to Canada where I grew up, starting over again and becoming a stunt man and an actor. It was also a not so easy transition, however, nothing anyone does for the first time is easy, nor do you grow if you don’t humble yourself to the process. Of course, the story ends well, Lol. I kept reading your book over and over, dating and instead of getting upset over girls, ghosting me, etc., or saying no, or whatever, I began to look at these women as if they were gifts.
They are. Everybody that you meet in life has a gift for you, and you have a gift for them.
What I mean by that is they gave me the gift of time to look for the girl I wanted; the kind of girl that made it easy for me, the kind of girl that wanted to be aware of her own emotions, in touch with what she wanted from a man, and be the kind hearted, loving woman I always dreamt of.
In my youth, I used to think a great relationship was one that had passion, meaning great sex all the time. What I realized was that back then, I used to fool myself into calling my mindset ‘abundance’, when I was getting myself further away from my goal, which was simple, ‘being a loving husband and a father.’ It took me a while to remove the barriers I had built for myself, until I got where I’m at now, still being an actor and stunt man, but now I’m married, and my wife and I are expecting our first child.
I’m calm and quietly excited to meet my son, and I felt like saying thank you, Corey, for having the book available for me to read. So far, I’ve read it 25 times, on my own, because that book with your videos is easy if you put your head down, read, ‘mess up’ and then keep on going. I put ‘mess up’ in quotes because, while it could be failure, it’s an opportunity to learn regardless of a mistake I made. At the end of the day, I found a beautiful woman who is insanely hot, but she’s more beautiful inside than she is to look at.
The other thing you’ve got to keep in mind about making mistakes and failure is that you’re going to learn more from failure than you are success. Success is not a good teacher. Success actually kind of makes us soft and lazy, as the saying goes. Good times create weak men. Weak men create bad times. Bad times create strong men. Strong men create good times.
So, from where I stand, I scored big time, Lol. High five brother. I am deeply grateful that you sparked a powerful fire inside me to grow, because I realized after reading your book 10 times…
Well, remember, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
…that this was not a destination, but a path of consistent growth. So, I read all the time now, from John Maxwell, Simon Sinek, etc., and the coolest part about literally everything in life is your success in anything relies on relationships, period.
True. That’s why my website is UnderstandingRelationships.com, because not only do you have a relationship with yourself and your significant other, but every other person in the world. You have relationships with your customers, your neighbors, people you’re going to encounter in society, and you’ve got to learn what makes people tick, why they do what they do. Because most people just simply aren’t willing to learn these things.
If you’re willing to learn the stuff that’s in my books, “3% Man,” and “Mastering Yourself,” and apply them, you’re going to have a set of personal skills, and life skills, and cheat codes of life that most people are just too lazy to do anything about. And that’s why you’ll be able to write great success stories, like this guy does.
To do anything great, you need people.
Well, one of the other things on my website, it says “Life is Relationships,” because it is. It’s all about your relationships.
You need a team, a group, friends to make any experience extraordinary and memorable and making that experience worth revisiting with others.
Yeah, the older you get, obviously me being 52 now, you really appreciate the good times that you’ve had throughout your life and all the memories that you’ve accumulated, because that’s what you look back on. I mean, this first 52 years of my life, I’ve got a lot of great memories, and I’m looking forward to continuing to make lots of great new ones in the future.
I used your rule of ‘No Drama’ in December, at the beginning of my wife’s pregnancy, when she got upset with me and told me she was going to leave me because she was upset with me.
Remember, this is the part where women go, “Ahhh, it’s the end of the world!” It’s never going to work out!” because, obviously, her hormones. She’s pregnant, and when you first get pregnant, it’s like the emotions are all over the place. It’s a little bit of Jekyll and Hyde going on. I can speak from personal experience. They’re very emotional and can be very difficult to be around.
And after listening to her fully, in order to understand WHY she was feeling the way she was feeling at the time…
Remember, when a woman feels heard and understood, the legs open. And when she doesn’t, the legs close. The quality of your life and your relationships is in direct proportion to the quality of the questions that you consistently ask each other.
…I realized that it had nothing to do with me and it was something to do with something she hadn’t resolved in her past. But I didn’t tell her, so I just asked her if she was 100% committed to leaving me, going through her pregnancy by herself and raising the baby on her own, and she said YES. So, I told her, “It’s okay, I still love you, I forgive you, and please let me know if you change your mind.” I was exhausted, so I went to sleep in our spare bedroom, while she began to pack up our Christmas tree, etc. in the living room.
I can just imagine it’s like “How The Grinch Stole Christmas,” and he’s like, “He took the Christmas tree, he took the presents, he took the food, he took everything. She’s like, “I’m taking my toys and I’m going home.” Women have to know that if they push you too far, you will walk and never look back. In this case, she’s saying, “I’m leaving the home.” And so, for those guys that are out there that are having friction with their wife or their live-in girlfriend, and the wife is like, “I want you to leave. I want you to move out,” it’s like, the king doesn’t leave the castle. If the fair maiden wants to leave the castle, hey, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. But she’ll be back. So, that’s why men don’t leave.
When women tell you to leave and they want to end the relationship, and then you leave, well, if you say you want to stay in the relationship and then you leave, your actions aren’t really congruent that. So, if she wants to blow the relationship up, she’s the one that has to leave. And especially when there’s kids involved, then she gets to explain to the kids why mom is moving out. And oftentimes when you give women the freedom to do that, and then you start displaying the behaviors that are in “3% Man,” they typically stick around or they come back. The man should never leave his castle. Ever, never, ever, ever, ever.
Sure enough, she came into the spare bedroom at 7:00 am crying, telling me she didn’t want to leave…
This is how you keep a drama free zone. Because, remember, he doesn’t want to participate in the drama. He’s like, “I’m not going to participate in the end of our relationship. If you want to pack up the Christmas tree and the decorations, it’s like, Babe, I’m going to bed. I still love you. I’ll see you in the morning. Maybe you can make me some breakfast.”
…that she wanted our child to grow up in our home together, as he watches us resolves our issues together, and he gets to watch us always stick with the long-term plan, no matter how bad it gets.
So, in his mind, he’s unperturbed. Maybe he’s a little annoyed, but he’s just like, “Whatever. I’m going to bed. I need some rest. I love you. Enjoy packing up all the stuff.”
She giggled when we saw the piles of boxes she made after packing up the living room, and I laughed with her. She asked me, “Why didn’t you stop me?” I told her that had I fed into her drama, she may have actually left, and I don’t want any drama, so I held the line and told myself if this is worth fighting for, she will fight for this instead of dropping into negative patterns and leaving to get the opposite result of what she wants out of life. But I had to let her figure that out for herself, because, at the end of the day, leaders know how to lead themselves.
Yeah, you tell her, “I’m not interested in breaking up. I’m not interested in you leaving. But if you insist on packing up the Christmas tree, and the decorations, and the presents and leaving in the middle of the night like the Grinch, it’s like, “Okay. It’s kind of funny. I might actually turn the camera on, because we can make a good TikTok video out of it.”
You put our a video about a woman who emailed you a nasty email, (“She’s Too Controlling, Masculine, Argumentative & Difficult!”)…
In this one, she’s just berating the guy, the boyfriend she’s with, who’s a big fan of my work. And, obviously, in the email she’s basically telling me I’m full of shit and I don’t know what I’m talking about. And I had a good time with that video and that email. The video did real well, actually.
…about how her boyfriend doesn’t know anything, and how you don’t know what to do etc., Lol, and my wife and I watched the video together. You mentioned at one point how no one wants this kind of person in their lives who’s such a pain in the ass, because my relationship with my wife feels like a partnership, a team effort, and we talked about it every day as a habit to keep depositing our long-term vision with each other on purpose to continuously solidify our vision together as a couple.
Well, whatever you focus on is going to expand. And if you’re constantly, as a couple, focusing on your grand vision that you each have for your relationship and your family, then your brains are forced to align with “How do we make this better? How do we make this vision a reality?” So, that’s great that you guys are both aligned in that, and it’s cool that you both watch my videos a lot. A lot of successful couples read the book together and they watch videos together.
I loved this video because it applies to everything in life. Who wants a me player over a team player in any category in life? I share your book with TONS of people I know, and the other day, a friend of mine messaged me screen shots of negative reviews on amazon about your book.
The overwhelming majority of the reviews on Amazon are all positive. There are some negative ones, and you can see them.
So, I told him this: “The book is titled How to Be a 3% Man for a reason. It’s called that because only 3% of the people that buy it actually read it 10-15 times or more, then apply it as well, reflect on their experiences around what they learned, and only 3% of the people that do that keep applying it to their lives. I’d expect that 97% of the people to NOT have success from it, simply because most people aren’t willing to admit to themselves that they suck at tons of things that matter more in life than what you do for a living and your so-called status that you never really own. You can look for the negative reviews…
Yeah. I mean, if you think about it, the overwhelming majority, like 99.9% of the reviews are positive, and only a fraction of them are negative. If this guy is focusing on the negative, what does that tell you about his personal mindset? Is he a glass half full or half empty kind of person? Is he an optimist or a pessimist? And if the first thing you do is look for a reason why something is not going to work, well, that should tell you what your mindset is.
It’s going to be pretty hard to accomplish things you want in life if you automatically assume it’s not going to work out for you. Your actions and your words, your vibe, the tone of your voice will all be congruent with not believing things will work out for you if that’s your your worldview. Even if you’re not totally positive, you could say, “Wouldn’t it be nice if things worked out for me? Wouldn’t it be nice if one out of 100 girls said yes? Wouldn’t it be nice if maybe just one out of 1.000 said yes?” Because all you need is one good one.
…or you can look for the reviews that actually promote the success that’s available if you read the book. But really, given your current situation surrounding this girl you keep calling me for advice about, it sounds to me that you’re not exactly doing well with her, and you’re allowing yourself to suffer when you don’t have to.
Well, one of our six human needs is love and connection. And many people in this world – unfortunately, we all know them, we all have them in our lives – they have a very dysfunctional way about going to fulfill their need for love and connection. In this case, complaining about his crappy relationship, but being unwilling to do anything about it.
So, go ahead and keep doing what you’re doing, and when you get tired of ending up in the same place, you may get off the nail you’re sitting on and ask me again, and I’ll keep telling you to read the book, so you DON’T need to ask me anything, because you’ll have the answer to your woes in front of you.” He got it and started reading it, Lol.
Well, you were a good friend for putting up with the fact that he was a negative, Nancy, and you just kept giving him the truth. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. He finally became open to it, he quit resisting, and now, potentially, if he does the work, he can change his life. Plus, he’s got you as an example.
My favorite part about this is I get to be myself with my wife, because she loves my stupid jokes. And even when I come home from the gym, she still comes after me when I think I’m not in the greatest shape, because I took the time define my life and what kind of woman I truly wanted to spend my time with. Because, at the end of the day, time is our only non-renewable asset.
And the sands, they are running out of that hourglass for all of us.
So, why the heck would I spend it with some girl that is a pain in the ass in any category?
Thank you so much, man.
Yeah, just like the one in the video, “She’s Too Controlling, Masculine, Argumentative & Difficult!” I encourage all of you to watch it, because you get the opposite of it. You get this guy’s wife who’s a true teammate and tries to work things out, even though she gets emotional and freaks out like she did when she got pregnant. But we love her, we forgive her, because she’s pregnant and her emotions are all over the place, and you don’t get butt-hurt or perturbed about that. And then, when she’s up in the middle of the night packing up the Christmas tree and the gifts and everything else and being like the Grinch, then you can laugh about it in the morning, about how silly it was and how silly she was.
And someday, when your kids are old enough, you can tell your your child what happened when she was pregnant. Because it’s kind of a funny story. It’s kind of cute, actually. But, at the end of the day, he’s like, “I’m going to bed. I love you. I forgive you, but I’m going to bed.” That’s what an unperturbed man would do. He’s amused. And as Rumi said, “Sell your cleverness and purchase bewilderment.” And so, he was kind of bewildered, but in amusing way. He didn’t get mad or angry, or scream and shout, and tell her to get the fuck out, and throw all her shit in the yard. He just laughed. He’s like, “I’m going to bed. I love you. See you in the morning.” That’s how you have a drama free zone.
And you should move on over to to Spring.com and get yourself some Coach Corey Wayne official drama free zone mugs. Maybe get a six pack of them, so you can remind yourself and your girl in the mornings, when you’re drinking your tea or your coffee or whatever, that you want to have a drama free relationship.
So, thanks for the good success story that you shared, nine years in the making. The guy put the work in, and that’s what it takes. You’ve got to participate in your own rescue. I can’t save you, I can’t fix your life. I can show you the way, I can give you the guidelines, I can give you the principles. And if you’re broke, like this guy was in the beginning, you can read them for free. Just subscribe to the email newsletter. All you’ve got to do is put in your first name and your email, and as soon as you hit “Subscribe,” guess what? You’ll instantly be reading the books.
And if you’d like to get my help, you want to do a coaching session with me, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page and book a coaching session.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur