Controlling, masculine, argumentative and difficult women you should avoid if you want an effortless relationship.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a female viewer who got her feathers all ruffled after dating a guy who is a big fan of my book, 3% Man. She’s very accusatory, condescending and confrontational in her email towards me. You can tell she is constantly fighting for control in her relationships and is the opposite of feminine, submissive, easy going and easy to be with.
She thinks men are the problem, when it’s obvious that she creates problems where there are none. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of her email.
Her email is very condescending and you can just tell she’s a very difficult woman to get along with. And I say this all the time, you want somebody who’s easygoing, easy to be with, a good communicator, calm, sweet, submissive, comes from a good family. And then you read an email like this, where she’s basically giving you the finger the whole way through the email, and I could just picture this poor guy that’s dating or trying to deal with a woman like this.
You can tell she’s constantly jockeying for power and control, and trying to get the upper hand, in essence, trying to be the man in the relationship. Because, more than likely, she grew up in a household with a very weak man or an absence of masculinity altogether, and she’s paying the price for it. The whole tone of her email is that men are the problem, but she’s perfect, obviously.
So, this is just an interesting perspective, because it gives you the mindset of women that are out there in the dating market who have an entitled mindset, they’re kind of bitter and pissed off and, obviously, the daddy issues shine through. If you’re going to date and become involved, again, you want somebody who’s easygoing, easy to get along with. They’re looking for ways to work together with you, not for ways to highlight your differences, or to make you feel bad or like there’s something wrong with you for your choices or what you want in life.
I was recently dating someone who has read your book, he says at least 10-15 times, and is pretty infatuated with it and you.
I would say he’s not infatuated with me personally. He is infatuated with being a good student and being a good dude. Guys come to my work because they want to get better, and already you’re belittling him because of his commitment to self-improvement. So, right away, that first sentence out of the gate got a red flag on you.
So much so, if you don’t mention it or use a particular word, he thinks it’s unimportant.
You can just see as you go through, it’s like, man, she’s just constantly belittling, needling, look for the chink in the armor, trying to make him feel bad. It seems like she’s a very unhappy person.
He seems to genuinely want to be the masculine energy man you describe.
Obviously, if he read the book 10 to 50 times, he’s a serious student. And he’s doing that not only for himself, but for the women that he dates. Obviously, you don’t appreciate it. You think it’s your personal vendetta to challenge him? Probably because you’re pissed off at your own father.
In a few ways, he really succeeds. In others, it seems to go against the core of his being, and it feels like he’s living with a severe conflict.
No one will ever do or say anything to you that isn’t a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves in a moment. And so, you’re projecting your internal conflict onto him in order to absolve yourself from it. It’s obvious you’re very conflicted. More likely, you just don’t simply feel safe. You never grew up in an environment where there was masculinity that made you feel safe and protected.
There are also some parts he just doesn’t seem to get.
“Obviously, because he’s stupid.” She didn’t say that, but that’s kind of her tone.
I did give it a listen and I’ve watched a few of your videos. I think you do an especially great job in the video “Become What You Want To Attract,” (though somehow he just isn’t understanding).
The other thing with her email, the tone is that there’s something wrong with him, and he’s not living up to the expectations that she has for him.
However, you fail to use the word compatibility.
“You suck, Corey.” No, she didn’t say ‘you suck,’ but she might as well. “You fail to use the word compatibility” – well, the whole book is about that. It’s about weeding out the undesirable women. And I’m getting the sense from your email that you are weeding yourself out, so the book is working as designed.
That’s what this process is about, becoming compatible with what you want.
It’s becoming the kind of person that you want to attract. If there are things that you want in another person and you’re not there yet yourself, you work on those. That’s what it means. “Becoming compatible with what you want.” I mean, it’s true, some people are just not compatible. And if you’re a guy who wants no drama allowed in your life, do you want to be with somebody who’s difficult and argumentative, or somebody that’s looking for ways to work together and unify? I see a lot of focusing on differences here, and pointing out problems, and being argumentative, a glass half empty kind of mindset.
There’s also a video “We Have Compatibility Differences,” in which you go far from the mark and don’t hit on ways people are or aren’t compatible.
Well, I don’t remember that video. I’ve done almost 3,000 of them at this point. I don’t remember the videos I filmed last week and what I talked about in them, so I can’t comment on what’s in that particular video. But when I go through the video, I’m giving advice on how to implement what’s in the book as it applies to that particular situation.
And finally, “Women Don’t Dump Men They Are In Love With.”
Which is absolutely true.
Well, if they aren’t compatible, they do.
No, they don’t dump men they’re in love with. They submit to men that they’re in love with and trust their leadership and follow them. If you’re unwilling to do that, then you’re obviously not in love with them. And from the tone of your email, you obviously don’t respect this guy or value or appreciate him very much. All you’re doing is looking for reasons to belittle him, make him question his manhood and his masculinity to make yourself feel better. You create drama where there is none.
To help explain, his wants included a woman that takes care of herself and works out… but he doesn’t do this.
Well, tell him to get his ass in the gym, because he should be doing that. You’ve got to walk the talk, at least.
You called guys out on their BS about this quite nicely in the first video, (and it still didn’t get through to him).
“What is wrong with this guy? He just doesn’t get it!” Oh, man. Can you imagine being with her? I had one girlfriend that was like this – just difficult, argumentative, glass is always half empty, always looking for the things that are wrong or that’s not going to work.
Also, if my dreams involve traveling, moving around, and possibly one day moving out of the country, and his plans are to settle here, why is it that I must not love him if I leave?
Well, if you really, truly loved him, and admired him, and respected him, and looked up to him, and wanted him to be your man, you would submit and follow his leadership. Because if you’re willing to leave, then you don’t love him. You don’t care about him enough to do those things. That’s just the harsh reality.
Does he not love me if he doesn’t let go of everything here and hop on for the adventure?
Right there, that statement, you can tell she’s trying to be the man in the relationship. She wants control. She wants him to do what she wants. “Does he not love me if he doesn’t let go of everything here and hop on for the adventure?” That’s not his purpose and his mission. That’s your purpose and mission. That’s what you want. But he doesn’t want that. You either go find another guy who will want that with you, or you hop on his fun bus and follow his lead.
He also has this sweet but unrealistic, hopeless romantic attitude that love should override any incompatibility and differences.
Well, I see this all the time. And, obviously, you haven’t watched very many of my videos and you just don’t know what you’re talking about when it comes to my work. But one of the big things I say over and over and over and over and over again is you’ve got to have similar goals, similar values.
If you want to travel around the world and be spoiled and have a man lavish, expensive vacations on you, then that’s fine. But if the guy you’re with is just kind of a homebody, likes his neighborhood and his town and wants to stay there, then you either respect that, or you go find somebody that has the same goals as you.
These are some rather big differences. I feel you do your readers and subscribers a huge disservice by missing this.
Again, I haven’t missed anything. You don’t know my work. And that’s the thing, the whole tone of your letter and the way you are in your relationships, you’re constantly belittling men. “These stupid little peons. Men have pea brains! They need women like me to make them do things properly.”
Similar goals, similar values. I say it all the time, but you would know that if you’d actually learned my work, instead of looking for reasons to beat me over the head with it, like you do with your, I assume, now ex-boyfriend, or the guy that you were seeing.
Do you see it this way at all?
Well, I know my work and you don’t know it, but you’re trying to insult me as if I don’t know what I’m talking about. But in reality, it’s you who doesn’t know what you’re talking about.
Also, do you ever touch on the importance of making sure one’s actions match their words?
Again, if you were familiar with my work, you’d know I constantly talk about that. Your words and actions must be congruent. I did a video, I believe just last week, talking about that.
I appreciate your time…
I love this statement…
…and hope this helps clear things up for a lot of your followers.
“Because I’m the expert, and Corey, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
No drama allowed. Why would you want to spend time with somebody who behaves this way, who’s constantly challenging you for power and control? This woman is stuck in her masculine and doesn’t feel safe and comfortable letting a man lead. She doesn’t trust men, and she doesn’t know which men to trust. And it sucks for her, but as a guy who’s a serious student of self-improvement and who has read my book 10 or 15 times, you’ve got to ask yourself a question: dealing with somebody like this, is the juice worth the squeeze? Yes or no? You can put in the comments below what you think. Is the juice worth the squeeze?
I know what it’s like to date somebody that thinks like this, has this kind of mindset and is difficult to be around, they’re constantly getting upset at things, constantly challenging you, constantly questioning you, constantly trying to get you to question yourself in order to get you to do what she wants. She’s blaming a lack of compatibility in here, as if somehow that’s missing from my work, but I say all the time, you’ve got to have the same goals and values. If you don’t have similar goals and values, it’s not going to work in the long term.
Overall, she’s just not a nice person. She’s not kind, she’s not easygoing, she’s not easy to get along with. Can you imagine a woman like this being at home, raising your children? You work your ass off all day. You come home thinking, “Oh, it’d be nice to see my girl and have her jump in my arms. And maybe she hands me a snack, or a cake that she’s been making all afternoon, or whatever, and says, “Hey, baby, how was your day?”
But instead, this woman is just sitting there, “Wait until he gets home. I’m going to fix his little red wagon. He’s in for something else if he thinks he’s going to come home and get some tonight. I’m going to let him have it as soon as he walks in the door and let them know who’s boss in this relationship.” Oh, God. There are millions and millions of dudes that come home to women like this that have just been going, “I can’t wait until he gets home. I’m going to clobber him with all my problems and all my complaints and try to make him feel this big, so I feel better about my shitty life.”
So men, when you come across women like this that are constantly difficult, constantly argumentative, constantly seeing the glass is half empty instead of half full – instead of looking at reasons why you’re compatible and why things can work out, they’re constantly looking for differences and reasons to be difficult – in my opinion, the juice is not worth the squeeze.
Like I said, I had one girlfriend that was like this, and that one was enough for a life. Other than that, I’ve just been absolutely blessed by amazing women. And you know, my life is like that. All of my close friends are the same way – easygoing, easy to get along with, always looking for reasons to laugh and find common ground with the people around them.
Somebody like this is just constantly looking for problems. Because, more than likely, she grew up in an environment where you just pick at other people and you complain about, “Oh, they didn’t do this, they didn’t do that. Oh, they suck. Here’s why they suck. I’ve got a whole list here of reasons why they suck.” Thanks, but no thanks. No drama allowed. You can keep that to yourself.
And it’s too bad you came across a guy that was working on himself, and instead of building him up and making him feel like a champion, you’re trying to make him feel like a piece of shit, make him question and doubt himself, and make him just as miserable as you are. So, hopefully, he will reject you and tell you what he wants. If you want to continue to be on his fun bus, there’s going to have to be some changes. And if you’re not willing to make those changes, I would suggest for him to go “next!” because there’s another bus every 15 minutes.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur