However, when you are just starting out using the techniques I talk about in my book “How To Be A 3% Man,” your sensory acuity is not going to be developed to the degree that mine is or any other guy who understands and knows how to read a woman. After you have approached hundreds of women, talked to them, gotten phone numbers, called to set dates, had dates, got laid, got girlfriends, got women to call and pursue you, etc… you will see, sense and know when a woman is into you just by looking at her. You will know the difference between trying to set a date with a woman who wants to see you, and one who is just trying to find a nice way to reject you without hurting your feelings. Most women can read and tell when there is chemistry with a guy. Most guys can not. Nor do they know how to create chemistry with a woman.
Most guys don’t get the hint or know how to read the signs yet. When I was just starting out, I didn’t either. It took years of getting jerked around by enough women before I started to recognize the subtle differences… that make the difference… between a woman who wants to fuck your brains out… and one who just wants to get away because you can’t read the signals of her low interest in you.
Now this first email is from a new coaching client of mine. He’s really starting to talk about and let people know what he is looking for in a woman now that he has taken the time to get clear about the type of woman he wants to attract. He knows a lot of people. So in addition to getting dates by referral, he’s meeting women via online dating and meeting them in public. He is starting to meet a lot of different women he can practice his skills on in order to get better (repetition is the mother of skill). He’s got the balls to ask, but he’s still trying to make dates with women who have low interest… or he could be saying something on the phone that is turning them off before he asks them out. He’s getting jerked around a little bit. It does not matter if you are 18 or 60, any guy who does not completely understand women will get jerked around the same way. The lower a woman’s interest level is in you, the flakier she will be and the harder it is going to be to set a date with her that she keeps. That’s why you must do everything right with a woman who has low interest level in you from the get-go, otherwise she will get turned off, and then you got no chance to recover. Crash and burn. Here’s his email, my comments are (in bold brackets like this):
Its Tom from San Francisco. Quick question for you, a friend from work gave me the number of a chick who works with his wife as a teacher. I called the girl on Sun 05/22, left a voicemail. She returned my call two days later… seemed a little sloppy to me? (women are going to do what they want, when they want and with who they want. They come and go as they please. Relax, its in the bag. The ones who like you will always call back… eventually). Called her back that day, chatted for about 25 minutes (did you make sure she did 80% of the talking so you could remain mysterious?), and then proposed a date for Thurs 06/02. She said that day was no good (did you pause long enough to see if she threw out a counter-offer date? Women with high interest level in you would say… “I can’t Thurs… but how about Sunday?” but if you talked too soon you missed giving her the chance to reveal if she wanted to set another day), so I said how about Fri 06/03? (I would have paused long enough to see if she would have offered the counter-offer date. If she did not, this would reveal she had low interest level in you. Then you know not to waste your time or money taking her out). She said that day sounded good she needed to double check (that’s the call back to verify trick. Meaning she has just given herself a way to blow you off and cancel the date). I said ok, let me know for sure. Haven’t heard back (yep, and you probably won’t. The call back to verify is a sign of low interest.) My feeling is she owes me the courtesy of a call or text to confirm or not (I agree, but women have been conditioned by all the weak needy guys who didn’t get the hint over the years that it is just better to blow the guy off and hope he gets the hint and goes away. Women don’t like confrontations). And your response is?
Thanx bro, Tom.
I would look at what you are saying on the phone. Talk for 10-15 minutes and then set a date to meet out for a drink in public. That way, if she’s fugly, you can pay the tab after a drink and say… “I gotta run, but it was nice to meet you.” You may be talking too much on the phone, or the girl just may not want to go out with you. The person who tried to set you two up could have been pushy, etc. We don’t know. We do know she was not ecstatic to set a date with you. The right girl, and a good match who has high interest in you, will make it easy for you to get a date with her. She’ll make the effort to make it happen. Your job is to recognize the signs of low interest quicker next time around. Good job for asking!
Here’s a second email he sent me:
Hey bro, got one more thing to run past you. I was given a second chick’s number from a female friend of mine (you can never have too many beautiful women as friends. Beautiful women have other beautiful women as friends. They LOVE to play matchmaker). I touched base with her on Monday 05/23. Chatted for about twenty minutes, then made a date with her for Wed June 1. Asked her if she wanted to be picked up or to meet up (I would have said… “What’s your address?” If she was not comfortable having you pick her up she would have said something. You’re a cop. She should feel pretty safe. Plus you were referred by a friend). She said meet up so I told her the date, time would be 7pm and the place. Following what you wrote in the book I didn’t call her again to chat or confirm (when you end the call you have to be very clear… “Ok, well I look forward to meeting you. If something comes up, I’ll call you, otherwise, I’ll just see you there at the restaurant next Wednesday”). I showed up at the time and texted her to see if she was there yet. She replied that since she hadn’t heard from me, she didn’t think we were on (as long as you made it clear you had definite plans to meet there. If she cared, had high interest and really wanted to meet you, but was worried she had not heard from you, she would have called you to make sure you both were still on. Instead she just blew you off and blamed it on you when you called to ask if she was there yet). I wrote back “lol, I guess we’ll have to reschedule then”. Her reply was “yeah let me know when your free”. I let her know that I would be away the following week returning on 06/13, and that she should pick a day that week that worked for. I received no reply (she blew you off because she had low interest in meeting you. She must not be much of a friend to your mutual friend). Did I handle this correctly, and should I take any further action? Thanx for your critique, Tom
I would do nothing further with this girl unless she actually calls or texts you back. She has been rude and disrespectful before you have even met her. If she does contact you, make a definite date with no call back to verify nonsense. Make it clear you will just see her there. I think in both cases neither girl was too excited too meet you. You could have said something on the phone, or maybe they just weren’t really interested in going out on a blind date. I’m not a fan of blind dates… but its good practice.
Now here’s another email I got from someone who sounds pretty young. Notice the numerous “I’m like” phrases instead of “I said” LOL. He’s not paying attention to the signs of low interest either.
I know I’ve messaged you before but let me just tell you I’m actually excited!
Ok so yesterday I was walking and I seen this girl. I’ve seen her before and I wanted to see what her name was. So I walk up and say “hey what’s your name?” She goes “Heidi” then I’m like “would you like to go to the movies tomorrow night?” she goes “with you?” and I’m like “yes” she goes “I don’t know, what’s going on?” and then I’m like “well give me your number and well talk about it” and she goes “ok what’s your name” I tell her Tom and I get her number just like that!
So then the next morning I texted her saying “hey this is Tom how are you” she replied with “good just getting ready” so then we talked for like 5 minutes she said she was sorry but she couldn’t go cause she was going shopping with her mom (she had higher interest in going shopping with her mother than going to the movies with you). I just went and said its cool. She then replied with “ok I’m so sorry. how are you? So I said “its ok we should set a definite date and not a one day notice. how about next wed?” and she said she would see (sounds like she’s just trying to find an easy way to blow you off). Like I said, we only talked for 5 minutes then she thanked me for giving her time to see (when a woman says “we’ll see” or “I’ll think about it” its another phrase for… no.) and I just said your welcome and that was it.
Im pretty excited and just wanted your thoughts. Any feedback would be nice!
You should definitely be exited you have the balls to walk up to a girl in public, ask her out for a date and then get her number. I have guys three times your age who are scared shitless to do something so ballsy. Good job! A girl who has high interest is going to make a definite date with you. Why? She would feel she is missing out otherwise. See things as they are. Not worse than they are or better than they are. As they are.
You should definitely re-read the first few chapters of my book to help clean up your date setting skills. Repetition is the mother of skill. Keep approaching, asking out and setting dates with women. You’ll start to notice the subtle differences of when a woman really wants you, and when she wants nothing to do with you (it’s her loss and you really feel that way).
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
If you feel I have added value to your life, you can show your appreciation by doing one of the following three things:
From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Before beginning, plan carefully.” ~ Cicero