How To Make Her Want, Value & Appreciate You More

How to make her want, value and appreciate you more, so she makes an effort to keep you also.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different viewers. The first email is from a guy who has been following me for nine months, cherry picked information from my videos and book, and just lost his girlfriend as a result. Now he wants her back.

The second email is from a guy who has been following me for ten years, almost lost his unicorn girlfriend, but turned things around quickly after he got complacent. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.

The idea with the two emails is, I want to talk about the importance of making sure that the other person – obviously in this case, a woman – is choosing you also. Because when a woman to treats you properly, you reward her with the greatest gift you can give anybody, which is the gift of your time. And when she doesn’t, you give her the gift of missing you and you match and mirror her actions. So, if she starts to show that she’s not really valuing or appreciating you, you’ve got to set and enforce those healthy boundaries and let her feel what it is like when you stop moving forward and you start backing up a little bit.

First Viewer’s Email:

Hi Corey!

Hope you are well. I found your work about 9 months ago and it completely changed my life. I went from zero dates in years to multiple dates and getting a hot girlfriend in a matter of months. The problem with me back when I first found your work was that I only read about one third of the book, and only saw a couple dozen videos.

Come on, man!

I never got to the important relationship part of the book, which was a horrible mistake.

I’m sure you saw in videos and even in the beginning of “How To Be A 3% Man,” where I say read it 10 to 15 times and the reason why. Because each time you go through it, you get about 8-10% of the info. That’s why you’ve got to go through it 10 to 15 times. And this guy didn’t believe me, didn’t take me seriously. He’s like, “Who cares about that shaved headed, dude. I’ve got a hot girlfriend now. I’m different. I’m going to show him I’m different.” Okay. How’d that work out for you? Well, we’re reading his email, so obviously not too good.

After 8 months of dating my girlfriend, she decided that she needed a break from me and told me she needed “space and time to work on herself.”

It’s amazing how it doesn’t matter the country or cultural or religious background, women say the same shit to guys no matter where they are. It’s always so amazing to me. I can talk to somebody on the other side of the world, and the women say the exact same things.

Which, in normal English, means she wants to break up. Now, after reading your book 3 times and currently on my 4th read and seeing over a hundred of your videos…

Now he takes me seriously. Now he’s got pain in his life. People will do more to avoid pain than they’ll do to gain pleasure. In the beginning, he had some success. He’s getting that pleasure. He’s like, “It’s painful to read that book 10 to 15 times. I don’t want to listen to Corey’s voice 10 or 15 times, whatever.” But at the end of the day, if you don’t follow instructions, you’re going to suffer the consequences.

…I know the reasons why she left me. I became compliant and un-mysterious. She knew everything there was to know about me.

I don’t know if he’s trying to say ‘compliant’ or ‘complacent.’ Either way, it’s the same difference. He didn’t know the book, and he hadn’t completely changed his behavior from his old beta male ways that kept the pussy embargo in place. He learned a few things, the pussy embargo lifted. He’s like, “I’ve got it.” Pride cometh before the fall, as they say.

There was no mystery to my character anymore. After the breakup, I decided to go no contact, and then she called me 2 weeks later to meet at a cafe for closure.

If you’d been following my work, and as discussed in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” when you’ve broken up, you walk away and you never look back. You don’t meet for coffee or lunch for closure. If she wants to see you, she can come to your place in the evening to make dinner together.

Once again, he shows that he was compliant. He has a rubber spine. He was just so thirsty to spend some time with her, he went and did a platonic thing, instead of the romantic things that I instruct. Again, he’s not following what I teach, and therefore, he’s suffering the consequences, which you’ll see.

At the meet-up she told me she wants us to stay friends.

In other words, “I want you to be a male orbiter in backup position in case it doesn’t work out with my new guy, then I can always bounce or monkey branch back to you. Because you’re a pussy and you’ve got no spine to stand up to me, so I always know I can have you as a backup, in case I don’t find anybody better, who actually acts like a man consistently.” That’s what she’s really saying.

I know it’s harsh, but I’m not here to blow sunshine up your butt. That doesn’t serve you or anybody else that’s in the same situation or about to be in the same situation. I want you to get it. I want you to understand the pain that you’re going to experience if you don’t do things the right way. Because breaking up with your hot girlfriend after a long pussy embargo, it sucks. It’s like swallowing a bunch of glass. It’s not fun.

And I told her, “I am sorry, but I am not interested in being friends. I am only interested in you romantically. I cannot imagine seeing you with another guy, so if you ever change your mind give me a call.”

So, he’s using bits and pieces and cherry picking. Again, he gave up his power by going to meet her at a cafe. And as I say in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” the farthest distance that you’re willing to travel to see her is the distance that it takes to go from wherever you are in your house to let her in through your front door to make dinner together. If she doesn’t want to come over, you say, “Give me a call in a couple of weeks, and maybe I’ll meet you out at a café for closure.”

And so, there it ended. A week later she flew to another country for a vacation with a “friend” with tickets she had bought for both of us a month earlier, before our breakup, for my birthday. She sent me a message on the day of the flight explaining that she is using our tickets to fly with a “friend”…

She kind of rubbed it in your face because you walked away and you stood up to her. And even though you went to the cafe, which I wouldn’t have recommended, the bottom line is you said, “I’m not interested in being a friend.” So, she’s telling you, “I’m taking a ‘friend'” almost like, in a way she’s saying, “Oh, well, you didn’t want to be my ‘friend,’ so I’ll take another ‘friend’ with me.” She’s trolling you, trying to see if you’re bothered. If she really, truly didn’t care, you would have never heard from her again.

…and that she is sorry it didn’t work out between us.

Yeah, I’m sure she is. I’m sure she’s playing the world’s smallest violin as her ‘friend’ beats up her pelvis.

I didn’t respond to this message, because there was nothing really to respond to, and so, here comes my question.

I would have probably trolled her back, like, “Well, have fun with your ‘friend.'” I mean, not saying anything is fine, too, because it’s like she’s basically rubbing it in your face. So, it’s not the kind of thing where you validate that or you reward that. Because, again, this was supposed to be your birthday present. And so, literally, as she’s flying out of town, she’s giving you that big, hairy middle finger, trying to troll you and make you feel bad. And the correct response is not to be perturbed. And you didn’t respond at all, so you didn’t give her a chance to gloat or feel good or feel like she one-upped you.

The relationship ended somewhat fast, harshly, and with little communication whatsoever.

Well, women typically stay with a guy until their feelings are mostly gone.

In your book, you state early on that relationships should end in a loving way, but our breakup was nothing like this.

At the end day, she blew the relationship up, not you. Granted, you didn’t learn the book, and so you didn’t do the things that were required to keep her attracted. But at the end of the day, she fucked it up, therefore, it’s her job to fix it. She has to pursue you to fix things. And going off with your birthday present and a ‘friend’ is not how she fixes things.

We didn’t really talk anything through, I didn’t answer her text, and also, I felt hurt that she used the tickets from my birthday to fly with a “friend,” possibly another guy. What can I do to remove this bitter taste from the ending of an amazing relationship we both had?

Bob

Fuck her best friend, go out with one of her girlfriends, go hang out and have fun and hook up with new women. Never call or text her again for any reason. Women have to know that if they push you too far, you’ll walk and never look back. That means never.

What’s going on right now is you’re doubting. And again, because you didn’t read the book 10 or 15 times, you’re looking for a reason to pursue. And if you pursue, your rewarding bad behavior. She literally took your birthday present that she bought for you and took some other dude, more than likely, who’s beating up her pelvis. That’s not much of a birthday present. That’s a ‘fuck you’ present, and we don’t accept ‘fuck you’ presents from ex-girlfriends. Unless she actually literally wants to fuck you.

So, I wouldn’t do anything. Don’t feel bad about it. What’s done is done. You should be reading the book, preparing yourself, talking to other women, dating other women. If you have mutual friends and you know things will get back to her, anybody that asks, “Hey, what happened with you guys?” you say, “Oh, we had a great time. It ran its course and I wish her the best. And man, I got back on the dating apps, and I guess it must be after all of these lockdowns, but women are so aggressive. I had three dates this week, really beautiful girls. I’m having a blast. So, this has actually been a blessing in disguise. I’ve got three beautiful women blowing up my phone. I mean, hey, it sucks that it ended, but and I’m having a damn good time.”

Those are the kinds of things you want to get back to her, or that you’ve moved on and you’re happy, because then it shows that you’re totally unperturbed. And then she’ll start second guessing herself, especially when she starts testing the new guy or any other beta male orbiters that have been hanging around. It sounds like you’ve completely moved on and you’re having even more fun now that she’s not a part of your life. It will really upset her, it will piss her off. And now, she’ll have to come and have make up sex, and she can fuck you like she hates you, which would be a good thing.

So, don’t call her or text her again for any reason. You don’t need closure or any of that bullshit. You’re just looking for an excuse to chase her again. And again, you don’t reward that kind of behavior.

Second Viewer’s Email:

Coach,

I’ve been following you for ten years and have applied your advice to great success over this time, so thank you. I landed a once-every-decade girl recently. She is hottest woman I’ve ever been with and has all her shit together. It was an online match, and I quickly set a date and got off the phone.

Five weeks in, and this girl has been definitely testing me. She had some flakiness around date three and tried to move it. I remained completely unperturbed and let her make the next date, which went well. I admit I did break the once-a-week rule and tried to make a second date the same week, but she had plans, (once a week works!)

Because, again, it wasn’t her idea. That’s why you do one date per week, basically. You’re taking measured steps. You’re taking your time. You’re trying to go slightly slower than she does, so her interest creeps up. And when her interest creeps up, she starts calling you and texting you throughout the week, and then use those as opportunities to set the next date. Because if a woman is reaching out, you should assume she wants to see you and make a date. That’s what you’re trying to facilitate.

You’re trying to make it easy for her to fall in love with you, because you’re awesome. That’s how you should view yourself. If you act like a catch, women will treat you like a catch. If women start jerking you around and testing you, like in this case, he’s tried to speed things up a little bit and it didn’t go well. There was actually a drop in her interest. She became a little too comfortable, so he had to make her a little uncomfortable.

It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. And so, if she starts backing up and not taking you as seriously as she was, then you match and mirror that behavior. Again, the greatest gift you can give anybody is the gift your time, and if they want to waste it or they don’t appreciate it, then take it away from them. Don’t give it to them.

I decided last week to let her bring up getting together and to take a step back to make up for my eagerness.

I know that’s hard in that situation. Especially when many days go by and you hear nothing.

Four days passed of no contact and no more date talk.

That’s the kind of thing where, the first time you do this, especially if you’re with a girl you really like, it’s brutal. It’s so hard.

She messaged me.

Keep in mind, this is the hottest girl he’s been with in a decade, basically. It’s super hard to do that, but you have to do that. You’ve got to treat her like an equal. You’ve got to treat her like she’s on your level, not above your level, but at least on your level as an equal. And when she starts treating you like you’re beneath her, which in essence she kind of did when she started taking you for granted, then you just give her a dose of her own medicine. Let her see how that feels.

And I didn’t suggest anything, which probably surprised her.

Yep. She was all sure of herself and cocky, and then she reaches out and you don’t even bring up getting together. She’s going, “Oh, I’ve pissed him off. Maybe he found somebody else.”

Well, guess what happened next.

Hmm, I wonder.

She suggested the date to me and is coming to my place with wine, etc. for dinner and drinks.

Amazing how that works. When people treat you like you’re irrelevant and you don’t mean anything to them, give them the gift of missing you. The quickest way to get somebody else’s attention is to remove yours, and that’s what he did. So, kudos to you for having the guts to do that, because I know it’s hard, especially with a once in a decade kind of girl. I’m sure you felt like you were jumping out of your skin.

I know you say when she contacts you make a date, but I read the situation and decided not to this time, just to test her interest.

Well, quite frankly, she’s done it to you. If you’re calling her to ask her on a date and she’s like, “Eh,” well, give her that back. See what she thinks. It’s not about being rude. In this case, you just simply didn’t bring up getting together like you always had in the past, and that causes her to become completely unsure of herself. And, quite frankly, that’s what women like. They want to know that you will be fine without them. They want you to be the rock and the mountain, the center of emotional strength in their life, not the other way around.

I hope others can learn from this and not just stick to the exact same scripted messages each week.

Bob

The important thing is it’s not about like being a robot. It’s about responding to how she’s showing up. If she’s not valuing it, then you just don’t spend as much time with her. If she has less enthusiasm to spend time with you, then guess what? Your enthusiasm level should drop with spending time with her exactly like you did. And what happened? She got a complete attitude adjustment, which, quite frankly, deep down, that’s what she really wanted anyway. She wanted to feel what it’s like to potentially not have you. Women have to know that if they push you too far, that you will walk and never look back.

So, that’s two good examples. One guy that didn’t follow instructions, the other guy that’s been with me a decade. And thanks for sticking around all that time. I appreciate that. The second guy’s getting great results, and the first guy, she’s reaching out to him, even though it’s ended, so there is a good chance she’s going to come back. And that ‘friend’ that was on the trip, he’ll probably fuck things up, especially when she worries that she may have lost you forever, because you’ve got more time in with her than the other guy does. You have nine months, and the other guy, we assume he’s somebody she doesn’t know that well.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book coaching session with yours truly.

“People will treat you as you view yourself to be. If you love and value yourself, you will set and enforce healthy boundaries. If you don’t, you’ll let people walk all over you. Women won’t respect you, love you or stick around. If you want to be in an amazing relationship, you must first learn to view and accept yourself as amazing, likable and lovable. It’s not about finding the right person but becoming the right person. You must become what you want to attract.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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