How To Make Your Woman Feel Heard, Understood & Safe

How to make your woman feel heard understood & safe in your relationship.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following my work for four years and says he’s read 3% Man countless times. However, despite this and being with his dream woman, he says he still doesn’t understand what it means and how to make his girlfriend feel heard, understood and safe in their relationship.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a viewer who’s been following my work for four years and he says he’s read 3% Man countless times. If you’re new here, you can read it for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the free email newsletter on my website. However, despite this and being with his dream woman, he says he still does not understand what it means and how to make his girlfriend feel heard, understood and safe in their relationship.

So the thing to understand about this is, that what a lot of guys do, I’d say probably the majority of men that don’t know any better is, women tend to solve their problems by talking about them, emoting and just you listening. You’re not there to solve them, and more often than not, when a woman starts talking about somebody at work she’s having a problem with, something going on with her sister or whatever, a guy thinks, “Oh, let me fix this problem and we can get past that and move on.” Then when he starts trying to give her solutions, suggestions and give her unsolicited advice, she says, “No, no, you don’t understand. You’re not listening,” and guy is like, what do you mean? I’m right here. Of course I’m listening.” What’s going on is you’re trying to solve a problem, and all she really wants you to do is just listen to her, so she feels heard, and she feels like you’re actually taking in what she’s trying to say.

As the book says, if you feel inclined to give her advice, more often than not, you’re probably really needing to be a sounding board. So just ask the question if she’s talking and going on about something at work or whatever. It’s like, “Do you want me to listen, or you just or do you want my opinion?” “No, no, I just want you to listen.” I would be like, “Alright, no problem, babe. What else? Tell me more,” and you get her just talking like, “Oh, really? Wow. That happened?”

I did a video years ago called How to Communicate With Women Effectively. It goes into detail and it’s referenced in the book. Again, this guy says you read the book countless times, so it’s kind of surprising that you can read the book countless times and somehow not understand how to make a woman feel heard and understood. Every so often, every five, 10 minutes, you’re going to repeat some of what she said back to you, just because that’s how she knows that you were listening and paying attention, and if she wants advice when you ask her, “Do you just want me to listen or do you want my advice?” She says, “No, I want your opinion. I value you.” It’s like, “Alright, no problem.” Hear her out and then say, “Well, are you ready for my opinion?” She says, “Yes, let me have it.” Tell her what your opinion is, but most of the time she just wants to talk. So if you’re willing to be there and listen, she feels heard, she feels understood, she feels acknowledged. It’s really simple. You don’t really do anything because she’s going to solve her problems, and because just by talking about it for the woman, it’s therapeutic. It makes her feel better.

Remember, women say 8,000 words a day on average, and us guys tend to say about 2,000. So they’re natural talkers. This is why, like in the book, when I say you’re on a on a date with a girl, she should do 80%, 90% of the talking because women have more to say, they have more to talk about, and you facilitating that makes them feel like you care about them as a human being, as a person. Not just trying to get in their pants because this is part of the hang out, have fun and hook up. This part is the middle part. This is the having fun together. The hang out is arranging a date and getting together to hang out. So while you’re on the date, you’re going to have fun on the date, and having fun involves her doing most of the talking, you asking questions and leading the conversation so she can go through the stuff about her co-worker that she’s having a problem with, an issue with her mom or her dad, or a pair of shoes that she bought and were fucked up and the store doesn’t want to give her a refund, an exchange or whatever it happens to be, there’s always something like that. So you just need to listen and hear her out. You’re don’t have to solve it or fix the problem. Just let her talk. “I feel so much better. I’m so glad we talked, honey.” So that’s typically what you get.

So that’s how it makes her feel heard and understood, and what makes a woman feel safe is obviously making her feel heard and understood consistently. If she’s quiet and distant, you say, “Babe, you seem a little distant. What’s going on? What’s troubling you? You don’t seem your usual bubbly, happy self.” “I don’t want to talk about it.” It’s like, “Don’t tell me you don’t want to talk about it. Obviously something’s bothering you. Your attitude has changed. Your mood has changed. You’re very quiet. Normally you never shut up, which I love. But what’s going on? You need to talk to me. Don’t hold it in.” You got to pull it out of her. “Well, you know, when you did this, blah blah blah…” Oh, really? I’m sorry for what I did made you feel that way. It was not my intent. Tell me more,” and you just keep getting her to talk.

So the feeling safe in the relationship comes from you leading, you making the dates, you being a man, you making the dinner reservations. If you go to a restaurant and they’re like, “We’re on a 20 minute wait,” you don’t turn her and go, “What do you want to do? Do you want to stay here, or do you want to go somewhere else?” You say, “Babe, they’re on a 20-minute wait. Let’s go have a glass of wine at the bar while we wait for our table and chat and I can look in those beautiful eyes of yours.” In other words, you got to lead the direction. It’s just like the seduction. When the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, ready to be seduced, then you seduce her. Very simple. Women are very easy to understand when you take the time to learn this stuff.

So again, I’m very surprised that this guy’s been following me all this time, and he’s like, “How do you make her feel heard and understood?”

Viewer Email:

Dear Corey,

I have been following you for about four years and you, sir, helped me to change my life. I’ve lost count on how many times I read your book. Thanks to your teaching, I have a much better understanding of how women think and the dynamics between feminine and masculine, which I can now watch play out in my relationship with my dream girl. We have been exclusive since January this year and if it wasn’t for you, I would definitely have blown it up, so thank you for that. 

You have already responded to three of my emails in the past, which I greatly appreciate, so this time I don’t have a story for you to discuss, and I don’t want to take too much of your time. Instead, I just have a question that I struggle to find an answer to, which is: “How in a long-term relationship can I make my women feel heard, understood and safe…”

Well again, the other thing about being safe is, masculinity is calm. So if you’re calm, you listen to her, you don’t freak out, you don’t lose your shit, you don’t get drunk and blow up at her, you don’t yell and scream at her, you don’t get upset over things and lose it in front of her. In other words, you’re the rock, you’re the mountain, you’re the calm one. Feminine energy is chaos. She can be the chaotic, emotional one, and you’re just calm, cool and collected. You always got the answer. You know how to handle things. When you’re that calm rock and she’s a mess emotionally, she wants to come and hold you, be held and just be in your arms, sit in your lap, whatever. Then you can get her to talk and open up.

If you’re acting like a jack-in-the-box, you’re not really listening to her, you’re arguing with her, you’re getting upset about the things she says and you’re taking it personally instead of just listening to her without any judgment, taking it all in and trying to understand how what you did or what you said made her feel a certain way, it’s like you just got to acknowledge her feelings, what she’s thinking, what she’s doing, give her advice occasionally when she is open to it and is seeking it. More often than not, most of the time she just wants to be with you, she wants to emote, she wants to talk. She’s going to tell you about her problems, her mom, dad, aunt, uncle, the co-workers, her girl friend, a problem with her car, her shoes, address, whatever happens to be, you’re just talking about anything and everything. Her dog ate her shoes, whatever.

That’s what’s facilitating that. In other words, you’re the rock, you’re the mountain, you’re the guy that she always comes to, and you always make her feel better because you’re always happy to listen, you always make her feel heard. That means you’ll sit there for three hours until it gets to the point where she’s like, “Ahh, I feel so much better. I’m so glad we talked. You’re such a great listener, honey. You’re so much better than all those other guys. You always know how to listen and make me feel better,” and you’re thinking, “All I really do is listen, ask questions and facilitate you talking.” It’s pretty simple. Women are easy when you understand them.

“…And at the same time thinking she’s more into me than I’m into her?” That in my understanding can cause her feeling unsafe and unsure with me. I’m sure I must be missing something so I was hoping you can elaborate in a video newsletter on those two (In my eyes) contradicting approaches. That would benefit me a lot, as I’m sure many of your other viewers. 

Thank you for what you’ve done to help me so far and the whole MAN kind Corey 🙂

Best Regards,

Bob

Well, there’s nothing contradictory about it. You’re not really understanding because making her feel heard and understood, making her feel heard is you listening to her and asking questions, and the understanding where she’s coming from is when you occasionally repeat things back to her, or if you did something that upset her or she took it the wrong way, you apologize by saying, “Oh, I’m sorry if what I did made you feel that way. That was not my intent at all. I’m really sorry, babe.” That’s the important thing.

You don’t just throw out an apology, “Oh, I’m sorry,” and just think that’s going to fix it. It’s her talking about it, you listening and, “OK, so when I did this and I did that and I said this and that happened, it made you feel this way?” “Yes, exactly.” “I’m sorry, babe, that was not my intent. I was selfish, I was impatient, whatever. You’re right. I should have been more patient. I should have spent a little extra time with you. I’m sorry I wasn’t fully present for you, and I appreciate you bringing this to my attention because it makes it easy to solve this. What else, honey? Tell me more. Don’t leave anything out.” That’s what you do. So it’s very, very simple. There you go!

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