Here’s a recent email I got from a guy whose girl just dumped him for another dude. Then a week later he finds out she’s dating another guy. Ouch! He’s really hurting and wants to know what he needs to do to overcome this. I’m going to make some comments in (bold brackets like this).
Here’s his email:
I was reading an article on your website about how to deal with a break up. I recently just got dumped. I was talking with this girl once before and she ended up lying to me (never date a chick who lies to you like that) because she was going to break up with her current bf for me (you were foolish to assume you were different and that she would not date some other guy behind your back). Which then after about a month I found out they never did break up. So we stopped talking and then one day she just came back into my life (boomerang lay).
She texted me and said we should hangout. We continued to talk and talk and she was not seeing anyone (as far as you know). After we hung out a few times it got to the point were she actually kissed me when I dropped her off. Things got serious and we saw each other for about a month and a half.
Then things went down hill. I texted her everyday, just wanted to talk to her, I know big mistake (needy insecure guys do that. You smothered her. This will turn any woman off), and she all of a sudden got too busy (you lowered her interest level because you acted like a needy little girl, instead of a man). We barely hangout and we were still dating (that’s what you thought, she was lining up your replacement). I started to panic, but didn’t let her totally see this (she saw all she needed to), and we hung out wed. I took her to a nice place but she didn’t seem to care (she had low interest and was probably thinking about the other guy). I even went and got her ice cream one night because I just wanted to see her so bad (you acted like a butler, not a boyfriend).
While I was at her house that night her sister said something about her asking out some Justin kid (her sister was looking out for you). She said no that was her one friend. She promised me she didn’t do this. Well after about a month and a half she told me she needed a break. About a week and a half later she was going out with this Justin kid and she removed me from Facebook (the more you tried to reel her in, the more you pushed her into the other guys arms).
I then went one step further and I tried to remain friends with her by sending her a text message. Saying I would rather have her in my life as a friend then nothing at all (you were communicating… please abuse me some more… I like being a sucker). I told her congrats on the bf and I hope they do good. She never replied…at all… (she did not care for you anymore).
It hurts, I keep reading your article, and it helps. Although its soon going to be two weeks and I still feel the pain. Do you have any advice on this?
Here’s My Response To Tom’s Email:
Well, what did you learn from this experience? Did your behavior turn your ex-girlfriend on… or off…. when you smothered her like all the men do in most movies and tv programs? In the world of make believe, feminized men acting like women always get the girl. In real life, they get dumped every time for masculine dominant alpha males.
I remember years ago doing the same damn thing you did. Dating a girl I really liked behind another guys back who she was in the process of dumping. She did not end it like she said she did. She continued to date both of us for a few months. I thought I was different and that she would never do the same thing to me. Big mistake. When things started going sideways between us, she started dating someone else so she would not have to go it alone if we broke up (which we did after she rubbed it in my face).
The best thing to start doing is learning and applying what I teach so you can meet some new women, and date some quality women who actually have integrity. The bottom line: if she cheats on him with you behind his back, she will do the same thing to you when things go sideways.
Now dealing with the emotions of a breakup is a bitch. The most important thing you need to do is to take time to suffer. What do I mean? I mean being present with your negative, sad, depressing, hurtful, etc. emotions and feelings instead of trying to avoid them. You must FEEL THEM TO HEAL THEM. That means taking the time to lock yourself in your room and cry for hours if necessary when you can be alone. The key is to get into the depth of the suffering. Acknowledge and verbalize exactly the pain you are feeling. Say exactly what you are feeling no matter how bad or nasty it sounds. It’s between you and the four walls… “I feel like shit. I feel like this hurting is never going to end. How could I be so stupid! This sucks. I hate that bitch! Fuck… shit… damn! Etc.” The key to making the suffering and shitty part pass is that you have to get into it before you can get out of it. When you make it your sole purpose to embrace your dark emotions and suffer as long as it takes to be present with and feel the complete depth of them, you will find yourself moving thru the suffering quicker and quicker as the weeks go by. Soon, you will be able to move thru it in minutes and then feel great again.
You need to be feeling good and excited in order to be maximally effective at meeting and dating new women. Women that blow this other chick away. If you avoid authentically and completely embracing your dark emotions, you will feel in a funk all day and all night long. Kids embrace and feel their emotions with ease. As we become adults, societal conditioning, customs and norms teach us (big mistake) to run and avoid our dark side. This prolongs suffering and causes misery unnecessarily.
Become good at suffering, and you will free yourself in ways that you can not even fathom. Some days will be better than others. Emotions are part of the human experience. However, everything in life is not all fucking sunshine and roses.
Ditch this chicks number and forget about her. Never contact her again. Unless you are responding to her. Down the road, when this current guy lowers her interest level, there is a chance she may call you. If she does… hang out, hook up and have fun with her, but never make this chick your exclusive girlfriend. Have an open relationship with her yes. Serious relationship… no way! She has no integrity, but could be a fun friends with benefits until you find a chick who is really worthy of your time.
Here’s What You Need To Do Next:
1) Did you read my book? Read it. If you already have… read it again. Its available for FREE by entering your name and email address in the email sign-up box located in the upper right hand corner of every page of my website, and then clicking “INSTANT ACCESS”.
2) Once you’ve read my book, email several days and times (include your time zone) you have available over the next week or two, and I would be happy to do a FREE phone coaching consultation with you. I can help you get pointed in the right direction so you can quickly and easily start meeting some new prospects. I will also teach you what to do and how to be prepared if she does contact you. You left the door open. YOU MUST LET HER CONTACT YOU NEXT. Otherwise you will destroy any potential chance to hook up with her again (assuming that’s what you want. Most guys who contact me want that chance. My job as your coach is to help you get what you want. Its up to you to decide if you still want it once you have it again).
Being successful with women and getting what you want is your BIRTHRIGHT as a man. You simply must learn the proper way to approach and handle your interactions and relationships with women. Most guys (I used to be one) are simply clueless as to what women really want or emotionally respond to (a large majority of women don’t really understand themselves and why they respond the way they do to men). Even the late great neurologist and founder of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, was unable after a lifetime of study to figure out “what a woman really wants.”
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
If you feel I have added value to your life, you can show your appreciation by doing one of the following three things:
From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“To be what we are, & to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life.”-Robert Louis Stevenson