How To Properly Vet Women To Attract A Great Girlfriend

The process of properly vetting women to weed out the bad ones, so you can attract a great one.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a guy who shares his vetting process with 3 different women he dated since discovering my work. The first woman was his ex, but she was toxic, difficult and created unnecessary drama. The second woman had a lot of good qualities, but after 90 days of dating, the real her came out and he dipped.

Then he describes how he met the woman of his dreams, who he’s now been with for about 7 months. The email and the 3 women are a great contrast that illustrates the differences between women who create unnecessary drama and problems and women who make life easy, effortless and enjoyable. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

As he learned, people can hide who they are for about the first 90 days of a relationship. And for you guys that are doing long distance, if the woman you’re dating or seeing is out of the city or out of the country, and you only see each other every few weeks or a couple of times a month, and it’s only for a weekend, it’s going to take you a lot longer than a woman who lives in your city to really properly vet her, just because there’s so much time in between that.

I’ve seen a lot of cases over the years where guys start dating a woman and maybe she’s 4 or 5 hours away. I had a phone session with a guy yesterday I was talking to. The woman was in another country, and then when she moved to his country, they were still about a 3 or 4 hour car ride or train ride away from one another. And it wasn’t until they actually started living in the city, where she’s literally five minutes down the road from him, that he really got to see what she is like. So, it’s always going to be better for the vetting process if the woman lives in your city and she’s within a half hour car, or train, or bus ride away from where you happen to live. So, you’ve got to keep that in mind.

After the 90 days went by, he really started to see kind of her character flaws, her insecurities and issues that just created unnecessary drama. And what I say all the time is you want a woman who is easygoing, easy to get along with, communicates well. Ideally, in a perfect world, she’s got a good relationship with her mom and her dad, and especially her dad. Typically, the worse the relationship is with the father, the more difficult she is, the harder time she has trusting men and just being agreeable and easy going to get along with.

If the woman grew up with a father and she’s tight with the dad – the dad’s a good guy, he’s her rock, her mountain, she goes to him for all of her advice, she tells him all the things that are going on in her relationships, and they just have a really great, strong father daughter type of bond – those women are just typically, (it doesn’t mean always), are much easier to get along with, and date, and be in a relationship with than a woman who’s got severe daddy issues and is pissed off at her father.

Because the more pissed off she is at her father, and the more difficulty she has with him, typically, the harder it’s going to be to have a relationship with those women. Now, it doesn’t mean all of them. It’s just that most people are lazy and they major in minor things. And so, when they come from a messed up background, most people just simply aren’t willing to do the work to overcome their trauma, or their flaws, or what they experienced in childhood. So, that’s why it’s so important to properly vet women.

And so you’ll see the third woman that he talks about, obviously, is his now girlfriend. He says she is his dream woman. They’ve been together for about seven months. This is the process that guys that read the book 10 to 15 times and learn it experience in the real world of dating. Because, again, life is hard enough. And I remember there was a book that I saw, probably over 20 years ago at this point. A friend had it on his his toilet tank in his bathroom. It was a little skinny book. I think it was Life’s Little Instruction Book, or something like that. And I remember just flipping through as I’m relaxing, and I remember this phrase that was in there. It said, “Choose very carefully the person that you spend your life with, because 95% of your happiness or your misery is going to come from that one decision.”

Life is hard enough with everything going on outside in the real world and the people that you’re going to encounter, you definitely want somebody at home, somebody that’s your teammate, that just makes things easy. You don’t want to put up with drama, or crap, or nonsense, because it just makes life infinitely that much harder.

So, do yourself a favor and do what I did a long time ago, and decide ahead of time that your life is going to be a drama free zone, and the women that are going to be in it are going to be easygoing, easy to get along with. They’re going to want to talk things out. And if they don’t, if they want to stonewall, if they want to be passive aggressive, and punish you, and give you the silent treatment for several days, just don’t put up with it. Set and enforce healthy boundaries, and if they won’t respect them, then you’ve got to let them go on down the road. Let some other poor bastard deal with their toxicity.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Coach,

This letter is purely to say thanks. I wanted to say thank you very much, as your coaching and teaching helped me find the woman of my dreams. I will try to keep it as concise as possible.

Brevity is appreciated, but good, important details also are super important, so everybody can learn as I go through these emails.

Quick background, I never really had an issue with women, as my natural demeanor aligned with a lot of the principles in your book.

Well, every guy knows some of this information, whether they learned it growing up or they learned it from other people. The more they come from a good family, the more they’re just going to know these things and live them, instinctively. But every guy’s got some bit of a knowledge gap, because this stuff is just not taught in schools. You have to learn it on your own.

But as I discovered, I admittedly needed some fine tuning with being direct with my feelings, (i.e., how you use examples of telling your women “I love you babe,” “you’re awesome,” etc.).

Yeah, feminine energy grows through praise. Masculine energy grows through challenge. And it’s important when you’re in a relationship with a woman that you do praise her from time to time, especially the things that you love about her. Because if you praise the things you love about her, she’ll tend to give you more of those things.

I had a habit of coming across too much like a cold fish sometimes, not speaking from the heart and keeping it inside. Now to the story. I got into your work, (watched the videos and bought the book), when things were going sideways with a girl I was dating. (I know, typical.)

Yeah, that’s about 80% of the guys that come to me. That’s what’s happened. They were dating somebody or in a relationship, something went sideways, and they’re trying to re-attract them.

Luckily, I found your work before the breakup and rejected the friend zone.

So, obviously his now ex tried to friend zone him, and he just said,”No thank you. Call me if you change your mind.”

I went about my life having fun, and like clockwork, the girl reached out a few months later. I followed the 7 principles…

In other words, he’s discussing what he learned in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.”

…and asked for a date, but she was acting flakey, so I politely ended the conversation.

Oftentimes what’s happening when the women start to come back, especially if they started dating other guys, is that they recognize that the new guy or the other guys are just not doing it. Plus, there’s been all this time and space, and you haven’t chased after her, and you were congruent with what you said. You said, “I’m not interested in being friends. Call me if you change your mind,” and you’re congruent with that.

Because masculinity is calm. You don’t get upset, you don’t blow up her phone. You don’t chase her, you don’t stalk her. You just you let her go. And then she goes out on dates with a couple of other guys that are just douchebags, and she starts to go, “That Corey guy wasn’t so bad after all. I think I’m going to get in touch with him. I kind of miss him.”

But they might still be involved with these other guys. And so, oftentimes they reach back out, and they’re just really trying to see if you’re still interested. And when they’re doing that, that’s why they won’t make a date either. They’re still tied up with another guy that they’re seeing, or they’re just trying to see if you’re on the hook. But if they agree to see you, then it means they’re open to picking up and moving towards getting back together.

So, that’s why it’s super important, when they do get back, you do dinner at your place and she has to come to you, especially if she’s the one dumping you. And 75% of the time women do the dumping. In most of these emails, this is the situation these guys are in. But it’s important to make sure you’re not trying to make dates and hanging out with a girl that uses you for attention and validation, because you’re too soft and weak to stand up to her and push back when she tries to do platonic things.

She reached out one more time, but I had the same results.

So that tells me, for whatever reason, she just wasn’t ready. Maybe, again, things weren’t going well. Because, typically, when things go bad with the other guy or the new guys, or it’s not looking good with them, that’s when they reach back out to you. They get confirmation you’re still interested, they get the attention of validation they wanted, and so, they go back to trying to see what’s going to happen with the new guy or the other guys.

And that’s why it’s so powerful when you’re following what’s in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” you don’t get into a situation where you’re confused all of the time about what’s going on or how she feels about you. It just makes her, in essence, shit or get off the pot and not waste your time. It’s emotionally draining to do that, because you put your whole life on hold, hoping that things are going to turn out, when in reality, if you follow what’s in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” it makes it impossible for the woman to jerk you around. You’ll understand really quickly exactly where you stand with her and how open she is to a reconciliation at that particular moment in time, which it will change over time.

When I stopped asking for dates, she began using her roommate to organize group events where we would be forced to hang out. (We’re in the same friend group.) I just used those events as an opportunity to hang out and have fun. What I found was the more I applied your teachings, the more difficult she became.

Well, this is how the book is designed. It brings out the best in the best and the worst in the worst. It will repel toxic women, because you’re completely centered in your masculinity. And women that are messed up are just not going to react too well with it. And that’s what you want. You want to weed out the bad ones?

I found out later, she had daddy issues and bad prior relationships with men.

Yeah, it’s like I was talking about earlier. If she doesn’t trust her father, or she had a bad relationship with him, or it’s toxic, she’s typically going to have difficulty trusting you, and believing you, and being easygoing and easy to get along with. Not in all cases, but in most cases, that’s typically what you’re going to be dealing with.

We eventually sat down, and I asked her if nothing changed that she dial back her actions. It was not taken well, and she got very upset and tried to turn the friend group against me, (which didn’t work).

So, she’s vindictive, too.

I don’t think I was completely in line with your teachings here, but ultimately, I went with my gut.

From there, I met a new girl 3 months after this, applied your teachings, and hit it out of the park. She said I was the best man she ever dated. We clicked well, but there was always something off with different discussions we had.

This is why you’ve got to vet. Because too many guys get into a new thing like this and they’re like, “It’s great. I found the one!” And then, you completely suspend your rationality, and being cautious, and being skeptical because of your emotions. Remember, we make decisions in relationships, and life, and especially our sales decisions, based on our emotions. And then we use logic and reason to justify those decisions.

So, it’s important not to get all dopey and pedestalize a woman. Because if you do that too soon, what’s going to happen is you’re going to completely ignore and miss all of the red flags, and then you won’t find out until it’s too late and you’re six months down the road in a really toxic relationship. It’s a lot harder to leave then, versus the first few weeks or month or so of dating.

There were inconsistencies that were small but starting to become more frequent. Like you say, properly vet, and it usually takes 3 months for someone to reveal how they are. Needless to say, at the 3-month mark it was clear there were a lot of things that she needed to work on, (daddy issues, finances, etc.).

Yeah, those are all problems with bad relationships. She’s bad with money, and typically, she’s got a bad relationship with her dad. She can have a good relationship with her dad, but maybe he spoiled her, and he always comes to the rescue and pays her bills, or gives her money, and bails her out when she gets in trouble. So, there’s a double edged sword there. You want balanced. You don’t want a yo-yo. Because, otherwise, if you’re with a yo-yo, there will be lots of peaks and valleys.

She even asked me at one point, would someone with my life together like I had be willing to date someone like her.

So, obviously, that’s communicating, “Hey, I know you’re better than me, and I don’t think I’m good enough for you. I hope you don’t mind.” And remember, people will act consistently with how they view themselves to be, and it doesn’t matter whether the view is accurate or not. So, if she constantly feels inferior and not good enough for you, she’s going to communicate that and do things that are going to turn you off and be frustrating. But she’s behaving consistently with her worldview, her model of the world, if you will.

Like one of your videos mentioned, sometimes if someone’s life is a mess, they’ll reject because of fear of getting rejected once someone discovers what they’re like. Needless to say, she was a great girl but wasn’t an equal, so I ended it.

Good for you.

Following that, I met the girl of my dreams. I asked her out by being direct and decisive, had a great first date, and went for the kiss with success. We’ve been dating 7 months, she’s head over heels in love with me, and tells me as much all the time. Similar to the second girl, she’s told me multiple times how different I am from other guys, (can’t imagine where I picked that up from).

Yeah, these are the kinds of things that you’re going to hear, that women see and say, once you get to know the book. And when you see those things, that also helps to build your confidence. Because then, you’ve got real world confirmation in your own life of what I experienced in mine and what’s in the book.

I could go into more details, but I’m pretty close to my word limit. As a side note, when I was 3 months into dating my current girlfriend, the girl from the first paragraph…

In other words, the original ex who caused him to find my work in the first place.

…confronted me at a friend event out of the blue and asked me why I had a problem with her.

Wayne Dyer used to say, “Most people go through life looking for occasions to be offended.” And so, if you have a view of the world that people are jerks, or people are problems, or they have drama, or in this case, “People have a problem with me,” if you just automatically assume that from the get go, then in this case, it’s like she comes and confronts him because she assumes, just because this is her belief system, that he has a problem with her. Meanwhile, he’s having a damned good time with the new girl. It’s like, he could care less. He’s totally indifferent.

That she had no regrets about what happened between us, that she had no issues with my current girlfriend, and wanted to be able to text and call me whenever she wanted.

She wanted another another chance to get back in there. Because, on some level, it really bothers her that he’s happy and he’s with a hotter girl who he likes more.

I found the behavior curious but realized what was going on. I said thanks but no thanks, as her behavior just enforced that I found the right girl (girl #3) by following your teachings. 

In summary, the journey was tough at times but enjoyable, and thank you very much for your teachings. They are all spot on, and I wouldn’t be where I’m at today without them. 

P.S. I had read the book 10 times before girl #1 reached back out. I had read it 15 times by the time I encountered girl #2 and #3. I decided to not learn the lesson the hard way after watching so many videos of guys who just wouldn’t read the book and questioned you why they ended up where they were at.

Thanks again and God Bless.

Bob

Well, again, the guys that have the best success stories, they read a book 10, 15, 20 times or more. And so, this guy was a serious student, and literally in a matter of months, he read the book 15 times, versus a guy that’s been following me five years and he’s only read it twice, and that was 4 or 5 years ago. Those guys always struggle, and their situations are always messed up. And they may be cherry picking from videos here and there, because they’re looking for a shortcut and a quick fix.

Well, the reality is there are no shortcuts to success. You’ve got to put the time in. You’ve got to put the time in to learn the material. Each time you read it, you’re only going to retain maybe 8 to 10% of it. So, that’s why you’ve got to read it 10-15 times. That’s the only way you’re going to become competent and confident. And women love confident guys. That’s the number one, most important thing that women find attractive in men is guys with confidence. And if you follow what’s in the book, and you go through the repetitions, and you follow a similar path this guy had, he was a good student, now he’s getting the great results. The results speak for themselves.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.