How To Recover Attraction After Turning Her Off

How to recover attraction if you turned her off with too much unattractive behavior.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who started following my work after he turned off a high school crush he started dating six years after graduation. However, he quickly became needy and clingy and turned her off and she canceled two dates on him.

Now, six months later, she’s texting him again and he is fumbling the football trying to set dates and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

So this email is a good email. It just shows how hard it is to do more things right than wrong. Especially like this guy, he had a high school crush that he always had. I guess he was probably overweight, out of shape, wasn’t very popular, he was kind of quiet, but ever since then, ever since high school, he’s leveled up, he’s gotten to the gym, taking care of himself. So he had a chance to start dating this girl that he really liked, but he quickly became really needy and clingy, turned her off. Then she cancelled two dates on him and then he went no-contact. Now, six months later, she’s reaching out, but he’s kind of fumbling the football instead of just making dates. It just goes to show when most guys have never dated a really hot girl in their eyes or at least what they think is hot, then when they do, they can’t help but fall all over themselves and step on their own dick.

Everybody’s been there at some point. It’s why understanding the book backwards and forwards is one of the reasons why I say you gotta read it 10 to 15 times. So like in the six months that he wasn’t talking to her, it seems like all this happened before he found my work, and now he’s been through the book since he’s been following me since January. So it’s about eight months now, but still, he’s gotten through the book four whole times in eight months. So it takes him two months to go through the book, a 250-page book, just once.

So if you’re new, the best way to to get through the book so you get the reads in is to get an audio-book. The links are on my website. You can even get them for free with an Audible free trial. There’s links on my website for that. Also in the video description of this video, there are links if you want to do an Audible free trial and get the eBook for free. So you put the book on the audio-book on two-speed, then follow along in a digital or physical copy. This is obviously a hardcover version, but if you’re a free member on the website, you have access to the books. So you could go buy an audio-book and then follow along with a digital or physical copy. You can also get the Kindle version because they have what’s called whisper sync. So as the words are being spoken, they get highlighted by the audio-book. If you put it on two-speed, you can get through it in four hours. So to be following me for eight months and still only get through the book four times? That’s not someone that’s really a serious student.

You’ll see as this girl comes back, he’s just kind of fumbling the football here, when it’s just such an easy thing to re-engage if he’d actually taken it seriously and practice what’s in the book. Then she would have come back and he would have had some practice with some other ladies, so he would have been much smoother. Instead, it’s like she reaches back out and nothing much has really changed with him. So that’s the danger, is that he ends up turning her off for exactly the same reasons because again, he didn’t practice anything that was in the book. He barely got through it four times in eight months. I mean, I get emails all the time from guys. They go through the book four times in a week. When they start following, they’re really serious because they’re trying to figure this out. You got to participate in your own rescue and take this shit seriously. Nobody’s going to fix you or save you. You got to do that yourself.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I’ve been following your work since January and I read your book four times. Through my entire life, I was rather a shy and neurotic person with almost zero experience with women and I just turned 26, so as you can guess I often have hard times to forgive myself for taking action in the regard of women so late.

Well, that’s why it’s helpful to get out, mingle and socialize where all the ladies are doing and go do fun things you love and enjoy with other like-minded people and develop your social skills, develop your personality. A relationship with another human being is you’re going to interact one-on-one. You’re not going to be interacting on a digital device. The digital device is just simply used to arrange the get-togethers, not get to know somebody.

Back in high school, I had a crush on one girl who really knocks my socks off, but back then, I wasn’t really able to do something about it. I was just too insecure, not in shape, without purpose and just couldn’t even think that I could possibly ever be with her. In November, six years after high school, she happened to start a job at a gym in a nearby town. In this moment, I was in good point in my life (I took care of myself during these six years and highly improved). I promised myself to try to seduce this woman and after frequenting a few times at the gym and initiating conversations with her, she started to text me, and we did so for like two days. Then I invited her for our first date.

Pretty good. Pretty smooth so far.

I was pretty surprised how smooth our interactions were. She really made many things easy for me. I could tell there was high interest to begin with, she started really fast to initiating touching, bumping, hugging, telling me private secrets, etc. On the first date, I kinda acted like a statue due to the fact that this was my first date ever in life and with a woman that is a 10/10 for me, so I didn’t have guts to go for the kiss.

I know what it feels like. I’ve been there, but you gotta soldier on. You gotta roll a dice and go for it because if you hesitate, you will masturbate.

On our second date, I no longer hesitated and we ended up with heavy petting on the backseat of my car, but I wasn’t able to go any further because she told she is not like that and never did it so early with any guy, so we just kept caressing.

So you took her delay as an outright denial, when all it was really going on in the backseat of the car was that you’re just going too fast. So she’s basically saying, “Hey, pump the brakes. Slow it down a little bit.” This is laid out in the book, but again, in eight months you barely got through it four times. So that’s why it didn’t really click. You didn’t know what to do. You just turned into a statue and you went, “Oh, I must be a robot. She said to slow down. I must stop and give up.” It’s a bad way to go, dude.

On the third date, I screwed up by acting needy and insecure, and I just saw her attraction drops immensely.

What did Confucius say? “Success depends upon prior preparation. Without said preparation, there is sure to be failure.” So you had all that time while you were in no-contact, you could have been reading the book and learning it, mastering it, going out with other girls, getting good. If you have hooked up with a few other ladies, then you wouldn’t have been so rough and inexperienced in that back seat. You could have been wearing out the springs in your car, but that didn’t happen.

From then, I started to receive wishy-washy excuses and got cancelled two times, so I left her be in no-contact and then I found your work.

So the late great Doc Love had one rule: One chance per girl, per lifetime. She cancels the date. She’s out forever. That was his attitude, because she disrespected you and your time. If your relationship starts on that, there will be other things she’ll do to disrespect you, because if she cancels on you and doesn’t offer a reschedule, even if she continues reaching out, you’re never going to bring up getting together again unless she brings it up first.

So I suspect as soon as she reached back out, maybe he called her a few days or a week or so later, set another date and she cancelled that one because her interest was low because again, he stepped on his own dick and just didn’t take the time to learn the book. So he wasn’t prepared when she came back.

I say this stuff all the time in the videos, but guys don’t listen because most people major in minor things, are just fucking lazy. Thumbing through the book and watching some videos and cherry-picking with no practice? You’re not going to get better.

After six months, she started reaching out and I kept conversations light and short, and after many attempts from her to make me invite her, she finally asked me to meet up.

Well, the right thing to do in this case was to not try to set a date because again, she cancelled two dates, so she’s got to bring it up. So as 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says, the article and video I did about 10, 11 years ago, it lays everything out, what you’re supposed to do. In this case, she brings it up, then you make a date. If she texts you, “Hey, how you been?” Blah blah blah you send two or three text replies back and forth and you say, “Hey, I gotta run. Talk to you later.” If she calls you, you talk for two or three minutes, “Hey, I gotta run. Talk to you later.” One of two things will happen: She’ll either bring up getting together, or she’ll stop contacting you. So she brought it up.

I still live with my parents due to their health conditions, so I invited her to my town and we had a great date.

She again started to text and sending me gifs every day. I texted with her very little and I have problem with it. It seems to me very counterintuitive and make me feel like I’m ignoring her and could tell she feels the same.

Well again, if she reaches out and she brought up getting together, then you set the date. Then after that, when she reaches out, then you can make a date. Again, this is what happens. You didn’t take the time to really learn the material.

So this is what you miss when you don’t go through the book 10 or 15 times. You miss the subtle nuances of what’s in the book. So the girl’s reaching out, you don’t really know what to do. You’re just like a statue because you’re like, “Oh, does not compute. This does not compute. Coach, what do I do? This does not compute.”

I didn’t make a definite plans with her because I was about to go for delegation and was hard to tell when I will be available.

Go for delegation? Well, I don’t know what that is, but OK.

Since I didn’t set a firm date, I reached out and asked…

Yeah, you shouldn’t have done that.

…About the following weekend and she replied that she will maybe go with her cousin on some drifting cars performance and she will let me know (She didn’t)…

So again, this is why you don’t pursue. The girl cancelled and blew you off twice. She has to do all the pursuing. She initially brought up getting together, so you correctly made a date and then after that, each time she kept reaching out, it’s like you didn’t make a date and then you started pursuing her. So when you do that, it’s not her idea.

This is why you get more wishy-washy answers, because her interest was already low and she started reaching out. That’s why you got to let her do 100% of the pursuing, because she basically goes to you and then she came back, but you’re not following instructions. So you’re fumbling the football here with a situation that’s actually pretty easy.

…On Sunday if she comes back earlier so we can meet up at night.

So you you agreed to a “maybe” date. You don’t do “maybe” dates. Again, that’s in the book, but if you read it four times in eight months, you’re going to miss those little subtle nuances. You don’t know what the fuck you’re doing.

In general, she makes me feel like I’m a second or third priority…

Well, you did that to yourself by acting like a bitch too much.

…And started to doubt if she really had a high interest to begin with.

Monday morning, she posted a series of stories on Instagram with two other guys she didn’t mention about along with her cousin. Then after couple hours, she sent me a gif with hearts like nothing happened.

So when you’re watching her stories, she sees that you’re watching her stories. You shouldn’t be doing that. That’s what no-contact is. You don’t creep every one of her social media posts.

Again, you’re not really listening or following me. It’s why you’re fumbling the football all over the place with a situation that’s actually quite, the only thing you really did good was in the very beginning in getting the number and getting the ball rolling. After that, but again, you didn’t know about my work by then, but here we are, eight months later, and you’re still making the same mistakes as a rookie. That’s where the book can help fill in the gap, because you can learn from my experiences when you spend the time with the material because you don’t have any.

If you don’t have any experience, you don’t really take reading the book seriously, you’re basically throwing darts in a blizzard. It’s not going to go well.

I just ignored it. Now after a week, she texted me on Sunday and asked about meeting up on the week. I have second shifts this week and I didn’t want to make dates in the morning. At the same time, I don’t want to make it six days in advance…

Why not? If she really likes you, she’ll keep the date.

…So I replied to her that she reaches out to me on Thursday or Friday.

Please tell me what I need to improve on, or if I should even bother with her. Thanks for everything!

Bob

Well, take it seriously. This is your life, dude. Read the book. I mean, I say it all the time, but it’s like guys like you follow me eight fucking months and you barely get through the book four times, and you’re just stepping all over your dick trying to make a date, not knowing what you’re doing. If you knew the book, you would have been like, “That would have been fine to make a date six days in advance,” but because you’re so scared, so afraid, you’re desperate, you don’t think she’ll keep the date and you don’t make a date at all, then you put the ball back into her court and tell her to reach out to you Thursday or Friday. So you’re not really being direct and decisive. The book is not going to help you if you don’t read it and you don’t apply it. Especially when you’re doing the opposite of it.

Come on, man! You got to participate in your own rescue. Nobody’s going to fix your life. Nobody’s going to give you the experience. You got to go out and take it. You got to go out and get it, because if you start going out on dates with this girl and say, you progressed a little further, maybe you get a little good taste of the baloney curtains from her, then what? You’ve only been through the book four times, and you’ll really fuck it up when your emotions become engaged because you can’t think straight because again, to her, she’s the ultimate fantasy to you.

So again, you had eight whole months to potentially get ready for her to come back and you just didn’t do that. You just watching videos, being lazy, cherry-picking. Now she comes back and you’re just fumbling the football. It’s a real shame. As a coach, I can’t care more about your life than you do if you don’t give a shit and it’s not important enough to you to read the book, learn this stuff and keep from fucking up the girl you’ve had a crush on for what, six or seven years? However many years it is. Well, that’s a you problem.

So take this seriously, dude. It’s your fucking life, because if you don’t, you’re gonna fuck this up, and then eventually, if you keep fucking up like this, she will probably just disappear forever and think you’re a clueless guy. So if that’s what you want, keep doing what you’re doing because your approach sucks and your game sucks. It’s just terrible and atrocious, so you can do better. Again, you got to make the effort. Nobody’s going to do it for you.

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