How To Respond When She Tries To Friend-Zone You

How to respond to a woman who tries to friend zone you when you want romance.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who appears to be new to my work. He is a nurse and met a woman that works at his hospital. He asked her out and they went on several dates. Then a friend of his was unable to attend an event in Vegas so he asked her to go. He paid for the plane tickets, hotels and everything. She kept trying to friend-zone him and he didn’t know how to handle it and kept acting like a friend.

Now he is quitting his job because he can’t handle working with her and not being able to date her. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email I think is from a guy who’s new to my work. He doesn’t really say, but he’s a nurse and he met a woman that works at the hospital. He asked her out, they went on several dates and then a friend of his was unable to attend an event in Vegas. I think it was like a soccer match. I think this guy’s from Brazil, if I’m not mistaken. So he asked her to go instead, which I would have never done because it’s too much, too soon because he paid for the plane tickets, he paid for the hotel. At some point, she kept trying to friend-zone him because obviously his game is sloppy, he’s new to my work. He spent several days in Vegas with her after she said, “Oh, I’m not ready for a relationship.” Of course she doesn’t mind him spending all his money on her and they just lay in the same bed together. He’s too afraid to escalate or do anything to advance things because again, he’s got no game. He didn’t know what to do, but he wrote the email in just to share and say, “Hey, this is what you don’t want to do,” so it’s a good email that just shows that. This is the experience of most guys, when they meet a girl and they don’t know how to handle things. So I would say this girl’s interest is not real high to begin with, and he’s probably doing and saying things that make him look unattractive because again, he looks like he’s brand new to my work.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach Corey!

First I would like to thank you for all you do to educate us in this relationship journey. My story is very embarrassing but I need people to hear it so no one else would repeat the mistake I made. I’m a 29-year-old guy living in California since 2017 but I was born in Africa. I grew up in Africa and Brazil because my dad is from Brazil.

I’m a nurse working at the hospital but also working a part time job two days a week at the group home. At my part time job, I am working with multiple nurses, assistants and as a nurse. We interact with them all the time at work. I ended up liking this girl so much. She is 25 years old. She is American born and raised in California. I asked for her phone number and she gave it to me without any questions. Then a few days later I asked her out and we had our first dinner date that weekend. 

On our date, I noticed a few red flags but I had decided to ignore them and later they costed me big time. First red flag is that she was fresh out of the relationship. She broke up with her one year boyfriend just two months ago and she seems to be sad when she was talking about it, but I didn’t care.

Well, it’s nice to know all that, but again, whatever a woman experiences when she’s with you, whatever emotions you make her feel when she’s with you is what she’s going to associate with being with you, and talking about her bad breakup is a bad way to go. It’s nice to get a little bit of intel, but to sit there and spend an hour at dinner talking about the ex-boyfriend? All you’re doing is eliciting negative feelings and emotions. Even though she’s thinking about the boyfriend, and she’s with you, this is what she feels when she’s with you, so that’s not good because you want to be the escape. You want to be the guy that takes her mind off of things, that makes her laugh, that makes her smile, that makes her forget about the dude. Then you get her talking about other things. You get her talking about things that she really likes. As I discussed in the book, ask her the kind of questions that she would enjoy answering, but going over the unpleasant breakup, you’re just eliciting negative feelings and emotions in her, and that’s going to get in the way of you seducing her successfully.

Two weeks later, we had our second date. We went bowling followed by dinner, same thing. It was OK date but something seemed to be off. Remember since we are working together I get to see her at least two times every week at work.

“Oh, I get to see her two times a week!”

Our 3rd date we had decided to drive two hours out of town to go hiking.

I wouldn’t be driving two hours to go hiking. Your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen, to hang out, have fun while you’re hanging out and hook up. When you’re doing the hiking thing like that, two hours out of town, unless you got someplace you can go and kind of be alone, you’re going to get all sweaty and stinky. That’s something you can do with your girlfriend. I wouldn’t advise doing something like that. It’s not the end of the world.

There was an email I did in the last year where the guy took a girl hiking and they ended up having sex next to a stream or a river, which can be really, really amazing, but you got to think of the logistics of that ahead of time. Again, he’s new to my work obviously, and he’s not thinking about these things.

We hiked for three hours and spent the whole day in a small town by the lake just talking and having a good time. While we were hiking she mentioned something that she is not in a good position to have any kind of relationship now because she has been dating back to back since high school and now she wants to go back to school to become a nurse and it’s gonna take her three years and during that time. She is not gonna have time to see anyone or to be in a relationship but we can still stay friends.

What that tells me is that he’s given off too much of the friend vibe and not the romantic vibe, and he’s also communicating that he really likes her and he’s probably a little dopey. So she’s basically telling him, “There’s no way I’m going to date you. I’m not going to date anybody for the next year,” which is all bullshit. If she meets a guy she really likes, she’ll be dating and fucking him tomorrow. That’s just the reality.

When a girl says we can still stay friends, your response to that automatically should be, “I’m down for friends with benefits. I’m not really looking for anything serious anyways, but we can do friends with benefits. I’m not interested in just a platonic relationship. If you just want something platonic, I’m not the guy for that.” Then she can say, “Well, I’d be down for friends with benefits,” or “I don’t see you that way.” “Yeah, no problem. Well, it’s been great meeting you. I’ll take you home now and and we’ll see each other at work. We can be pals at work. We can keep it professional. If you change your mind or if you’re open to it, just let me know. We’ll go out on a date again in the future,” and then you just continue normal conversation, but anytime a girl mentions friends, it’s like, “I’m down for friends with benefits. That works for me. I’m not looking for anything serious or relationship either. I don’t know you that well. You just got out of a relationship over a year. Who knows? Maybe your ex is going to be trying to get back with you anyways. So you need time to heal and I just want to have fun and see where things go. No pressure.”

Remember I didn’t mention anything about relationships. She just felt the need to say that for no reason.

Oh there was a reason, dude, and the reason was that she could tell that you’re really into her, you really like her and that’s what you’re focused on, is locking her down and getting her into a relationship. That’s the vibe you gave her. So girls don’t just say shit like that, pulling things out of their butt for no reason at all. There is definitely a reason. You gave off the vibe that you were hoping she’s going to be your next girlfriend, whether you realize it or not. That’s why you got to read the book 10 to 15 times. You can’t be cherry picking videos because you go out on a date like this, and like I said, it gets worse.

Then we had dinner and went back home, up to this time she hasn’t shown any signs that she wants to be kissed, no touching, no hair playing and when I was getting closer to her she would try to give me a serious look. 

So this just doesn’t sound like she’s interested at all. On your first date, you should have tried to kiss her anyways, and you didn’t do that either because you chickened out. This is what happens. This guy is paying only attention to his interest in her, and he’s like, “How can I convert her? How can I get her to like me?” I don’t have any problem getting Rocky to like me, do I? He’s such a good boy. You’re a good boy, Rock Star.

Two months before, we started talking and one of my best friends and I had plans to go to Vegas in June 2024 to watch the Copa America soccer game between Brazil vs Uruguay and we had our tickets ready to go since March. Unfortunately my friend had to travel internationally, so I ended up asking this girl if we could go to Vegas together for three days and she agreed.

I would have never done that. That’s one of the dumbest things you can do, but again, he knows that now and that’s why he sent the email so there’s not some other sucker watching this and is thinking about doing the same thing with a girl that has low interest.

I paid for our flights both ways, hotel, food and all other activities that we had to do in those three days that we were in Vegas.

In her mind, you’re in the friend-zone because that’s what she’s told you. So she allows you to spend money on her, because who wouldn’t want to go to Vegas and do something like that? Everything’s paid!

In my mind, I thought this would be my chance to get to kiss her and pretty much have sex.

Yeah, I would have never done that.

Sorry, guys. We’ve been interrupted by Ocean. She wants some attention. Anyways, back to our regularly scheduled email that was interrupted by our fluffy little friends here.

So this guy is only paying attention to his interest, but again, he’s new, so we can’t break his balls too much. Again, it’s a good email to learn from because he’s gonna feel like such a sucker after all this happens, and he comes home and he’s like, “Man, I spent thousands of dollars on this girl. I didn’t even get a kiss on the cheek. I got nothing but blue balls.“

We checked in at our 63rd floor hotel room in Vegas and 30 minutes later she was steering out of the window. Then I made a move touching her hand and trying to kiss her, just for her to move away.

Yeah, there’s no signs that she’s ready to be kissed. That’s inappropriate. “Oh hey, I’m in Vegas. I spent all this money on it. You want some dick?” It’s basically what you’re doing at that point. That should have all happened at dinner late at night when you’re hanging out, but it’s like, “Oh, now we’re in a room together. Let’s have sex.” This is very clunky. There is nothing smooth about this. In fact, she’s just staring out the window like a zombie. That sounds like a barrel of monkeys.

She started giving me a speech about her not being ready for a relationship but she enjoys my company and I am a good person and she would like us to stay friends.

Again, I would say, “Well, we could be friends with benefits,” but again, it should have never gotten this far. He probably didn’t know any better.

I replied by saying, “Relationship has nothing to do with this. We are here to have a good time for a few days and that’s all matters for now. Even when we get back to Cali, we can still see one another and have a good time together that involves kissing and sex, but it doesn’t have to be anything official for now since we both have a lot going on.”

Oh man…. Dude. Bro.

At that time I could tell that nothing would happen. It was a turn off on my end, I didn’t wanna make a move again and force her to do something she doesn’t wanna do.

Again, as the book teaches, which you probably haven’t read, is that when the signs are there that she’s ready to be kissed, touched and seduced, that’s when you make a move. Not when you first show up. I mean, it’d be different if this is your girlfriend and you guys were fucking in the morning before you hopped in the plane. You’re probably going to be going at it like rabbits in Vegas with the curtains open, looking over the city of Vegas. Why not? But in his mind, he’s already just gave up because then he’s trying to seduce her when there’s no signs or evidence that it’s appropriate in the moment. He’s putting the cart before the horse. The formula is hang out, have fun, hook up. Not hook up, then hang out and have fun. It’s just the formula. The hookup comes at the end of the night, the end of the date.

So we ended up sleeping the same bed for three days, did bunch of activities, go out to eat and drink, went to the soccer game together and not even get to kiss her…

I’m still proud Rocky wants to kiss me.

…But I’m still proud of myself that I didn’t show her if I was mad or changed any plans.

Before coming back to California I had to talk to her. I told her that when we get back to California, we will have to stop seeing each other because I really like her and there is no benefit of us keeping seeing one another if we cannot even kiss or have intimacy, but if she ever changes her mind she has my number and she can let me know. She was shocked by my words and told me to give her some time to think about it…

When a woman says, “I’ll think about it,” usually that means no.

…And would let me know after a few days.

We get back to California, and two days later right before going back to work for the first time since our trip to Vegas, she texted me saying that she is OK with us stop seeing each other, she is not ready for a relationship, has to go to school and she just wanna stay single for now and put her life together.

What she’s really saying is, “I just don’t want to date you.”

My heart dropped, but I agreed with her, but we kept talking to one another at work and I didn’t show her if I’m angry or sad about what happened in Vegas or her message. This is where I messed up because I started feeling anxious and couldn’t stop myself, so I ended up asking her out so we could talk more about it.

Yeah, you’re trying to use logic and reason to get her to to date and sleep with you. That just does not work, dude. You’ve seen too many movies.

She agreed to get together for drinks on Friday night but didn’t respond to my last message to confirm the time and place that we were going to meet. 48 hours later, she reached out via text saying that she got allergies and canceled our date. Then I replied to her by saying, “No problem. I hope you feel better soon. If you would like us to get together another time just let me know. Have a good one.” She did not respond to my message. My heart hurts really bad and I cannot keep seeing her at work. I decided next week I am going to give the company a notice to quit working with them and move on with my life.

So this dude is going to quit his job because he can’t handle working with this girl that rejected him, all because his game was absolutely atrocious. He was cherry picking videos, didn’t bother taking the time to read the book. You’re not going to be successful if you don’t read the book. You got to read it 10 to 15 times.

I was talking to a guy yesterday, been following me for six or seven years. He read the book once. He got into a relationship right after. This guy’s very smart, very super high IQ, and he’s like, “I’m smart. I’m very successful. I thought it didn’t apply to me. I had a relationship for the last five or six years with this girl. I thought I knew this stuff.” He just recently went through the book again after a train wreck interaction with a woman, and he realized he doesn’t know shit.

I want you guys to have to be able to sustain your success, because what happens when guys go wrong is they read the book once or twice and they start getting laid a bunch, and then they’re like, “Oh, this is easier than I thought,” and they don’t bother learning anything else. Then the relationship wisdom and other things that are in the book, when they need that stuff, when they need that information, they just don’t know it. Then they fumble the football and fuck it up. It’s not until they get dumped, broken up or she leaves them for somebody else that they get back to reading the book and they’re like, “Oh damn, I made all these same mistakes again.”

Remember, each time you go through the book, you’re going to get maybe 7%, 8%, 9%, 10%, 6% of it, depends on the person and the high IQ people. Very successful, very wealthy people often think, “I don’t need to read this 10 or 15 times. The girls are eating out of my hands. I’m getting laid all the time,” and that’s because they only focus on the pickup skills and some of the dating skills, and they don’t bother with anything else. So they learn just what they need to get the punani, but they’re not able to maintain it, so they’re unable to successfully transition into the relationship part.

I think maybe she is still seeing her ex or they are trying to get back together or maybe she just is not into me, I don’t know.

Dude, she’s not into you. She may have been, but the fact that you kept trying and ignoring the fact that there are no signs there that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, and plus, you’re spending all this money on her? I’m sorry, but that’s stupid. That’s delusional and naive just thinking if a girl spends enough time with you, she’s going to see what a great guy you are. It doesn’t work. It works great like that in the movies, but you gotta remember the dorks that sat in the back of the class in high school, those are the guys that are writing those movie scripts that they get the girl because they have the fantasy of what it looks like, but in reality, they didn’t get the girl because they acted like a bitch. They didn’t act like a man. They weren’t attractive. They weren’t high value dudes. They acted like a bunch of emotional girly poussoirs. Right, Ocean?

But if she doesn’t like me, why did she keep  going out on dates and even traveling to Vegas with me if she doesn’t like me at all?

Well, she told you friendship only. If you accept that and then you go out on a date, you take her to Vegas after she’s reiterated friendship only and you don’t respond with, “Hey, I’m down with friends with benefits, but I’m not looking for something that’s just platonic. That’s not going to work for me.” What you should have done is, “I’m here. I want to have a good time.” If she was really adamant, you’d say, “Well, I can book you a plane ticket and you can fly back home. Maybe I’ll meet a girl out here or you can stay in. We can see what happens, but if you’re just down for something platonic, then it’s probably best if you go home.” That’s what I would do. I would have never been in that position. It should have never got that far. A girl tells you, “I’m only interested in friendship,” and you accept that, and then you keep spending money on her, you shouldn’t be surprised that you got nowhere. In her mind, you agreed to friendship only. “Hey, if my friend wants to fly me to Vegas and pay for everything,” it’s like, who wouldn’t want that deal? Free 99 is the best deal around.

Again, they weren’t dates to her. In her mind, you agreed to friendship and then you kept hanging out with her. When a woman says friends only, your response should be, “I’m down with friends with benefits.” If she’s like, “Well, I don’t think of you that way. I don’t want that,” I’d be like, “Well, I’m not down to hang out anymore. I’m interested in romance. I’m not interested in being your pal.” That’s where he went wrong. If you tell a woman you’re interested in romance and then she says friendship only, and then you keep hanging out with her, then she’s going to assume you acquiesce to platonic relationship.

I am so confused. I started reading your 3% Man book two weeks ago and at this point I wish I did try to kiss her before our trip to Vegas. I would save myself a lot of headaches. Now all I have is full of our memories together and a lot of pain. Any advice would be very helpful and appreciated, sir. 

Bob

Well, I wouldn’t quit my job. You should read the book and you should be talking to other pretty girls in the hospital. When you see her smile, wave and then go about your business and talk to other pretty girls, read the book, learn it and start applying it. If you start hooking up with a few girls at the hospital, when it gets back to her, you may find that she reaches out to you and then you could plan a date with her. Say she does reach out, say you start dating a couple other nurses or nurse assistants at the hospital, and you’re hooking up with a couple of them, and you’re nice to this girl, how you would treat a girl if you were tired of fucking her and you were bored of her? You’d be nice, you’d be polite, you’d say hello if you saw her, but you’re not going to go out of your way to go up and talk to her. If you see her, you wave across the hospital and you go about your business. Then if she reaches out and she says, “Hey, I’d like to see you. Hey, how you been?” She’s just like, “Hey, what’s up? Well, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what you said, and we could go out on a date.” “Well, why don’t we make dinner at my place?” I wouldn’t take her out on any more dates, spend any more money. If she does reach out and let you know through text that she’s open to going out on a date or something romantic, or she’s reconsidered because you spend all this time together, I just invite her over to make dinner at your place, and if she tries to get you to go to lunch or to meet her out or pick her up, just say, “No. It’s been a long week. I’m just in the mood to hang at my place. If you don’t want to come over and make dinner, then give me a call in a couple of weeks and maybe I’ll be up for meeting you out then.” That’s all you got to say.

You should be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back at this particular juncture. This just shows the danger of only focusing on your interests and ignoring what a woman says and dismissing it. Again, this guy is new to my work. Man, that’s thousands of dollars that guy spent on this girl, and all he got was blue balls. On top of that, it looks like he’s quit his job because he couldn’t handle working with her. That’s horrible. That’s awful, to fuck your career up over a girl you tried to date and that gave you blue balls? That’s an overreaction. That’s not a good way to go about it. Then she’s going to wonder and she might reach out after you leave like, “Hey, I heard you don’t work here anymore.” It’s like, “Yeah, I got a job at a different hospital.” Don’t go, “Oh, I couldn’t handle working with you every day and seeing your beautiful face. So I had to go work somewhere else.” That’s going to make you look like a bitch. Definitely don’t do that, but at this point, just be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. I’d say the likelihood of her reaching out is probably not very high unless you start banging other nurses at the hospital and she finds out about it, her attitude may completely change.

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