How to use the phone to properly vet and weed out bad women who will make your life miserable.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is easily intimidated by the women that he really likes. Recently he met a woman on the Hinge dating app that has bullied him into changing his behavior to win her approval. He shares the process he used to get a 1st date after throwing everything out the window he learned from My Book on how to vet and weed out bad women.
I go over how to strategically use the phone to determine what she is really like before getting too emotionally involved. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
I’ve got an email from a guy. He’s read my book about 10 times. We’re talking about 3% Man. Recently he met a girl on the Hinge dating app and she was successful at bullying and intimidating him because he’s a very thirsty man and to throw in everything he learned about the book out the window because he’s afraid of upsetting her.
The idea is, like I talk about in the book is you use the phone for setting dates. So there’s a reason for this. You’re going to take measured steps. So typically, like in this case, he meets this girl on the Hinge dating app. So like I suggest in my book and in the article I wrote years ago, The Ultimate Online Dating Profile, is you want to create the conditions where women contact you first.
What I would typically do back when I was on dating apps is I would just say, “Here’s my phone number, give me a call and we could chat or send me yours and I’ll give you a call.” Simple as that, because I know a lot of people like to do this on Tinder and some of the other dating apps that just text a few times and then arrange a date. I’m going to want to talk to a girl before I meet her because I want to know that the conversation is going to go well, because if you can’t have a good conversation on the phone, if you’re not like, “Wow, I really like talking to her,” then there’s no reason to meet in person and go out on a date.
If you’re looking at just sheer numbers of how many dates you go out with, if you’re just arranging dates through texting and never talking to the girl, you’re going to have a bunch of dates, you’re going to go on and you’re like, “Oh, this woman is about as much fun as watching paint dry.” Then you’re sitting there going, “All right, I’m just going to have one drink or maybe two. I don’t want her to think I really don’t like her. I don’t want to embarrass her. I don’t want to create an awkward situation,” or whatever, but it’s best to talk on the phone first. This guy doesn’t do that and then she gets upset at him.
The idea is that you talk on the phone. If things go well, then you arrange a date. Then after that, you’re going to contact her about once a week, every three to five days, every three to seven days, whatever it happens to be, to arrange one date a week. The reason why you do this is as her interest goes up, she’s going to start initiating contact, calling you or texting you, Face Timing you, whatever, depending on her level of interest. As the weeks go by and her interest goes up, she’s going to start reaching out more.
Women that are structured or they have a bad attitude or they’re just lunatics, they’re going to get pissed off. “Oh, you don’t text me. You don’t call me. You don’t do this. You don’t do that.” We want easy going, easy to get along with. We don’t want a girl that’s a difficult pain in the ass that wants us to jump through a bunch of ridiculous hoops because she’s got daddy issues, which is what it looks like here. This particular girl has daddy issues, but because this guy is so thirsty, now he’s jumping through his button and violating the principles, and now he’s just like, “Well, I don’t know what to do.”
The book is only going to help you if you actually apply it. If you’re just going to ignore what’s in there. I mean, you might as well give the book to somebody else who’s got the balls to apply it. I mean, that’s just the way it is.
First of all, I would like to thank you for all of the amazing content and knowledge you have given me through your book and content since I’ve started following you a couple of years back. I have read Your Book at least 10 times and am halfway through The Book again for my 11th read.
Quite frankly, you should have gotten through the 10-15 times before this, but here we are.
I have been single for the last nine months and having fun with it, but when I meet a girl that checks off some big boxes for me, I get a bit in my head and I’m trying to avoid that from happening moving forward.
You get in your head because you don’t have enough successful repetitions of doing things the right way. This just goes back to not taking the time to really learn the material and apply it on your dates.
Here’s my question…
I matched with a girl on Hinge, and we hit it off great. She seems like a very sweet, laid back girl with good family values.
Notice he’s projecting his fantasy here. He’s been on one date with this girl. Laid back girl after reading this email and her attitude, she doesn’t sound laid back at all. She sounds like a difficult pain in the ass.
We have a lot in common and she really checks off a lot of my boxes. I know that you teach to set a date and get off of the phone, but that didn’t work too well for this girl, so I had to improvise.
The idea is if you met on Hinge, you’re going to talk maybe 10, 15 minutes, and if you like talking to her and the conversation flows and it goes well, then I would make a definite date. That’s it.
If you start violating the principles of becoming her therapist, because typically what happens is women that are really insecure and needy are going to demand that you call and you text a lot. Then when you do that, then they get turned off after a few weeks. Plus, you’re trying to weed out the girls that are going to get upset and butt-hurt because you want easy going, easy to get along with.
When you call a girl, you want her to be like, “Oh, I’m so glad you called. It’s nice to hear your voice again. I missed you. I’ve been thinking about you. I had such a good first date and I thought maybe you didn’t like me or something. I’m so glad you called.” That’s what you want to hear. You don’t want to hear, “You didn’t text me all week.”
I gave her my number on Hinge and she texted me the next morning. We chatted for a bit, and I set a date for the upcoming Friday.
Again, you’re not actually following the book dude. You write here, admitted that you’re texting her, and then you set a date through text. It’s like you don’t have any rapport with the girl. That’s why you talk on the phone. You want to make sure the conversation goes well and you like talking to her and she’s not a nut, but you didn’t follow instructions because you’re cherry picking and you didn’t want to upset her. You’re just afraid that if you don’t get her in person on Friday, she won’t go out with you.
I can tell your mindset is way off from where it needs to be. You have the mindset of, “I hope she likes me.” Instead of having the attitude, just like women typically have, which is, “I’ll see if I like him. Is he good for me? We’ll see what happens,” but no, he’s all about, “How can I get this girl to like me? How can I get her to pay attention and want to go out with me? How do I get her to keep a date?” Instead he’s jumping through his butt, performing like a clapping seal and doing the opposite of what the book teaches.
She continues to text me for the next several days which I reciprocated conversation as she initiated. One day out of the blue, she did not text me. Which then turned into two days.
If you don’t follow instructions in the book, what do you expect?
I texted her and said, I hope her week is going smooth and she responded with a very short response which was unlike her.
You really never even met this girl, and you act like you’ve known each other forever.
I asked if she was OK and that she seemed a bit quiet. She then texted me back and said, “I don’t think I’m ready to date yet. I hope you find what you’re looking for. Phone works both ways.”
What does that tell us? Does that sound easy going, easy to get along with? This is the same dude in the first sentence who’s going, “Yeah, she seems pretty laid back, Corey. I think she’s great. I can work with this.” Yeah, she really sounds laid back.
Right then and there I knew she was resentful that I did not text her first.
“I’m sorry, Your Highness. What do I do? Oh, my God. Please don’t reject me.” Jesus dude, this is disgusting.
I called her bluff and told her, “I don’t text first because I don’t want to come off as needy.”
Does that sound like a dude that’s read the book 10 times? You texted her that? Bro, it’s like, do you even think before you send stuff like that? Come on. The phone is for setting dates. Now you’re begging for her attention. “Please don’t be mad. I just didn’t want to seem needy. I hope you like me.”
That she seems cool, and I want to get to know her in person.
She seems cool? You’re texting her. You haven’t even talked on the phone dude.
She responded and told me that she doesn’t want to play games and wonder whether I’m interested or not, and that she doesn’t do “low effort.” She explained that low effort is a trigger for her and that she needs effort and communication.
This is why you do a phone call, but already right away, you’re going, “This chick’s nuts.” It’s like, “Check please,” but he’s thirsty and desperate, so he’ll keep going.
I was able to diffuse the situation and she appreciated the honesty. We did end up meeting on Friday and we had a great time! The vibe was awesome, and we hit it off great. When I went to give her a kiss goodbye…
Hey, I appreciate when you guys send emails if you actually proofread these, because sometimes your grammar and your spelling is so bad, I can’t even understand what the hell you’re trying to communicate.
…When I dropped her off at her car, she did give me a quick peck on the lips and then pulled away and hugged me. She had a huge smile on her face which made me think maybe she’s just nervous.
It sounds like she’s structured. What does the book say about structured women? Survey says…
To make a long story short, after the date, she has not texted me first since…
This is not surprising.
…And I’m the one who has initiated contact.
See, all this could’ve been avoided with just a simple 10-15 minute phone call.
When I text, her she is responsive and reciprocates, but I just find it odd that she got resentful at me for not texting her first before, and now she’s playing the same game.
Well, you basically told her that you were playing games, “I didn’t want to come off as needy.” I mean dude, could you put your foot in your mouth any more stupidly than that? Come on, dude.
I don’t know if she is testing me to see if I’m consistent like she told me she needs?
Have you really read the book 10 times? Maybe you read the book 10 times in your imagination. Or maybe you just have never applied it.
Or to see if I get butt-hurt that she stopped texting first like I did in the beginning. Where should I go from here? Should I call her out on it?
Thanks in advance,
I personally would not waste a second of my life with this girl. Obviously you’re pretty thirsty and you could use the practice. So what does the book say? You’re not talking like some dude that’s read this 10 times. You’re talking like a guy that thumbed through a once, if that, or just cherry picked some stuff and videos. There’s there’s no way you read this 10 times. There’s just no way.
What I would be doing at this point, I’d call her up, say, “Hey, I’d love to see you again. What’s your schedule like?” If she doesn’t answer, leave that message, “Get in touch. Let me know. Hey, this is Bob. I’d love to see you again.” See what she does. If she texts you back with another attitude or complaining, “Oh, you waited too long,” to text her or whatever. I would just give her the gift of missing you permanently. If she does text back, you can make a date. Instead of her sucking the tongue out of the back of your throat, you got a peck on the lips.
Like I said, she seems structured. She seems a little wacky. She’s already getting butt-hurt, probably needy, probably insecure. Just imagine being in a relationship with this girl, constantly getting mad at you for things that you didn’t know you did wrong. I wouldn’t mess with it, but you’re obviously young and inexperienced and you could use the experience even though she’s a little wacky.
The book is not going to help you if you’re constantly doing the opposite of it. These questions that you’re asking me? There’s no way you read this 10 times. Come on, dude.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.
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