Some basic signs to look out for to weed out women who lie, deceive and cheat.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss 2 different emails from 2 different viewers. The 1st email is from a viewer who got all dopey after 3 dates in 6 weeks with a woman whose behavior was flakey and inconsistent. She stood him up on their 4th date and then removed him from Facebook. He wonders what happened.
The 2nd email is an update on the viewer whose email I answered in my previous newsletter, “My Girlfriend’s Actions No Longer Match Her Words.” He broke things off when he discovered she was lying to him and seeing her ex behind his back. These 2 emails illustrate the flakey and deceptive behavior of women who make it anything but easy and effortless to be with them. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.
A lot of guys that have seen too many movies and TV shows that are written by beta males, they get carried away in their emotions, and they act dopey and they act weak. And when they get involved with a woman that’s really not making a reciprocal effort, they project their fantasy and they ignore the fact that she’s just not making the same kind of effort. So the goal, by going through these, is to learn how to spot these behaviors early, before you get too emotionally invested like this first guy has.
I’ve been doing this for so long, almost 20 years, and that incorporated my whole history of dating when I was still trying to figure this stuff out. And then, tens of thousands of times, I’ve seen the same patterns over and over and over again. And both of the women in these emails that these two different guys are involved with are exhibiting behaviors that there are other guys in the picture, and they’re kind of being dishonest and deceptive about it. Their words and actions are just simply not lining up, despite the fact that the first guy still pursued too much.
And you could tell, he’s just too soft. When a guy like that gets involved with a woman that’s just not a good person, he’s going to get jacked around. When he gets involved with a woman who is a good person, he’s going to get a little further with her, because she’s going to appreciate the other things that he brings to the table. But what we’ve got to remember is the nice guys, typically, deep down, don’t think that they deserve to have what they want. And so, when we’re in that mindset, we’re going to attract women that are going to help us play that belief out about ourselves. Because we’re going to act consistently with how we view ourselves to be, and it doesn’t matter whether the view is accurate or not.
So, if deep down you don’t think you are worthy of love or deserving of love, you’ll attract women into your life who will make you feel that way. And that’ll feel natural, because that’s what you believe about yourself. The key is to recognize the flaky behavior and make sure they’re kind of on probation and you’re not too sure about them yet either. Unlike the first guy here, who just got carried away on his emotions and went into la-la land, and then he just got totally jacked around by this girl.
First Viewer’s Email:
Dear Coach Corey,
I’ve been following you for 2 ½ years, listen to videos daily and have read and listened to 3% Man more than 10 times. It took a while, but I finally realized the girl who drove me to your work “belongs to the streets.”
You’ve challenged me to get my physical condition dialed in, take charge of my finances, and secure election as the president of our County Council this year.
Well, congratulations, counselor.
I finally understand that I control my value as a man, and my confidence has grown.
Enter, Jessica. I’m 43; she’s 23. She’s 5’ tall, voluptuous and gorgeous. The sexiest woman I’ve ever been with.
You can already tell he’s got her on a pedestal.
We met online and had three amazing dates over six weeks.
Well, the reality is, if the connection is super strong, you’re going to have more than three dates over six weeks. There’s a really good chance she’s on the dating app because something happened with somebody, and she’s on the rebound. That’s what’s really going on, here.
An hour into our first date, she put her hand on my knee and asked me to take her home. She tore my clothes off in the kitchen and it was the best sex I’ve ever had – we were amazing together.
Again, just dopey la-la land. This kind of thing just doesn’t sound like it’s ever happened to him. It’s one thing to read the book 10 to 15 times, but if you’re not practicing it, you’re not going to get better. And then, you encounter a woman like this that sends you into la-la land, and you just completely fall apart.
The next day, she told me she just wanted to “keep me around for sexual gratification.”
So, if you get something like that, remember, this guy is in la-la land, so I don’t know what the context of the conversation is, but that’s a very unusual text to get from a girl that you just had great sex with the next day. That’s basically her saying, “Hey, I’m not looking for a relationship, but friends with benefits would be great.” Typically, more than likely, she’s running from something, maybe the ex that broke her heart.
Maybe there was a guy she was falling in love with and he dipped on her, so she goes in the dating app, finds this guy, and he’s the rebound dude. I mean, at the end of the day, it’s going to happen a lot. Every single guy watching this is going to encounter a woman that’s kind of on the rebound. And it doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world, but it does mean you just cannot lose your shit, and fall apart, and start pedestalizing a girl right away, just because it’s the best sex she ever had. It’s like, it’s one time, dude.
She wasn’t going to be seeing any other men but wasn’t ready for all the emotions. I am the only guy she’s been with since leaving her controlling ex 18 months ago – and I was ok with that.
Is that true or not? I don’t know. If you just met somebody for the first time, it’s pretty suspect. I mean, the fact that she tore his clothes off, maybe she just needed to bust a nut herself.
For the next six weeks, she told me she missed me, sent me unsolicited nudes, and fucked my brains out. I reread 3% Man between dates.
So, six weeks and you’ve seeing her three times, and that includes the first date. So, after the first date, you only saw her two additional times after that. That tells me there’s a lot of talking, a lot of texting on the phone, and almost no getting together. Which is the opposite of what the book teaches, but it doesn’t sound like you’re following what’s in the book.
You just went into la-la land because you couldn’t handle it. And it happens to a lot of dudes. I mean, we all know guys that have got their act together, they’re doing well in life, and then a pretty girl walks into the circle, and they just completely fall apart. They completely go into beta male butler servant mode.
Just like, there was a guy I wrote about that was a sales manager at one of the television stations I used to deal with, and one of the female anchors from the station, who was cute, but her reputation, everybody called her the Ice Queen because she was pretty much just a bitch, not very nice. And she had an outsized attitude for her looks. Her attitude did not match her level of hotness.
But this guy continued to go around the sky box at a baseball game and asked everybody if they had a sweater that they could let this girl borrow, just like a little servant. And if you’re one of those kinds of guys, and you read my book 10 or 15 times, but you don’t go out on any dates, and then you have a date like this, or you don’t date that many women, you just you completely lose it and revert back to the old behavior. But you can tell this guy’s totally pedestalizing her. Look what he says next…
She checked off all the boxes for me: physical, personality, values; but I tried to play it cool.
Dude, you only went out on three dates in six weeks, and that includes your very first date, so I would assume that’s in week one. So, over the next five weeks, you only saw her twice. Like, man, you’re putting the cart way before the horse, dude.
She asked about living arrangements, if things got serious, and told me she was almost ready to introduce me to her three kids.
Again, more than likely, these are conversations that probably took place over the phone and over texts because she’s just baiting him and dangling the carrot. And he’s barking like a little puppy dog, or a little seal.
She also told me she was afraid of getting hurt. She asked me how many other girls I was sleeping with. I told her that a gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell, but that she could put an end to that if she wanted.
“You can be the leader of the relationship, honey. You can be the man, and I’ll do whatever you tell me.” That’s basically what that communicates.
She didn’t ask to be exclusive, and I didn’t push it.
Well, I mean, you had one date. Then you had two subsequent dates. You shouldn’t be talking about that. Needy, insecure women bring that stuff up. And he probably just did not handle it appropriately. But again, her behavior, something screwy is going on. It sounds like she’s running from something, or somebody dumped her or jacked her around, and then all of a sudden she’s on the rebound. Whenever things look good with the other guy, she’s cold and distant. But as you’ll see, it’s like he had a hard time even setting dates with her, so that tells me he’s talking and texting too much, which he admits to in the email.
Because of her crazy family and bad past relationship, she doesn’t trust love.
Oh, that’s kind of a major red flag, there. You don’t just sweep that under the rug. So, she’s got a crazy family and bad past relationships, she doesn’t trust love. So, when you hear something like that, you can say, “Well, here’s something that’s kind of not ideal, but I’ll give you a chance.”
And if she’s talking about being exclusive, just say,”Hey, we’ve only been out a couple of times. I like you, I’m just getting to know you. I’m not ready to tell you everything that’s going on in my life. I mean, we’ve been on like one date, two dates. I’m not ready to talk about exclusivity yet. That’s just way too soon. I want to take things slow. I’m sure you’ve got other guys you’re dating or seeing or talking to. Let’s just take it easy. Let’s take it slow. No rush, no hurry.”
It got harder and harder to set a date with her. I’m a recovering nice guy, so I was focused on not repeating my past needy behavior. Had I been texting too much? Had I been too available? Probably. So, I tried to slowly pull back and not overpursue.
Which it sounds like he already was. So, you’ve got him overpursuing, doing the opposite of what’s in the book. And on top of that, you’ve got squirrelly behavior from the girl. And so, that’s just a bad mixture of things. That’s a bad combination to have.
When Jessica texted, I kept it short and sweet and said I was looking forward to seeing her again when she was available. But as I pulled back, I felt her pull back more. She finally came up with a day that worked for our fourth date. I was expecting her at my place for an “adventure” at 5 pm, but she stood me up.
Yeah, it just shows zero respect. She has zero respect for you, dude. And that could have happened after the first time you got back together or the second or third time that you got together. The bottom line is, her interest went the opposite way. Despite or in spite of her being a fruit loop.
Again, this is not normal behavior, to sleep with the girl on the first date, and then she’s talking about exclusivity over the next six weeks, even though you guys aren’t seeing each other. So, there’s obviously a disconnect between what this guy was actually doing, and what was going on with her, and obviously what’s in the book.
When I read this email, this does not come across to me as an email of somebody that’s read the book 10 to 15 times and practiced it relentlessly. It sounds like somebody that read the book 10 to 15 times, and this is the first girl over the last two years he’s even gone out with or practiced with. That’s what it sounds like.
It was like being right back in the same nightmare all over again. I didn’t sleep that night.
So, here’s her apology…
She apologized the next day detailing urgent stressful things she had been dealing with.
You have a date and you just don’t even show up? I don’t care what stress you’re in, you don’t do that to people. Especially to people you’re like, “Oh, I’m about ready for you to let you meet my kids.” She was dangling the carrot. Her actions were not the actions of a woman that was super interested in this guy. It looks like he was the rebound, and she was just kind of going along with it and dangling the carrot. And he was all dopey, and projecting his high interest onto her, and ignoring the fact that she was just jerking him around, and blowing him off, and wouldn’t make dates with him.
So, probably, once he realized that he was doing all of the calling, texting, and pursuing, like he talked about earlier in the email, that when he backed off, she backed off. Well, it sounds like he was doing most of the pursuing, and when he backed off, nothing changed in her behavior, because she wasn’t feeling it. She wasn’t into it, for whatever reason – whether it’s another guy in the picture, or he had turned her off, or she’s a fruit loop. I just can’t tell.
She apologized for standing me up and for being distant. I told her that I wanted to be her escape from the stress, but that standing me up hurt me and that she shouldn’t do it again. Jessica told me she had never experienced our kind of physical and emotional chemistry before and asked me what I thought I meant. I told her we had an amazing opportunity and that we should keep exploring it and enjoying each other, one day at a time. She loved that.
She loved it so much that what does she do next?
Five days later, I noticed she had quietly removed me as a friend on Facebook. She said we had something powerful between us, but that her intuition was telling her not to trust it, and that since she wants to find a husband, she can’t be friends with a man she’s been intimate with.
Huh? What? “She wants to find a husband and she can’t be friends with a man she’s been intimate with.” That just sounds like she’s friendzoning this guy, and that she’s already made up her mind that he’s not a potential candidate for a husband. “Oh, you can’t be my husband, because we already had sex once.” What? Sounds like he just got way too dopey and turned her off. And on top of that, she’s probably a fruit loop that belongs to the streets anyway. So, it was doomed either way.
I told her that I still wanted to see her, but that I would respect her decision and that she should let me know if she changes her mind. She replied with a “heart” emoji, and that was the last I heard from her a week ago. I’m well-practiced in no-contact, so I’m letting go.
I avoided some of my worst old, needy behaviors, but I was still looking for validation. Did I miss the mark when she asked me about other women? Do you think sleeping with other women caused her concern?
Dude, I don’t think she’d gave a damn about you at all. You saw this chick three times in six weeks. And as you said, you were always available and you were on the phone too much. So, what that tells me is there’s some other guy in the picture. And maybe it’s the ex that she was with, the “toxic ex” that she supposedly got away from. It’s it’s like, whatever.
When you hear women talk about how they hate their ex boyfriends, and they’re so horrible, and they’re never going to get together with them again, and then they go right back to the same douchebag and make all kinds of excuses and then the story changes, like, yeah, whatever. It’s all based on emotions for women. There’s no logic. There’s no thinking involved. And they will BS themselves into whatever kind of story they need because, remember, we make our decisions based on emotions, and then we use logic and reason to justify them.
So, at the end of the day, if we’re going to take a step back and just look at her actions as a whole, this guy was basically a rebound for her. There’s somebody else that’s really got her heart and her soul. And the only time she reached out was when she was looking for attention and validation, then she could still bounce back to this guy. That’s why he never got together with her, because there’s some other dude there. So, whatever she told him, it was like partially the truth.
I’d like another shot, maybe when Jessica in a better place emotionally.
Well, no, dude, she should be earning another shot with you. Her behavior should have turned you off completely. She stood you up. As the late, great Doc Love would have said, “one chance per woman, per lifetime.” If she stands you up, she’s done. That’s it, she’s out. Too much of a flake, unreliable, disrespected you. You don’t give women like that another chance.
And I understand why he had that rule. If you take that rule and you apply it to a woman like this, you just don’t give her another chance. Because, again, even if she does come back, what happens? The ex is probably still in the picture, and she’s more emotionally bonded with him than she is with you. So, I wouldn’t even waste my time with this girl. She stands you up like that, that’s pretty brutal.
But at the end of the day, her actions are the actions of a woman that’s got another guy around, and you were just a rebound. And you were thinking, “Oh, this is going to be my future wife.” And all our crap about, “Oh, I can’t marry somebody I’ve been intimate with,” like, what? That makes no sense.
But I am grateful for the experience. The old me would be mourning a loss, but now I can appreciate the love I enjoyed.
Dude, there was no love there. You hooked up with this girl three times. It’s like, get the girl down off of her pedestal, man. Have some self respect.
Maybe the cat will come back? I know you don’t pull punches, Coach, so give it to me hard. I’m ready for more training.
Well, I hope you enjoyed the tongue lashing because you deserved it. You’ve got to have other choices and other options, and you’ve got to read the book and actually go out and apply it. If you want to get better, you can’t just wait until a girl comes along that you like, and then go into la-la land and then completely ignore the fact that this woman’s words and actions don’t match.
Second Viewer’s Email:
I’m writing with an update to the video, “My Girlfriend’s Actions No Longer Match Her Words” from last week. First off, I want to THANK YOU for everything you do. Your methods definitely weed out the bad grapes. I ended it shortly after you got my email, because she was still acting flaky and tried to flake out on plans we had.
If a woman is trying to flake out on plans, it just means she doesn’t want to see you, she doesn’t want to spend time with you. That’s the important thing. Women vote with their feet. If they’re with you, they voted for you. And if they’re not, it means they didn’t. So, especially the first email, it’s like, it doesn’t matter all the BS, she said. The bottom line is she was never physically ever around that guy, except two additional times after that first date.
I had a gut feeling that she was seeing her ex, even though she denied it profusely.
The Spidey sense is tingling, and it’s usually pretty accurate.
As I mentioned in my previous email, my ex was being shady, and I was wondering if she was losing interest in me or if she just BELONGED TO THE STREETS! I also mentioned, as one of her red flags, that she still had “minimal” contact (her words) with an ex, but I had my suspicions even after she swore up and down that he was a psycho, and they never had sex anyway, and she would never get back with him.
Yeah, I’ve heard that before, “He’s a psycho! He’s total psycho, and I’d never be with him again. His meds…” whatever. If her emotional buttons get pushed, all that shit goes out the window.
She also said I was always overthinking.
“Oh, it’s just in your mind. Ignore that Spidey sense. The ex is gone, totally.”
One thing I didn’t mention is that I was taking a shower at her place about a month ago, and there were hairs that looked a lot like his in the shower, but she said her dog sitters showered in that shower, so they were probably theirs. I knew better, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt.
Welp, I made a road trip and made a detour to pass by her house due to a gut feeling that they were together, and sure enough, he was there. I took a photo of his truck in her driveway, sent it to her with a quote saying, “the crazy part about overthinking is when you were right the whole time,” and then blocked her on every channel possible.
It may be petty, but she belongs to the streets, and as long as she knows that someone out there knows that, that’s all the payback I need for her lying to me for our entire relationship.
Yeah, revenge is a dish best served cold. Especially when you’ve got people you love, people you know, that are close to you and you see them doing stupid things, they get involved with women like this. You’ve got women that you know that constantly give douchebags another chance, even though they don’t deserve it. And then just you listen to them jump through their butt and rationalize these decisions, like whatever. “Oh, it’s love. You’ve got to give love a chance. It’s just so important.”
She has the face and body of an angel, but she’s a devil in disguise.
That is the truth. Don’t let the pretty package blind you to reality. There’s a lot of really hot girls out there that are really messed up in relationships with bad, bad people to get involved with.
I’m looking forward to trusting my gut and vetting the bad grapes out as soon as possible, thanks to everything you preach. Thanks for saving me months, if not years, of anxiety and stress trying to save someone that can’t be saved.
Yes. It’s always good to retire, Captain Save-a-Hoe from your life. You can take the Captain Save-a-Hoe cape and outfit from your wardrobe, throw it in a bonfire in the backyard, burn it and sip a nice glass of whiskey as you watch the embers float along and pass into the atmosphere and out of your life forever.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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