I Asked Her Out, But She Needs To Think About It?

What it means when you ask a woman out, but she says that she needs to think about it.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has been chatting in text with a girl he met several weeks ago. He thinks she likes the way he flirts and talks to her, but he is ignoring the fact she just seems to be nice to not hurt his feelings, she obviously likes the attention he gives her, but shows no interest in getting together in person.

She told him after he told her that he liked her that she needed to think about it and for things to go really slow. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

I’ve got an email here from a guy, and I could tell he’s kind of shy and he’s suffering from the nice guy syndrome. He’s also projecting his high interest onto this woman that he’s interested in. And he made the mistake of getting a woman’s number and thinking, because she gave him the number, that she’s really interested, and he’s ignoring the fact that she’s not really making much of an effort.

This is really important. When I read emails like this, it just reminds me of what my teenage years and early 20s were like, when I didn’t know any better. I wasted a lot of time being hung up on women like this, that were nice and they were friendly, but they had no interest thinking that I’m going to eventually convert them to a girlfriend. It wasn’t until I was probably twenty-two or twenty-three that, after it had happened with the last one, I was just thinking, “This is ridiculous,” and something finally clicked for me. I realized that if there’s no reciprocation, I’m literally wasting my time.

And so, we all tend to get to this point, hopefully sooner rather than later. I mean, I see guys in their 50s and 60s still doing these things, but you’ve got to learn sometime. When you’re stuck on somebody that doesn’t make the effort and you’re thinking about her all the time, you’re out of the game. You don’t even notice anybody else that’s interested in you, because you’re so fixated on somebody that’s not reciprocating at all.

So, you’re sending the vibe out into the universe that you want to meet somebody or you want to be in a relationship, but you’re focused on one particular person. So now, you’ve got an unhealthy attachment to somebody that’s not reciprocating interest. And then weeks, and months, and years go by sometimes before the guy finally realizes that he ain’t going anywhere.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Coach Corey,

So, I’ve been chatting with a girl after I took her number.

Just because a woman gives you her number, and I talk about this in “How To Be A 3% Man,” doesn’t mean that she likes you. More often than not, women will give you the number, figuring “I’ll just reject him later.” Because too many guys don’t take no for an answer and they don’t take rejection well. And most women have interacted with way too many guys that didn’t take rejection well, and so they’ve adopted strategies to just give out the number and let the guy think that she’s interested, and then she can blow him off later on.

We’ve been doing very well, sometimes I flirt with her and I get from her the signs she likes the way I flirt.

Well, the phone is for setting dates, dude, not getting to know somebody. And you’re thinking, “Hey, she’s communicating with me, she must like me. I’ll just fly under the radar for awhile, and then she’ll want to date me.” That’s not how it works.

If you love yourself, and you value yourself,and you’re a high value human being, and you’re at the top of your field or your game in whatever industry you happen to work in, you’re going to get noticed. You’re going to have choices and you’re going to have options.

If you take care of yourself, you work out, you exercise, I mean, 74% of all Americans are overweight or obese, so if you just get yourself in shape and you look good physically, you’re better looking than 74% of your competition. I mean, it’s such a simple thing. That’s one thing you have control over.

Sometimes she flirts back and shows me an overall good vibe. Sometimes she replies late, but when I ask her why she does this, she says she’s just a late replier and forgets to respond to texts even when she’s online, and she even does it with her sister and her female best friend, so don’t take it personally. She apologized to me many times for doing so.

So, you’re getting butt-hurt over her not responding to your texts right away, and it’s happened many times, so that’s communicating neediness, neuroticism and that you’ve got nothing else going on in your personal life. This is not attractive behavior. You’re acting like a butt-hurt baby.

The reality is, if she really liked you, and she was available, and had her phone close by, she would respond to you pretty quickly. The fact that she takes her time shows that you’re not a priority to her. Never try to keep somebody in your life who doesn’t want to keep you in theirs. You’ve got to make sure it’s reciprocated, and she ain’t reciprocating.

And the fact that you’re getting upset about this, thinking that you being mad and upset is going to somehow change her behavior, all it’s going to do is turn her off more and cause her to fear you. She’s going to be afraid of upsetting you. You can’t behave this way, dude. Come on, man, you can do better than this.

Which leaves me confused about her feelings towards me. And sometimes I get angry from this behavior, but I don’t show her my anger.

Well, the fact that you’re getting butt-hurt and upset about her taking longer to reply to your messages, that communicates you’re getting angry and upset. That’s the vibe. That’s the kind of dude that most women fear, the guys that don’t take no for an answer, and they get angry and upset when the woman doesn’t comply with their wishes. It’s like, you’re projecting your fantasy onto this girl, and you’re ignoring the fact that she’s not reciprocating.

Three weeks ago, I decided to call her on the phone. I showed her that I liked her long time ago and showed my intention of wanting to get to know her better, and we could be more than just platonic friends.

Dude, trying to be friends first with a girl, thinking that you’re going to convert her later, it doesn’t work that way. All you do when you behave that way is you communicate you’re a bitch. You communicate that you’re a weak man who has no options, whose self-esteem is so low that you can’t handle rejection, and you just keep trying to get somebody else’s attention who just simply is not interested in your attention.

You want somebody who is like, “Hell, yeah, I’d love to see you. I’d love to spend time with you.” You being angry and trying to force her or cajole her into seeing you is pathetic and it’s beneath you, and you shouldn’t be acting this way with anybody. Whether it’s an employer, or a friend, or a girl you want a date, if people aren’t treating you the way you want to be treated, take some time to find people who do, and keep circulating until you do.

Most people are simply not going to be compatible with you. Don’t take it personally. It’s just the way the world works. And to me, I think that’s a gift, because it makes you really value the people who really do care about you.

I wasn’t pressuring. I just said, “I like you and I’m interested in getting to know you better,” and told her “Take your time thinking about it, and if you accepted or rejected what I’m offering, there will be still a mutual-respect between us.”

If she’s not interested in you romantically, have the balls to move on. Don’t take it personally. I mean, in the amount of time that you’ve wasted interacting with this woman, you should have interacted with hundreds of other women. You’d have a lot better choices, a lot better options, and your life would be much better.

She said, “I will think about it and I will tell you.”

When a woman says “I will think about it,” it means no.

She texted me immediately the next day saying this: “I respect your honesty with me so much, and I want to be honest with you as well. You’re a man with a good character, and you have a good heart, and you’re very fun to be around, BUT I feel like I’m not ready for something serious right now.

Well, what that statement means is she’s not ready for anything serious with you.

“I think we should take it very smoothly and talk to each other, but without any labels, because I don’t want to feel pressured to do something. So, let us take it slow.”

The quickest way to get somebody else’s attention is to remove yours.

I told her, “I understand the way your emotions develop.”

Come on, man.

“So feel free to feel what you want to feel towards me. Maybe I expressed too many feelings too soon, but I swear I’m not forcing something to happen. I’m just showing intent, and I wish you the best anyway.”

NOTE:  After that, I asked her If she’s available, because I want to call her on the phone instead of texting to tell her an important thing. She gave me a lame excuse that she’s busy.

Dude, come on, man. You’re not paying attention that she’s not interested. You’re wasting your time and your life on somebody that has no interest in you. She just doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. She dangles a carrot like there’s maybe a possibility, but you want to talk to her on the phone, and she’s like, “Oh, I’m busy.”

If you were the man of her dreams or a hot celebrity that she always had a crush on, she wouldn’t say, “Oh, I’m busy. I can’t take the call.” You’ve got to think about it from that perspective. Unless you get a “Hell yeah,” you’re going to just move on down the road.

I understood that she does not want to talk about it right now and never called again. Sometimes I feel that there’s another guy involved in the picture.

It doesn’t matter. The important thing is she’s not into you.

What should I do now? I really like this girl for many reasons, and I want to move forward.

Dude, seriously, she’s not into you, she has no interest. There is going to be no moving forward.

Also, I’ve stopped initiating texts with this girl 3 weeks so far. I’m a little bit confused. Is she’s nicely rejecting me by giving me a false hope?

Yes.

Or does she really want to give me a chance?

Bob

Well, the quickest way to get somebody else’s attention is to remove yours. And if you remove all of your attention, you stop calling, you stop texting her and you never hear from him again, then guess what? Now you know where you stand, and you should be able to laugh at yourself and say, “You know what? How silly of me. I was projecting my high interest onto this girl and completely ignoring she felt nothing for me.”

These are the kinds of things where you take your bumps, learn from it and move on. Never, ever waste, I don’t know how many months, or who knows, maybe a year or more. You’ve obviously wasted quite a bit of time and a lot of emotional energy on somebody that’s just simply not reciprocating.

So, if I were you, I’d do nothing. Let her do all of the calling, texting and pursuing. If she reaches out or texts you, invite her to meet up for a drink or something. And if she doesn’t want to do that, then say, “Hey, well, if you ever want to get together, I’d love to see you in person. You’ve got my number.” And if she reaches out a couple weeks later, same thing. Try to get her out, and if she doesn’t, then from that point forward you’ll be following what’s in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” You’re not going to do anything after that unless she brings it up first.

And I highly recommend that you read “How To Be A 3% Man.” It’s free to read on the website. Also “Mastering Yourself,” a book of self-reliance. And you can also read “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations,” my third book, all free. All you’ve got to do is subscribe to the email newsletter, and you can read them right in your web browser on my website.

And if you’ve got a question or a challenge, or you’ve gotten yourself into a situation where things aren’t going the way you want it to, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.

“People who have romantic interest in you are excited about the prospect of spending time with you in person and make it easy to get together. People who have low romantic interest in you will make excuses and have no enthusiasm about seeing, talking to or interacting with you. Never take it personally. It simply means that you are not compatible, and you should continue moving and circulating until you find someone who is excited.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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