I Dated A Nutty Karen Who Lectured Me. Should I Want Her Back?

Some things to consider if you want your nutty Karen ex who lectured you back.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a guy who is too nice and soft. He clearly has the mindset of trying not to piss off his girlfriend which makes him look weak and like a people pleaser. He dated his ex for 6 months who sounds like a nutty Karen who was always lecturing him about something he was doing wrong. He constantly was trying to jump through his butt to please her to no avail. She eventually dumped him and basically projected her own behavior onto him as reasons for dumping him. He’s confused and wants her back. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “I Dated A Nutty Karen Who Lectured Me. Should I Want Her Back?”

Well that’s kind of an obvious question. So this particular email, this guy, he’s clearly too nice, too soft. He lets women kind of walk all over him. You can tell he’s a people pleaser. And this is kind of the result of what you see on TV all the time. No growling. What you see on TV all the time, which is. Yeah, exactly. The woman thinks she knows everything.

She’s very stoic and the guy is like the lovable loser, the idiot, the goofball, the guy that can’t get anything right. Come on, come up here. And he spends, like, the whole TV episode apologizing and trying to undo his lies, trying to undo the nonsense. He’s just basically he’s scared and paranoid to piss off his girl. And so it’s just a good email.

You go through it and some of the things that you, I mean, you can feel compassion for this guy, but you can tell he never puts her in her place. He never stands up for himself. He just kind of lets her walk all over him. She snarls, he’s like, “Oh, I’m afraid, I’m sorry.” And it just makes him look pathetic. And in the end he still gets dumped. So it’s a good email to learn from what not to do.

But on the other hand, it looks like this girl that he was dating is kind of far left. She’s lefty. He made the mistake of bringing some things up about abortion. She lectured him about that and then got somebody to educate him on what he was doing. And despite all this, he’s like, “Hey, I want her back. What do I do?” So I assume he’s pretty new to my work. So with that said, let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

My ex left me in January and I’m still trying to buy her out of the mortgage. Things ended badly between us, she cheated, lied about her whereabouts as I knew from the built in tracker on my car, stayed in hotels came home at odd times and I was climbing the wall.

It sounds like a lot of fun.

Eventually I confronted her and told her about the tracker on the car. Anyway she moved out a couple weeks later.

Well, it sounds like good riddance because she cheated. But you know, you also see some of the things that his most recent ex has said to him, accusing him of being insecure things of that nature. And so it kind of looks like he attracted a woman who was kind of similar. She probably wasn’t really a good person, and it just goes to show that he probably needs to work on his vetting a little bit, and not just ignore things because he likes the girl.

Which you know, us human beings, I talk about this often. We make our decisions based upon emotions, and then we use logic and reason to justify those decisions. And when we really like a girl, especially in the beginning, we often will just ignore all the red flags, the little white lies, the stories that change every other week when she retells things. There’s always new details or the details she tells you, don’t match the details she told you a few weeks ago.

And then the other thing to keep in mind is people that are liars and cheaters. They tend to project. Remember, no one will ever do or say anything to you that isn’t a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves in a moment. And so you can see, especially when we get to the end of this email, the new girl, as she’s riding off into the sunset, seems like she’s accusing him of things that she’s pretty much the one that’s guilty of.

So that’s pretty telling. Because if you’re dating somebody who’s insecure, a liar, a cheater, they’re going to typically accuse you of doing things you shouldn’t be doing. Like attracts like. People that like the same things tend to like each other. You attract how you act. And if you’re constantly attracting the same kind of woman into your life, obviously you’re the problem and you need to change your approach.

I started dating this new girl for six months who I’ve known for 15 years. I’ve known her friend for the same amount of time. The first date was awesome and everything was fine, except she hated the fact my ex’s name was still on the mortgage.

So that tells me he’s just kind of giving out too much detail. But he has known her for 15 years, so she probably knew his ex-girlfriend that’s on the mortgage. So she’s giving him a hard time about that, because naturally, she’s probably worried that the ex is going to come back because they’ve got a mortgage together.

I couldn’t do anything about that until the mortgage was due for renewal, my hands were tied. She made me change the mattress on the bed and refused to sleep over until I did.

That’s just kind of ridiculous. If a girl said, “Oh, you got to change the mattress.” It’s like, “You’re being ridiculous. I’m not changing the mattress. If you want to buy a new mattress, you’re welcome to go buy it.” That’s what I would tell her. I was like, that’s absurd. Unless the mattress was kind of ratchet and worn out and stains all over it, you should use a mattress liner. That’s kind of common sense.

You know, the kind that has like some kind of laminate, some kind of plastic type of or rubberized coating that keeps the juices, the love juices, from soaking through into the actual mattress. But you know, for a woman to come over, “Oh, you need to get her off the mortgage. I’m not sleeping over until you get a new mattress.” It’s like, “Okay, no problem. But I’m not getting a new mattress.” A new mattress is expensive. So again, he’s like, “Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t want to upset her.”

I had to get all my ex’s stuff out the house and change the locks, which I could understand.

Yeah, changing the locks, but you know, you’re jumping through your butt to please this woman, and she’s doing things or making you do things that are really inconvenient and costly, and you just started dating her. She’s not your girlfriend. She’s not your wife. She’s not on the mortgage. This is your house. This is your castle. This is your kingdom. If she doesn’t like it. If she walks in and starts demanding you change everything. It’s like, I don’t think so. What you should have said was, “I’m not getting rid of the mattress. It’s only a year old or two.”

Whatever it is. And like I said, unless it’s really a ratchet looking mattress that looks worse than some of the ones you see on the side of the road that people throw away. But she’s being unreasonable. But again, he’s desperate for her approval and attention, so he jumps through his butt to please her.

My dog accidentally bit her dog costing me hefty vet bills.

Well, if your dog bit her dog, then maybe her dog was kind of an ass. I don’t know what kind of dog you had, but now he’s paying hefty vet bills.

And then she insisted I put the dog through training otherwise the relationship wouldn’t work with a vicious dog. I had to put baby gates up around the house too.

Well, it’s like, you know, maybe, you know, little dogs like these, these two, they can get a little snippy towards bigger dogs sometimes. So she’s coming to your castle. She’s bringing her dog over. And, I mean, the bottom line is dogs tend to be territorial. And if her dog is starting some shit, he might get chewed up, which it sounds like he did. So solution is, “Hey, don’t bring your dog over anymore. Your dog’s antagonizing my dog.”

One day my ex texted about the house and she saw it.

Meaning the new girl.

On my phone and said when your ex texts, please let me know.

It’s like, hello? I mean, he just started dating her.

My ex did text me twice after that and I forgot to tell her, and she wasn’t happy.

So I had to get solicitors to talk to my ex directly.

I’d be like, that’s just ridiculous. It’s like, “You’re being ridiculous. We got a house. I don’t need to tell you every time we’re talking about the house or whatever.” It’s like if she’s insecure about that, again, he just got out of a relationship where his ex lied and cheated. And so the new girl is already shoehorning her way in and making all these unreasonable demands. And of course, he’s jumping through her butt.

And deep down, she knows these things are kind of ridiculous that she’s asking. But he goes along with it because he’s desperate for her approval and attention, which makes him look weak and unattractive. And that causes her to become even more bitchy and condescending and expect him to jump through even more hoops.

She told me how her ex verbally abused her, had a gambling addiction and cocaine addiction.

So she’s telling you all that. Well, obviously you should be grateful that you’re with me now because I’m a hell of an upgrade over that.” And by the way, you should be nice to me. You should treat me much nicer than you are. Because if you’re going to be nasty to me, then maybe you can go back to the ex, because maybe that’s what you deserve. Because I want a girl that’s nice to me. I’m not going to put up with this shit.

Use to punch holes through walls etc. and left her in Thailand by herself after a serious argument.

When we get to the end of the email, you know, I go, if that was my girlfriend, I’d probably leave her in Thailand as well.

She the asked me about my ex and I stupidly told her about the tracker on the car but I was only being honest.

Yeah, Dude. Maybe you’re just not a bright guy. That’s just dumb. You don’t need to confess everything, because at this point, you know that your vetting process is kind of suspect. And so you got a new girl in your life. And quite frankly, any guy in your situation would be a little gun shy. It wouldn’t be so quick to trust.

This new woman should be on probation despite the fact you’ve known her for 15 years. You never dated her, so you don’t know what she’s really like. And she clearly makes bad choices staying with an abusive ex who’s got a cocaine problem. Who’s got a problem with the booger sugar?.

Now since the beginning of the relationship she shared her location with me on find my iPhone because she wanted me to know that she was safe at all times. Anyway, things eventually died down and we’re going well. I rewired her work premises for her for free.

Yeah, you shouldn’t have done it. She should have at least paid the cost.

As I’m an electrician and that’s what you do for love.

No, that’s what you do when you’re kind of a sucker. I can understand if you’re boyfriend and girlfriend, you’re in a serious relationship and you’ve been together for a while, but to spend all that money, that’s kind of absurd.

It cost me a lot of money. I took her on a short vacation and spent a lot of money on birthday presents etc.

So he’s kind of going overboard, probably trying to make up for the fact that he’s hoping that she likes him. Again, you could just tell the whole relationship he’s worried about her approval, just like the dudes you typically see on the average sitcoms.

Her parents loved me, and my parents loved her. She told both our parents she wanted to marry me and that my mother brought up a lovely boy. She said she’s always dated boys and now feels like she’s dating a man. She started getting broody after 6 months as she was 40 and one day she asked me to go to her work place to help her move a wardrobe to my house, which I did.

I assume he’s talking about a wardrobe piece of furniture.

Her friend was there and we were all talking over a cup of tea. Her friend started talking about her 5 year old daughter and I asked a simple question, “Is it hard having children?” Yes, she replied but some parents find it a walk in the park. I asked if her daughter was the only child and she said no, sadly we lost the previous pregnancy and since then we’ve split up. I don’t know why I said it, but it just slipped out my mouth and I said, “Well I don’t agree with abortion!”

So losing the pregnancy sounds like they had a miscarriage. So I don’t know where abortion comes in there. But he’s probably dealing with some lefties. Like, I know the holidays are coming up. We got Thanksgiving happening and all my stepsisters, all four of them are all far left and they are just absolutely fucking distraught over the election. And I find it humorous.

And one of them is conservative, married to a lefty and they live in Seattle and he’s like, “I basically just keep my mouth shut.” Because everybody where they live is all liberals, they’re all Kamala supporters. And it’s almost a month later and they’re, well, three weeks later after the election. And they’re just, they can’t. They’re just so beside themselves. How could this happen?

Obviously it came out completely wrong and I’m all for abortion as women have rights and it’s their decision to do whatever they want with their bodies.

Well, you should have your opinion and stick to it. In my opinion, all you got to do is if you’ve ever seen the video of a baby being aborted where they just basically rip it apart and you can see the ultrasound of it and the baby’s trying to get away from things. They’re grabbing it and ripping body parts off. It’s pretty sad. It’s pretty clear that’s a life there, you know. So. But, they just look at it as, “Oh, it’s a clump of cells.” So I look at it, it’s like, you’re taking the life of the baby. It’s pretty obvious if you look at the ultrasound of it, which most people never do. It’s pretty horrific.

You’re basically ripping apart a little baby and it’s trying to get away and it has nowhere to go. It’s just very cruel. And so if you believe what you believe, you should stand up for it and not back down. And if she threatens to leave you, it’s like, whatever. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. Because the man’s got to stand for his principles and his values. If you just change your opinion to match hers, she’s going to think you’re a bitch. And if you act like a bitch, women will treat you like a bitch. Which is what continues to happen here.

My girlfriend looked at me in disgust and said I can’t say that in front of women, which I knew at the time and profusely apologized.

Of course she can say that you’re entitled to your opinion. You’re an American after all. I assume he’s an American.

We had a 2 hour argument which lasted about 3 to 4 days of no talking, she needed space and I dropped off flowers at her house unannounced with a key she gave me.

It’s like now he’s groveling. This is like, again, this is what everybody does in a sitcom. This guy is clearly brand new to my work. I don’t think he’s, he maybe watched a handful of videos. He clearly hasn’t read The Book, but he’s groveling and apologizing for his views on abortion. And you shouldn’t apologize. You should stand your ground. You should be like, you’re being unreasonable.

It’s like, “You’re entitled to your opinion and I’m entitled to mine. If you want to bitch about it. It’s like, it’s great. I’m not going to sit here and argue over this. I don’t need to be fucking lectured either. You’re not qualified to lecture me. I can have my opinion. You can disagree with it and that’s it. But I’m not changing it just so you don’t get butthurt or mad.”

She wasn’t there but got freaked out I turned up without telling her.

Why would she get freaked out if you’re boyfriend and girlfriend? She can come and go in your house? And know everything that you’re doing and know what’s going on with your mortgage and your ex. But she gives you a key and you drop some flowers off because you’re trying to be sweet.

And she’s like, “How dare you come over there when I’m not there?” Does that sound like somebody that’s innocent and loyal and faithful, or a woman who’s worried that you might just stop by and something’s going on there that you’re not going to like? I’d say it’s probably the latter.

She made me talk to her friend to get educated on abortion and a couple days later we went out for her birthday with her family.

I would have been like, “Look, I love you, but I’m not going to sit here and be fucking lectured by your care and friends. I just don’t care. I have my opinions. You have yours. We can agree to disagree. You want to get mad. You want to get butthurt. Great. When you calm down, give me a call. I don’t want to deal with this shit. You’re being abusive. You’re being unreasonable.” But again, this is what you see in all the sitcoms. Guys, are just like, “Oh, don’t upset her. I gotta apologize until she forgives me.”

We both went back to her flat afterwards and had great sex and the next day she was cold as ice again.

Well, that sounds like fun.

A few days later she was going to a dinner party and asked me to drop some of her work stuff off sometime over the weekend if I had time. So I turned up unannounced again with her stuff like she asked and she went mental.

I would have been like, “Don’t talk to me that way. You asked me to do a favor. I brought your stuff over and it’s like you’re upset that I come over unannounced. Why would you get upset at that? You supposedly love me. We’re in a relationship. What are you worried that I’m going to come over unannounced and find? Are you doing something you shouldn’t be doing? Because when you behave this way, it makes me think you’re not trustworthy. And I just got out of a relationship with a woman that cheated on me.” But he’s too much of a pussy to stand up for himself because he’s been brainwashed by TV shows.

She said her ex stalked her for two years after they split up.

And that’s why she didn’t like me turning up unannounced.

I would say, “Well, that’s your ex, it’s not me. And it’s not fair to judge me in the same light that you judged him, and you need to apologize for that shit. I came over doing you a favor. Be nice or I’m taking off. I don’t want to hear from you until you’re ready to apologize.” But again, he’s too much of a pussy to stand up for himself because he’s desperate for attention and validation and fears that she’s going to leave him, which she eventually does anyways.

She said I gave her anxiety and wanted her key back.

Well, if you want your key back over that then that tells me you’re probably untrustworthy anyways.

Two days later she broke up with me over the phone and said she couldn’t do it anymore.

Again, in the sitcoms this never happens and the sitcoms, she forgives him and they live happily ever after until the next time he fucks up. But in the real world, when you act this way like a beta male, you get tossed to the side like trash and then you get blamed. It’s all your fault. She didn’t do anything wrong.

Two days later she broke up with me over the phone and said she couldn’t do it anymore. Saying I had insecurities and trust issues as I turned up at her house an hour and a half after she turned her location off. She called me a liar, a stalker and an anti woman’s rights activist because of my opinion on abortion even though I changed my views after educating myself.

You changed your views because you’re a fucking pussy, Dude. Be a fucking man. Jump up and down really hard and hopefully your balls will drop. Jesus Christ.

I done everything for this girl.

No, you acted like a bitch. And so she treated you like one. You just cannot do that. Right, Rocky? “I changed my views after educating myself.” That’s so pathetic. What a pathetic statement.

I dropped all her stuff off at her friends house like she asked.

I would have been like, “You can come pick your shit up.”

And her friend said I’m not promising anything but if you play your cards right you might be able to save this.

Yeah, exactly. It’s bullshit. “If you play your cards right.” It’s like, I’m like “If I play my cards right? Are you kidding me?” After the way she treated me. It’s like, I don’t want to save this. There’s nothing to save when a woman is abusive like this. Call me a liar and insulted me. It’s like she can go fuck herself. It’s like she needs to apologize for the way that she treated me. Right Rocky? Ocean you little cranky girl. Ocean tends to whine when she doesn’t get attention, like a chick. Girls are a lot of work. If you guys haven’t noticed.

The very next day she texted me saying, “Thanks for dropping my stuff off I really appreciate it. I’ve thought about this long and hard and ultimately I want to stand firm with my decision.”

So he was probably groveling and begging for another chance, and groveling and begging to her friend.

“There’s nothing you can say or do that will change my mind. I can’t get back from this and my parents can’t see past it, our families won’t see eye to eye. What’s done is done and it is what it is. Thanks take care xxxx”

That’s basically. “Hey! Fuck off. Have a nice life.”

There were a few messages back and forth afterwards.

Probably him begging and groveling and more apologizing. Because again, that’s what they do on TV. But this is the real world and that shit don’t work in the real world.

But since last Saturday the 19th October, there’s been No Contact. I’ve drafted a message to say sorry.

Dude, stop. You look so fucking pathetic. It’s disgusting. You need to take your right hand and reach out and choke yourself. This is absurd.

To say sorry about the abortion thing and various other things that went wrong during the relationship. I want her back but I don’t know how. Help!

Well, first things first, Dude. You got to read 3% Man. It’s Free To Read in the Members Area of the Website UnderstandingRelationships.com it’s right on screen when you get there. Put your name and your email and just sign up, and boom The Book will open up. You need to fill in your knowledge gap and stop acting like a little bitch. Because the more you act like this, this is why your ex cheated on you.

Because she didn’t respect you as a man. Because you were too much of a pussy to stand up for yourself and what you believed in. And you changed your beliefs after you got educated because you were worried about her approval. Again, this is the shit you see in movies and TV all the time. You just can’t let the way women behave bother you. If you notice, like the whole time Rocky’s been sitting in my lap and every couple of minutes Ocean jumps down, goes and wanders around and then comes back like a cat. She’s a female dog. She acts like a chick.

She doesn’t get enough attention. She whines at me. “Ah! Show me attention. I need your attention. Corey. Please pet me. Wahh! I’m a little girl.” Rocky’s nice and stoic. No thank you. I don’t want any French kisses. But you can learn a lot by watching animals. Especially a girl and a boy animal and how they interact. He’s very stoic and chill. He doesn’t get upset. He doesn’t get mad. If I don’t show him attention, he’ll want attention. I’ll give him some, but he’s okay. Her, on the other hand. She starts to whine. Literally. Wahh! Wahh! Wahh! Wahh!

Yeah, you. You start to whine if you don’t get attention. That’s kind of how girls are. But you can’t act like a bitch because you’re supposed to be more masculine and stronger than they are. And if you act like a bitch. I mean, look how this woman treated this guy. The fact that she’s getting upset for him showing up and then going, “Oh, well, my ex was a stalker.” I would say the real reason she’s getting upset is probably she’s got people coming over to her house when you’re not there that you probably wouldn’t like.

And I mean, just look how cold and callous she was. She makes you bring her stuff to her friend’s house and then breaks up over the phone is like, take care, have a nice life. That just shows she has zero fucking respect for you. She doesn’t think you’re man enough to stand up for her or to her. And so if I was a betting man, it looks like she may have had another dude in the picture that she was hanging out with. And that’s the real reason why she went mental.

Again, when a woman goes mental on you. “Oh, you showed up.” I was like, “Look, I’m doing you a favor. Don’t fucking talk to me that way. Don’t ever talk to me like that again. If you want to stay in my life, you’re going to treat me with respect and you’re going to be nice to me. I did you a favor. You need to thank me for it. And you need to apologize for being an insufferable cunt to me right now.” Sometimes you got to say that. And you got to be brutal about it.

And if she cops an attitude, just say, “I don’t want to fucking hear from you until this shit stops. This is not going to fly. This is not how you treat a man. It’s cute on TV, but it doesn’t work in the real world, Sweetheart. If you want to keep me in your life, you got to be nice to me. And you got to be respectful and communicate like an adult. And if I do you a favor, all I want to hear is gratitude and kindness and appreciation. And a couple happy finishes. And maybe a cold beer or two will be nice. And maybe you can make me a sandwich. But you are abusive and I’m not going to put up with it. So you need to be nice. You need to apologize. And if you can’t or you don’t think you’re in the wrong, then I don’t want to hear from you until you’re ready to apologize.”

Right, Rocky? We don’t take shit from nobody. We don’t take shit from the girls. Right? Especially Ocean as cute as she is, we don’t take bullshit from nobody. So you got to stand up for yourself and what you want. You don’t get what you deserve in life. You only get what you negotiate. So if it was me, I can’t imagine why on earth you would want to get back together with a woman who acts this way. So you should be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. Never call or text her again for any reason.

She has to earn another chance with you, not the other way around. If she comes back, you need to lay it all out for her. You were abusive. You were selfish. You were rude. You were condescending to me. And I don’t need a lecture, okay? You need to apologize and be nice. If you can’t do that, I don’t care to ever hear from you or see you or speak to you again. I want a girl that’s nice to me, who’s easygoing, easy to get along with.

And if we have a difference of opinion, don’t be sending your friends over to fucking lecture me. I don’t want to hear it. That’s just rude. You’re not my mother. I can have a difference of opinion. If you can’t handle somebody having a difference of opinion, then we’re just not compatible. So sometimes you got to stand up and put a chick in her place and she’ll respect you for it, even though she may disagree. But all you really did was create a tyrant here.

And so again, you should be following the script that’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. But again, I mean, you guys in the comments are listening to this video. You’re just going, Jesus Christ, this dude is a hair floating around. This dude is like putting up with this shit. It’s like no self-respecting man wants to put up with a cranky Karen that acts this way. It’s just the juice ain’t worth the fucking squeeze. But if you’re crazy enough to want to give this girl another chance, that’s on you, bro. I wouldn’t. But you can do better.

If you learn what’s in The Book. You should date somebody who’s younger, who’s hotter, who has a good attitude. This chick’s like 40, you know? She’s been rode hard and put up wet. It’s like, sounds like nobody wants to be with her because she’s an ass, but because she’s a chick. And maybe she’s average attractiveness. There’s so many thirsty dudes like you that just will line up around the block to get a chance at somebody like this. But a man who loves himself and values himself and respects himself, he is not going to put up with this shit.

There’s no way in hell he’s going to go on down the road. That’s what I would do if I were you. But again, if you’re crazy enough to want her back, follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. If she does reach out, invite her over to make dinner. Don’t go to her. Don’t pick her up. If she cops an attitude, you got to put her in her place and tell her that’s inappropriate. But it’s just kind of hard when your values don’t align. You can see conflicts like this. But again, he’s just so apologetic. He’s a people pleaser and he acts like a pussy. Women want to be put in their place.

They want a man who will stand up to them. It’s not what you see on TV, in the news and the media, especially the TV shows, because you act exactly like the dudes in TV shows act. And that’s why you get no respect in the real world. In make believe world everything works out between the two of you. In the real world she’s disgusted and repulsed by your unmasculine behavior because you don’t have the balls to stand up to her. I mean, she breaks up over text and then makes you take her shit to her friend’s house so she doesn’t even have to see you. How pathetic.

I would have been like, I’ll put your shit in the front lawn. You can come pick it up. I’ll put it out by the side of the road. Hopefully you come by before the trash man comes because, like, I don’t care. The way you’ve treated me. You’ve been an insufferable cunt. So I’ll take your shit out of my house. I’ll put it at the end of the driveway. Other than that, it’s up to you and your friends or family to come pick it up because I don’t care. I wouldn’t be tolerating this shit.

I’d be an absolute savage. But then again, I would have never dated somebody like this, and I certainly would have ended up in a relationship with somebody that behaves this way and thinks it’s okay. You can do better, man. You can do way better than this. You want a girl. It’s nice to you who’s easygoing, easy to get along with and who communicates like an adult. This chick is abusive, and she’s fucked up. I wouldn’t give her the time of day. But you do, you boo boo.

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