I Didn’t Pay Attention To Her Dropping Attraction Level Until It Was Too Late

The importance of noticing how your woman feels about you to maintain attraction.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who shares how my work has impacted his life. After he started getting success and attracted a great woman, he stopped reading 3% Man and watching videos. He slowly reverted to his beta ways and didn’t pay attention to her dropping attraction level. He talked, texted and chased her out of his life.

He asks some questions about the current woman he’s dating. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well oftentimes, I see guys do this a lot. We all kind of do it. It’s like we see things going a little sideways and we go, “Oh, it’s great. It’s fine. She’s just mad. She’ll get over it.” Meanwhile, the woman keeps complaining about the same thing, and you don’t take her seriously until she’s ready to blow the relationship up and ride off into the sunset.

So this particular email is from a viewer who shares how my work has impacted his life and he how he originally found me. He was trying to save his marriage. Then after he read my book, he realized he stopped dating and courting her. Then when he really got into it, he realized he had settled and he wasn’t that into her. So even though it was tough, he ended his marriage, moved on. Then a few years later, he met a woman that totally knocked his socks off on every level, but as soon as he started dating her, he didn’t read the book and he stopped watching videos. A year-and-a-half later, he said he reverted back to his beta male ways and he basically became really unattractive, talked, texted and basically chased her out of his life.

Now he’s dating somebody who’s hot and young. They’re kind of friends with benefits. He’s got one question on the once-a-week rule if she pulls back, because right now she’s doing 100% of the reaching out, everything is going well. So you can see this guy, his natural tendency is when things start to go well, he thinks he’s got it, he doesn’t really take the time to get to know the book and it’s burned him. So it’s a good email to learn from of what to do and obviously what not to do.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach Corey Wayne,

No doubt you’re doing great. I wanted to share your immense impact on my life and ask a quick question. I came across your work in 2019 when my wife said if things didn’t change, she was going to divorce me. I got through your book three times and listened to it six times before discovering I stopped dating and courting her properly. I could have saved the marriage, but something else you helped me realize was that in my heart I knew I settled, so I let her go, licked my wounds and moved on. After the divorce, I read your book six times and listened to it 10 times before I met my “Katie,” if you will. She was the woman of my dreams until six months into our relationship she said she needed to focus on her business and her son.

So as I say, people that do the best they read the book 10 to 15 times, they get into a relationship, then at least every six months they go back through it, but clearly things deteriorated quickly. When she basically said she needed space and wanted to focus on herself and her son, sounds like Elvis had kind of left the building.

I dove back into your work to learn where I messed up. Mistake number one, not once did I open your book or a video. Mistake number two, I started to revert back to my old beta ways of talking and texting too much.

Well, whatever you do often, you do best. Whatever you observe, you participate in. So if you’re trying to unlearn all the unattractive behavior and then you start dating somebody like this, and then you just stop participating and trying to learn and master the book as you’re in the relationship, the idea is it’s not about just reading the book 10 to 15 times. The most important thing is you got to apply it. So as soon as he started dating his supposed dream woman, he stopped reading the book and learning the fundamentals because he probably, like most guys, believed that he had it all down, but he had never really dated anybody or been in a relationship while he was still learning the book. You got to experience the stuff that’s in here for yourself.

You could read the book a thousand times, but if you don’t date, you don’t experience it, it’s just kind of intellectual knowledge. That’s not really going to help you. Most important thing is be reading it and applying it, reading it and applying it. That way, you’re able to prevent yourself from going back to sleep, but obviously, he didn’t do that and recognized and he takes ownership of that. As Jocko Willink would say, he took “extreme ownership” of his screw ups.

In the end, I was probably doing 50%, maybe more of initiating communication.

Yeah, as the book says, you shouldn’t do more than 20% to 30% of it. The reality is, if you’re applying what’s in the book properly, she should be doing 95% to 100% of the pursuing and the reaching out. So at some point, and probably when she started to pull back a little bit, acting like a cat, he made up for that by pursuing more. Then it got to the point where it was 50/50.

When it’s 50/50, it elicits platonic feelings and you’re going to get friend-zoned or you’re going to get the “I need space” speech, which is exactly what happened to him. That’s as predictable as the sun coming up in the east and setting in the west. Once you really understand women and you experience this, it’s like you could see all the matrix code, if you will.

I didn’t pay any attention to her dropping attraction until it was too late. Fast forward to today, I’ve read your book 12 times, listened to it over 15, I stopped counting at 15. I listen to at least two videos every day, often listening to 30-60 minutes of videos on the weekends. I’m a premium member. I’ve listened to Mastering Yourself and both Quotes and Ruminations books. I’ve done six months of Network Chiropractic Care. I workout seven days and a week and follow a very healthy diet. I tried getting into your green juice, but it didn’t stick.

Well, it’s hard. It’s a pain in the ass. Making a gallon of green juice takes 45 minutes to an hour. I mean, I’ve been making this mixture for 25 years now, which is pretty crazy, but when I don’t have it, when I run out of it, I’m like, “Oh, I’ll go to Whole Foods later. I’ll go tomorrow.” Within a day or two, I feel it in my energy, I feel it with my mental clarity, my mental sharpness and that pain that I experienced, in other words, a physical drop-off in my awareness and my overall health and vitality, I don’t like the way that feels. That’s why I’ll get off my ass and go and get more stuff to make green juice and make smoothies, because I literally feel it and it’s hard. It’s a tough commitment and most of us are lazy.

Like even my own family members. My dad loves drinking this stuff. Every time he comes over, the first thing he does is, “You got any green juice?” But he won’t make it for himself. His wife won’t drink it and he won’t make it for just himself, but it helps him immensely. I’ve seen that friends, family, it’s a tough commitment. For me, with all the health problems I had when I was younger and the things I experienced, I just don’t like the way I feel when I’m not drinking this stuff. So I do it even when I don’t feel like it. It’s really just boils down to being disciplined.

Instead, I consume 50+ grams of fruit and vegetables every day. And a little over two years ago I landed my dream job. I thank God every night for all the blessings in my life and even throw up some prayers for you in appreciation. Needless to say, I’ll never stop consuming your material ever again. Now my question, with your help I’ve landed my first ever friends with benefits. She’s 15 years younger, fit, successful, and sexy. The old beta me would have tried to lock her down, but the 3% Man I have become knows that in my heart she’s not the woman of my dreams. Right now, she does 100% of the calling, texting, reaching out first. If she ever wants me to start reaching out to her first, would I implement the once-a-week rule? How would you handle that situation?

Thank you for all you do and helping me to become a 3% Man!

Bob 

Well, the fact that you’re asking me this tells me you still don’t really understand the material. So at this point, she’s doing all the reaching out and eventually she might complain, “Oh, how come I’m always calling you? How come you never reach out to me?” Simple answers like, “Well babe, we talk every day, and obviously I love seeing your name pop up in my phone.” If you can, just kind of laugh it off and it’s no big deal, then keep doing what you’re doing, which is let her do all the reaching out. If she starts to complain about it three or four times over the course of several weeks or a month, then once a week, I would start reaching out to her. Some days you call, some days it might be Facetime. Some days it might be a text. Other days, once a week you may write her a card, just saying some nice things. Another time it might be writing in a nice little post-it note and you stick it on her visor and her mirror in her car. So she gets in the car. She pulls it down and she sees a nice little love note from you in her car. The only reason a woman’s going to complain and consistently bring it up is typically she wants to feel that you care. If you care, you’ll do something like that once a week. Don’t do the same thing every week. Just mix it up a little bit.

So far as it’s going, she’s doing 100%. Most women, again, they do this naturally. So if you’re doing everything right and they really love you, they’re going to be fine with it. They’re going to be calling, texting you, Facetiming you three, four times a day, usually over at your house every night, or you’re at hers and you’re just going to kind of always be together. That’s the natural evolution of things. Other than that, it looks like you’re doing well, but the important thing is to remember what you do often, you do best. Repetition is the mother of skill. Excellence is not a singular act. It’s a habit. You are what you do repeatedly.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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