I Fell In Love, Acted Dopey, Over Pursued & Got Friend Zoned. Is This Fixable?

How to know if it’s fixable if you fell in love, acted dopey & got friend zoned.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is new to my work. He started seeing a female coworker. He was alpha at first, but things went sideways when he fell in love. He acted dopey and over pursued her. She friend zoned him. He rejected friendship. Now she’s openly flirting with other men in the office to make him jealous. He wonders what he can do now. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “I Fell In Love, Acted Dopey, Over Pursued & Got Friend Zoned. Is This Fixable?”.

Well, probably the majority of the guys that come to my work or my channel, and start watching my videos have had this experience. I started dating a girl they were really into. She was really into them at first. And as the weeks and months went by, it goes from her being super excited to see you and spend time with you to where she slowly fades away.

The more you talk and text, it seems like she takes longer. Her replies get shorter, she’s less available to see you, and then you get the dreaded friend zoning like what’s happened to this guy. And then you go into panic mode going, “What the hell? I thought this was going to be my future ex-wife. I thought this was going to be my future ex-girlfriend.”

And instead he didn’t even make it across the finish line. And then he’s trying to figure out what the hell happened. So this girl, he actually happens to work with her as well. And so now what’s going on is that she’s openly flirting with other men in his office, which he’s not too happy about.

And quite frankly, it’s not a nice thing to do. And she’s trolling him. She’s trying to see if it bothers him, if he gets upset about it. It’s kind of like, you know, the kitty cat is playing with the ball of yarn and he’s a ball of yarn. And you know, these other guys are other balls of yarn. And he’s like, “What can I do now?” So this is usually the kind of situation that most guys are in that leads them to finding my work.

Viewer Email:

Dear Mr. Wayne,

I would normally describe myself as a successful alpha male, but I lost my cool with a woman quite unexpectedly in December. I live in Eastern Europe. In the summer I met a wonderful woman. I courted her by being cocky and humorous. She had silly rules about dating.

So I enjoyed acting the bad boy and broke all her rules. Everything went perfectly, until the moment I fell in love. And how I fell! The fatal moment came in December when I started texting too much and turned her off. So predictable, so boring.

So he talked and texted her and chased her out of his life. You have to let women come to you at their pace. When you pick up the pace and you go faster, what actually happens is you start acting like a woman. Even though us guys are supposed to pursue or initiate a courtship, which is true. As I talk about in 3% Man, a guy starts the courtship off, takes measured steps one date per week.

And as a woman’s interest goes up and usually after they start sleeping together, which is typically the second or third date for most women in the West, is when they’re going to sleep with a guy. Then what happens is she starts calling and texting every other day after you’ve last seen her. And as the weeks go by, she calls more, she texts more, and then you just simply spend more time together.

You use her reaching out to you, sending you memes or whatever. You assume she wants to see you. And you make the next date. So as the weeks go by, she starts reaching out to you about innocuous things. Because most of the time women are not going to ask you out. They’ll send you a meme or say, “Hey. What are you doing? What are you up to?” That kind of thing. Or they’ll text you at 9:00 at night. “What are you doing?”

And your response to that should just be, “Come over.” And you invite her over. And so over the weeks and months that you’re dating, it just gets to the point where she’s in contact with you multiple times a day, and she’s usually at your place at night or you’re at her place. And by that point, about two months in, she’s in love again.

This is assuming you’re following what’s in the book, and she’s head over heels in love with you and wants to be your girlfriend, or brings it up and she hints at it. However, if the guy keeps pursuing at the same level in the beginning, what ends up happening is she never has enough time and space away from him to wonder about him, to think about him, to miss him. Because remember, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear.

When you overcommunicate your interest, you basically act like a woman that’s trying to seek attention and validation. And so it ruins the sexual polarity. And it confuses the woman and they’ll say things like, “I’m confused. I’m not sure where I’m able to be at this point in my life.” And they usually start backing off and backing away. And so when that happens, most guys that don’t know any better, like this guy, he probably noticed she was backing away.

And then he really started to pursue hard, which made her back away even more. And then what happens is he’s texting her. She’s spending hours to reply. Then the texts are short. She’s waiting until the next day to reply to him, and it’s driving him crazy. And then he has to confront her, and that’s when she says, “I’m confused” or “Something missing. I don’t feel the same way I did before.”

And then tries to friend zone him, or just breaks it off, or in some cases just totally ghosts him. And then in panic mode, that’s when they go to YouTube or the internet and then they come across my work. So that’s basically where he’s at. He’s turned her off. And so what you’ve got to do is you’ve got to follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. You go No Contact. You don’t reach out.

If she says she just “wants to be friends” or she “wants to be friends first, and then you can date later.” 99% of the time you agree to that you’ll never get out of friend zone. So you’re going to refuse. You say, “I’m not interested in being platonic friends. We can be friends with benefits, but I’m not going to just do platonic friendship.” And if she says, “Well, that’s all I can offer.”

Then just say, “Well, I’m not interested. You’ve got my number. Hit me up if you ever change your mind.” And if she reaches out a few weeks later, assume she’s changed her mind. And you invite her over to make dinner at your place. You don’t meet her out. You don’t go pick her up. Because in that case, she has to earn another chance with you. Because she screwed it up. She ended it. Therefore, she must fix it.

And that means that she has got to do 100% of the reaching out going forward. And you have the mindset of, “Okay, well, I’m willing to give her another chance. She can win me back over.” So you wait to hear from her. You make the next date, you get off the phone. But for the first three dates, she’s got to come to your house to make dinner.

And as long as you hang out and have fun and hook up all three dates, then you can meet her out and pick her up and go on normal dates again. But you still got to let her do all the contact initiation. Because what happened was he initiated too much contact to the point where he turned her off. He communicated he was way more into her than she was into him.

And when women realized that, they always pulled back and they go, “Do I like this guy? How do I feel about him? Mhhm.” So there’s an art to this, and you need to be reading the book, also and filling in your knowledge gap. And if you’re new, you can read my book for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the email newsletter, and it’ll open up right in your web browser.

Yet I am not completely inexperienced. I realized my mistake and went silent. After two weeks, she reached out and we met again. Everything seemed to be going well, but I was not aware of your work and I was too gentle with her.

So he probably hung out, went to lunch, did coffee, acted like the gay male girlfriend because he’s afraid, he’s full of fear he’s not going to get another chance. And he’s waiting for her to tell him, “Okay, we can date, we can kiss, we can hook up or whatever.” But this is why she must come to you on your terms to make dinner at your place. And if she doesn’t want to do that, then there are objections or handling objections in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.

Such as if she wants you to meet her out, just say, “Hey, it’s been a long week, just in the mood to hang at my place. If you don’t want to come over and make dinner, then give me a call in a couple of weeks and maybe I’ll be up for meeting you out then.” So in other words, she submits and does what you want or you withdraw the offer. Again, that’s all laid out in the Article and Video, 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.

Suddenly she is pulling back again and offering to “be friends first so that we can grow more slowly into a romantic relationship”.

So the other thing is, when she reengages guys make the mistake, as soon as she starts reaching back out after No Contact, they think, “Great. I can start my pursuit again.” And so they start calling and texting her again. And what happens is they chase her right back out of their life. That’s why she’s got to do all the reaching out. Because as her interest goes back up, she calls more, she texts more, and then obviously you’ll see each other more.

This is how I discovered your work. In any case, I told her that it’s either romance or nothing. She reacted with anxiety. She said that our friendship can eventually lead to romance again.

I would have just be like, “Nope, not doing that. It’s not what I signed up for.”

I flatly refused and broke off the conversation. Did I overreact? 

Well, again, if she’s reaching out, as 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says, you invite her over to make dinner. If she’s still trying to friend zone you and is adamant about that, your response should be, “Well, we can be friends with benefits, but I’m not going to just do something strictly platonic.”

And if she insists that “friends only”, then just say, “Look, you’ve got my number. If you change your mind, hit me up. But I’m not going to do a platonic friendship with you. I’m totally not interested.”

I also bought your audiobook and went through it quickly. I will date other women. I will look after myself. I will be as indifferent as I can be. I need to regain my alpha status.

So when you’re in the office, spend time with other women talking and chatting with them. If she sees you and you see her, smile and wave and then go back to talking to whoever you were talking to. And you should be reading the book and applying with other women so you can get some other choices and some other options. So you’re not going to be so inclined to try to reengage and smother this girl all over again, which results in you chasing her back out of your life for a third time.

That’s clear. Yet I still care deeply for this woman.

Well, at the end of the day, women don’t give a shit how much you care about them or what a nice guy you are. They only care about how they feel about you. That’s what really matters.

If I didn’t care, I would probably be inside her tonight.

Well, the problem is, you care too much.

Besides, we work for the same company where I am in a much more senior position than she is. It is a risky situation. Suddenly she started coming into the office every day. Not her usual routine.

Well, you’ve got to be nice to her. Not be a dick, not cause any problems. In our Live Stream with myself and the girls the other day, there was a guy that a couple weeks ago told us he worked in a hospital and he was dating a female nurse, you know, one of the top five careers that women and people cheat. And what happened was she started cheating on him with her ex-boyfriend, and he said some shit to her because he wasn’t happy about it.

Because it was embarrassing. Because I guess everybody in the hospital knew that they were dating. And yet she’s cheating on him with her ex-boyfriend. So she ends up going back to the ex-boyfriend and then goes to HR and complains. So they do an investigation. And that was like last week. He told us what had happened. And this Thursday, a couple days ago, he said that HR fired him.

So if you’re in a situation like that, nine times out of ten, they’re going to side with a woman just because it’s cheaper to fire you than deal with a lawsuit with a woman. Because it’s just again, it’s from a company perspective it’s cheaper for the big corporation to boot you out the door and allow her to stay.

She is deliberately flirting with other men in front of my private office. Obviously this is a test. I don’t know how far she can go with it. The first day, I was upset and acted like a cold fish. Probably a mistake, but I was shocked. Now I just smile and wave at her if I see her. And I will never chase her again. That’s clear. To be honest, I’m disgusted by her behavior, even though I caused it by my loss of masculine energy.

Well, you’ve got to treat her like you were tired of fucking her, and you’re bored with her anyways. And you’re happy that some other dude or dudes in the office are giving her attention. But the fact she’s doing it there, she’s trying to troll you. She’s trying to get you to start moving forward and pursuing her again.

Because quite frankly, your inaction is attractive to her. The fact that you’re not bothered by it, you’re not intimidated. You’re not getting jealous. It’s just part of testing to see if you’re sticking to your guns. Because you told her to get in touch if she changed her mind.

Just laughing it off seems a weak response, although I cannot think of anything better. She originally found me attractive because of my powerful attitude, and now she is treating me like one of her beta orbiters. It’s an unfamiliar and confusing situation for me. Yet I still want this woman if she can return to being the wonderful cat that I once held in my arms. Any advice on what to do with her “provocations” after walking away?

Many thanks in advance for your wisdom, 

Bob

Well, like I said, how would you treat her if you were bored with her? If you were tired of fucking her? You’re going to be nice. You’re going be polite. But other than that, you’re focused on your mission, your purpose, and getting the things done you need to get done at work. And she can do whatever she’s going do. Talk to other women in the office, change up your schedule, have your door closed, whatever it happens to be.

So if she keeps coming by at a certain time and wants to talk to other dudes, have your door closed at that time so she doesn’t know what the hell you’re doing, and be busy doing other things. Don’t give in to it. And if she reaches out through text or through the phone, assume she wants to see you. Make a date in the evening to make dinner at your place. Follow the script that’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.

And if you still have questions, or maybe you’re in a similar situation as to this guy who sent the email in, then go to UnderstandingRelationships.com. Click the coaching tab at the top of your screen on any page of my Website, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

If you haven’t already signed up for my Exclusive Premium Members Only Content in the video description is video, there are links to join on YouTube, or you can join on Spotify or our Website UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just click the “plans” tab when you get there. And the good news is with my Website, you can do a seven day free trial to check out all the great content and extensive library of additional content that you get for being a Premium Member.

And if you choose an annual plan, you can get a 25% discount at the end of the seven day free trial. So go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the “plans” tab, sign up for a seven day free trial for a Premium Membership. And until next time, I will talk to you soon.