I Got Dopey & Didn’t Keep My Word. She Dumped Me. Will She Come Back?

What to focus on to create the conditions for her to come back after a breakup.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who recently got dumped by his girlfriend. He says he became dopey and continually promised to fix things that were causing problems in their relationship, but he never followed through. He sees her at college and wonders what he can do to cause her to come back to him. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “I Got Dopey & Didn’t Keep My Word. She Dumped Me. Will She Come Back?”.

Well this particular email is from a viewer who recently got dumped by his girlfriend. I guess they were together for about a year and four months. And he says he became really dopey. He continually promised to fix things that were causing problems in their relationship, but he says he never followed through at all. And eventually she got sick of him not keeping his word. And so she broke it off with him.

And so I guess he would for most of this last year or so, he was long distance. He was away at college, but I guess he’s transferred to go to school back home. And he actually has classes with his girl. So he sees her in class and he’s gotten all his stuff back that she had of his and stuff. And he wonders if she will come back. But what’s interesting is he’s got a really good attitude about it, which that makes a big deal.

Because it’s tough when you get dumped for the average person takes about a year and a half to get over a breakup. And he actually after a couple days afterwards, he suffered for a few days. But afterwards he started getting back into his routine and focusing on the things he needs to focus on. Obviously they’re laid out in the book and he feels better about himself, and that’s the important thing, because the whole idea, if you’re trying to attract a relationship, you want to get to a happy place first.

And then you’ll attract somebody else who’s also in a happy place. More often than not, most people are unhappy, and they think a relationship will make them happy and will solve all their problems. And then they finally get somebody. And after they get out of the honeymoon period, they realize that they’re still unhappy, and then they start neglecting their relationship.

Because they realize what was motivating them to do what needed to be done to date in order properly make her feel heard and understood. They realize, despite all that, they’re still unhappy. And then they start neglecting their relationship, which causes that to spiral out of control. So for you guys that are going through a breakup or just went through one, you’re trying to get over it. You want to have an attitude like this guy’s got.

Viewer Email:

Hello Coach,

First off, I’d love to say thank you for all the help you have given me and countless other people who follow you. I wouldn’t understand jack shit from girls if it wasn’t for you. This girl I was dating for about a year and 4 months, recently broke up with me. I was away in college for mostly the whole relationship.

What I noticed is that instead of using periods, he uses commas. So, you know, it’s like my seventh, eighth grade English teacher was like, you’ve got a run on sentence. So this this whole email is like one giant run on sentence with a gazillion commas in it. So a little tip for the guy who wrote the email. Use periods, not commas. Especially when the statement is over.

We were long distance. For the last 2 months of our relationship I was slacking and got dopey. She would tell me that she was upset about something, I would promise her that I was going to work on it, but I never did.

This is really important. As a man your word has to mean something. Your girl, in order to feel safe and comfortable in a relationship, has to be able to rely upon your word. And if you’re a guy that just constantly talks shit and says things that you don’t mean and you don’t follow through, you’re going to have a real hard time maintaining a relationship long term.

Because if your girl doesn’t feel safe in the relationship, the legs are going to close and it’s going to create other problems for you. So part of being a man is your word is your bond. You’ve got to say what you mean and you’ve got to mean what you say. You can’t continually give out Kentucky guarantees and bullshit to the love of your life, supposedly, and expect her to stick around. Women have to be able to trust that you’re going to do what you say you’re going to do.

Especially if you’re going to have kids and a family, and she’s going to rely on you to work and provide to be a good dad, not make excuses to say what you mean and to mean what you say. And when you continually do the opposite, when you say one thing and do another, eventually every woman is just going to tap out. I mean, it even happened to Tom Brady. He kept promising to fix things, kept promising to be more present, and he just never did it. And look how bad Giselle dicked him down at the end there very publicly humiliated him.

She broke up with me saying she was burnt out of putting all the effort into our relationship, and not seeing any effort on my work. I told her that since I was back from college and would be staying home because I transferred because it would be cheaper for me, that I had way more time to work on what I was slacking on. We would always workout our fights that we would have.

Well, if you really know the book, men who understand women, don’t argue with them. So he may have read the book a bunch of times before he got into the relationship, but he clearly got away and didn’t follow the principles. In other words, he wasn’t disciplined. So this whole relationship broke up because we have an undisciplined man that is unable to follow through or unwilling to follow through in the things that he kept promising.

You just cannot behave that way. And you shouldn’t behave that way. Even even if you’re not happy in the relationship, you still need to be a man of your word, not a shitbird. There’s too many shitbirds in the world already as it is.

But this one was the melting point for her, this was two weeks ago of the time of writing this. Over these past 2 weeks I’ve actually worked hard on what I did wrong in our relationship and have been way happier than I’ve ever been because I’m single and a young hot guy in college. The energy I gained from the breakup was redirected into strengthening my relationships with colleagues, friends, and my mother.

Well, that’s important. You’ve got to be nice to your mom.

Which has had a positive impact on my life. After she broke up with me, she told me if I wanted to come to her house to pick up my hoodies that I gave to her when she was cold, that I could, I told her to come over and drop it off a few days ago and she didn’t come over. She came over and gave me my hoodies back the next day.

So that’s another thing that’s pretty common. Women do this all the time, whether you’re in a relationship or casually dating, or in this case, broken up. Women will say, “I’ll bring them by later. I’ll do this”, and then they just don’t. That’s just the way they are, and you can’t really get upset at it. I know guys will go, “That’s a double standard Coach.”

It’s like, well, if you’re going to continually get upset when a woman says one thing and then does another, she says she’s going to drop your hoodies off and then doesn’t. She says she’s going to come by and see you and then doesn’t. She says she’s going to call you. And then she calls you two days later instead of that day or that afternoon. Women, especially if you’re a Jack-In-The-Box and you get perturbed and butthurt over these things and get mad and angry, she’ll do them more just to piss you off.

I said hey to her and how she’s been, she told me she was sorry for some reason.

Probably because she was already dating somebody else.

I don’t know why because I was slacking off for the most part in our relationship. But she didn’t elaborate.

So there’s probably a good chance if you were away at college and you were neglecting her and not following through, there was probably already another dude in the picture. That’s why it was so easy for her to move on.

Before she broke up with me I told her that if she ever changed her mind or missed me to shoot me a text and we would work out our relationship and take it slow, she told me “yeah, maybe one day”, basically no.

When a woman says maybe, it usually means no. But it’s possible that she changes her mind because that’s a woman’s prerogative. Women are contradictory like that. They say one thing, they do another. You just can’t get butthurt. You’ve got to let them be. And the more you’re consistent and you do what you say you’re going to do, what you’ll notice over time, especially as you get serious in a relationship, that you won’t be flaky like that anymore. If her interest is low, she’ll tend to be flaky, especially if she doesn’t respect you.

But if her interest is high, she’ll say what she means. Means what she say, and live up to the standard that you’re setting. But when you’re like that, you’re basically acting like another chick. Which, you know, if he was getting fights, he was probably complaining she wasn’t doing this. She wasn’t doing that. As he said, he got dopey. So he’s acting soft and weak and unmasculine. And she tossed him to the curb because of it.

I told her the same thing when she dropped off my hoodies, “if you ever change your mind, let me know,” and if not then, I wish her the best. She said, “I wish you the best too.” I take it as a basically “fuck no” to save me time and not wonder about it. I moped around for a day, but I grabbed my nuts and worked on my problems with her, and I’ve been happier.

He doesn’t really elaborate what it was he was doing that was upsetting her. But you know, he’s clearly doing one thing and saying another, or saying one thing and doing another.

My relationships with my mom and friends have never been better, my friend and I got closer, and my mom keeps teasing me and I keep teasing her, I give her random hugs, and kiss her forehead, I love her to death. I wish my relationship with my ex would’ve worked but she ended it because I was too dopey. Her and I both have the same class, and she sits in front of me, one of the girls who is in the same row as I keeps giving me the signs that she finds me attractive. I don’t find her attractive but I’m going to just make her smile and have fun.

That’s exactly what you should do. Give your attention to women who are excited and happy and grateful to have it. Even if you’re not interested in dating or hooking up with them. Because if you’re in the same class with your ex and you’re not really paying, you’re not being rude to her, but you’re just paying attention to a girl who’s happy to engage you in conversation. You’re having fun. In other words, you have decided ahead of time that no matter what, even the fact that your ex who dumped you only weeks before, is sitting in the same class with you, you’re going to have fun with the other girls in the class because they’re willing to have fun with you. Your ex-girlfriend didn’t want to have fun with you anymore, so she can get the gift of missing you permanently.

Whenever I see my ex on campus, I’m going to give her a smile and go on with my day.

Smile. Wave. Go about your business. But don’t go out of your way to talk to her.

If she wants to get back together then she’ll have to work for it.

That’s the right mindset. That’s right out of 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. And so what that means is she’s got to do all the calling, all the texting, all the pursuing, and you just set dates so she reaches out, Assume she wants to see you. Invite her over to make dinner at your place. Hang out. Have fun. Hook up.

Because I’m going to have fun with someone either being her or not. What else could I do if I see her Coach?

Sincerely,

A continuous learning student

Well, how would you treat her if you were tired of fucking her, and didn’t want her anymore? You’d be nice. You’d be polite. If she engaged you in conversation you engage back, but you’re not going to go up to her and go out of your way to talk to her. Again you’re going to give your attention to other girls in the class who are excited to talk to you, who are nice to you, and who like the attention and the playfulness that you bring. And when your girl sees it, you’re just having a good time, almost as if nothing ever happened. And like you’re not bothered or you’re not broken up over getting dumped.

It’ll start to bother her a little bit. It just seems like you didn’t even care. You don’t even seem bothered that we broke up. Was like, what can I do, babe? You didn’t want to work on our relationship, I did, So you left. So why should I feel bad about the fact that you quit and gave up on us? All that tells me is you’re just not the right girl for me. At this time, maybe in the future you change. Right? Maybe in the future you change. But as of right now, you know I’m going to enjoy my life. Life’s too short. I’m not going to sulk over it.

You know, I tried to work things out and you just said no. So I’m gonna spend my time with somebody who’s excited to see me and who’s happy to be with me, like Lyla. Right Lyla? Go where you’re celebrated, not where you’re tolerated. Don’t be sitting around trying to change the mind of a girl who’s sitting on the fence over you. Date a girl, be with a girl, somebody who would jump fences to be with you. That is important. So again, I think you had a great attitude because most guys that send me these kinds of emails are really beat down.

And so if you’re beat down and you’re in a similar situation to this guy. Adopt his attitude because having a good attitude makes it easy to meet new girls, to get noticed. Because you look happy and you look fun. We’re most attractive when we’re happy and fun and having a good time. So like, this guy’s doing go to class despite the fact his ex is a few seats ahead of him, talk to the other girls who are willing to engage with him, and other than that, you know she can go on down the road. And when she sees that you’re having fun, you’re always talking to other girls.

Other girls are coming up to talk to you. Especially if she goes out on a few bad dates, or if she was hanging out with Chad Thunder Cock, and he doesn’t treat her that good and you haven’t done anything to pursue. You’ve just completely moved on and it looks like you’re just having a great life, that’ll get under her skin. And she’ll wonder, “Did he not really care about me? Oh, maybe that’s why he didn’t follow through on things he didn’t really like me to begin with.” And that’ll piss her off and cause her to reach back out. And then you can just set a date, follow it in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. But good job on having a great attitude and flirting with other girls in class. That’s exactly what you need to be doing.

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