I Got Dumped After Checking Her On Her Bad Behavior & She’s Already With Another Guy

Some things to consider after getting dumped & she’s already dating another guy.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who was separated after a 20-year marriage. He met another woman and thought she was the one. Things were great for eight months. He checked her on her bad behavior, she dumped him and only a few days later was already dating another guy.

He wants her back. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Obviously, clearly she knew who this other guy was and probably had him all set up while they were still together.

So this particular email is from a guy who was separated after a 20-year marriage, and he met this particular woman in question that he writes about, and he thought she was the one. Things were great for eight months, but after they had a disagreement, he checked her on her bad behavior. She dumped him in response and then only a few days later, she was already dating another guy, but he still wants her back.

Something like that happens. Women often will pick a fight. Usually they pick a fight, and because of the fight, they say they want to break up, but in reality they pick the fight on purpose. Oftentimes the guy focuses on what the reason was for the fight or the disagreement and they think, “Oh man, I should have never done that or said that. If I hadn’t had my position that I had, we’d still be together.” The reality is that’s one of the ways that women break up with you, is that they cause a fight, they pick a fight, and it gets out of hand and they just end things, because in reality, they were wanting to end things, and the fight they picked is the way they go about doing it.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

So about 10 months separated from a 20-year marriage, I bought a new house. Ended up falling in love with the neighbor next door. We moved super fast and about six months in, we began talking about marriage in the coming year.

That’s way too much, too soon. He’s talking about the future, too much coming on too strong. A man’s job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen and hang out, have fun and hook up, but when six months in, you’re all focused on marriage, being serious and living happily ever after, that’s too much, too soon.

So that tells me he’s probably too focused on his interest in her, and he’s not really paying attention to the fact that her interest is not the same. Hence, that’s the only reason why she dumps him days later. She’s with somebody else. She’s been planning this for a while. Her interest has been dropping for a while, and he just assumed since they were together and they were still talking about these things, that she was feeling it. Well, if we look at her actions, obviously she clearly was not feeling it.

Deep connection, love and affection. She has serious medical problems and I always took her to appointments and took care of during post procedure care. During this time, I needed up losing my kids and was hit pretty hard. So to say both of us were stressed out would be an understatement. 

So that means you lost custody or what?

The relationship stayed strong until one day (Eight-month mark) I called her on some behaviors of hers I didn’t like, but had overlooked due to the health issues and overall stress. Said she needed space and broke it off the next day.

So when a woman says she needs space, what that means is she feels smothered. The reason why she feels smothered is he’s pursuing too much, he’s too focused on their future and a relationship. Then when he checks her on some bad behavior, her interest is already low and she’s not that into him. That’s why she breaks it off.

Within the week, she is kissing another guy in the driveway and now has a guy that comes over every day. I was devastated and felt seriously betrayed.

Well, now you know what you’re dealing with. Your girlfriend, supposed future wife, was talking to another guy when you guys were still together. That’s the only way this happens that fast.

So she picked a fight and broke up with you when she knew things were looking good with the other guy. This is why, as men, your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. To hang out, have fun, hook up. Let her be the one to bring up marriage and push all that stuff, but clearly you were the one driving that train, and you weren’t really paying attention to the fact that she wasn’t that into it until she dumped you.

I went out of town for two weeks just to get away before I did something stupid. Since then, communication has been a hit and miss.

Well again, if you get dumped, you should be in no-contact. You should be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, not reaching out, trying to communicate and get on more dates with her. She fucked it up, she’s got to fix it.

I have gone on a couple of dates and have even had a girl over a few times by this point.

Good! That’s what you should be doing. You never try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you.

However, none have met the high bar the ex set. Still feel like she’s the one and still want to be there for her with a very serious surgery coming in the next few months. 

Dude, it pretty much looks like she was cheating on you and then left you for the guy she was cheating on you with, or he was a male orbiter from the past that was always in her life and you just never knew about him. When she knew she didn’t want to stay in the relationship, she got back in touch. Probably met him for drinks, lunch or whatever. Hung out with him, started dating and probably sleeping with him when she was still, or at least, you thought she was with you. That’s how that happened so quickly. So she definitely betrayed you. Love cannot exist where there is no trust.

I want her back, but maybe not yet because I feel like there would be some resentment. Any advice?

Bob

Well, follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. Read what’s in 3% Man. Take it seriously, read it 10 to 15 times because the more times you go through it, you’ll be able to kind of self examine your relationship with her and see where you maybe went wrong and some of your behaviors that led to her losing attraction because your perspective of your relationship, where it was and how close you guys were was completely detached from reality. You were in love with a fantasy of what you wanted your relationship to be, and you had no clue that she was looking for the exits until you found out she was already kissing a new guy a few days later because she had that dude lined up already. So that’s just not that’s a character flaw. Character is destiny, and you’re not going to fix that.

So if she ever does reach out, you can invite her over to make dinner, hang out, have fun and hook up, but I wouldn’t get into a long-term relationship with somebody like this. Again, if she’s dating another guy while you’re still together, or lining up a new guy while you’re still together, if you take her back and she becomes unhappy, guess what? She’ll do the same thing all over again, either with that guy or with a new dude. Definitely something to think about.

So read the book, figure out where you may have been going wrong so you can clean up your behavior, because you got to fix that. You got to fix your unattractive behavior, because if she comes back, you’ll turn her off for the same reasons and the next girl, if you don’t get this figured out and handled, you’ll turn her off for the same exact reasons.

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