The downside risk to meeting and dating women from a sugar daddy site and red flags to look out for.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a guy who is shocked his now ex-girlfriend who he met on a sugar daddy site turned out to be a woman with no integrity who behaved like a sex worker. He claims he never intended to date her, only a friends with benefits type of relationship. However, he felt they had this amazing connection and he made her his girlfriend.
After 6 months together, countless red flags, and finding out he wasn’t the only guy she was having romantic connections with, he dumped her. He asks how to deal with women like this, because he felt things were too good to be true. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Characters is destiny, I say it all the time. And so, this guy should not be surprised at what happened. But it’s a good cautionary tale, because I’ve had quite a few phone sessions over the years with guys that have gotten involved with women they met on sugar dating websites, and then they end up having a relationship with them. And then they’re surprised that she still acts like she belongs on the streets, even though they’re together. You’ve got to think about where you fish at. If you’re fishing in nice, clean, healthy water, you’ll probably get a good, clean fish. If you’re fishing in the sewer, well, you shouldn’t be surprised the fish are little stinky.
Hi Coach Corey,
I have been following your work for many years now and have read 3% Man countless times. My life has changed dramatically over the last 7 years for the better. Thanks for all you do.
I just got out of a 6-month relationship with a woman that I met off of a sugar daddy site.
So when you say relationship and sugar dating sites, seeking arrangements, these are women that behave like sex workers. They’re selling access to themselves and their time and their bodies for money, and gifts, and presents, and investments in their entrepreneurial adventures. These are not the kind of women that, “Oh, I’m going to find the perfect wife on a sugar daddy site.” I mean, the women are on the sites because they’re willing to give it up for cash. Hello, McFly! It’s kind of obvious, for the slow people in the room.
A relationship was not the intention when I met this woman off of this site, but it happened.
Man, I’ve heard that so many times, “It wasn’t my intention.”
I just wanted a friends with benefits thing until I felt “THIS AMAZING CONNECTION.”
Well, why couldn’t you find that on Tinder or Bumble or one of the others? Why go there? That’s strictly somebody that’s looking for a transaction. We did a video recently, “Could A 3% Man Occasionally Get Escorts/Have Sugar Babies?” That video actually did quite well. It was on Instagram. It’s the same mentality. You’ve got to think of the integrity level of the people, and it’s like, what’s their outcome? If you’re looking for somebody to be loyal, monogamous, exclusive, white picket fence, she’ll be loyal and faithful to you, you’re not going to find her on a sugar dating site. That just tells you what her character level is, or lack thereof. And so, if you are one of those guys that goes on there and then you get into a relationship, you shouldn’t be surprised that things go sideways.
If you ever saw the interview I did a few years ago with President Anthony Dream Johnson of the Manosphere, it was called “I Married the Woman from Hell,” and his wife turned out to be a sex worker. He got married, and he had no idea. Meanwhile, this woman is sleeping with and having sugar dating arrangements with other guys, even though she had given him the impression that they were in an exclusive, monogamous relationship. I don’t remember where he met her. It just so turns out that this was a whole other life she had, and he had no idea. Pretty crazy story.
The original talk that he did at the 21 Convention was called, “Marrying Medusa: How To Survive A Female Psychopath,” and gave a two hour talk. He sent me a link recently, and he’s got over a million views in that that video. And it’s a good video to watch for those of you guys that want to get involved with women that are on these websites. You just don’t try to turn a hoe into a housewife. I mean, come on. You’ve got to have some common sense. But in Anthony’s case, I think he just met her normally, he didn’t meet her on one of those sites. It was just bad luck for him.
She is beautiful, and we would have tons of amazing sex that she could not get enough of. She would just make me feel wonderful in all ways, emotionally and sexually.
Just like a good sex worker would. I mean, have you ever gone into a strip bar and had one of the strippers do lap dances and hang out with you all night? You’re like, “Wow, I really feel like we had a connection there.” She’s good at her job.
When she was around, I felt like I was on top of the world and we would hang out 4 nights a week. It felt almost like I was on a drug.
She was good at her job.
She was telling me she loved me after 4 months, we met families, etc., and she wanted to move in if we made it to 9 months. However, while we were dating, the red flag slowly would appear.
Of course. Where did you meet her? You’ve got to think, where are you fishing at? What kind of fish do you want to catch? If you’re fishing for sharks and then you put your sharks in with the other fish, and the sharks eat the other fish, hey, some fish do not mix well in the same aquarium. Like attracts like. You’ve got to think about the goals and the values.
I would notice her posting images on social media to get attention.
You’re kidding. I’m shocked… shocked, I tell you.
I would notice men messaging her on social media constantly, mentioning sex. She started wanting to hang with her friends more. Her ex tried to Facetime her while I was with her at 10:30pm on a Sunday, etc.
Maybe he’s not really an ex, he’s just an orbiter. One of many, apparently.
Eventually, I got into her phone and found that she had created a secret Snapchat account, (that she blocked me from)…
Oh, boy. That sounds like a really loyal, exclusive and monogamous woman.
…she was using to message other guys.
Keep in mind the sugar daddy site. “Oh, my girlfriend I met on the sugar site, it turned out she was kind of like a hooker.” That’s so shocking. What a revelation.
The majority of the messages in this account were sexual.
Again, I’m shocked.
She had a stash of sex videos she had sent to men for money over the years, and many of her exes she would still carry on chats with.
Totally the type of girl you want to take home to Mom.
I never found that she physically cheated, but this was enough to be beyond my boundaries, so I dumped her and cut her off completely.
Well, at least you had the balls to do that.
She was clearly keeping attention of other men and using at least the idea of having sex with them again to keep them around.
I’ve just done so many videos of the missing dad. Girls that have strong, masculine fathers are just typically not going to behave this way. Girls that grew up without a dad and they’re trying to survive, and they’re really beautiful, that’s what you get. No morals, no integrity, no valuing themselves to commodity.
After the breakup she would drive by my house, text me to let me know she saw me at a football game I was at “so that we wouldn’t run into each other.”
She was trying to get his attention. Rejection breeds obsession, even when you dump the hooker. She doesn’t like it.
She stared down one of my female friends at a bar. She hand wrote me a 4 page love note and stuck it to my door telling me how perfect I was. I responded to none of this.
Well, you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife. This guy’s been following me for seven years. He’s probably heard me say that countless times, but he’s like, “This is going to be different, Coach, You don’t understand. I read the book a lot.” But then you go on the sugar site and you’re surprise that your girlfriend acts like a hooker. Oh, that’s such a shocking turn of events.
Then 39 days after I dumped her, (2 weeks after the handwritten note and 1 week after he last contact attempt), I went onto Facebook and she is “in a relationship” with another dude, LOL.
You mean she monkey branched when she knew you weren’t going to take her back?
This made me realize this girl is a professional manipulator.
Where did you meet her? A sugar dating website. It’s like a hooker website. This should not be surprising. You’re not going to find girls that want to be loyal and faithful to you. They’re good at their job.
She knows how to use sex and charm to get what she wants out of men and keeps doing it in a cycle.
Just like all good strippers do.
Many men of her past and even her family members have caught onto this and she has been cut off by many people over the years and has been forced to change cities a few times to start anew.
That just sounds delightful. Such a great girl. I can’t wait to take her home to meet my mother.
The lesson I learned here is that if it is too good to be true, it more than likely is.
No, you’re a fucking dumbass for going on a sugar dating website and trying to turn a hoe into a housewife. I say it all the time, and you just go, “Oh, it seemed like it was too good to be true,” because you don’t want to blame yourself. You’re an idiot for going on a sugar dating website, bro. Sorry, it just is. I was sitting here and you were one of my friends, I’d be like, “I love you, bro, but you’re an idiot.”
It’s like, “Oh, you found a hoe on a sugar dating website, and you thought you were going to make her your wife, and she had all these other dudes?” Oh, gosh, what a coincidence. That’s so shocking that would happen. Never would have seen that coming.
There is a game that makes it easy for men, but if it is just too easy, you have to cut through the bullshit and think logically.
No, you don’t go looking for girlfriends on sugar dating sites. I mean, seriously, dude. It’s like, the amount of self delusion in this last paragraph. You can tell he’s like, “Coach, I’m really shocked. I just can’t believe this would happen to me. I just wanted a friends with benefits.” It happens every time. It’s like, Oh, the girl didn’t have any integrity, I’m shocked. I can’t believe it. What am I going to do? I can’t believe it. He’s really twisted himself into a pretzel, because he doesn’t want to admit that he screwed up.
Any advice or thoughts on what women like this are like and how to deal with them?
You don’t deal with them. You don’t go looking for girlfriends on sugar dating sites. I mean, seriously. It’s like, getting to the end of this question, I think that’s got to be one of the dumbest questions, the most obvious questions anybody’s ever sent me. It’s just like, come on, man! It’s kind of like, if you’re going to write a paragraph that stupid to me, then you kind of deserve it. You deserve what you got. I mean, you’ve been following me seven years, and I’ve been through this with countless other emails, and you do the same thing, and then you’re shocked.
And you can tell, he just doesn’t want to admit that he screwed up by going on a sugar daddy website. And he’s surprised that the girl turned out to act like a hooker or act like a sex worker, “This is just so out of character.” It’s like, this is as predictable, dude, as the sun coming up in the East and setting in the West. Women who have high character, high integrity, they’re not going to be on that site. It’s like, come on, what are you thinking? How delusional do you have to be? Hopefully, I shook you enough to wake you up, dude, because that’s one of the dumbest things I’ve seen in a while.
You’ve got to think about where you’re fishing. If you want good fish, you’ve got to fish in a good pond. If you want ratchets, go fish in the ratchet pond. I mean, it’s common sense. Character is destiny. You don’t go looking for a high character woman to have a family with on a sugar dating website. You just don’t ever go anywhere near something like that, Seeking Arrangements, or any of that stuff. That’s not the kind of person that you want to wife up. It’s like, Hello!
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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