I Moved To Her New City To Please Her. She Says We’re Not A Couple. Why?

Why you should never move cities to please a woman.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who got dumped by his girlfriend after he lost his job and went through some hard times. Eventually he got a good paying job, but she moved away with her parents. He recently moved to her city to please her, but she says they’re not a couple. She’s hot and cold.

He wonders why he’s stuck in limbo. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

So I’ve talked about this many times over the years, and every time I get one of these emails or I do a phone session from a guy that does this, it just never ends well. I’ve yet to see it end well. The only time a man should move from where he lives is because it’s an improvement and he really wants to live in that city. Every single time over the 20 years I’ve been doing this as a coach, when I’ve seen a guy move across the country or literally move countries to be with a woman to please her, not because he wants to live there, but only he’s moving there to be with her, nine times out of 10, as soon as the move is completed, she dumps him or she dumps him shortly before he arrives and he thinks moving there is gonna solve the problems.

So this particular guy got dumped by his girlfriend. He went through some tough times. He lost his job, so they started fighting, obviously because of money. Eventually he got a good paying job, but she moved away with her parents and just recently he moved to her city even though they weren’t really together anymore because he’s thinking, “Oh, if I move there, it’ll show her that I really care.” So they’ve hung out a few times. He says they have plans for Valentine’s Day, but she’s real hot and cold. He’s kind of stuck in limbo. They’re not hooking up anymore and he’s wondering what’s going on, obviously. The big thing is, he moved not because he wanted to live there, but he thought, “Well, if I move there, she’ll give me another chance.” So obviously, I would never do that again.

Like I said, the only time you should move is because that city, the job opportunities, career or business opportunities is better than where you are, because the whole real issue here is you’re changing your life and your lifestyle to please a woman, and she even calls him out on it. She even tells him, “You should only be moving here for you, not because of me,” but obviously we know he moved there because of her and now he’s just spinning his wheels. He’s living in a city he didn’t really want to be in, and his girl doesn’t want to be with him, on top of that.

Viewer Email:

Hey Corey,

I met a girl two years ago. We go on a date. Same day we kiss each other. A couple of days later, I go to her place for lunch and we had amazing sex. It was instantaneous attraction on really high level. We moved together really quickly and started to live together. Everything was great. Then in like five mouths, I lost my job. Then I was struggling to find a new one. We got into debt, and after a year-and-a-half, I did work, but it wasn’t enough. We argued, stopped listening each other, and I moved from her place.

So it was like, the whole relationship he’s basically trying to shoehorn himself into her life. She’s not following his lead. He’s following her lead. So from an attraction standpoint, he made her the man in the relationship, which women don’t want that. Even if they say they do, when you give it to them, this is what happens.

After couple of days we meet, and in the week or so later we were back together. Couple months in and she leaves the city with her parents in another country. Our plan was that I will move to the new place too, because we wanted to go there anyway together, and she told me by the phone what she needed from me in relationships. I said OK and I did all the things she ask me to. I got different job, my income become really good.

So he’s doing everything that she tells him to do. Basically, he’s kind of treating her like his mommy and his therapist. Even though she’s telling him to do these things and he’s complying, she’s secretly bubbling under the surface. She resents the hell out of it because she doesn’t want to be your mother. She wants to follow your lead. Instead, he basically made her the man in the relationship, and he treated her like she was his mommy.

That’s one of the quickest ways to dry a woman up, is put her in charge and make her the man in the relationship, because she will resent it, because masculine energy is the opposite of her natural feminine essence.

But two months in, after she moved to another city, she called me and said that she wants to break up with me. I said that I love her, but not gonna hold on to her. Then there was no-contact for a month. After that, I wrote her a letter, saying how grateful I was for everything, said I was doing great and hope she did too.

So he’s thinking the letter is going to fix everything. These are the kinds of things I did when I didn’t know any better. Your girl rejects you. You think you write a long letter, you pour your emotions out and that’ll really solve the problems. At the end of the day, women don’t care about how much you love them or what a great guy you are. They only care about how they feel about you. At this point, she broke up with him because she lost respect and affection for him, because he stopped being the man and the leader in the relationship and he basically became like her child.

She called. We talk for a long time, but we were not even close to being together again. Then we were calling back and fourth for a while. She did ask me to get her a present (expensive one) as for a woman you love.

So now you got to keep in mind, at this point, they’re not sleeping together. They’re not dating. They’re talking. He’s basically being her emotional tampon on the phone. When a guy does this, it makes her makes it easy for her to meet and date other guys. Keep him as a backup in case things don’t work out with the new dudes. Typically when women behave this way, they’re exploring other options, and you’re now in the backup plan.

So his whole life has been put on hold because he’s waiting on her to give him a second chance, which is very unmasculine and not something a man who loves and values himself is just not going to do. He’s seeking her approval, which is feminine energy. He’s not acting like a man. A man does not need anybody’s approval, especially a woman’s, and if she’s displeased with him and his choices, so be it.

I did, she just said thank you. A month went by, I told her that I was moving to her town as I planned.

So notice what she says, because women help you when they like you. At the end of the day, she knows what he’s doing is he’s doing it for the wrong reasons.

She told me that it’s important that I did it for myself, not for her.

I’ve been saying this for years. Women don’t like it. Even if they’ve suggested that you do it, if they know that you’re going to move there and you hate the city and you don’t really want to be there, you don’t have any friends or family there, you make yourself miserable going, “Oh, this is fine, honey. It’s great,” they’re going to resent you for it because you’re not being authentic and real. You did something to please her, not because it’s something you wanted to do for yourself, just like she said.

I just said that, “Of course, but you’re still important to me.” I came in January, couple of days before her birthday. We met almost every day, and after my presents she text me that she never felt more loved, and that I make biggest impact to create this feeling. Now we’re meeting from time to time. She talked in the terms of the couple, but still sets boundaries (We are not a couple).

In other words, he’s basically in friend-zone at this point. So she hangs out with him. He’s basically become her emotional tampon and therapist, and he maybe gets a pat on the head and a kiss on the cheek for his troubles.

We didn’t kiss yet. It’s been like two weeks since I came. She’s telling me to chill out, but when she’s drunk she texts me, “Are we gonna get married?” or “Do you love me?”

So his whole life is on hold, and all she’s doing is throwing him some scraps here and there.

We got plans on February 14th. We gonna go to a fancy place, and I’ll buy her a dress for the night, but she’s acting cold and warm from time to time. Today she’s cold. I know that I did cause a lot of pain in the past, but now everything’s different, no money problems, etc.

Your whole mindset is wrong, dude. You got to read the book. If you’re new, it’s free to read in the Members Area of the website because you’re doing and saying a lot of things that are extremely unattractive. Once you start going through the book and really take the time to learn it, you’ll recognize all those unattractive behaviors and hopefully start cutting them out, because what you’ve got now is you’ve got an attraction issue. On top of that, you’re acting like a woman. You’re chasing after, you’re probably doing most of the calling, most of the texting, most of the pursuing, and she’ll meet with you, but you guys are basically friends. As you said, you’ve been there for a couple of weeks and you haven’t even kissed yet, so you should be making sure that she’s doing most of the reaching out. Then you set dates when she reaches out. You should be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. Obviously this weekend is Valentine’s Day.

So what is the purpose of a date? It’s to create an opportunity for sex to happen. To hang out, have fun while you’re hanging out, and when the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, ready to be seduced, you seduce her. Your job is not to get back together with her. It’s not to get another chance. It’s just simply to create the next opportunity for sex to happen. That’s it. You have to let her come to you at her pace, but with you trying to force it and calling and texting her so much, she never has time and space away from you to wonder about you, to think about you, to miss you, for her feelings to develop, because you’re just pursuing too much and you’re basically acting needy. Like I said earlier, you’re treating her like your mommy and your therapist, and she’s basically using you as her emotional tampon and her backup plan while she probably talks to other guys and goes out on dates with other guys. That’s why you haven’t even kissed yet.

So obviously today’s Thursday. So when you go out on your date on Saturday, treat it just like a first date. Don’t be arguing with her. The other thing is men who understand women, don’t argue with them, and you were doing a lot of that with her. Again, why you need to read the book and understand what is going on here, because you were absolutely flying blind.

I love her so much. She is my soulmate. We fit each other perfectly in everything. I just want to be with her again and take care of her. Situation, of course, a bit more complicated than that, but I hope you’ll can give some wise words about how to bring her back to me.

Bob

Well yeah, but the problem is that you’re projecting your fantasy onto this girl, and you’re ignoring the fact that you’re calling, texting, and hanging out a bunch, but she won’t even kiss you. So you’re in friend-zone. You’re the backup plan, and there’s probably a good chance she’s hanging out with somebody else. If you do have a date set for Valentine’s Day, hopefully it’s in the evening, then you see how it goes, but if you spend Valentine’s Day with her and you go to kiss her and she turns her cheek and says, “We’re not together. We’re not a couple,” then after that, it’s like, take her home. Don’t ever call, don’t ever text her for any reason. Then after that, if she reaches out, you can invite her over to make dinner. Follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. If she won’t do that, then tell her to call you in a couple of weeks because you’re not going to do this platonic friendship stuff anymore. You’re interested in sex and romance. You move there to be with her. You’re not going to hang out and be her friend or her pal.

Based on what’s going on in your email here, you’re stuck in friend-zone and you look like her backup plan while she’s potentially dating and sleeping with other guys, but what you do have going for you is you do have a Valentine’s Day date set, so it’ll be interesting to see what happens, because again, if you go, you hang out, you have a nice dinner together, and you do something fun afterwards, and you go to kiss her and she gives you the cheek and she gives you some BS about stalling, you gotta say, “Look, I’m not interested in something that’s platonic. I want what we had before. If you’re not down for that, then I’m out. You got my number. You can give me a call. If I’m still available, we can go out on a date.”

Obviously, what you’re going to do is you’re going to follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. So that means if that does happen, that situation I just explained, then she’s going to have to come to your place at least three dates in a row. You got to let her do 100% of the reaching out. As long as you hang out, you have fun, and you hook up all three dates in a row when she comes to your house to make dinner together, then you can meet her out, pick her up, and go on other dates, but you got to let her do all the reaching out, because the more you pursue her, especially now where there’s nothing physical going on between you guys, the more you cement yourself in friend-zone, and the easier you make it for her to move on with a new guy. You’ve already moved countries to be with this girl and she’s keeping you at arm’s length. Like I said, the one thing you do have going for you is you do have a date set up for Valentine’s Day. So it will be interesting to see what happens on Valentine’s Day if you advance things romantically and you get back to making love, but if it doesn’t send in another email and give us an update on what happens.

Got to remember, you don’t get what you deserve in life. You only get what you negotiate. So quit putting yourself last and stop pursuing a woman that stuck you in friend-zone. As 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back said, she should be earning another chance with you, not the other way around. Begging, pleading, groveling, chasing, you should be able to recognize by now it doesn’t work. That’s why you’re spinning your wheels and getting nowhere and she’s blowing hot and cold. Again, see how it goes on Valentine’s Day and then report back to us.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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