I Realized I’m Settling For A Mediocre Woman

What to do if you feel like & are realizing you’re settling for a mediocre woman.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who says he realized that he’s settling the longer he stays with his current girlfriend. She doesn’t respect him or his boundaries. They’ve had lots of talks about their issues, she promises to change and shortly thereafter she goes right back to the same insecure & disrespectful behavior. He asks how to end things because his life is really taking off now.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “I Realized I’m Settling For A Mediocre Woman”.

Well, a lot of men have had this experience. So this particular email is from a viewer. He says he realized that the longer he stays with his current girlfriend, the more he’s settling. She clearly doesn’t respect him or his boundaries. They’ve had discussions about the things that are bothering him. She promises to change, and then shortly thereafter, she goes right back to doing it. So he’s setting healthy boundaries and she’s continuing to violate them.

So he’s basically the point now where he’s realized that it’s time to enforce them. And the good news is his life is like right about to take off. He says he’s got a business that he started on the side that’s doing really well so he’s about to leave his job. It sounds like he’s going to work in his business full time now. He said the money’s good and he’s moving to a new city where he has some friends that live there.

So he’s excited about that. And he wants to disengage from this relationship. But he’s like, how do I go about getting? What’s the best way to go about it? And I always say the best way is, it’s better to be the dumper than the dumpee. But it’s better to just rip the band aid off and be brutally honest, deal with the waterworks, it’s going to be inevitable and tap out. And then you got to fight the urge afterwards.

Because a lot of guys notice that are in this position, they realize they’re not really happy with their girlfriend. It’s like back when they were single, it was like a desert. There’s like an embargo somewhere of women in their lives. And then they can’t find anybody to date. The dates they go out on don’t go anywhere. Then all of a sudden they finally meet somebody they click with.

They get a girlfriend, they end up in a relationship, and then they realize there’s all these women that are hitting on them, giving them the eye. Looking at them like they want them. And he’s thinking, man, I’ve got all these women. And then they end their relationship and all of a sudden now their vibe completely changes because now they’re single and they went from being in a non hungry state because they had a woman and now all of a sudden they’ve got no woman.

So their vibe changes and the women are just like, whooph. They disappear. And the average guy, typically within 90 days, when they don’t find anybody else, they start going, oh, what did I do? I lost the love of my life. And then they want to go running back to her. So you have to understand why you’re leaving. And you’ve got to have a motion, compelling reasons why you’re not going to go back.

Because if you think you’re leaving and right around the corner, there’s going to be another perfect girl or another better girl. What a lot of guys do. Again, like I said, they last about 90 days. All the other women that they saw, for whatever reason they don’t work out, or they disappear or they get into a relationship, and now they have nothing. And then they’re sitting at home alone. Maybe they go out on a few dates that don’t go well.

With some girls they met online, and then they start thinking about the ex and they want to go back. And then oftentimes they’ll use 3% Man and 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. They’ll get her back. And then they realize, yeah, everything that turned me off about her is still there. And they leave anyways. They leave for a second time.

So it’s important if you are going to leave, if you love somebody, if you care about them, you want them to be happy even when it’s not with you, and you also don’t want to lead them on as well, especially if you’re dating a younger woman who wants to have kids or a woman that’s, you know, getting to the point where her window is closing. Don’t waste her time. Don’t stick around when you know you’d rather move on.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

I found your work about 6 weeks ago and I’m on my third read of 3% Man. I wish I’d come across it sooner.

Well, the way I look at it is what happened, happened. And it couldn’t have happened any other way. You showed up right on time.

I’m 28 and have been with my girlfriend a little over a year. I love her and care about her but I don’t see a long-term future, and realized I’ve been settling.

So that’s really important. If you realize this, “I don’t see her as the mother of my children. I don’t want to be with her forever. I don’t dig her family.” Because if you get into a relationship, and you’re going to have kids. Well, the family is going to be co-parenting and grandparenting aunt and uncling with you.

And it’s important that the family shares the same values as you, otherwise there’s going to be some bad friction there. So you have to look at those things as part of the vetting process. Do you like her parents? Do you want her parents to be grandma and grandpa to your kids? And clearly, this guy’s gotten to the point where he’s just like, yeah, it’s not happening. I don’t see it.

My intuition already knows what I want, like that Steve Jobs quote you reference often.

Well, he basically said, “You’ve got to follow your heart, your curiosity and your intuition because they somehow already know what you want to become.” It’s like when you meet the right person, you just know when something feels right. It’s like the stars align and everything feels right on the inside. It’s an internal thing that happens.

Part of the delay has been my own hesitation.

Well, the other thing is most people don’t like the process of being single. So they’re like, well, it’s better than nothing. Bird in the hand is better than a bird in the bush.

And I realize I’ve been hesitating because of my emotions rather than logic.

Yeah. Well a breakup, even though you’re the dumper, it still sucks. It’s never fun. Especially when you know you’re breaking her heart. It’s terrible. But it’s worse to stay when you know your heart’s not in it.

We still have a lot of great moments, but lately, that is getting outweighed by the negative moments. Her patterns of haven’t changed despite multiple talks about it.

Well, that’s why I often say people typically don’t change who they are. They may become a better version, but they typically are the way they are. The liar and the cheater and the devious person, they’re just always going to be scamming people, because it’s the way they are. Even if the lies are better hidden or they’re not as prevalent or they’re not as big, it’s just little lies here and there. Somebody that’s just habitually disloyal grew up in a disloyal family. That’s just you really don’t see that changing.

And especially when it comes to the hot woman, when she tells the guy she’s dating that she cheated on everybody, they’re like, I can fix her. And they never do. But there’s always another guy so why should she change? There’s a lot of dudes that have put up with it. You know, cuck chairs are in big demand. That’s why they’re in every hotel room, I imagine. It’s just a lot of people. A lot of cuck dudes in society.

We’re both incredibly loyal, but she always accuses me of infidelity, and is over anxious.

It’s like, yeah, that’s just tiring. And if you’re constantly getting accused of infidelity, you say, look, this is your issue. I’m a loyal person and I don’t want to hear it anymore. It’s like, this is your problem. Go get a therapist, counselor, whatever you’ve got to do, get this handle because I don’t want to hear about it anymore. And if somebody keeps harping on that, usually what it means is they’re projecting. Remember, no one will ever do or say anything to you that isn’t a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves in a moment.

In other words, they’re projecting what’s inside of them. If they’re constantly accusing you of doing things you shouldn’t be doing with other people, and there’s no reason you never gave them any reason to, then usually they’re the ones that are kind of revealing that they’re doing things that are inappropriate.  And it usually turns out that they’re the ones that ends up cheating.

She also can get very bossy and demanding, assuming I will spoil her all the time.

Yeah, the boss girl energy thing, it’s like, no. You want a girl who’s easy going, easy to get along with. She’s nice to you. She makes your dick hard, not your life. And women that are demanding and condescending and bossy, all you got to do is look at how they treat their dad. If they don’t respect their dad, they just kind of walk all over them and nag him. And. And when he says no, they just keep nagging him until eventually he’s like, oh, fuck it. We’ll just do whatever you want to do.

Just leave me the hell alone. If that’s what she learned growing up, she assumes all men are that way, and she’s just going to operate from that perspective. Because by the time she gets to be an adult, she’s seen that happen with her mother and her maybe her other sisters to where dad’s a pushover. If you just nag him long enough and challenge him enough, eventually he’ll give in. And so they’re trained that that’s how men are.

And then when you come along and you set your boundaries like she’s just going to roll right over it. She’s not going to care because daddy taught her that. That’s the way it is. So parenting matters. How good of a job or crappy of a job he did matters. Just because the parents are together doesn’t mean he did a good job or the mom did a good job. You’ve got a vet for character. And a woman who doesn’t respect your authority. Usually she doesn’t respect her dad either.

If you can’t just say something and she can respect you and your competence and say, yes, daddy, then it’s not going to be the right girl for you. It’s she’s just going to wear you down. That’s what happens in most guys. This is why happy wife, happy life and all the guys that refer to their life because they’ve just, they don’t want to deal with the nagging and the bitching and the complaining and potentially getting access to the box cut off.

So they are pleaser and they go along with it, and then the girl still cheats on them because they don’t respect them. So date women for long term relationships that are raised right, that love their dads, that respect their fathers. When dad says something, that’s it. And she respects his authority. She talks to him, talks back to him, just does what she wants anyways. She’ll do the same thing to you once she’s comfortable. And that’s what this guy is seeing here.

He’s like, he’s tried, but she’s like up here. So I’m gonna do it anyways. Because the men that came before him, mainly the father, trained her that this is the way guys are. So you’re not going to undo that typically. And like I said earlier, there’s always going to be ten other dudes that’ll put up with this crap. And so she gets her way of operating in the world validated constantly by other men.

Despite putting my foot down, and not caving for her requests, she still always tries to push it.

Well, women are always going to test the boundaries a little bit, but when they really respect you and love you and they’re raised right, the tests are easy, they’re amusing, and you’ll both giggle about it. But the boss girl one, it’s like, she won’t stop and she won’t be nice about it. She’ll do it anyways. And then she’ll say it’s all your fault.

These issues have been present for a few months, and I know now it’s something I can’t fix.

This is the most important part.

Plus, she won’t put in the effort to fix it.

Well, it takes two to tango and she don’t want to tango properly. She just wants to step all over your feet. Let her go tango with somebody else.

Despite the positives, I can tell her habits will only be detrimental to me in the long term.

Again, a woman who doesn’t, think about trying to raise kids with a woman who doesn’t respect you or your authority. She’s just going to do what she wants. She don’t fucking care what you think. She’ll smile, say yes, and then go out and do what she was going to do anyways. That dog won’t hunt.

What’s the best way to end this?

Rip the band aid off. Just say, “Honey, I love you. But this is just ain’t working for me. We’ve had a lot of conversations about the things that we disagree on and butt heads on, and it’s not gotten any better. And I’m just not happy. I mean, that’s the bottom line. We both gave it the old college try, but I don’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore. I want to move on with my life. I’m moving this guy in particular. I’m moving out of town.”

“I’m going to be leaving my job soon, and I’m getting out of here. So I wish you all the best. Thanks for the memories. But I’m not going to be your boyfriend anymore. I don’t want to waste either of our time any longer, but I want to be as respectful and centered as I can be with this breakup.” And if she’s like, “well, why?” I was like, “well, I told you, it’s like, you don’t respect me. You don’t respect the boundaries. You won’t treat me the way I want to be treated.”

“You keep browbeating me with accusations of infidelity, which basically says, I don’t believe you. I don’t trust you. And love cannot exist where there is no trust. I need to be able to say no or this is the way it is, and my woman respects me and you clearly don’t. So I don’t want to deal with it. I don’t want to come home and fight with a a man and the body of a hot woman. It’s like, I don’t want to do that. It’s just not attractive.”

“I want to come home, have my girl jump in my lap, start rubbing my cock and wanting to have sex and give me a beer and tell me how great I am and ask me how my day was. And she’s so glad I’m home and she missed me so much. I want to come home to joy and happiness and fun and love and giggles and laughter. Not a woman who’s been stewing all day until I walk in the front door.”

“And then she wants to just unload with her verbal and emotional browbeating of the day. It’s like, I don’t want to deal with that. I want what makes my dick hard not my life hard. And you just excel at trying to make my life hard, and I don’t want to deal with it anymore. I’m sure there’s lots of guys. There’s lots of beta males that will put up with it, but I’m not that guy. It doesn’t work for me.”

I’m also quitting my current job.

Oh, I missed a paragraph.

I don’t want to waste either of our time any longer, but I want to be as respectful and centered as I can be with this breakup.

Thankfully we don’t live together. I know I can’t make it fully painless, but I want to make it as clean as possible.

Again, everything I was saying, it’s like, I know where you’re at, dude. I’ve been in that position before. I’ve used very similar words to that and sometimes you’re going to get waterworks. She’s going to cry. But at the end of the day, you know when you’ve had enough conversations, and she just doesn’t care, does it anyways. Check, please.

I’m also quitting my current job to focus on my business, which has been growing a lot lately.

Well, that’s fucking awesome, dude. Congratulations.

I’ve had a lot of fun building it, and enjoy it much more than my current job (and I enjoy the pay much more).

Amen to that. There’s nothing like being in charge of your own time. For you guys that are not there yet, Mastering Yourself would be a great book for you to read. It’s free in the Members Area if you’re new here.

This also coincides with a move I have planned. I will be self-employed, single, and making more money, all while in a new environment.

Just think about how much happier you’re going to be. You’ll be smiling more. You’ll have more swagger, you’ll feel confident. And that’ll draw even more women to you. Because now you’re really in control of your life and your destiny and most importantly, your time. Which is the greatest thing you can give anybody. That’s why you don’t give it to girls that are not easygoing, easy to get along with and nice to you.

Luckily, I already have some friends where I’m moving, no women though, yet. And of course, I’m going to continue learning and mastering the material, but what other advice do you have for someone who’s started getting a fresh start? How can I set myself up for success?

Appreciate any guidance.

Bob

Well, anything that makes you smile more, I mean, you’re already doing it, so you’re already going to thrive in your new city, even more attractive than the old city you left just because you’re excited about your future. You have something that’s emotionally compelling. And in order to achieve great things in life, what do we have to do? We have to know what we want. We have got to know what our goal is and our outcome is. And we have to know why we want it.

And then we’ve got to have emotionally compelling reasons why we want it. And then obviously, as Tony Robbins would say, “You’ve got to take massive action to make that happen. Your life should revolve around doing things that are productive, to accomplish your grandest goals and dreams. And you focus on that.” And the beauty of being happy in life is success is making progress.

And if even though it’s small, like I’m sure when this guy first started out, he’s like, not much is happening. But now things are starting to happen and he’s making good money and now he can be a full time thing for him. And so what he’s seeing is he’s seeing progress. His business is seeing progress. And success is making progress. And if you feel like you’re making progress in life towards your goals and dreams, you’re going to be happy.

You’re going to have hope and be hopeful because you see slowly, small, but incrementally and deliberately, things are slowly changing for the better in your life. And so the happier you are, the more women are going to want to come and join you on your fun bus to share your happiness and happy finishes. So you’re already moving in the right direction, dude. Get out of your house. Go mingle with other people even if you’ve got nobody to hang out with. Take yourself to lunch, dinner.

Go have a cocktail by yourself in a cool place. Just do fun things. Do hobbies, activities, things you love and enjoy. Because the more you’re doing things you love and enjoy, the more you’re going to smile and more women are going to be like, wow, that guy’s got a good vibe. He just seems really happy. Because when you’re happy, then you’re going to attract somebody else who’s also happy. And then you can share your happiness together.

Two people come together to share their completeness, not to complete one another. And unfortunately, your soon to be ex-girlfriend is just not in the same place. She’s clearly not in a happy place if she’s just going to constantly troll you and be difficult. Because if a woman’s raised in that environment, she doesn’t know anything else, doesn’t know any better, and you’ve told her how you operate and she doesn’t want to respect that.

Well, you got to give her your walking papers even though it hurts like a motherfucker. It’s not easy. Because I’ve had a lot more relationships and breakups than most people have in life, that it’s like it never gets easier. It always sucks. You’re always going to feel like shit, even though you’re the one ending things. So that’s just the way it is. But as you guys have read in 3% Man on the other side of that breakup, ultimately better always comes.

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