I Took Her For Granted

What you should do if you took your girl for granted and she broke up with you.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who got dumped by his girlfriend of five years after he continually took her for granted and made her feel like he didn’t care about her or their relationship. She first asked for space and then dumped him a few days later.

He asked her to pick up her things, but she hasn’t responded. He still wants another chance with her. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Obviously, this guy’s girlfriend got to the point where she basically had enough. The reality is, men and women both, women especially, look at a man’s actions as a true reflection of how he feels. And women know if the guy cares, he makes the effort. If the guy doesn’t care, he doesn’t make the effort. Continually bringing it up and reminding him of his commitments, yet he doesn’t make the effort, eventually, at some point, she’s going to assume he’s not serious, he doesn’t care. “He takes me for granted, he doesn’t mean what he says.” And, therefore, she makes a decision based upon his actions. A lot of times guys say, “I didn’t think she was serious.” And so, this guy is kind of in that place.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Coach,

My girlfriend of 5 years recently asked for some space and then proceeded to dump me 5 days later. She hit me with the “It’s not you, it’s me” and “I need some time to focus on myself” BS.

That’s pretty funny. I was actually talking with a friend of mine yesterday, and she was going through some of the texts between her and her boyfriend, and it’s like, I saw some of these same kinds of texts. We had a good laugh about it, because I was roasting her about these things. It’s amazing, because I deal with guys all over the world in every kind of cultural and religious background, and even the languages are different, but women say the same things no matter where they are. That, to me, is just fascinating.

I’ve been doing some deep reflection and started reading your book for the first time to find out where I could have gone wrong. Lo and behold, it turns out I was doing everything I could have possibly done wrong, which pushed her away from me and led her to lose attraction towards me.

So obviously, he’s talking about “How To Be A 3% Man,” for those of you that may be new, maybe this is your first video. You can read “How To Be A 3% Man” for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com, along with my second book, “Mastering Yourself,” and the third book “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations,” which ties together the concepts and both of the first books.

But if you’re in a situation like this, you need to read “How To Be A 3% Man,” and this is the kind of book you’ve got to read 10 to 15 times to really get it. When a guy like this goes through it, he sees all the things he was doing wrong to make himself unattractive and undesirable, and it also becomes obvious why he got dumped.

Recently, I had been so focused on my goals that I stopped giving her as much attention as she deserves and as she used to. We stopped going out on dates, and I stopped putting in the effort. There was no longer any spontaneity.

Well, there’s a chapter in “How To Be A 3% Man” called “The Courtship Never Ends.” Women know that if you care, you’re going to make time to make things special for the both of you. And if you don’t care, you don’t make the effort.

This is so common. When I do long-term coaching sessions with guys that are in long term relationships and they’re having trouble, it’s always the same two things: they’re not dating courting her properly anymore, or they’re not making her feel heard and understood. When a woman feels heard and understood the legs open, and when she doesn’t, the legs close. That’s just reality.

My confidence went down, as I stopped hitting the gym. I took her for granted without realizing it at the time.

I definitely noticed that as well. If you’re working out a lot and then you take a few days or a few weeks off, you take a hit in your confidence. You get used to being at a certain level, and you just feel different. It’s just something about weight training that makes a difference.

And running is not enough, because I always run. But taking time off from the gym, it just makes you feel better about yourself when you’re working out consistently, and when you don’t, like this guy noticed, you’re going to take a hit in your confidence. Your muscles are going to shrink, and your shirt is going to get a little looser, a little baggier.

Recent events had pushed her over the edge. I started working nights, she was working days, so this meant I only got to see her a few hours a week. She then told me she felt I was being distant and as if I don’t appreciate her anymore, so I immediately started looking for day jobs, so that we can work on the relationship. A week later it was Christmas, which I ruined for her, as I was at her house spending time with her and her family. I ended up falling asleep and sleeping through the afternoon all the way until everyone went to sleep.

Damn. You slept through Christmas. She’s communicating that she’s not happy with the amount of effort, because obviously now your schedules don’t jive, you’re working a different job. And then, the time you do get to spend together, you sleep through the whole thing.

I fucked up bad. She told me she had hoped that Christmas would have been the day where we finally sorted everything out and had fun, only for me to crush her hopes. On New Year’s Eve, she sent me a text along the lines of her basically needing space to reflect on us. She ended up coming to mine where we had the best sex of our entire time together, as I was scared to lose her.

So, you’re making the effort to fuck her brains out, because you’re afraid of losing her. As my English girlfriend used to say, you gave her a proper seeing to.

In the morning, we had a deep conversation and she said she needs space to think. Two days later I sent her a paragraph, which no doubt made me look insecure and needy. A few days later, she ended it over the phone. She was cold. I gave her a call days later to ask when she’s collecting her clothes, but she didn’t answer and instead texted me bluntly, “What do you want?” She ignored my response but replied later and said she just crashed her car, so she won’t be able to collect for next few weeks.

So, collecting your stuff, that’s kind of like the end of it all. And so, that’s why it’s not a priority for her. Because if she’s still got stuff at your place, then she has a reason to contact you and say, “Oh, I need to get my stuff.” Probably because she wants to see how you’re going to react to that, and two, it gives her a reason to contact you if she doesn’t hear from you and her feelings tend to creep back up.

I knew she was expecting me to check up on her and tell her how I hope she’s okay, but I was just blunt with her like she was with me, and she instantly texted me with more respect.

Match and mirror their actions and interactions. That’s the best way to handle that. Because if she’s being cold and distant, give it right back to her. In other words, you put in the same level of effort that they are, and she ain’t putting any effort in. And on top of that, she’s being rude.

Anyway, I was wondering, when she does come get her clothes, is there anything I can do to make her reconsider things?

Bob

Well, I wouldn’t do anything because she fucked this up. You should be following the script from “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” and so that means if you hear from her, you should assume she wants to see you and invite her over to make dinner together. Even if she says, “Oh, I’m going to come over and get my stuff,” it’s like, “Great. Hey, we should make some dinner together and catch up,” and just invite her.

Because as a man, you focus on what you want, which is you want to work it out. And at the end of the day, your job is not to fix the relationship. Your job as a man is just simply to create an opportunity for sex to happen, and discussing the relationship can be discussed when she’s over at your place and you’re having dinner together. If she refuses to come over and make dinner and she just wants to come pick her stuff up, then put the stuff in a box in a covered area at your house, tell her she can come pick the shit up, and make sure you’re not there.

And again, you should strictly follow what’s in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back” from this point going forward. It’s a pretty simple situation. That’s what I would do if I were you. Get your ass back in the gym and start taking care of your body and start being the guy that you were before she fell out of love with you. And do everything you can to make yourself the most attractive man that you can be.

If you’re in a similar situation and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.

“The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. If someone continually violates your self and your dignity after you set healthy boundaries with them, then you need to enforce those boundaries and create distance until they either start respecting them, or they force you to give them the gift of missing you permanently if they are incapable of treating you properly.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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