I Was The Rebound. She Went Back To Her Ex Again. Will She Come Back?

What you can do if you were the rebound guy & she went back to her ex again.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who was dating a woman fresh out of a breakup. She often brought up her ex when they were together. She did all the reaching out, but was also still in contact with her ex. After about 2 months of dating she went back to her ex once again to give it another try. He wonders if she will come back eventually. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “I Was The Rebound. She Went Back To Her Ex Again. Will She Come Back?”.

So this particular email, if you date enough women you’re going to come across somebody that just recently had a breakup. You should expect hot and cold behavior. Again, this is laid out in 3% Man. And so if a woman backs off like that, you just let her be, and then let her come back. It’s really important to let women that are right out of a breakup come to you at their pace.

Because if you start to over pursue, you get a little too serious about a potential relationship with her, you’re going to push her away. So this particular email, this guy started dating a woman right out of the breakup. And whenever they got together, she would often bring up her ex. She did all the reaching out, but she was also still in contact with her ex.

So after about two months of dating, he was thinking they were going to get serious. And then she was talking to her ex still and she actually went back to him. I think this is the third time now she’s gone back to him. And so now he really likes her, obviously, because rejection breeds obsession. Because she ran off back to the ex. And now he’s wondering, “Is she going to come back?”

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

Dated this girl for three months. She’s beautiful, same values, clicked really well. She seemed really into me right from that start, too good to be true. Well, it was. I found out two weeks in, that she had just been dumped for the second time by her ex a month before.

Well, one thing to consider is that if it didn’t work the first two times, it’s probably not going to work the third or the fourth or the fifth time. So if I was a betting man, she’ll be back. But it would behoove you to have some other ladies that you can hang out, have fun and hook up with. Because that’ll cause you to be less available and less focused on her and more indifferent, which will attract her more to you.

And said she wasn’t ready for a relationship yet. I told her I was just looking to date and see where things went. In hindsight, this is where I should’ve dipped.

Well I would have looked at that and said you needed a dip there. It’s just you’ve got to understand that if you over pursue or you try to smother her, or you get too serious, or you get dopey she’s going to back away. Also you have to understand that she got dumped, rejection breeds obsession, and she doesn’t want to be dumped. So if the guy doesn’t find anybody else. Because usually what happens is, because I speak about this often.

I’ve talked about it many times with the girls on the podcast. It’s like, every guy has this experience when they’re in a relationship. And suddenly it’s like it seems that all these women want them. And then as soon as they’re single again, it’s like, poof, the women disappear. So guys will get to a point where they know they don’t want to be with a girl anymore. They’ll dump her. And then as soon as they dump her, their vibe changes. And then all those girls that were everywhere, then all of a sudden it’s like a ghost town.

And when they don’t meet anybody else within 90 days, they’re dumping the girl. Then they get scared and fearful, and then they want to go back to the ex and they start showing up. So you just have to understand that probably the dude will be back, and that’s why it helps to have other choices and not to put all your eggs in one basket. Because ideally, you want a woman who had a breakup. Maybe she took six months a year to get her life back in order to heal, get over it. And then when she’s ready, she’ll start dating again.

We had a great time together. She did 100% contact initiation. However, in person she’d frequently bring up her ex, he had many, many issues, and say she wanted to take things slow.

Well, if a woman is constantly repeating to you that she wants to take things slow, that means that you’re coming on too strong. You’re a little too focused on her, you’re a little too serious, and you’re over-communicating your interest to the point where she realizes you’re way more into her than she’s into you. And you’re going to get a pullback when that happens. It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. They will like you way more if they think they’re more into you, than you are into them.

Women like a guy that’s a challenge, a guy they have to work to get. And when you’re too dopey and she’s still talking to the ex, and the ex is in the background, and she starts to pull back a little bit and you pursue a little bit more, you’ll actually drive her back into the arms of the ex. Which I suspect might be a contributing factor for why she went back to third time, because they dated almost three months, and if he was really following the book to a T, she should have been in love with him by then.

And then she probably wouldn’t have gone back. But then again, you know, she didn’t take any time to heal. And she had all this time with her ex, and she was the one who got dumped. So it may have been fucked either way, but you can just tell from the things she’s saying. When a woman’s constantly repeating, “Hey, I want to take things slow.” She could tell you’re very serious about her and she doesn’t want to get you hooked. And so here’s another indication that he over pursued and was too serious.

She also said she was scared to hurt me.

So when a woman says that she knows you’re way more in her than she’s into you. And she’s already thinking she’s going to probably blow you off and you’re going to get brokenhearted and upset because women have done this a lot. They know when a guy gets hooked and they’re not into it, and they feel guilty or they feel bad, I should say, about blowing you off to go back to somebody else, or friend zoning you or whatever. And so she’s trying to basically say, “Pump the brakes, dude, slow your roll.” And he kind of realizes that he screwed up.

I never brought up a relationship, but I know now I gave off that vibe.

There you go. That’s why she said those things. Women don’t just say that shit for the hell of it. They say it because they feel pressured, because you’re giving that vibe off that you want to lock her down.

She sent him a happy birthday text about a month into us dating.

Because again, you’re over pursuing and you’re giving off that too serious of a vibe.

And also “accidentally” called him once and hung up immediately. Love to see it, right?

It’s like, well, you were basically chasing her back into his arms, which a lot of guys do when they really haven’t mastered the book.

She brought up being exclusive 8 weeks in, was asking where this was going, but when I asked what she meant, she said she didn’t want to be official yet. So we kept hanging out, having fun, and hooking up, and toward the end she even said that she was moving on from her ex. But one day, he called wanting to get back with her. At first, she said she said didn’t want to.

Yeah right.

And even posted me on her Instagram that day. We had an amazing night together, even gushed her feelings to me over text the next morning. But that night she sent the dreaded “hey can we talk?” Sure enough, he called again wanting to meet up with her. She asked for space, which I gave her, and two days later, she broke it off.

So your pursuit of this woman is over forever. You will never, ever call or text her again for any reason as long as you live. If she reaches back out, you’re going to follow the script that’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. Invite her over to hang out, have fun, and hook up. You’re not going to say that obviously. But there’s an Article and Video Newsletter I did many years ago called 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, and so you should be following that.

So since there’s an ex and she’s gone back to him now for the third time, it’s probably not going to work out, and she’ll be back eventually. And if she does come back, you’ve got to let her do 100% of the reaching out and you just make dates and you should be dating other women. But, you know, you realized that you over communicated your interests, and that’s why she bounced.

Because you got in the way of her falling deeply in love with you and emotionally bonding to you and earning you. You made it too easy for her. You over-communicated your interest, you made too much of an effort, and it’s clear from your email you realize that after the fact. But, hey, you live and learn, man. Eventually if you keep working on it, you’ll get it right. You’ll find the sweet spot.

We ended on good terms, and she even cried a little and cuddled and hugged me tight. I told her to call me if she ever changes her mind. I’m going to move on. What are your thoughts?

Well, you didn’t really follow the book because you got a little too focused on how much you liked her and you didn’t pay attention to the fact that she was still not over the ex. And you pursued too much. You were too serious. And again, you know you gave off that vibe and that’s why. In other words, you weren’t enough of a challenge. She already knew you were in.

She already knew you were down to be serious and that you were way more into her than she was into you. So she had all the leverage and knew it. And that’s why she went back to the ex, because she knew if it doesn’t work out with him, she can just come back to you. You want her to wonder, “Man, if I go back to my ex, you probably won’t be around.” You want her to be scared to lose you, but you made it too easy for her.

Do you think she’ll come back?

Well, flip a coin. It could go either way, but I would say probably there’s a 51% chance that she will come back just because, again, it didn’t work the first two times. It’s not going to work the third.

And if she does, should I take her back?

Well, you’re not taking her back. She was never yours. It just means you can start hanging out, having fun and hooking up with her again. But she should be a girl in your rotation. If you had 2 or 3 other girls that you were dating and hooking up with, you wouldn’t be jumping through your butt to please her and spend time with her. You’d be a little less available. You might have to, you know, wait to see her for a week just because you got other girls that you’re hanging out with.

And the more she gets frustrated that she can’t see you as often or as much as she wants to, her interest goes up. But it sounds like as soon as you started dating her, you were convinced that you wanted her and you wanted to be boyfriend girlfriend, even though you never said that. You gave off the vibe as you said. And so she bounced, because you weren’t enough of a challenge.

Thanks for all your work.

Feel free to use for a video if you’d like, I’d love to help someone else out.

So again, it’s not the end of the world. I would expect she’ll probably be back eventually. But get back in the book and get some other choices and some other options with the ladies and figure out how you were over-communicating your interest to the point where she felt like she had to say she was worried about hurting you.

Because when a woman says that, she knows that you really care way more about her than she does you, and she knows she’s going to probably break your heart, because you can’t handle it. You can’t handle dating her. It’s like she’s your Kryptonite. Women like confidence and competence. They like a man that is calm and in control of himself.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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