I Wouldn’t Take Her Back Because I Was Tired Of Her Abuse

Some reasons why you never take back a woman who is disrespectful & abusive.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email update to my previous newsletter, “The Consequences Of Not Vetting A Date Properly”. He told her last time if she ever got upset and broke up with him again out of anger that he wouldn’t take her back anymore. Well, she did it again. She’s called and showed up at his house asking for another chance but he told her no because he finally had enough of her abuse. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “I Wouldn’t Take Her Back Because I Was Tired Of Her Abuse”.

So this particular email is an update. And the last email I answered for this guy was, “The Consequences Of Not Vetting A Date Properly”. And so in our last email we got from him, which was a couple months ago. He had been with his girlfriend. I don’t know how long, for quite a year or two or whatever it happened to be. And the problem was, is that she’d get angry and upset at him about something, and then she would break up with him.

And so, in essence, she was using breakups as a weapon to try to get him to comply with her wishes or to change his behavior when he did something that she didn’t like. And that’s not loving, that is abusive. It’s emotionally abusive, verbally abusive, and mentally abusive. And you shouldn’t put up with that. And so he did for a long time. And after the last time she did it, he says, “if you ever break up with me again because you’re mad, that’s it. I’m not taking you back after that. So I’m just telling you up front that’s going to be the end of it.”

Well, she couldn’t control herself and she did it again and broke up with him. And then he was just like, that’s it. So a few days go by, a week goes by, she calls, she’s apologetic, and he’s just like, “yeah, I’m not doing I’m not getting back together.” More time goes by. Then she shows up at his house unannounced, crying, waterworks, whole nine yards. He’s like, nope. And he feels a good sense of peace, because I see it all the time. You want a woman who’s easygoing, easy to get along with, who’s nice to you and who communicates like an adult. And she didn’t do that.

He gave her multiple chances, and she just kept violating all of his boundaries. She couldn’t control herself. She wouldn’t get the help she needed. And eventually he had enough and tapped out. And when a good dude does that, that’s really the only thing that potentially can get the woman to maybe correct her behavior down the road for the next guy. Because every guy that puts up with it just validates it, it’s fine behavior. But if she loses enough good dudes, eventually she realizes that she’s not going to be able to keep a good man in her life if she’s going to be an ass all the time.

So it’s a good email to know. It’s like when have you finally had enough? When do you realize that it’s just she’s not going to change? I say it all the time. People typically don’t change who they are and they may become a better version, but they typically don’t change. And this woman just did not change at all. She just kept doing the same thing over and over and over again. And eventually he had enough. It’s just you don’t want to go through life having these kinds of issues, constantly making up, breaking up, because every time she gets mad, her solution is to dump you.

And at the end of the day, statistically, those relationships, one or both people, are constantly threatening the end of the relationship. It’s like 95% chance it’s not going to work out. Because somebody gets tired of it eventually. They’re just like, that’s it, it’s not worth it. The juice is not worth the squeeze.

Viewer Email:

Hello Coach,

Hope all is good with you. I appreciate your news letter for my last email titled “The Consequences Of Not Vetting A Date Properly” I thought I would provide you with an update. I left the content of the original email below.

Which again the title of that was, “The Consequences Of Not Vetting A Date Properly”.

My ex-girlfriend called me the morning after I sent the original email and told me that she ignored me because she was really angry with me and also said that she does not want to be with me anymore.

So she calls the next day after he’d already said many times, that’s it. I’ll give you one more chance. But if you break up with me again because you get so mad and you can’t handle it, then I’m not taking you back when you realize that you screwed up. Because she would always come back. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have been out like that. It won’t happen again.” And it just kept happening.

I answered in a calm way, “What are you angry about?” She said, “It’s the way you are!” I replied, “What you mean by the way I am” She said that I do not pay for things when it matters and feels like I don’t provide even though we are not living together, but she is never specific about what she means. Whenever I’ve asked her, she always tells me that as a man, I should know.

So here’s a woman that expects you to just read her mind and know what to do. She’s not willing to communicate like an adult and tell you exactly what is off or what she’s upset about. And when he digs, she’s just vague. But in reality, what she’s really saying is, I want you to pay my bills. I want you to pay more of my bills. He’s like, we don’t even live together. And she does well enough on her own to where that’s just unnecessary. But what she’s complaining about is they should be closer than they are, and they’re not. And she clearly is the pain in the ass.

That again, how’s a man going to feel safe and comfortable in a relationship if he’s wondering which day of the week or when the next episode is going to happen, where she goes ballistic and loses her shit on him, and breaks up with him because she’s mad about something. And after enough of that, and a couple of years together, it just keeps happening, you set a boundary. Say, “don’t do it again.” She does it again. You take her back, which then communicates that you’re okay with it. Then she does it again. And eventually at some point, you’re like, “I don’t want to live this way the rest of my life. It’s just it’s not worth it.”

A woman should be a net plus to your life, a net benefit. If she’s just constantly showing up and moody and you never know which version of her is going to show up. Sometimes she’s nice and sweet and amazing, and other times she’s just insufferable to be around. And she’s mean and vindictive like this. It’s like, again, every guy, every man has got his limit. And she finally pushed past his and he had enough.

She also went on to say, “You have a high paying job, work from home most of the time, drive a BMW and your mortgage is paid off”.

Well, he paid it off. He earned the money. She’s not entitled to it just because they were sleeping together.

I told her that I am sorry she feels that way and reminded her that I did pay for two holidays abroad for all of us during the last two years along with other things, but I was not going to argue with her about it.

In other words what she’s really saying is I want more. I want you to do more for me, and I want you to spend more of your money on me and help me out financially. That would be fine if she’s being nice and sweet and making his dick hard instead of making his life hard, but she’s constantly making his life hard and not making his dick hard. So eventually you’re just like, why would any man want to go further and give more to a woman that is just constantly abusive like this? It’s just not. Every time he gets close and thinks things are going well, she decides that she wakes up in a shitty mood that morning and she’s going to take it out on everybody, especially her boyfriend. And she just expects that he’s going to put up with it because that’s what’s modeled for her at home.

I also told her that I make no apology for working my arse off to create a financially.

He says Ares. Arse which he’s from the UK. I would assume.

To create a financially stable life for me and my two children. She was dismissive about that and was clearly in a rage.

Again, she calls in a rage. It’s like, is she making his dick hard or is she making his life hard? She’s making his life hard right now. She’s in a rage for whatever reason, and she expects that he’s going to just sit there and put up with her abuse because she’s in a rage. Again, at some point, most guys are just going to be like, “I’m out. I’m over it.”

She told me she wants to break up, but cannot actually do it. So I said in a calm way, “Then I’m going to let you go. I wish you well and I hope you find happiness. When I see you out and about or on the school run, I will be polite to you”. She replied, “I will avoid you and you won’t hear from me again!”

Sure.

Later that day in the evening, I was relaxing after the kids went to bed, enjoying a cup of tea and watching some TV before going to bed. My phone started ringing and guess who was calling me? You guessed it. It was her. I answered and said, “Hey, what’s up”? She said, “I am just calling to check if you’re okay. Are you okay?” I said, “Yes, I’m fine, how about you? Are you okay?” She replied, “No I’m not, I feel so bad about the mean things I said to you earlier and I feel hopeless”.

Now she’s dealing with the consequences that she screwed up yet again. Went back on her word. Remember she promised him she wasn’t going to do this anymore, and she was going to change. And then she did it again and again and again and again.

She then went on to say that she does not know why these things about me not providing financially bother her so much even though she is not struggling with money.

So she doesn’t need his money. What she’s really complaining about is a lack of closeness. In other words, they’re not really growing together. They’re just kind of in the middle of the road or even growing apart. And so she’s mad that he doesn’t want to be closer to her, but she’s being so difficult and making his life hard that he’s like, he doesn’t want to be any closer to her, it’s like who wants to put up with that? It’s like nobody wants to deal with an overly emotional Jekyll and Hyde, Karen. It’s like nobody wants to put up with that.

She then asked me if we are broken up, and I said, “Yes, we are not together romantically anymore”. She then started to cry and said, “I don’t want to be on my own”. I told her that she was on her own with her children for five years after she kicked her ex-husband out before she met me. I then told her to date other men. I said, “You are an attractive woman and you won’t have a problem getting dates”. She replied, “I don’t want anyone else, I only want you. I don’t want to lose you”.

Remember, she just dumped him a few days earlier.

As hard as this was for me, I kept my cool, took a breath and said, “we are not getting back together. I don’t fancy getting dumped again in few months time.” If I had not found your work coach, I would have folded at this point and probably would not have been the one to let her go when she was hesitant to actually breaking up with me. She promised me she would not break up with me again or ignore me and was begging me to reconsider, but I told her it is too late now, then said take care and hung up the phone.

Remember she promised him she wouldn’t do it again, and yet she did it. She gave him the silent treatment. She abused him one too many times, and he just, he tapped out. No, thank you.

That was two weeks ago. Yesterday I was working from home and in the early afternoon, she turned up at my house after she finished work. When I opened the door to her, she asked if she could come in and I let her in. I asked her if everything is okay and she immediately started to cry.

Well, so here comes the waterworks.

She told me she is deeply sorry and cannot live without me.

But she did all this in the past every fucking time. And then he would take her back, and then she would just do it all over again a month or two later.

She put her arms around me and I reciprocated. She then went to kiss me and I pulled away. I told her that I meant what I said about us not being together anymore. She was crying uncontrollably so I offered her a cup of tea to calm her down, sat on the sofa and talked things through.

You can just see the satisfaction that he has because he’s like, here she is once again putting on the act. It always worked in the past.

During the conversation she asked me if I still loved her and I said, “I do still love you, but my tank is empty and I’ve had enough of the mental abuse you put me through”. At this point she had calmed down and asked if we could stay in contact and be friends. I told her I will still talk to her and go for the occasionally coffee with her if I’m not busy. I told her she needs to get help and work on herself so she can be in a happy place.

I then needed to be in a work meeting, so I gave her a hug, showed her the door and she went off into the sunset. Although I was calm and firm about my stance, inside I was trembling. My heart was saying, let her kiss me and have sex with her, but I head was saying, don’t do it. I know this relationship will take a while to get over, but I do however feel proud that I did the right thing for me. My question to you is, what would you have done differently? 

All the best,

Bob

Well dude, quite frankly, you handled it like a champ. You were calm, you were cool, you were collected. You weren’t angry. You weren’t butthurt. You didn’t try to argue with her. You were just very matter of fact. And she knew you were right. And quite frankly, deep down, that’s what she needs. She needs you to not take her back. She needs to experience the pain of losing a good dude like you. Maybe that will help her correct her behavior, but more than likely just because of the way society is, some other sucker will come along that will just put up with that shit.

Me personally, and obviously the emailer, it’s just, you don’t want to deal with this. You want a woman that’s gonna make your dick hard, not your life hard. And she’s continually making his life hard. Just think about the emotional toll that it takes on you and your life. He’s a father. He’s got his work. Life’s going good. And then all of a sudden, his wife or his girlfriend wakes up one day and decides to be an insufferable cunt to him, and then gives him the silent treatment for a few days, threatens to, you know, breaks up with him. And then for the next two weeks, he’s in emotional turmoil because now he’s working to try to get over her or move on.

And then what happens? She comes back, gives him water works. He takes her back. Things are good for a few months, and then it happens all over again and she just keeps doing it. She won’t exercise self-control. She feels entitled to be this way and she just keeps doing it to him. So as Gerald of the Trends Research Institute says, “current events form future trends”, he gave her countless chances and she burned every single one of them, even when he drew a line in the sand if you do this again, I’m not taking you back when you realize you fucked up. She did it anyways. And now she realized she fucked up and he needs to do what he’s doing, which is be a man and set the boundary and just say, you’ve lost me forever.

That’s it. I’m not taking you back. Your behavior is not going to change. It’s just the same shit over and over and over again. So for the woman, this is the only thing that potentially will change her from behaving this way and maybe make things better for the next guy, but more than likely, the next guy will be a chump and he’ll put up with it. But no one will ever do or say to you that you don’t invite them to do so. Good for you for having the guts to finally pull the plug and deny her another chance when she’s just blown every single chance you’ve given her in the past. She doesn’t respect you. She doesn’t respect your boundaries. She won’t treat you properly. She won’t get the help that she needs. So it’s not your job to fix her or to save her or change her.

You just got to see reality as it is and you got your own kids you got to think about. And this is not a good example to have somebody like this as a potential stepmom, because that’s just going to mess your kids up. So you want them to see dad happy and in love with a woman that’s good, that treats you great. That’s good to you, good for you, good for your soul. Makes your dick hard, not your life hard. So good for you, dude. I know it’s tough, but, I mean, you gave her umpteen chances and she burned every single one of them. So she’s gonna have to learn to live with that.

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