If You’re Confused About Her Interest, She’s Probably Not Interested

Why being confused about her interest means she’s probably not interested.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who lives in Dubai and has been dating a woman who doesn’t really reciprocate the same level of romantic interest as him. He’s 31 and she is 24. He’s been on multiple dates with her, but she doesn’t like public displays of affection and usually gives him the cheek. Sometimes she will kiss him back, but with no passion. She says he’s not really her type. He is confused about her interest and what she really wants from their relationship. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, “If You’re Confused About Her Interest, She’s Probably Not Interested.”

Well, this particular email is from a guy, he lives in Dubai. And he’s 31. This particular girl is 24. He says he’s been on multiple dates with her, but she doesn’t like public displays of affection, and he says it’s kind of forbidden to be doing that publicly. I guess the morality police frown upon that. But even when they’re alone, she’s often given him the cheek, and when she does kiss him back, there’s like no passion in it. But he keeps going out with her. She seems to be excited to go hang out and stuff.

And then she said other things like, “oh, you’re not my type.” That kind of thing. So it’s clear this guy is projecting his high interest on this girl and kind of ignoring the fact that she’s really not reciprocating very much. And you have to pay attention to the effort that the woman is making, especially if you’re continually going out on dates and spending money, and she keeps turning her head and giving you the cheek and telling you things that you’re not her type, or she’s constantly talking about friends or friends only, that kind of thing. So let’s go through the email.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Coach,

I’ve been following your work for a couple of years now. I’ve listened to your AudioBook twice and plan to keep listening until I’ve heard it at least 10-15 times.

Well, it would have been helpful if you would have gotten through it the 10 to 15 times over the course of the last few years that you’ve been following me, instead of only reading it twice. So it tells you you’ve been kind of a piss poor student, so you got to do better.

I recently had an interesting encounter with a young lady that might be useful for your future newsletter. We met online on a dating app. She’s 24, I’m 31, and we both live in Dubai, where public displays of affection are somewhat restricted. I took her to a carnival (Global Village) which had plenty of activities to keep us busy for over 8 hours, just like your book suggests. We did rides, watched live shows, visited cultural pavilions, and enjoyed various foods.

Because one of the things I talk about in The Book is, ideally you go to like three separate places on a date. Because most guys go pick a girl up or they meet her out. They do one thing, they go to dinner or whatever, and then that’s the end of it. If you’re going to like three different places, especially if you’re getting in and getting out and going to different venues and doing different things, and you spend a couple hours at each one, each one kind of feels like (individual dates) a date.

And usually about 4 or 5 hours in is when the average woman is going to feel safe enough, and comfortable with enough with you in order to have sex. So that’s the purpose for doing multiple things. It reduces the amount of dates that you have to go on until you get to the promised land, because most women sleep with a guy by the second or third date.

Initially, she mentioned she was only looking for fun and that we were just friends.

So if a girl says something like that, “Hey, I’m just looking for fun. I just want to be friends.” Just say, “Well, I’m down for friends with benefits. That sounds great.” And if she says, “Well, but friends only.” It’s like, “Well, I’m not looking at anything platonic, but we can be friends with benefits. We don’t have to be exclusive or anything like that. But I’m not looking for a pal.”

However, as the day progressed, she started getting more physical, bumping into me, grabbing my arm, and wanting to get closer. Eventually, we ended up holding hands and getting quite close. During a concert, I attempted to kiss her, but she turned her cheek and said maybe later.

Usually when a woman says “Maybe.” It means “No.”

Indicating she was uncomfortable with public displays of affection. However, I made the mistake of pushing the issue and acting upset when she resisted.

Yeah, that’s a mistake. Masculinity is calm. That’s what confidence is. It’s calm. It’s relaxed. It’s not being upset. It’s not being emotionally hijacked. It’s not being a jack in the box.

Afterward, we went on more rides, including the Ferris wheel, where we finally had some alone time. I went for the kiss again, and although she initially resisted, she eventually kissed me passionately. As the day went on, she became even more affectionate, asking me to hold her hand and showing signs of being scared but willing to try new things.

On the way home, she fell asleep on my shoulder, and she later sent a text thanking me for the fun day. However, her communication suddenly dropped off, and she stopped replying to my messages.

So dating is like tennis. You hit the ball over the net, and then you got to wait for her to hit it back. You have to give a woman the space and the time to either follow through on her plans or commitments with you, or to flake out and disappear from your life forever. You never want to try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you. And if you’re texting her, I don’t know what you’re texting, but if you’re sending multiple messages back and forth and she just dips. Obviously the conversation was boring.

Plus the phones are for setting dates. The more you talk and text, especially with somebody new, and especially if you’re trying to crack jokes through text, nine times out of ten, your jokes are not going to land, and they’re going to get misinterpreted. And you’re going to talk a girl out of liking you. So you got to clean that up. Again, this is what happens when you follow me for several years, and you just try to cherry pick out of the videos and don’t really pay attention to The Book.

You make totally unavoidable mistakes. So when I’m reading these emails, I could see things like that. This is what happens when you only read The Book twice, because 250 page book. You maybe get 7 or 8% of it each time you go through it if he’s been through it twice. He’s got maybe 20 pages, 15, 20 pages he’s kind of learned, kind of knows. But there’s so many things, so many subtle nuances that he just totally misses.

When I reached out again a few days later, she mentioned she wasn’t feeling well. Despite this, I asked her out to the beach, and although she seemed hesitant at first, she agreed.

It just sounds like he’s on the phone trying to convince her and talk her into going out with him. And so, the vibe he’s giving off is like basically begging her to pay attention to him. And so, this is what happens. You’re barraging her with text because you’re coming off as a little needy, a little desperate, instead of just taking things as they are.

And especially when you send a woman multiple texts and she doesn’t reply to any of them, and then you wait a few more days and she still hasn’t replied, and then you send her another message. Men who love and value and respect themselves are not going to send a dozen messages. They’ll send one and they’ll wait to hear from her. And if she doesn’t text back, well, she wasn’t that into it. Never try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you.

During our beach outing, she remained somewhat distant, but things improved as we joked and teased each other. However, when I tried to kiss her again, she resisted once more, stating she wanted to enjoy a date without feeling pressured to kiss.

You should be doing the kiss test from The Book. So this tells me that you’re trying to escalate things physically, and you’re not paying attention to the fact that she’s not in the same place. Because if you know The Book backwards and forwards, this should not be happening. You should not be trying to kiss a girl and she feels pressured to kiss. That tells me you’re more focused on your interest and you’re completely ignoring her lack of interest and effort.

Despite my persistence, she only gave me a brief, dispassionate kiss, and we were even caught by security for breaking rules about public affection.

Naughty, naughty, naughty.

On the way home, she expressed disappointment that we didn’t get dinner, and I made another mistake by trying to show affection when dropping her off. Although she thanked me for the day, she seemed sad and frustrated. One important detail is that we often tease each other during conversations.

Again, the phone is for setting dates, not getting to know somebody. And so, you think you’re teasing her and you’re flirting with her and you’re being playful. But what’s probably happening is a lot of your humor and banter is not coming across properly, and it’s getting misinterpreted. So knock that shit off. Stop trying to be a comedian through text. Just arrange the date and then get off the phone. Arrange the next get together and get off the phone. It’s totally unnecessary.

And she once mentioned that I’m not her type and that she prefers white guys. In response, I jokingly suggested she find a white boy and I will find another girl to go with. I feel her attraction towards me has decreased since our first date, despite her initial excitement.

So what that tells me because she was physical, she was touching him. But as they spent more time together, he’s doing and he’s saying things you can tell he’s coming off as a little needy. He’s trying to force things. He’s double and triple texting, and he’s doing things that communicate he’s a typical guy that doesn’t have much experience with women, and he’s not very good with women. Men that have abundance are not going to behave this way.

Men that have abundance are of the mindset of, “Do I like this girl? Is she good for me? Do I enjoy spending time with her? Will my family like her? Will my friends like her? Does she fit in well and mesh with my life? Does she have similar goals? Similar values?” But instead he’s already convinced that she’s the perfect girl for him by the way he behaves.

And the bottom line is, women like you more if they think that they’re more into you, than you are into them. And when you communicate the opposite, that’s when you typically get this lukewarm behavior. Especially if you’re trying to crack jokes through text and you’re having unnecessary conversations all the time.

She’s mentioned wanting to get married in a message she later deleted, and now it seems she just wants to hang out and have fun without hooking up.

Again. You shouldn’t be talking about marriage through texts. Again, this is why I say you’ve got to read The Book 10 to 15 times, because there’s so many little things that you’re doing, I pointed out several as I’ve gone through your email, that you’re communicating behavior that makes you look unattractive to her. And hence you get the dispassionate kiss.

Because you’re trying to kiss her and escalate things, because, again, you’re only focused on how much you like her, and you’re ignoring the fact that her interest is going down. So whatever you’re saying in text, you’re talking and texting her out of liking you. And it sounds like you’re also doing that when you’re actually on the date.

Whenever I make a move, she turns me down, making me feel rejected.

Well, you should be paying attention to those things. You spent too much time talking and texting and trying to spend too much time with her, because it’s clear you really like this girl, and you’re probably pedestalizing her a little bit and treating her like a celebrity, and she’s treating you like a fan.

The vibe you’re giving off is like you, deep down, don’t feel like you’re worthy of her time and attention, and she’s responding accordingly. And you’re not noticing that she’s not feeling it. And you’re trying to escalate things physically when it’s an inappropriate time to do so. Again, this is all detailed in The Book on “When To Make A Move & When To Back Off.”

I’ve decided not to pursue her further and to explore other options, but I don’t want to hurt her, as I genuinely like her playful and fun personality. However, I’m confused about what she wants from this relationship.

Bro. It’s not a relationship. You went out on a couple of dates. You had a tiny little bit of kissy poo. That was it. So you need to clean up your game. You need to spend time with The Book.

What do you think is the best strategy for me moving forward, Coach? Should I continue asking her out every weekend or should I give her space and go cold?

Best,

Bob

Well, if you think about how she was the last time out, the greatest gift you can give anybody is a gift of your time. When somebody acts like your time or your lips in this case are not very valuable or not very worthy. Well, then go give your time and your lips to somebody else. So I wouldn’t do anything. I wouldn’t call her or text her, and I would wait two full weeks and then call her to ask her out and see if she’s any different on a future date.

Because if you normally are talking and texting several times a week, and then all of a sudden you just disappear and you don’t even message her anymore, she might reach out to you. A week, might go by, maybe a week and a half, and she reaches out. That’s why you should wait a full two weeks, a full 14 days to see if she reaches out.

If she doesn’t, well, obviously she ain’t missing you very much, but I would give it one more shot. I would call, text and ask her out for another date and see if she willingly and enthusiastically makes it, and most importantly, see how she is on the date.

If you go out on the date and she gives you the cheek or she brings up being friends again, you’re going to say, “I’m down with friends with benefits.” But if she says “No, I want to be platonic friends.” Just say, “I’m not into that. But you can call me if you change your mind.”

And then if again, if you get the cheek again when you go out with her after two weeks of not hearing from her and she’s still cold and distant, then never ever call her again for any reason. And if maybe a month goes by or two months goes by and she reaches out, then invite her over to make dinner at your place.

I would follow the script that’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back at that point if I were you. If you haven’t already, I highly suggest you subscribe to our Members Only Content, where you get six additional Video Coaching Newsletters per week in addition to the five free ones.

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