The difference that makes the difference with women… is indifference. What does that mean? It means that even though you find yourself attracted to a beautiful woman, you don’t let her beauty affect you. You don’t come unglued, un-centered or become something you are not when you are around beautiful women you are attracted to.
If you are a man or a woman, have you ever noticed a big strong male friend of yours who instantly transforms from a confident man who is sure of himself, into a little girl who doesn’t know how to act when a beautiful woman he likes comes near him? I’m sure you have. You see it in movies and TV shows all of the time. A group of strong and confident men instantly becomes weak, needy and insecure as soon as a beautiful woman shows up. These men all transform from being themselves into pleasers and butler’s.
Years ago when I was still in real estate, my company used to do a lot of advertising on the local Fox affiliate in Orlando, Florida. I got invited to their skybox to watch a major league spring training game at Walt Disney World Florida. The evening female news anchor of the station, I’ll call her Bess, was also in the skybox with us. This was a decade ago and she is now a well known news anchor on MSNBC. She’s attractive, but has the personality of a rock. Everyone at the station called her the “ice Queen” because she had such an icy and unfriendly personality. It was cold in the skybox. One of the sales managers, who was always a hard core negotiator with me when it came time to renegotiate my advertising contract with the station, turns into ass kissing super pleaser as he goes to every woman in the skybox asking if they had a sweater for Bess. I was surprised at how quickly he morphed from confident sales manager, into a feminine super pleaser. That told me that he was clueless with women, and why he was single. It made me a little cockier the next time we negotiated our advertising. When you understand women and you are around other men who don’t, it gives you the upper hand in a negotiation.
Women want to feel safe and comfortable around men. When women are around a man who does not know how to be himself in the presence of beautiful women, they instantly become turned off and only will consider that man as a friend; not a potential mate. He could possibly be a good male girlfriend, but nothing more. Think about it this way, men who are successful with women have lots of choices. Not only that, but they are used to women trying to get their attention. Remember the “Dirty Harry” role that made Clint Eastwood famous for his… “go ahead, make my day” line as he was pointing his 44 Magnum at a bad guy? Clint’s character was always indifferent to the advances of women who wanted him. They would show up at his door with a six pack of beer and maybe some take-out food, hoping he would let them in so they could seduce him. He always seemed to be slightly annoyed when they wanted his attention after he had a long day. However, the women were undeterred. The women always had a joyous and playful demeanor. Of course he would relent and let them in. That’s what I miss about older movies. Men were always strong and confident, and never let a woman get under their skin. Women were always pursuing the men. Cary Grant was a master at comedy and messing with women in a fun and playful way. “The Philadelphia Story” and many other movies he made in the 40s, 50s and 60s always had him being pursued by beautiful women. Men acted like men in the old movies. In the movies today, men act very effeminate. Men act like women and women act like men. It’s terrible conditioning that teaches young boys and girls dysfunctional false archetypes in relationships.
What a woman wants more than anything, is a guy who acts like himself no matter who he is with, or how beautiful the woman he is talking to is. Why? It allows her to feel comfortable being herself. Since girls just want to have fun, men who are indifferent to women who like them are the ones that women always chase. When you’ve interviewed as many women as I have, you learn that they’ll all say things like, “I’m going to catch him and make him mine, etc.” when it comes to getting the guy they want. Feminine energy is about opening up and receiving love. Between the hair, makeup, sexy dresses, etc. that women spend so much time on, it’s all designed to get the attention of a man so she can open up and receive his love.
Women will chase you and pursue you if you give them the space. It’s not that being indifferent means you’re rude to women, it’s simply that you really don’t pay too much attention to women until they go out of their way to get your attention. And even when they have your attention, they still have to work to catch you. But what does the average guy do? Most every guy thinks that the woman he is out with is potentially his future wife or “the one.” While the woman he is out with, just has the attitude of let’s just see what happens. Men should think like women do when it comes to approaching a date. A woman is not going to give you any higher value than you have earned through your actions over time. How do men normally think? She’s hot! She’s my future wife and I just know it! Impatience never commands success.
You should always approach women you date with patience. Make her earn your interest through her actions. Most men are ready to run to the altar before they have even said the first word to a woman they like. If you give your heart away so easily, it will never be valued or appreciated. Women will take you for granted and most of them will reject you. Why? Women want a man who is a challenge. Human beings, and especially women, tend to take for granted things that come easy; but appreciate things or people they had to work hard for. Besides, people can hide who they really are for about 90 days before the real them starts to come out. It’s impossible to get to know what a woman is really like in a long-term relationship until you’ve been dating her for at least 90 days. If you put women on probation like they all do to you, then you will have peace of mind and contentment when you agree to become exclusive. Make her earn your love. If you give it away like it means nothing, then women will treat it like it means nothing. That’s something to think about!
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Impatience never commanded success.”-Edwin H. Chapin