Indifference Makes The Difference With Women

Dec 18, 2011 by Coach Corey Wayne

The difference that makes the difference with women… is indifference. What does that mean? It means that even though you find yourself attracted to a beautiful woman, you don’t let her beauty affect you. You don’t come unglued, un-centered or become something you are not when you are around beautiful women you are attracted to.

If you are a man or a woman, have you ever noticed a big strong male friend of yours who instantly transforms from a confident man who is sure of himself, into a little girl who doesn’t know how to act when a beautiful woman he likes comes near him? I’m sure you have. You see it in movies and TV shows all of the time. A group of strong and confident men instantly becomes weak, needy and insecure as soon as a beautiful woman shows up. These men all transform from being themselves into pleasers and butler’s.

Years ago when I was still in real estate, my company used to do a lot of advertising on the local Fox affiliate in Orlando, Florida. I got invited to their skybox to watch a major league spring training game at Walt Disney World Florida. The evening female news anchor of the station, I’ll call her Bess, was also in the skybox with us. This was a decade ago and she is now a well known news anchor on MSNBC. She’s attractive, but has the personality of a rock. Everyone at the station called her the “ice Queen” because she had such an icy and unfriendly personality. It was cold in the skybox. One of the sales managers, who was always a hard core negotiator with me when it came time to renegotiate my advertising contract with the station, turns into ass kissing super pleaser as he goes to every woman in the skybox asking if they had a sweater for Bess. I was surprised at how quickly he morphed from confident sales manager, into a feminine super pleaser. That told me that he was clueless with women, and why he was single. It made me a little cockier the next time we negotiated our advertising. When you understand women and you are around other men who don’t, it gives you the upper hand in a negotiation.

Women want to feel safe and comfortable around men. When women are around a man who does not know how to be himself in the presence of beautiful women, they instantly become turned off and only will consider that man as a friend; not a potential mate. He could possibly be a good male girlfriend, but nothing more. Think about it this way, men who are successful with women have lots of choices. Not only that, but they are used to women trying to get their attention. Remember the “Dirty Harry” role that made Clint Eastwood famous for his… “go ahead, make my day” line as he was pointing his 44 Magnum at a bad guy? Clint’s character was always indifferent to the advances of women who wanted him. They would show up at his door with a six pack of beer and maybe some take-out food, hoping he would let them in so they could seduce him. He always seemed to be slightly annoyed when they wanted his attention after he had a long day. However, the women were undeterred. The women always had a joyous and playful demeanor. Of course he would relent and let them in. That’s what I miss about older movies. Men were always strong and confident, and never let a woman get under their skin. Women were always pursuing the men. Cary Grant was a master at comedy and messing with women in a fun and playful way. “The Philadelphia Story” and many other movies he made in the 40s, 50s and 60s always had him being pursued by beautiful women. Men acted like men in the old movies. In the movies today, men act very effeminate. Men act like women and women act like men. It’s terrible conditioning that teaches young boys and girls dysfunctional false archetypes in relationships.

What a woman wants more than anything, is a guy who acts like himself no matter who he is with, or how beautiful the woman he is talking to is. Why? It allows her to feel comfortable being herself. Since girls just want to have fun, men who are indifferent to women who like them are the ones that women always chase. When you’ve interviewed as many women as I have, you learn that they’ll all say things like, “I’m going to catch him and make him mine, etc.” when it comes to getting the guy they want. Feminine energy is about opening up and receiving love. Between the hair, makeup, sexy dresses, etc. that women spend so much time on, it’s all designed to get the attention of a man so she can open up and receive his love.

Women will chase you and pursue you if you give them the space. It’s not that being indifferent means you’re rude to women, it’s simply that you really don’t pay too much attention to women until they go out of their way to get your attention. And even when they have your attention, they still have to work to catch you. But what does the average guy do? Most every guy thinks that the woman he is out with is potentially his future wife or “the one.” While the woman he is out with, just has the attitude of let’s just see what happens. Men should think like women do when it comes to approaching a date. A woman is not going to give you any higher value than you have earned through your actions over time. How do men normally think? She’s hot! She’s my future wife and I just know it! Impatience never commands success.

You should always approach women you date with patience. Make her earn your interest through her actions. Most men are ready to run to the altar before they have even said the first word to a woman they like. If you give your heart away so easily, it will never be valued or appreciated. Women will take you for granted and most of them will reject you. Why? Women want a man who is a challenge. Human beings, and especially women, tend to take for granted things that come easy; but appreciate things or people they had to work hard for. Besides, people can hide who they really are for about 90 days before the real them starts to come out. It’s impossible to get to know what a woman is really like in a long-term relationship until you’ve been dating her for at least 90 days. If you put women on probation like they all do to you, then you will have peace of mind and contentment when you agree to become exclusive. Make her earn your love. If you give it away like it means nothing, then women will treat it like it means nothing. That’s something to think about!

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“Impatience never commanded success.”-Edwin H. Chapin

Published on December 18, 2011

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Hey Corey!
    I’ve been “studying” your material for 2 months give or take. I have to say that your material is golden! I watched many of the videos in your “Fundamentals” playlist on Youtube. I have to say I was a little skeptical at first, but after watching a few videos I realized you’re the real deal. I recently bought your book and I am 70 pages in and it is my first read through. I take notes on a post-it and put it on the top of pages I feel are important. You taught me how to be more social and just start conversations with anyone. Not to sound cocky, but I was always good at acting confident around people. I usually talk to girls in social settings, but the problem is I am a sophomore in high school (just about to turn 16 in April) and most girls my age seem really uncomfortable when I go to talk to them. Sure it works sometimes, but sometimes there are those few who eventually get turned off or show no interest whatsoever (ironic because I just read the line in your book “only a few girls are going to show a high level of interest”). I realized that thanks to you and I have been refining on how to not be a “pleaser” or “needy” and to raise a girl’s level of attraction through indifference. Another problem I have is too much texting, but in all fairness I only have 2 nights a week (Saturday and Friday) where I can hangout because of school and crew. Girls my age act like me talking to them is some foreign concept that they never even thought of. I am 6’2 and look older than most 16 year olds so I tend to attract older women, but they get turned off when they find out I am 16 (Not saying I ever lied about my age, but I MAY have done it once or twice). Do you have any tips for me that I can use to attract more women my age, and also how should I go about talking to a girl when I’m not with them because I don’t see them during the weekdays for I go to an all boys school. I think that I should call/text them, make a definite date, and then not text until the day before the date. I just wanted some criticism from a professional on that plan.
    Best Regards,
    Carter Jamie

  2. So act as if your talking to a regular buddy basically without of course treating her like a buddy.
    Meaning not swearing like you would normally with a guy friend etc…. But talk to her as if you would normally talk.
    Am i getting this correctly ? Also don’t go out of your way to talk to someone.

  3. Woman here. I’d be cautious of teaching men “indifference makes the difference”. It needs a couple of disclaimers. One, if the woman is avoidant, or introverted, a man’s indifference will make her indifferent, and she will compete to the death to out-indifference him: and she usually will win, because women are not baited into “the game” by need of sex the way men are. We simply tune you out and go on with our lives. Then we watch you drift back and flick out breadcrumbs to try to bring us back. The breadcrumbs only work on two kinds of women: anxious and clingy, or fat and/or ugly. The rest of us won’t respond.

    Two, indifference from a man only works when the man is handsome and/or extraordinary. Even then, an avoidant woman, or a supermodel besieged by men of all quality levels, won’t jump for the bait like this. Again, only anxious, needy, clingy, fat, or ugly women respond to male indifference with heightened attention and attraction. The rest of us won’t care. We just move on to the next. But to close the indifference vs. he’s-not-extraordinary factor discussion, unless the man is the kind you guys like to call Chad Thundercock, indifference makes us contemptuous and competitive and out to out-ignore you. It’s playing a woman’s game against a woman. You won’t win.

    Men are best off just being men — stoic, strong, centered, focused on your work and achievement, and above feminine games. Game is just that: game, as in a game being played; being indirect, coy, subtle, seductive. You men need to stop being these things because they’re effeminate. And we can tell when you’re doing it. The only stronger sexual turnoff is making baby sounds or behaving like a child. Women are less interested in young or immature partners than men are, and because we birth and raise young, and specifically young boys, from newborn to 18, we’re more sensitive to immature male behavior than men are to immature female. It flicks on a switch that says “this is my son” instead of “this is a viable male partner who can help create a son”. Our pussies shrivel on contact basically, at the sight of it. No woman wants to have sex with her son.

    Similarly none of us except lesbians like to have sex with other women; so unless you’d like to attract only lesbians or bisexual women transitioning towards lesbianism – which will result in a dead bedroom then catching her in the act with her best female friend – behave like men and leave all this feminine game playing behind. Indifference is a jack in the deck of female game playing. We women are born knowing how many points that card has, and we’re all raised practicing it. We can tell when men try to use it. Our response is “Daw, isn’t that cute, he’s trying to outsmart and outwoman us.”

    Pause.

    “DESTROY him.”

    The above is meant out of kindness and hopefully to help men master themselves and gain confidence, sex and women. Maybe it’ll be taken in the spirit intended, let’s hope so. Signed, an avoidant and beautiful woman, who became avoidant because too many men bugged the hell out of me and finally drove me off the edge into becoming a loner to get some peace. Gentlemen, unless you are a rock star or major celebrity, don’t dare test indifference because you’ll get it. The Average Effing Chump has got no chance at using indifference; even against a fat girl.

    Unless she is the kind of clingy psycho you DON’T want, she’ll smirk at you and just walk away.

    • I think Corey made it clear in the book that the emphasis is when there is a high level of attraction for indiffrence to work.

    • If “indifference” is something “women have mastered” it is highly childish. Neither male nor female should have to practice indifference. If either one is, they are childish. Most men don’t “love the chase”. Who wants to go fishing and not catch anything? Who wants to work for a promotion and not get it? It is not “the chase” that is the fun part at all EXCEPT WHEN IT IS CLEAR BOTH PEOPLE LIKE EACHOTHER and that is not a chase but a wonderfully shared hopeful experience. As a man and having talked to many of my guy friends, guys HATE GAMES. Nobody likes childish “indifference” games. Girls play “indifferent” for no other reason than they are AFRAID to be rejected. If a guy or girl really likes another person and feels the other person might be playing a stupid game, they should ask how that person really feels about them and not assume or guess. You might not like the answer you get but at least you won’t be lost in limbo trying to childishly out “indifference” each other. How childish.

  4. Yes I agree with above. As a woman I read this and thought, seriously WTF? Why on earth would I or any other woman I know be bothered by an indifferent guy? For what possible purpose? There are thousands upon thousands of brilliant, handsome, interesting and friendly guys out there, with enough self-esteem to not need to play childish head games. So why would we take the slightest notice of a guy who ignored us?

    • There is substance in the comments of the readers to this writing and that is why I feel like voicing myself. I would like to deal with this subject purely from a philosophical point of view.

      Men need to first be aware of exactly what they are looking for in life before desiring a women. What I say here may sound absurd to many but as men, we are using our so called “testosterone drive” to basically live a crash existence.
      If we wanna to discuss ‘men’ then first we need to be one. We cannot be ‘little boys’ and consider ourselves to be “men wanting women.”
      The fact of the matter is, men are taking far to long to grow up and most actually never do really grow up. Here is some truth: just because you are 40 and your beard is graying doesn’t make you a man.
      The men from the movies, our writer is using to exemplify, are merely frictional. In real life we don’t see such men because to be acting at a level where you can be indifferent to a woman ;let alone to a beautiful one, is simply not possible.
      Even if a man is super irresistible, he won’t be able to control the urge to charm a woman so beautiful.
      SO when can man really reach a stage of being “stoic and all manly?”: Possibly never. Unless we begin to question ourselves why are we chasing women so hard, what are we trying to achieve by trying to be a charmer. The question should be “Do I even need her in the first place?” rather than “How to I go about nailing her: will indifference work? Or should I try some other way?”
      Most people like to think and believe in a gender specific way like, “Oh I am woman so I already have these qualities aplenty or Oh I am a man so I need to just fulfill my desire to bed these pretty lasses.” But in reality we are human beings with individual needs and characters which aren’t gender specific. We need to understand that we are truly complicated beings, our needs and inclinations are so far-fetched and beyond just dating and mating.

      When you tell a man to act cocky and indifferent and he will earn his brownie points to “rifle her loins” you are basically avoiding life’s fundamentals and overloading the poor chap with sheer perplexity. What will a guy who is just about to break his own balls understand of such of notions that hollers “Be indifferent and you will get that girl” or “Just be who you can be and live forever.”
      We need an empathetic society. We need to strive to build one. Empathy begins with you trying to know yourself first. Start by trying to uncover yourself. Try to put your positive qualities together and built an image of yourself that feels good to you. Ask yourself what you truly desire and more importantly why you think you desire what you are desiring.
      A lot of time we don’t actually want what we are desiring so hopelessly. It is a fact. Try it out. Many times you are hungry and you think you so what to devour that burger but then you ask yourself do you really want to eat that burger and the answer is a big “NO”.
      Do I really want that pretty girl? Answer again could be a huge “Noooo.”
      May be you have misplaced you priorities so badly that a pretty face from the opposite sex feels like all the right reason to cut off all the other things that could make you feel equally good if not even better.
      I had a long phase when I felt so hopelessly attracted to beautiful women and in the end I met a girl who I needed and wanted. She wasn’t pretty for the whole world but she lit up my world so so prettily. And that was everything. We not together anymore but what i Know now I use it to live an independent life, a life where I question everything and the fact that I dare to question makes such a huge difference that it just makes my life a lot more easy.
      Of course it comes and gets better with practice.

      Much love and may you journey be fruitful

    • If there are thousands upon thousands of wonderful guys why are you and so many women single and unhappy? My advice to women is stop believing “men love the chase”, most don’t. Men HATE GAMES. Men move on faster than women because they assume the games will outweigh the gain. If a women is waiting for a man to pine for her so she can gain some self worth it probably won’t go well. A man wants a team player, he wants to know you will match his effort. If you don’t, he will assume you are not that interested and the work will outweigh the gain. By “man”, I mean somebody who knows what they want and not a boy playing games.

  5. Erc
    A woman canbe wrong and man too but not all
    Some people are good enough
    Some are normal and some people bad
    All people are diffirent level

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