Is She Flakey, Not Interested Or Testing Me?

How to determine if she is flakey, not interested, or just testing your strength. 

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different viewers. The first email is from a viewer who thinks his first date when really well, but then she canceled their second date the morning of and never offered a reschedule.

The second email is from a viewer who got dumped by his girlfriend but he wants her back. He says his girl is a special case and the “typical guy tricks” won’t work on her. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of their emails.

So, I’ve got two different emails from two different viewers that I’m going to go through with you today. The first one is from a guy who met a girl online, went out, thought he had a pretty good first date. And then, about four or five days later, he got in contact with her, set a second date, she excitedly accepted and even reiterated how much fun she had making out with him at the end of their first date. So, he thought everything was good. But then early in the morning the day of their second date, she canceled and did not offer a reschedule. So, he thinks he did everything right, but he’s going, “Hmm, should I give her another chance?”

And the second email is from a guy whose girlfriend dumped him. It’s kind of interesting. He says, “My girl is a unique case, and the ‘typical’ guy tricks won’t work on her.” And so, he’s like, “I don’t know what to do now to get her back.” So, I think he’s pretty new to my work because what he says, he’s kind of obviously cherry-picked some videos and kind of skimmed through my first book, How To Be A 3% Man; he’s not really being a serious student. He’s just looking for a quick fix – kind of half-assing it, basically – and it’s not working well for him.

And on top of that, now he’s got a story that he’s created around this that the “typical” things won’t work on his girl, so now he’s kind of boxed himself into a corner and he’s basically justifying the same approach that ain’t working. Because women don’t dump men when they’re in love with them; they dump men that they’ve lost attraction for, and interest, and usually respect, as well.

First Viewer’s Email:

Dear Coach, 

Recently, I met a woman on a dating site, quickly exchanged numbers, and set up a date for the following day. We went bowling and I kept my mouth shut, only opening to ask questions. She did 75% of the talking; we flirted and laughed the two games away. I tried to physically escalate, but it seemed not to be working. Neither did the kiss test. 

The kiss test from “How To Be A 3% Man” is when you’re with a woman and she’s near you, maybe she’s bumping into you, but you’re not sure if it’s time to go for the kiss, you just simply look down at her lips, and then into her eyes, and then down to her lips again, and then back into her eyes slowly. And if she looks at your lips while you’re doing this, then that means she’s ready to be kissed, so you should go for it.

Now, if you see those signs and you go for the kiss and she turns her cheek, it means she’s a structured woman. And that’s not a good sign, because structured women don’t act naturally; they follow a set of rules, and they want you to jump through a bunch of hoops. You want somebody who is easygoing, easy to get along with – not somebody who’s a pain in the ass.

If you’ve been watching me for a while, women that are difficult and a pain in the ass are really hard to have an easy and effortless relationship with. As men, we have enough problems, enough stresses in our life with our mission and purpose, and the last thing we need is a girl in our lives, or a wife, or a girlfriend, or whatever kind of relationship you have, who’s giving us a hard time about everything. You don’t want friction. There’s enough friction in life and the world, and the only kind of friction you should have with your girl is a good kind of friction; the good kind of friction that gives you the happy finish.

After we left the bowling alley, to my surprise, she asked me to sit in her car with her.

So, it sounds like he was like, “Oh, she doesn’t want to be kissed, she’s not into me; this is the end of the date.” It shows also that she’s a little controlling and doesn’t feel safe letting the guy lead. But it’s also possible he was doing things that caused her to not feel safe. But the fact that she says, “Let’s go sit in my car,” maybe she’s not into PDA, whatever it happens to be. But again, you want easygoing, easy to get along with, not a woman who is going to be a difficult pain in the ass.

I again attempted to physically escalate and re-tried the kiss test, again to no avail. This time, to my surprise, she came straight out and asked if she could kiss me? I said, “Get over here now, Lol.”

She sounds a little structured. Might be difficult. Some women do that because, again, they’re following a set of rules that somebody taught them, and they believe that this will make the guy really want you. For most guys, yes. For 3% men, I don’t want to deal with that. Easygoing, easy to get along with. And you’ll see why, because these kinds of situations kind of end predictably. You want somebody who’s excited – not somebody who’s sitting on the fence, but somebody who would jump fences to be with you.

We made out passionately for about 2-3 hours. Other than the fact that there were others in the car park, the humping would have not been dry. This was Tuesday night, and I would consider it a decent date as they go; we had a lot in common and clearly a mutual attraction. 

Other than the fact that she was structured.

I waited until Sunday to contact her again.

So, this was on a Tuesday when they met, so we’re talking, what, four or five days or so go by?

And I quickly re-set another date on a day that suited us both. This was for the following evening, Monday. She asked what time and where, so I chose a definite time and location for us to go play pool and get a bite to eat and drink after.

So, he told her all of the plans upfront instead of just saying, “Hey, meet me here.”

She accepted with a “Sounds good, you’re on!” and remarked about our previous make-out session being enjoyable.

So, we have to assume he was a good kisser, even though he was kissing a structured woman who was being difficult unnecessarily. Maybe she’s following the book “The Rules,” because The Rules book tells women to do this – “When he tries to kiss you, don’t kiss him,” “When you make a date or he calls you, don’t call him back right away,” “If you make plans with him, break them at the last minute” – things like this.

Monday morning came, and around 9 am she texted saying she couldn’t meet due to having to work late (with an eyes rolling face) … no rescheduling mentioned.

Women who are really excited to see you and really like you, they would say, “Oh, I’ve got to work late, but can we reschedule? I’m so sorry.” But instead, she doesn’t bring it up. Why? She has low interest, or maybe she’s breaking the date on purpose because she read The Rules book that tells women to behave this way. This is why you avoid the structured woman. You want a good experience – easygoing, easy to get along with.

I responded shortly after with “Too bad, some other time maybe. Keep in touch (cool shades face).” The only weak move I may have made was accepting a second date the next day. However, she had done that initially.

At the end of the day, if she suggests a counteroffer, to borrow a term from sales, that usually means they’re interested.

Also, maybe having 2 dates in 7 days, but on separate weeks (and for further context, I am off Monday and Tuesday for the rest of the year due to untaken holiday leave, so it suited me, and she is aware of this. I wouldn’t be accepting dates on those days otherwise). 

The reality is if you make a date and she doesn’t keep it and breaks it, or cancels it, and doesn’t offer a reschedule, it’s usually a sign of low interest. Or she’s structured and trying to manipulate you with something like The Rules.

At least the “Take Away” will let me know where I stand, and I feel I made the correct decision. 

Thank you again for your work, you shaved head Jedi Master. 

Bob

So, the only thing I would do is, I personally wouldn’t go out with a woman like this, again, but if you’re a glutton for punishment and you want to date a structured woman, I’ve done lots of videos on them over the years. They’re a pain in the butt and it’s always like this. But wait two weeks. If you don’t hear from her, then you could call her or text her one more time, try to make a date. If you get the same runaround, delete the number and move on. But if it was me, I would be deleting the number and I’d be out of there.

Second Viewer’s Email:

Hey Corey,  

So, I’ve listened, watched some videos, read some of your book.

That’s a piss poor effort, dude. You’re not going to have sustainable success with this kind of effort. It’s just not going to work. I’m not a quick fix guy; I’m a holistic, improve-all-areas-of-your-life kind of guy, so you act like the most attractive man that you can be. If you’re looking for a quick fix, this is not the right place for you. If you want to half-ass it, that’s not what we do here. We’re here to be exceptional, not average. Guys who look for quick fixes, they just want to be average. Not interested.

I figured I would reach out. The situation I’m in is as follows: my girlfriend and I broke up 2 weeks ago, and I did all of the suggested things not to do, and it wasn’t working at all.

Well, that’s as predictable as the sun coming up in the east and setting in the west. If you do the opposite of what the book teaches, you’re going to predictably get rejected. I’m talking about “How To Be A 3% Man,” the first book, which you can read for free on my website along with “Mastering Yourself,” and my third book, “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations,” which ties together all the concepts from the first book.

She admitted she loves me and still wants me and only me, but she just emotionally can’t seem to be with me because of the issues we were having.

Again, women don’t dump men they’re in love with – they dump men who they’ve lost attraction for. He doesn’t really elaborate on what the issue is, he doesn’t even mention what the issues were, but the bottom line is, he was just displaying a lot of unattractive behavior. And from what he admitted after the breakup, he did a lot of unattractive behavior, so he caused her interest to drop even more. And if he’s driven her interest even lower than when she broke up with him, then it’s going to be even harder to get her back, because what he’s done is turned her off even more.

I’ve realized a lot and have had a lot to think about, and I have put in parameters with the issues prior that was causing the disconnect. I know if we get back together, everything will be better and progress.

Again, you’re not going to have sustainable success with watching a few videos and skimming through my book. It’s just not going to work, dude. You might get a little bit of success, but you won’t be able to maintain it. So, you’re being a little delusional. I’m just giving you some tough love, because I want you to succeed.

We have an amazing connection otherwise and deeply love each other. Well, I finally got her to agree to hang out and talk.

So, what does that mean, he badgered her until she agreed? That sounds like a dude that’s got a chick on a pedestal and he’s kissing her ass, treating her like a celebrity, and acting like he’s one of her fans, which is extremely unattractive. You don’t chase after a woman who breaks up with you and pushes you away. He obviously got pushed away because he was over pursuing and smothering her, and he turned her off. Again, women don’t dump guys they’re in love with. That’s just a fact of life.

I went over there last night, and we hung out with her son and played a game, and then later went upstairs and talked for a bit. She’s basically just scared, and it feels different, and she’s not sure if getting fully back together would change anything from before. We then kissed for a while, and made love twice, and then once again in the morning before I left for work.

Hang out, have fun, hook up. Your job as a man in the courtship is just simply to create an opportunity for sex to happen. That’s it.

She texted me about a final she had to take that morning and said she finished with time to spare. I didn’t respond. She then said, “Do you think that was a mistake?” I said, “No, but I am scared that it won’t get you back to prove to you everything you’re worried about will no longer be an issue.”

Trying to prove yourself to a woman is incredibly unattractive. Instead of you being the prize and her winning you over, now you’re trying to win her over, and that’s not attractive. You’re following her lead. You basically made her the man in the relationship. It’s unattractive, and it doesn’t work. How do I know? Do you like the result you’re getting? Do you like getting dumped? Because you really haven’t changed your behavior at all.

The same behavior that you were displaying that caused the breakup, you’re still displaying that after, which is approval-seeking behavior. You basically made her the man in the relationship, and you became the chick, and so you ruined the sexual polarity. That’s just a fact of life. All you’ve got to do is look at what he said, what she said, and what you did, and what she did. Anybody that knows the book can see it as clear as day.

She ignored it, and I then said in a separate message, to try and distract from the negative emotions, how I loved the breakfast sandwich she made me for work, which I was totally surprised she even had for me.

“Oh, Your Highness, thanks for the sandwich. She made a sandwich. It was amazing.” Your girl should make you sandwiches. And he acts like, “Oh wow! She made me a sandwich! This is great! She really cares!”

She’s a very unique woman from any others I’ve ever known. I believe a lot of the tricks and gimmicks that are always suggested would work on 99% of the type of women I’ve known in the past, but she is a high-value woman and has been through a lot.

So, this is his rationalization why, “Hey, Corey, I can’t apply anything that’s in your book.” But at the end of the day, I’m not teaching tricks and gimmicks. You’re acting like a guy who’s looking for a trick and gimmick, and that’s why you’re not succeeding.

She’s 38, drop-dead gorgeous, and doesn’t fall for the typical guy advances.

Okay, bro. How is your approach working? Are you satisfied with the results? Because if you were, you would have never emailed me in the first place. That’s reality. If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll continue to get what you’ve always got.

She knows her worth, and she’s been through very bad relationships in her past. She was, before me, single for 8 years, and that’s what she’s contemplating. I don’t fear another man. I believe she’s fully in love with me and we have each other’s hearts.

You’re delusional, dude. She’s not fully in love with you, and you don’t fully have her heart. She broke up with you. Women don’t dump men that they’re in love with; they dump men that turn them off. And in your case, you’re acting like a bitch. You’re acting like a chick instead of a man, and that’s why you’re turning her off. I know it’s harsh, but I’m not here to blow sunshine up your ass, because your approach ain’t working.

You need a dose of reality, because you’re basically communicating in this email that you’re going to keep doing it your way. It’s like, hey, if you like those results, keep doing it. All I can do is suggest and gently lead. It’s up to you to participate in your own rescue, and if you don’t want to do that – you want to keep using your failed approach – it’s your life. If you’re happy with the results, keep doing it.

She stated that if we didn’t talk, and I gave her time, that she knows herself and she knows she can force herself to just move on cause of the things she’s had to go through in her past.

In other words, she’s basically saying, “I can totally get over you.” It’s easy to get over somebody when you don’t really care about them anymore.

She also said last night in our discussion that she loves a lot of aspects of us together, but she also misses some things about being single.

I know what I did wrong. I was being the girlfriend.

There you go. I hadn’t even gotten to that part, and he admits “I was acting like the chick. I wasn’t being the leader.” Duh.

She’s a powerful woman, used to being in her masculine energy for her own protection and views most women as weak, insecure bozos.

Yeah, this woman needs a strong man. She ain’t gonna tolerate a little bitch. And this guy admits he’s acting like a chick. So, he ruined the sexual polarity, and that’s why he got dumped.

The typical tricks just won’t work,

Well, I don’t know what “typical tricks” you’re talking about.

I don’t believe it, and because of that, I’m not sure what to do.

Well, you just basically said, “Corey, I can’t do anything in your book, because it’s not going to work.” Okay, well, keep doing your approach. Let us know how it turns out. Hopefully, you don’t get a restraining order against you.

Normally, I never need help in this department

Sure.

But she’s a very unique, intelligent, high-value woman – and the only one I want. She’s the first woman I’ve ever loved that I can genuinely say all others became invisible, and that’s just unlike me, and I want that in whoever I spend my life with.

It doesn’t matter how much you really, super, duper like this girl, bro. If you keep acting like a chick, she’s going to treat you like the gay male girlfriend, and you’re going to get no “pusswa.”

She feels the same, but she’s been through so much crap.

Notice how he’s rationalizing all of her behavior, “Oh, her poor past. Oh, I’ve got to be the nice guy. I’ve got to be the emotional tampon, and once she sees how super nice I am, she’ll come back to me.”

She’s very easily scared away from a relationship.

Well, when you act like a bitch, yes, because you’re not providing a masculine container in the relationship. You’re acting like a soy boy, so she doesn’t feel safe trusting your masculine core. That’s why she stays in her masculine, which makes it feel unnatural to her. She wants a man that she respects, she can look up to, that she can admire, that can lead her. And you’re not doing that. You’re acting like a dude who’s treating her like a celebrity and acting like her fan. And so, therefore, fans get to sit on the sidelines while she goes and sleeps with somebody else.

She feels being single is just easier cause every guy she’s known has hurt her.

In other words, because she’s a little masculine, most masculine men don’t want a masculine woman. And so, she ends up dating a lot of beta males that she walks all over. She never feels safe, and therefore she gets hurt. And she probably keeps attracting the same kind of guy – the weak guys, the beta males that she walks all over and who never provide a container of masculinity for her to feel safe.

I had become needy and overly pursuant. 

Ya think? You’re seeking her approval. Instead of seeing yourself as a prize, you’re going, “Please pay attention to me, Your Highness! Please, please. Stella!”

We would talk all day, every day, and we were also each other’s best friends and lovers, and we both loved that.

Really? She loved it so much, she broke up with you!

She’s unsure but wants me.

Dude, she is sure she doesn’t want you. That’s why she broke up with you. And she’s trying to let you down easy, because she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, and she doesn’t want you to come unglued and become a stalker or a weirdo, probably like the other beta males in the past that she’s dated that have hurt her.

I don’t know how to tackle this one.

Read the book 10 to 15 times and actually apply what it teaches, because you’re doing the opposite. Your whole email reeks of desperation and a guy who’s got his chick on a pedestal. It does not work.

And this one actually matters to me. Let me know if you need any more information.

I don’t.

But I don’t want to overly reach out as I am already.

You don’t keep chasing after a woman who’s dumped you and pushed you away, because what’s going to happen is you’re going to chase her right out of your life to the point where you get ghosted, or you get a restraining order. You need to knock it off.

You should immerse yourself in the book. Move on with life. Assume it’s over and you’re never going to hear from her again. Start meeting and dating other women. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but putting her on a pedestal and kissing her ass is just going to cause her to lose all respect to the point where it’s easy for her just to ghost you.

I just don’t know what to do to get me back in the relationship from here.

Well, that’s the woman’s department. And again, you’re still acting like a chick, and therefore, if you keep acting like a chick, you’re going to have blue balls – which obviously you are going to be getting soon if you don’t stop.

And I don’t feel the typical guy tricks will work on her.  

Bob 

Okay, well, you’re just basically saying, “I can’t change anything. I can’t change my approach. I’ve got to keep doing the same thing that’s not working.” The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result. So, your approach ain’t working, dude.

If I were you, I would be following what’s in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” Don’t call her, don’t text her for any reason. Let her do 100% of the calling, texting, and pursuing. You simply make dates in the evening that can lead to sex at your place. Hang out, have fun, hook up, that’s it. If you hear from her, assume she wants to see you, make a date, invite her over to make dinner together. Stop catering to her and kissing her ass, because it’s getting you nowhere. Unless you like that. Unless you like the blue balls.

So, if you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.

“When a woman feels smothered in a relationship, she will naturally want to move away from her man because she feels like she is losing her freedom. A man who is insecure, controlling and needy tends to over pursue and try too hard to make something happen and to be together. When a guy gets dumped unexpectedly he should make it clear he doesn’t want a break or a breakup. If his woman wants time apart anyway, he should let her go and tell her to get in touch when she really misses him instead of trying to force things. When she reaches back out, he should simply make a date at his place in the evening to hangout, have fun and hookup and let her come back to him at her own pace. Otherwise, he will chase her right out of his life.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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