What you should do if your girl backs off saying it’s moving too fast and you should slow down your romance.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a new viewer whose girlfriend of six years broke up with him a few months ago. Recently, she came back and said that God wanted them back together. However, as they started spending more time together, she started saying it was moving too fast and they should slow things down.
Her family is also interfering in their relationship. He asks what he should do. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
I can tell by some of the things this guy’s talking about doing that he’s brand new to my work, so he’s not that familiar with it. But he’s still in the mindset of “I’ve got to pursue her once a week. I’ve got to chase her.” This is a pretty common problem that I’ve seen over the years in my phone sessions, and it’s actually really easy to remedy if you know what you’re doing. But the approach this guy is taking is just further getting in the way of her coming back to him.
If you get pushed away, if you get dumped, just like I talk about in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” she’s got to fix it. She fucked it up, therefore, she’s got to do all of the calling, texting and pursuing and put things back together. Where guys make the mistake, and I could tell this guy’s making that same mistake, is she starts reaching out, they start spending time together and he thinks, “Okay, now I can start pursuing again.” What happens is, instead of letting her come to him and do all the pursuing, he starts pursuing more. Then she starts to back off a little bit after a few weeks, and he doesn’t stop his pursuing to the point where the same thing happens, where she’s going, “Oh, something’s missing. I need space.”
Obviously, in this particular case, she’s saying that it’s moving too fast, they should slow things down. And so, his pursuing her is actually getting in the way of him getting her back, which is what he really wants. On top of that, she’s got people chirping in her ear in her family that are close to her. And if her interest is not super high, her emotions are not going to override what she’s hearing from her friends and family that are, in essence, sabotaging this, and in his case, getting cockblocked by them.
What’s up Corey,
My name is Bob and I’ve been following your work for a few weeks now and getting a lot of value out of it.
Well, even if you think I’m full of shit, if you apply what’s in this book, “How To Be A 3% Man,” it will work for you. You’ll get way better results than you’ve ever gotten before.
So, my situation is probably not unusual, but looking for a little guidance. My ex and I had been together for 6 years, ton of passion, but as you discuss, the attraction dropped towards the end of the relationship. I know she has a lot of reservations and trust issues from little shit that build up, resentment, etc. So, attraction dropped.
After she broke up, we spent 40 days apart from each other and she came back saying that she felt God wanted us back together.
So, what really happened is it sounds like you walked away and never looked back. And with all of that silence and space, her emotions started creeping back up on her, and so her feelings started coming back. She started really missing you. Rejection breeds obsession, and the fact that she pushed you away and then you just disappeared from her life, moving on as if you’re never going to speak to her again unless you hear from her, it had an effect. It caused her interest to creep back up.
We were passionate and I was playing it cool, making her laugh, and she said that THIS was the guy she knew I was and that she wanted to marry and make babies with, (Lol). We had a pretty balanced communication since, but during Christmas she ghosted me.
If you’re going ghosted during Christmas, that tells me you’re calling and texting and pursuing too much and trying to move things along too fast. In this case, you should be following exactly what I say in the video and article on my website titled, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” Guys make the mistake, the girl starts coming back and then they go right back to pursuing, and a few weeks later she goes from being all over them to, “Oh, I’m not sure.” And in this case, she ghosted him.
So, you’re pursuing too much. You should have been pursuing zero. She fucked it up. She fucked up your six year relationship, and therefore, guess what? She broke it, she gets to fix it. So that’s why I say in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” she’s got to do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. And then you just simply wait to hear from her and make dates when you do.
You don’t focus on a relationship, you don’t focus on a commitment, you don’t focus on getting back together, because that’s all feminine energy. That’s not masculine energy. Masculine energy is purpose, drive, mission, succeeding, accomplishing, breaking through barriers, and seducing the woman that you love – not trying to get into a relationship with her.
When a woman’s head over heels in love with you, she’s going to bring it up. She will give all kinds of hints that I talk about in “How To Be A 3% Man” to lock you down or get you to agree to be locked down with her, which is what you want. And it feels natural anyway. That’s masculine anyway. It’s aligned with your masculine essence and her feminine essence. But when you pursue too much, you’re acting like the chick, basically, and that’s why you got ghosted.
I sent a few messages. I asked her out again and she said, “It’s moving too fast” and that we shouldn’t see each other. She said her family reminded her that she was vulnerable, and she shouldn’t move too fast with me… obvious BS, but I know they told her that.
That’s why you should be letting her do all the calling, texting and pursuing, and you just simply make dates. In the meantime, you should be entertaining other options, because you’re not together with her. You gave her six years of your life and she ditched you. So, you should be entertaining any and all offers and not focusing solely on her.
Because you can’t be sure at this point if she’s going to come back or if you’re even going to want her back, especially when you start learning what’s in “How To Be A 3% Man.” You might decide, “You know what? I want somebody a little better than her – a little hotter, a little more fun, a little better attitude, a better communicator, whose family doesn’t interfere in our relationship as much.
I told her I know what I want with her and where my life is going, and that I want the people in my life that want to be there, but she said she needed time, and said if I didn’t give it to her, it would be a red flag.
Yeah, when a woman says “I need space,” that means you’re pursuing too much, you’re smothering her. And if you’re not willing to give her the space, it means you’re needy and you’re insecure and you’re neurotic. And that would be a red flag for her. So you need to back the fuck off, dude. You need to stop all of the pursuing.
I see her once a week usually through our church and am considering asking her out again.
Don’t fucking do it. If she says, “I need space,” you don’t keep asking her out. You’re just going to chase her out of your life, and it sounds like you’re doing a pretty good job of that.
If I don’t get a ‘Yes,” I figure I’ll follow up every couple weeks.
No, you don’t do that at all. You’ve got to see yourself as the prize. She has to earn another chance with you, not the other way around, dude. And if you see her in church, I wouldn’t go up to her. I’d go sit next to other pretty girls in church and talk to them. And if you see her, smile, wave, go about your business. If she wants to come over and talk to you, great.
How would you treat her if you were already bored of her and tired of fucking her? You’d be nice, you’d be pleasant, “Hey, nice to see you,” but you’d be focusing on meeting somebody new, and that’s what you should be focusing on. Because you said you want to be with somebody who wants to be with you. Well, right now your girlfriend said, “I don’t want to be with you.” You’re like, “Okay, great. Well, there’s this cute girl over here. I think I’m going to go talk to her… Hey girl,” and go talk to her.
That can have an immediate effect on her. If she’s like, “Well, who are you talking to?” Its like, “What? Oh, the Bond girl? Oh, she’s really nice. Do you know her? Oh, she’s a nice person. We had a good conversation.” “Are you sleeping with her?” “I’m just talking to her at church. Are you mad? Are you jealous?”
“You broke up. You said, you want space. So take all the space you want. I can’t help it if the ladies like this handsome man. What am I supposed to do? I’ve got a lot of fans. What can I do? What can I say? It’s a curse being this good looking. You miss me, obviously. Maybe you should come over and make my favorite dinner this weekend.” She’s like, “I don’t know,” and you’re like, “Alright. Well, call me.” You want to have that kind of a playful attitude.
Again, you’re not going to go out of your way to talk to her or see her. You smile, wave. Don’t call her. Don’t text her for any reason. When she does call or text you, take your time responding to her. If she calls you after 6:30 or 7:00 at night, wait until the next morning around 10:00 or 11:00. Let her wonder, “Oh, where were you last night?” “Oh, I was out with a friend.” “Who?” You’re like, “Oh, nobody you know. Anyway, obviously, it sounds like you miss me. We should get together, make some dinner together.”
Invite her over to your house, hang out, have fun, hook up, just like I talk about in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” And you should be reading “How To Be A 3% Man” and meeting and talking to other women. Because right now, in essence, you’ve got a hall pass, so you should entertain any and all offers. At the end of the day, may the best girl win, whether it’s the ex – if you’re crazy enough to give her another chance – or maybe you find somebody better.
You’re the prize, dude. Let her do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. She has to earn you back, not the other way around. You’re completely looking at this the wrong way.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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“When a woman says that your romance is moving too fast and you should slow things down, what is really going on is that you are becoming too serious too soon before she is emotionally ready. Typically, this happens when men are calling, texting and trying to see women too much, to the point that the women feel smothered and like they are losing their freedom. It’s always better if women think they like you more than you like them. That way, women will do most of the pursuing and move the romance along at their pace. If a woman is chasing you, then you never have to worry about rejection or getting dumped.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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