Why it’s not masculine to be a side piece to a woman who is married or in a relationship with another man.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different viewers. The first email is from a guy who’s new to my work. He’s been seeing a woman who is married but going through a divorce. She recently decided to cancel the divorce and stay with her husband, due to unfavorable custody issues with her children, but still wants to see him.
The second email is from a guy who recently met a woman who is seeing another man for about 7 months but isn’t exclusive with him. Even though they kiss, she won’t go all the way with him because of the other guy she is seeing. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.
Recently, I’ve done a couple of videos where guys are in these situations, and I discuss this in 3% Man. These are exactly what’s in my book and why you don’t date women that are involved with other guys. You should never mow another man’s lawn, and you shouldn’t be going through life hoping you can rip off some other dude’s chick. Even though the first one is going through a divorce, you just never know what’s going to happen. They’re not ready, willing, able and open to dating or starting a new relationship.
First Viewer’s Email:
I recently discovered your work and I love it. Thank you so much for what you`re doing. For the past year I’ve been dating a married woman. She applied for divorce, yet when court order didn’t come the way she wanted and she didn’t get exclusive rights to her son, she backed out from divorce idea, yet still wanted to see me.
Can you imagine being a side piece to a married woman who’s staying with her husband because she can’t get full custody of her her child? The divorce courts, there’s a lot that’s been written. The divorce laws in some states are really slanted in favor of the women and unfairly disadvantage men. And here, she’s divorcing this guy.
Now, I’m assuming that the guy she’s divorcing was a good dad, because obviously the courts were like, “we’re not giving you exclusive custody.” But the fact that she wanted her ex-husband to have no custody over their child, and then when she doesn’t get that, she’s like, “Oh, I’m going to stay in a marriage with somebody I don’t love and don’t want to be with, because of the custody issues.”
When she’s trying to prevent him from having any relationship with his child, what does that tell you about the character of that person? Is that somebody you’d want to get mixed up with and potentially knock her up? Can you imagine this guy knocks this girl up and she’s staying with her husband? She’d probably lie to her husband and say, “Oh, it’s your baby.” Does that sound like something you want to get mixed up in? I certainly wouldn’t. No, thank you.
But I’d like to have a normal family and don`t need to hide my relationship, so I told her that if she’s not ready to be with me it’s better if we don`t see each other, as I’d like to have normal relationship.
That is the right way to think. I would not want to be her side piece, especially to a woman who has now gone back to the husband. You’ve got to look at the fact that she’s trying to prevent her husband from having a relationship with her child. What does that tell you about the character? That’s not a nice thing to do, unless the guy is a horrible person, but she’s staying with him.
After a few weeks, she started reaching back to me and just chatted on Instagram. What do you think would be the best solution?
I don’t know. Could it be she belongs to the streets?
Shall I start hanging out with her, have fun and see if increasing her feelings for me will make her move?
Come on, man.
Or is it better I don’t see her until she’s be ready for a normal relationship (if ever)?
Well, she canceled her divorce. She went back to her husband, so it doesn’t look like there’s any kind of prospects. And so, you can imagine being involved with somebody for a year, you develop feelings for them, and now, “Oh, I’m going to go back to my husband, because I can’t get full custody of my child.” Yeah, sign me up. I’d totally love to get involved in that situation.
You’ve got to stand up for yourself and what you want, dude. And like I said, what happens if you knock her up? She’s living in a house with another guy. And she was already trying to prevent her husband from having anything to do with the child. Can you imagine her being married to this guy and then having your kid? She probably won’t let you have anything to do with it. And then, imagine trying to go to court to have some visitation rights for your child when she’s married to another guy? Do you really want that? I mean, that is messy. It’s like, no way. No way would I get involved with that.
I really love her, but the situation as it was before made me feel bad. The time we spent together was always great, but then when she came back home, I felt like a side gig for her as she had her family life, friends, time with husband, etc.
It would be great to hear from you.
Like I said, bro, she belongs to the streets! On to the next, I’d block her number. I’d never call, or text, or talk to her ever again. I would just say, “Look, you went back to your husband, you’re married. I’m assuming that the husband’s a good guy and not some bad person, but the fact that she wanted her husband to have nothing to do with their child, it’s like, I don’t like that at all. It’s no bueno. Next!
Second Viewer’s Email:
You did a video of my situation called “Seduction: 2 Steps Forward, 1 Step Back” a month or two ago. Since then, I moved on and met someone else. I have also read your book twice since the video. I’m up to 8 times now.
Anyway, the girl I met recently has been on four dates with me, (including the instant date the night I met her). However, she told me has been seeing someone for 7 months, but they weren’t exclusive, (red flag?).
Well, what does it look like? It looks like she’s monkey branching. She’s holding on to one branch and seeing if she can grab on to another branch before she lets go of the other one. What does that tell you? Typically, these are insecure women that do things like this. Or maybe she genuinely likes the other guy and is hoping he’ll become exclusive, but she’s starting to doubt that it’s going to work out. So, instead of leaving him and ending that relationship, because it’s not progressing, she’s kind of sticking around but is enticing you to start something new with her.
The dates have gone great, a lot of heavy petting and making out, and we even went back to her place. We hung out, had fun, and… did not hook up. I even had to wait 7 days for her to get back to me when her schedule opened up.
Oh no. You had to wait seven days.
All night, I tried two steps forward one step back. We would kiss, heavy pet, take a break. Then again, and again. Each time, I tried to advance a little bit. Then she said, “I don’t want to lead you on and think I’ll sleep with you,” after her tongue was in my mouth. Then she proceeded to tell me I was a sexy man.
You, sexy man, you.
She told me it was because she was “with someone and I like him.” But she also mentioned she is very attracted to me.
That’s so nice. So, do you really want to be a male orbiter? Do you really want to be her backup plan? Do you really want to potentially get into a relationship with a woman who has been seeing a guy for seven months, who probably thinks that they’re exclusive, or that she’s exclusive to him, while she’s basically lining up a backup plan in case it doesn’t work out?
She’s hedging her bets. She is a fence sitter, because she is weak and insecure, like the first woman. Character is destiny – very, very important. So, you can imagine being in a relationship with this woman. If she gets to the point where she’s not happy, she’s going to be hanging out with some other guy.
I responded with “Well, I don’t want to be an option, nor am I looking for something platonic. And I’m not gonna try to win you over, because I know I am awesome. Maybe, you should give him a chance.”
Exactly. Dare her to find somebody better. But you just don’t participate. You don’t participate, no matter how hot the girl is or how much she likes you. If there’s another dude in the picture that’s unresolved, “Go resolve that, and get in touch. And if I’m still available, maybe we’ll go out.”
She told me she was torn because she liked both of us. I just said let me know if it doesn’t work out.” As I left, she said “until next time,” smiling. She reached out a day after sharing an Instagram video. My question to you Corey, am I being impatient, or is she sidelining me for sex because of the other guy?
How do I proceed?
Just remove yourself from the situation. Say, “Look, you’re involved with somebody else. It’s not honorable for you to be going out on dates with me, and kissing me, and fooling around with me, while you’re doing the same with him and then sleeping with him. I don’t think he would probably appreciate the fact that you’re going out on dates with me when you’re seeing the other guy, even though there’s not a commitment. The bottom line is you won’t sleep with me because you’re sleeping with him.”
If she’s not sleeping with you, she’ll sleep with somebody else. In this case, she’s sleeping with the other guy and trying to line up a backup. Basically, you become part of a Frankenstein boyfriend project. So, whatever she’s not getting with the other guy, she’s potentially getting with you. And that just shows a lack of character. Character is destiny.
I intend to meet new girls and date because I am the prize, but I do feel like the universe FedEx’d me a girl that matches my list.
See, I look at this and it’s like, she’s a lot like your list, but there’s a big glaring issue here; it’s called a lack of integrity. Because if she’s seeing another guy and having sex with another dude for seven months, but they don’t have an official label and she has integrity, she’s not going to go out on dates with you. But the fact that she is shows she’s potentially lining up a replacement. And so, she wants you to put your personal life on hold while she explores things with another guy. Men of value never do that. Men who value their time never do that. If you don’t value your time, then guess what, nobody else will either.
The best way to handle it is to say, “Wow, thanks universe for this girl who’s got a lot of qualities I really like, but I’d really like somebody who’s ready, willing, able and open to having a relationship.” And somebody that’s got character, because a woman that behaves this way, no integrity. She belongs to the streets! And I highly doubt whether she’s telling this other guy about the fact that she’s been hanging out and doing kissy-poo with you.
So, I would move on. I wouldn’t date her. I wouldn’t go out with her. This is so important, where you’re at is you’ve got to focus on your outcome. And your outcome is you want somebody ready, willing, able and open to dating, not being some chick’s side piece or her potential monkey branch if it doesn’t work out with the other guy. Because you’re sending a signal to the universe that’s saying, “Hey, go ahead, send me a lying, cheating whore. Yeah, I’ll take one of those. Maybe I can fix her.” The universe goes, “Okay, I’ve got loads of those. Here you go.” And then more of them keep coming your way.
As soon as you find out she’s involved with another guy, you say, “Hey, I’m not interested in that.” It’s like, “I’d love to. You’re amazing. I’d love to see you, but you’re involved with somebody. I look at that as cheating, and that shows a lack of character on your part. I don’t appreciate that, and I don’t date women like that. I would never take a woman like that home to my mom, because she wouldn’t be happy about that.”
I wouldn’t be involved with them, either one of these girls, they both belong to the streets. You’ve got to be man enough to say, “They’re close to what I’m looking for, but there’s a glaring integrity issue here, so I’m gonna hard pass.”
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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