Manipulative women who scam gullible men that are desperate for love out of money and favors.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer in Australia who has been following my work for the past two years. He’s originally from West Africa and met a woman online from his home country. They exchanged numbers and started talking as friends. Then they started dating digitally, but never met in person. He started sending her money, and she started taking advantage of him and being rude and disrespectful because he was gullible and naïve. When he doesn’t send the money she wants, she berates him and threatens to end their non-existent “relationship” unless he complies.
He doesn’t appear to have read my book, but instead is cherry-picking information from my videos and articles in a feeble attempt to manipulate her into doing what he wants, but instead keeps getting fleeced financially by a woman he hasn’t even met in person. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
I don’t get these emails very often, but I do see them occasionally. He ended up meeting a woman online and she is back home in his original country where he’s from in West Africa, Sierra Leone. He started talking to this woman initially as friends and the supposedly at some point they were in “a relationship.” And then he started sending her money at her request, like right away. And it’s added up to a sizeable amount in a short period of time.
He claims he’s been following me for two years, but I really don’t think he’s read my book, How To Be A 3% Man. I think what he’s been doing is just trying to cherry-pick information from the videos and he’s trying to manipulate this woman with what’s he’s cherry-picked from the videos without really understanding the philosophy. And instead, he himself is getting fleeced by a woman he hasn’t even met physically in person. But he does have some family members or people who are close to him that apparently know her.
This is a classic case of what you don’t want to do. There may be some face palm moments, but you see what happens when a guy is desperate for love and a relationship and he doesn’t know what he’s doing. The reality is, most people are lazy. Most people are not willing to read a book like mine. When you try to give a book like this to somebody who is a friend of yours that you know needs it, how many of them are actually open to it?
Even the people that follow my work, I mean this guy’s been following me for two years and he doesn’t sound like a guy that’s actually read this book. People are just lazy. They want the shortcuts. They don’t want to do any real work. And this guy is out several thousand dollars at this point and what has he got? Nothing. He’s got the “promise” of more later.
Actually, there as a video I did years and years ago called, “The Promise of More Later.” It was something similar to this, where a guy was involved with a woman, I think he was kind of stuck in friend zone and she was just dangling the carrot to manipulate him and get him to do what she wanted. He was thinking, “If I just jump through all these hoops and do these things, then I’ll get the relationship I’m looking for.” It doesn’t end well, and it just makes you look like a sucker. So this is a cautionary tale on what not to do.
You can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. You have to look at people’s actions to see if they match their words. And if they don’t, their actions really tell you the reality. But when it comes to matters of love or matters of the heart, we make our decisions based on emotions and we use logic and reason to justify that decision. And so, if we’re projecting, like in this case, this guy’s projecting his fantasy of what he wants on this girl and what he believes or wants her to be, but he’s ignoring the reality. He’s not getting anything back in return other than his bank account is getting smaller and his time is being wasted.
Dear Mr. Wayne,
I’m a 28-year-old guy and have been following your work for the past two years now from Sydney, Australia. I have an issue I’m struggling to let go of. Last year, I met a 27-year young lady on LinkedIn from my native country in West Africa, and we suddenly exchanged numbers and started talking first as friends.
Well, if you’re interested in romance, you shouldn’t have been, “Hey, let’s be friends first.” That’s a bad way to go, because you basically friend zoned yourself from the get-go. And then when you try to get out of that, if you don’t know what you’re doing, you get taken advantage of.
She is currently living in my native country, Sierra Leone, and working for a local radio station there as an editor. I am an Australian and currently living and working in Sydney. After talking to each other for few months, I asked her if she is in any relationship? She said she was in an abusive relationship.
So, you can just see Mr. White Knight coming in. He’s like, “Oh, I’m going to save this girl. I’m going to solve all her problems. Oh, she’s in an abusive relationship. I can fix that. I can do something about that. And hopefully, she’ll want to date me afterwards.”
She said she ended the relationship, and we decided to date.
Typically, you do that in person. I have had plenty of experience over the course of my life of dating and having relationships with women that lived in other countries, and I don’t do it anymore. It was a great experience, but I personally prefer women that maybe are only like a five or ten minute car ride from my house these days. I like to have things simple. Especially with all the restrictions and the fact that air travel is just so miserably unpleasant. I’m not hopping on a plane for anybody. I don’t care how beautiful, how hot she is or how cool she is. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. A lot of fun, but at this point in my life, thanks but no thanks.
And so, if you’re going to talk, and typically if I met somebody exclusively online, like maybe through Instagram or they messaged me on YouTube or they found me through some other social media and we started talking, usually within three to four weeks I’m either going there or she is coming here. And then we get to meet and date and get to know each other.
But if you’re on a date internationally, the only way you can continue to do it long term and not have your ability to spend time together impacted negatively by customs and immigration is you’re going to have to get married. And if you’re somebody that’s not a big fan of involving the government in your relationships, that can present a bit of a problem. You’re not going to be seeing your girl as much as you would like. But at this point, this guy has been talking to a girl for over a year, and even though I haven’t got to that part of the email, they still haven’t met in person. That’s a waste of time.
Fortunately for me, a family member was a close friend to her mother and that family member knew her very well since she was a little girl. That boosted my confidence and trust in her, since both of us want to develop something we both desire.
You’re assuming that because it sounds good, but what do her actions reflect?
Everything started well. She introduced me to her mother and father, and I did the same. As things started progressing, she asked me to start giving her a monthly allowance of $250.
You haven’t even met yet and she’s like, “Hey, send me money.” For what?
I laughed it off and made a joke about it by saying, “It seems like you are my employee seeking a job contract instead of my potential girlfriend.”
You should have gone with that assessment, my man, because you were right. You’re like, “I haven’t even met you now. I’m not going to just start sending you money.” And quite frankly, that should be a major red flag. Because if you’re a successful guy, you want at least a woman that can hold down a job and pay her own bills, not somebody that you haven’t even met, and she starts hitting you up for cash. That’s not a good sign. And whoever the family member is that knows her, that’s just totally inappropriate. But he didn’t listen.
I did not take it seriously. I told her I will not give her an allowance, and the relationship should not be based on cash transaction but mutual benefit and focusing on getting to know each other and building the relationship we both want.
Again, he didn’t read the book. He’s cherry picking, “How do I get this girl to do what I want?” He’s like, “I don’t have time to read your book Corey.” Okay. That book is free to read on my website at UnderstandingRelationships.com. I mean, you see how much money this dude is giving her. You’re like, the book was free and you could’ve saved yourself all that money. Come on, man!
And she started to push for us to get married.
You haven’t even met her yet. You’ve got to spend time in person. Do you even get along in person? Do you like being with her? When you spend a lot of time around her, do you get bored of her? Or do you like her even more, you become even more enthusiastic? These are things you can’t know digitally. You have to see what she’s like day in and day out in person.
I told her that I totally understand her concerns about the relationship and her reasons for us to get married this early. But for me, I want to get to know her, meet her in person, since we haven’t met or seen each other in person.
Yes, that is correct. That’s what you should do.
I would love to travel to Sierra Leone to see her and spend time together for us to know each other better before we can get married as soon as our travel restriction is lifted by the federal government here in Australia…
Well, that’s the problem. You guys have got a bunch of communists that run the government over there, or really, they’re kind of fascist. And what is fascism? Benito Mussolini, who was an expert on it because he invented it, he said fascism is the perfect merger of state and corporate interests. In other words, you’ve got the corporate oligarchs and the politicians working together to run, regulate and rule over every aspect of your lives. And that’s what you’ve got.
Control freaks and fascists, their solution to everything is more government control and regulation. “No, we’re going to keep you safe. You can’t travel anywhere.” And here’s part of the problem, you date long distance and now, especially in the middle of a pandemic, you can’t get on a plane, you can’t get to know each other.
Just another reason why I made a decision about a year and a half ago that I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to do any more long distance things. It’s a nice experience, a great way to see the world and have some amazing love stories develop, and get to know cultured women from other cultures, great, great memories. But it was fun. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Thanks, but no thanks.
…because Australians are not allowed to travel overseas during this pandemic. When I told her, she agreed to my idea and seemed cooperative. A few days later she requested $150 from me, and I turned her down after helping her with $500 to buy a new phone. Instead, she just repaired her old one.
So, she conned you out of 500 bucks. “Oh, I need it to buy a new phone. Can you send me $500?” He sends her 500 bucks, she gets her phone fixed and pockets the rest. And on top of that, she says, “Oh, another $150, please.” Come on, man! You don’t send 500 bucks to a girl you’ve never met. Come on, dude. What are you thinking? That’s not anywhere in anything I teach. So, you’re using money as a bribe for sex and a relationship? It’s a bad way to go, dude. I mean, there’s a chapter in the book about this stuff, but obviously you didn’t read it.
So, because of that, I told her I will not give her the money.
Here’s another thing you’ll notice as we go through the email. He’ll say things, she’ll try to intimidate him, and obviously she’s successful every time because he’s so desperate. He gives up the cash, and she goes back to basically being an ass.
She became mad and told me she does not want the relationship anymore, and she went ahead and texted my mother that I can’t meet her needs and because of that, she is ending the relationship.
Dude, you don’t have a relationship. What you have is a digital pen pal who is fleecing you out of cash because you’re gullible. She’s manipulating you and your family. Trying to get your family to turn against you, “Oh, just send her the money.” Hopefully your parents are wise enough to say, “Son, she belongs to the streets!”
I told her I will respect her wish and all the best. A few day later, she came back and apologized to me to take her back, which I did.
Yeah, because she’s got no leverage. She’s got no leverage at all. She’s not doing anything. You’re like, “I’m not giving you any cash. Have a nice life.” The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and meant it. You have to mean it. You can’t just cave because she comes back and starts being nice. But you’ve also got to recognize she’s got no leverage. What is she doing for you? Nothing, just promising romance, and on top of that, she’s trying to use your family to manipulate you.
She started calling me a “stingy man.”
You haven’t even kissed this girl yet or even seen her in person.
I told her, I do not appreciate her calling me names, and I stopped talking to her for a while. She apologized again and told my friend how much she loves me and appreciated how I deal with her mood swings.
Yeah, bro, you don’t want to be dealing with a moody chick. Trust me. Beautiful, hot, moody women are fun in the bedroom. But after a while, after many months, many years, it’s like, they wear you the fuck out. You just get tired of it. You don’t want to deal with it. You want to take it easy. Easy going, easy to get along with, who’s nice to you, who’s respectful, who does things for you, who makes a mutual effort. You don’t want to deal with this. It’s fine when you’re young, but as you get older you’re like, “I don’t want to deal with this bullshit.”
She later came and told me again, that her male friend from the U.S just bought her a phone and send it to her in Sierra Leone.
So, you’re one of many guys that she’s doing this to. So she’s got a bunch of men she’s dangling the relationship carrot to. They’re send her phones, they’re sending her cash. I mean, there could be a dozen dudes. It’s like, this is a narcissist. You don’t want anything to do with women like this.
When we had those open conversations, she later came back and asked me if I could please help her find a place where she could go and stay, because she is tired of staying with her Aunty and Aunty’s husband’s physical abuse of her.
So she uses things to make you feel sorry, “Oh, I’m being abused. Send cash, please. Western Union that money to me, please.”
I decided to help her find a place and sent her $2,500…
Come on, man! Come on, dude. There’s a sucker born every minute. Dude, the book is free to read on the website, and you’ve given out over three grand at least at this point. Yikes.
…to pay her rent and furniture for her apartment.
How generous of you. You’re such a sucker, dude. But listen, here’s what happens. Because what did he tell her, “Hey, I’m not going to give you money, I want to get to know you first. I want to come visit.” But because he’s desperate, “Oh, I might lose her. Let me send her the cash. Hopefully, she’ll like me if I send her the cash.” So, now at this point, she got three grand. So what did this three grand get him? What is his return?
As soon as she got the money, she became disrespectful and rude again.
Yeah, because you’re being a bitch, because you went back on your word, dude. I mean, seriously. It’s not complicated. She doesn’t respect you as a man, because you said one thing and all she did was try to intimidate you and tell you about another guy that bought her a phone. You’re like, “Oh, here’s $2,500.” Come on, man.
She went and told her mother that, I don’t make her “happy,” so because I don’t make her happy, she doesn’t want the relationship with me anymore.
“The relationship,” oh yeah. Bro, there ain’t no relationship. You’re being scammed by a con artist.
She ends the relationship and I cut off all forms of communication.
Yeah, this is so predictable.
But she calls me randomly and pretends like she mistakenly dialed my number.
I was disappointed in myself and was pissed off with myself for letting myself down and allowed this person to take me for granted, because I saw all the red flags and I know this person is emotionally unhealthy for me, I but ignored them.
There you go. You projected your fantasy on to her, because you’re desperate and you’re needy and you’re worried that you’re not going to be loved. Remember, human beings have two primary fears. The first one is fear that we’re not enough, in other words, fear that we don’t have what it takes. And the second one is fear that we won’t be loved. That’s it.
So you fear that you won’t be loved, or that you’re not enough, or you’re not good looking or handsome enough, or smart enough, or successful enough, or man enough to find a woman who actually treats you the way you want to be treated. So, out of desperation you’ve got a digital pen pal in another country who has fleeced you out of three grand. And on top of that, she says you’re a stingy man. Come on, man! Jeez Louise. What are you thinking, bro? But at least you recognized it.
Like I say, when it comes to sales, which in this case you’re buying potential love, you’re being manipulated by your own emotions, and she’s manipulating you, using your own emotions, because you you’re enabling your behavior. You said you weren’t going to send her money, but you’ve sent her three grand at least already, maybe more that you didn’t admit to.
I’ve got guys I’ve talked to over the years, very wealthy guys, who have given women hundreds of thousands of dollars, bought them million dollar homes, two, three hundred thousand dollar exotic cars, their family moves in there, and they get nothing. They get nothing in return. Millions of dollars spent, nothing in return. It’s insane, absolutely insane. Guys that have more money than common sense, because they’re desperate for love.
I was wondering if you could please help me understand where I went wrong and if I was being too nice to her?
Thank you for your support and I hope to hear from you soon.
Come on, man! Do I really have to answer that question? Well, the first mistake you made is you followed me for two years and you never read the book, never learned the fundamentals, because you’re fucking lazy and you’re cherry-picking and you’re half-assing it. And so, you’re half-assing it cost you three grand. So, you did it to yourself, man.
Hopefully you learned your lesson, but you’ve got to apply what’s in the book. And you don’t ever get involved with somebody like this. And especially now, if you can’t travel, you shouldn’t be wasting your time talking to women in another country, because you can’t travel. So, find somebody in your local area. I mean, at least get on some dating apps or something, whatever you can do socially to get out there and meet other people.
Go do fun, social activities with other like-minded people, so you can make some new friends. And in the process, as a side effect of having a great social life, meet a great girl that actually is near where you live and doesn’t require a plane ride or sending thousands of dollars to somebody you never met. And then for your troubles, she’s a bitch to you.
And she’s a bitch to you because you’re acting like a bitch. If you act like a pussy, you’re going to get treated like a pussy. That’s just that’s the bottom line. It’s harsh, but you should also go ahead and read “Mastering Yourself,” my second book. You can also read it for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com.
And so if you’ve got a problem in your personal or your professional life and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Desperate guys who are lonely and want a relationship often get taken advantage of by women who are master manipulators. They end up paying their bills, buying them homes and solving their financial problems with fake promises of romance later. If they do not comply with their unreasonable demands, these women threaten to withhold love and a potential relationship unless they are given what they want. Even after caving and writing checks, the romance never materializes always due to excuses, bad timing or other BS reasons. Whether it is a potential romance, business opportunity or a friendship, only spend your time and energy on people who are enthusiastic and grateful to have you in their lives. A lack of enthusiasm and effort is a sign of a low interest.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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