Why you must master who you are first, be certain of your purpose and mission and have a fulfilling life with emotionally compelling goals before you seek a relationship, and how not having your life in order can lead to making unnecessary mistakes and pushing women away.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who originally found my work at the end of a shitty relationship with an ex of his. He was a beta male with her and suffered tremendously because of it. He has read my book eight times, watched over three hundred of my videos and has been under Network Chiropractic Care for the past three months. He says it has helped him to quickly transform his life for the better. He’s in his mid thirties, successful, good looking and has an outgoing personality. He has been dating two different women for the past two months. One is just a sex playmate, and the other one comes from a good family, is driven and potentially great girlfriend material, or so he believes. However, things were going well up until recently.
Apparently, her boss has been harassing her, and she is now suing him for it. Because of this, she has backed away, canceled one date and become distant. Things have gone sideways, and he says he is lost and unsure of what to do. He wonders if he should be there more for her, or back away and give her space. He brings up several great questions on how to deal with unexpected curve balls when you are dating and trying to progress to a relationship, and the woman you are dating has dramatic and unpleasant life circumstances pop up suddenly. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
How the hell are you man? I found your work when I was at the end of a shitty relationship with an ex. I was a beta male with her, and at the end, suffered as a result of it. I vowed never to go though that shit again. I’ve read your book a full 8 times now so far, and even highlighted the book and taken notes, along with viewing at least 300 of your videos. (This is somebody who is a serious student. This is why you are getting results and doing so well.) And I have been doing Network Chiropractic for the past three months, and man, that shit is transformational!!! (Network Chiropractic Care was founded by Dr. Donald Epstein. You can go to his website, World Wise Seminars, to learn more about his transformational practices. Look at my article and video, “How To Become More Confident & Sure Of Your Actions,” where I explain my experiences with Network Care in further detail. Visit the World Wise Seminars – Locate A Practioner page to find a list of certified network chiropractic doctors in your area. Make sure you go to a doctor who is Level III certified. They will have an asterisk (*) next to their name on the list. Network Chiropractic Care is the single greatest healing modality I’ve ever experienced. It helped me make massive, quick changes in my life.)
I’m in my mid 30’s, successful, good looking with an outgoing personality and never had a problem getting a girl, but I always struggled to find the right girl for a long-term relationship — someone who is the complete package. (You have to become the person you want to attract. If you want to attract the complete package, you have to be the complete package. You have to know who you are, where you’re going, why you’re going there, you have to have a plan you’re executing and you have to feel like you’re making progress towards that goal. Success really boils down to making progress.) I am looking for your guidance as to how to stay in my masculine and act like an alpha male when a girl I am dating is going through a rough time in their life. (You have to take care of your shit first. You have to be in control of who you are and where you’re going, have emotionally compelling goals, and you have to feel like you’re making progress. You need to be on the path and certain of it.)
From the Spike Lee documentary on Michael Jackson titled, “Off The Wall”:
“You gotta put the work in man. You gotta put the time in, and really man it’s love that you puttin’ in. You know, because people that do this kind of stuff man, we love what we do.” ~ Verdine White, Bassist for Earth, Wind & Fire
In a letter dated November 6, 1979, during the Destiny Tour, Michael Jackson wrote, “MJ will be my new name. No more Michael Jackson. I want a whole new character, a whole new look. I should be a totally different person. People should never think of me as the kid who sang “ABC” and “I Want You Back.” I should be a new incredible actor, singer, dancer that will shock the world. I will do no interviews. I will be magic. I will be a perfectionist, a researcher, a trainer, a master. I will be better than every great actor roped in one. I MUST have the most incredible training system, to dig and dig and dig until I find. I will study and look back on the whole world of entertainment and perfect it. Take it steps further from where the greatest left off.”
I’m currently dating two girls, each of them for two months now. One of them I know is just a sex playmate, given her background and what she brings to the table. The other one has more to offer. She comes from a loving family, parents and siblings are high achievers just like she is, very beautiful, confident and good-hearted. (In order to hold on to a girl like that, you have to have your shit together first. Otherwise, when challenges come up, it will go sideways on you.) She was very surprised with me from day one of meeting, saying all the time how I am not like other guys. I implemented everything in your book, watched her actions and reactions, gave her space and time, and of course, always implemented the three H’s. (Hang out, have fun and hook up.) Since our first date, she would reach out to me every day, always excited to see me, and always wants to see me. (You shouldn’t be calling, texting or pursuing at all. You should let her come to you. You haven’t backed off enough.) My God, it’s truly amazing how women respond to this. Things have been great up until recently.
She currently has her doctorate and is passionate about her field. In her profession, she needs to complete three years of work in the state she is licensed, in order to be fully licensed as a doctor. She was hired by a company that would provide her the hours needed. Unfortunately, while working at the company for three months, she had a legal situation with her boss occur on multiple occasions, and it made her extremely uncomfortable. (It sounds like sexual harassment. A lot of guys out there in positions of power think they can use that power to seduce a woman, and they are just terrible pickup artists.) She was advised by her lawyer to no longer work there. In addition, she is pursuing further legal action against this individual for damages. This all happened about two weeks ago. Since she has left her job, it has been a total mind-fuck for her, as the career she envisioned may not come to fruition. (A delay does not mean denial. It just means you have to change your approach and adapt.)
That weekend, she came to see me, we had an amazing weekend and even more amazing sex. I know it was that good, because she couldn’t stop raving about it, as she never orgasmed during intercourse before, but did then. (Remember, when women feel heard and understood, their legs open, and when they don’t, their legs close. At that moment in time, you were listening to her and opening her up. However, you are still pursuing too much. Look at my article and video, “How To Communicate With Women Effectively.” You have been dating this girl for two months now. If you had really been doing everything right, by week seven, she would have been head over heels in love with you. You need to focus more on those communication skills.) We hung out one other time, but she was not in the mood for sex, as she was seriously depressed about her situation. She would text me every day and make small talk, asking for advice, and telling me how sorry she is for all of this to happen just as were getting to know each other. (You were violating the principles in my book, and now you’ve become her emotional tampon by pursuing more and acting like a friend.) I’m not the one initiating conversation. Normally, she is about 75% of the time. She would text me whenever she is with her friends, saying she is talking about me and makes a kissing face and a heart. (These are opportunities to make dates, and you’re not doing it.) Over the past two weeks since we saw each other, she cancelled one date, (Women don’t cancel dates with guys they’re in love with. They cancel dates when they’re unsure about their feelings), as she had to wrap up work pending for this old employer, but she called me that night to talk. (You’re drifting over into friend zone.) Last weekend, her friend came into town to comfort her and to help her with the legal matter, as she is a lawyer as well. And this week, she went to help out a friend three hours away who needed a babysitter for the week, as hers was not available. (Look at her actions dude. You’re talking on the phone too much and losing a bit of the mystery, so you’ve become a backup.) I didn’t think she wanted to see me anymore, but yesterday at the end of the day, she texted me and asked if we could see each other this upcoming weekend, so I said yes. However, I still feel that she is a bit distant with me. (That’s because you’re not communicating with her properly. You haven’t opened her up.) I have been following what you’ve been teaching, but I don’t remember this type of situation in your book or videos, and was hoping you could help myself, and any potential viewers. I feel very lost and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose this girl and revert to my old ways. (You have reverted to your old ways, and you don’t realize it.)
My questions are as follows:
1) When a girl is going through a tough time, what should I do as a man who is just dating her? (Hang out, have fun and hook up, but the important thing is to communicate with her in person, instead of being her text buddy. She doesn’t feel like you’re her rock and her mountain anymore, so she’s pushing you away.)
2) Should I wait for her to reach out to me, even if I haven’t heard from her in a few days?
3) Is it cold or callous of me not to check in and send a “Hey, how are you?” text? (She’s not your girlfriend dude, and you don’t do that for girls who are blowing you off.)
4) Would a girl in this situation end things with me if she feels that her life is going upside down? (Only if you continue like the beta male, nice guy, friend and emotional tampon.)
5) Why is she acting a bit distant with me, even though I am not pursuing her? (You said yourself you were still pursuing her 25% of the time. On top of that, you admitted you’re texting and talking on the phone a lot, but that has to happen in person. You can’t seduce her over the phone. You’re starting to train her that you will be there for her as a friend.)
6) Why did she not want to have sex the last time I saw her? (As I mentioned before, look at my article and video, “How To Communicate With Women Effectively” and review “The Ten Disciplines Of Love” in my book. You’re being too available, and you’re in a fearful state.)
7) What other words of advise do you have for me? (Keep reading my book, and focus on the relationship skills. You have to communicate with women in person. The phone is for setting dates, but instead you’re becoming her therapist.)
Thanks for your help, and hope to hear from you soon!
My Response To Him:
1) You should not change your behavior. Listen when she needs to talk in the ways I teach in my book. Other than that, you should be a fun escape from her shitty life and problems. Hence the three H’s I teach. You also mentioned that you are still pursuing 25% of the time. She should be in love with you by now. Sounds like you are too much of an emotional tampon on the phone instead of talking on dates in person. The more you pursue, the longer it will take for her to fall in love. Back off.
2) You say you’ve read the book 8 times. If that is the case then she should be doing 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing by now. You are obviously still doing some of your beta male pursuing. I just look at how she treats you. This tells me everything about her true interest. You are still just a guy she is casually dating instead of her being head over heals in love due to your over-pursuing.
3) Again, I have discussed this in countless videos. You should only be checking in if she has asked for this. No more than once per week at random as a surprise. Never at the same time and never in the same way. Random text, messages, email, card, note on her car visor, etc., Just saying something along the lines of, “I was thinking about you. Hope you’re having a great day.” You should not be doing any pursuing at this point however.
4) No. Women don’t dump men they are in love with. They only dump men they have low interest in.
5) You are pursuing her 25% of the time as you stated. You are pursuing too much. Read the book dude.
6) Could be on her period, or you were not following the fundamentals. I’m not a mind reader. It’s a sign she has lower interest. Probably because you are still pursuing 25% of the time. You’re not following what I teach dude. You’re deluding yourself and not being honest with yourself about what you are actually doing.
7) Read the fucking book and actually apply it instead of cherry picking info.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“A man’s primary focus should always be on his purpose and mission in life. He should know who he is, what he wants and why he wants it before considering getting into a relationship. Why? A man who is adrift in life without focus and purpose will not be able to handle relationship challenges effectively without being certain of himself, where he is going and having a plan of action to achieve his goals. When a man feels abundant, peaceful, relaxed, focused and happy about himself, his life, the progress he is making and where he is going, only then will he feel like he is “enough” to handle the challenges of life, work and women without losing his shit.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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