How to know if your woman is maybe just testing you, or if you are doing something that is actually turning her off to lose attraction to you.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a viewer in Germany who has been following my work for the past few years. He has been in a great relationship for the past year and credits what he learned from me for helping him achieve the current success he has been experiencing. However, he shares some of his screw-ups from when they first started dating, despite the fact he was studying my work.
Things went really sideways for a while, but he eventually got it back on track. Even though things are going well, he still has only read the book once. He discusses some of the testing she put him through, and how he passed her tests of his strength after initially failing some of them. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
How are you doing?
(I live on the beach man, fucking awesome. It’s easy to be peaceful and relaxed when you live on the beach. It’s so important to live someplace where you can create a life and lifestyle you love, because you are going to meet other like-minded people that enjoy the same kinds of things. When you get up every day and you own your time, you get to decide what you’re going to do, when you’re going to do it and who you’re going to do it with, it helps keep you in a peaceful and relaxed state. You’re going to do your best work when you’re peaceful and relaxed.)
I am doing great and I just wanted to share my experience with you. At the moment, I am in a relationship for about one year now, and I am very happy. But the way was quite tough.
(It’s your birthright to be happy dude. The purpose of life is to enjoy it.)
One day, I met this awesome girl, and I managed to set a date for Saturday. We had a great day, and in the evening, as I wanted to call it a day, I went for the kiss. I did it as you are teaching it in your book. Then she kissed me back, and we made out; I was on cloud nine. We didn’t have sex, however, before she left, she kissed me again, and I thought everything was going well.
(Obviously, you were digging this girl. It’s nice when you really dig somebody, and it goes well.)
From that point on, she acted like nothing like this had ever happened. Of course I was disappointed.
(You were attached to an outcome. You had unreasonable expectations that weren’t being met. You were not living in the present moment. You were living in the future, and partially in the past, because she’s not like she was last time.
Focus on the controllables, “What do I have control over right now?” The one thing you always have control over is what things mean to you. Your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen, to have FUN, and hook up when the opportunity is there.)
I had so many thoughts going through my brain, “What the heck has happened the other day?”
(Women can sense when your wheels are turning. It makes them feel uncomfortable. They can’t relax.)
But then I asked myself, “Maybe she is just testing me.”
(When women sense weakness, they pull away and feel unsure of how they feel about you. They need some time away to think on that. If you’ve done things that make you look weak, she’s going to back away. The average guy tends to try to force things and run after her, because he’s worried about losing her, but you should have the attitude of “Hey, I’m awesome. I’m a catch too, and I want someone who really wants to be in my life and who is going to make a mutual effort.”
Right now she’s kind of cold and distant. Maybe she’s having an off day, and you can give her the benefit of the doubt and see what happens, but you don’t want to spend your time with a girl who’s not as excited to be with you as you are with her. It’s a waste of your time, it’s demeaning and it’s insulting to you. You have to have high standards.)
On top of that, she told me it would be better if we just stay friends.
(Ouch. The dreaded F-word, “friend zone.”)
I pulled myself together and told her I DON’T want to be friends, and I CAN’T be around her and just be a male friend.
(That was a great expression of your truth. The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. You just said, that doesn’t work for me. You didn’t start this so you could be pals or buddies.)
Furthermore, I told her to call me back if she changed her mind.
(If you look at it from a negotiation perspective, you walked away and most guys would not have the balls to do that. If there are other guys in her life, she’s going to start pulling away and testing all of those guys as well to see how they react. Most of the time, there’s a 97% chance those guys are going to try and pursue and force things. When she still hasn’t heard from you, she’ll be like, “What happened to that guy? Did he meet somebody else?” They’ll literally drive her right into your arms.
It’s totally counter-intuitive, but scarcity creates value. You were able to walk and never look back. That’s masculine energy. You’re focused on what you want, and you’re not out for friendship. You’re out for sex and romance and a damn great time.)
It took some time until she called me back, but there we go. I also had trouble during the relationship, but I remembered you explained in one of your videos how to communicate with women effectively, which helped me a lot.
I’ve only read the book once, but I will go through the stuff about 14 times again just to be sure.
(Come on man. You’ve struggled a little bit, but you watched on of the videos, “How To Communicate With Women Effectively,” so you’re cherry picking information. The reality is, every guy knows a certain percentage of what they need to know in order to be successful with the ladies. But everybody also has a little bit of a knowledge gap, and my book will help you fill in that knowledge gap, so you do more things right than wrong consistently, day in and day out.
In this particular case, you haven’t invested the time to learn the fundamentals in the book. You’re doing pretty well, you’ve gotten a year, but you can do better than that. Complacency is not something that happens in a couple of days. Oftentimes, it happens slowly over many months or years. Read the book 10-15 times dude. There are no shortcuts to success, and you’re taking shortcuts, rolling the dice and risking it. Why make your life dicey? It’s just unnecessary.)
Corey, you are such a cool guy, and I appreciate your work.
Greetings from Germany,
“When a woman senses weakness in her man, she will naturally pull away and test his strength to see what he is made of. If he passes, she will feel safe and comfortable and come back more attracted. If he fails, she will tend to pull away and test even more. Women make men better. Women want and need a man at his best. A man at his best and centered in his masculine energy makes a woman feel safe and comfortable enough to submit and let him lead. Either be a man and lead, or be left behind.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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