Meeting Great Women Is The Result Of A Great Social Life

Why meeting great women to date is the result of creating a great social life.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email success story from a viewer who has been following my work for about three years. He initially used it to try to meet women online and at bars and clubs, but once he started focusing on creating a great social life and losing himself in his hobbies and interests, everything changed for the better.

He made a lot of new friends, met a great girl and even got a job opportunity from his new peer group. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

I got an email success story to share with you. This guy’s been following me for about three years. He wanted to kind of share the change in mindset he’s had over the last few years since he started following my work. Initially, he was using it to meet women online and in bars, but as he got more focused on his mission, his purpose in life and embodying the things that were in 3% Man, he noticed that just living a great life, his social life and his activities were he was meeting much better quality women through his peer group and his social circle than he had been through online dating and the bar scene. So that really completely changed his perception on things. It’s a good email success story to go through with you guys because I do see this issue quite a bit. A lot of guys that are having trouble meeting women and they’re only leaning on dating apps or bars, nightclubs, things of that nature and they’re not having a lot of good luck because you got to understand, it’s like fishing. So wherever you fish is going to determine the kind of women that you want.

Like attracts like. People that like the same things tend to like each other. It’s like all the really great women and relationships I wrote about that I’ve had over the years in 3% Man, every single one of those girls just came as a byproduct of bumping into them in my social circles, or while I was involved in the hobbies, the interests and the things that I love doing for fun. Again, people that like the same things tend to like each other, like my English girlfriend. I was at a Tony Robbins event. I wasn’t going there to meet women. I was going there because it was a seminar called Date with Destiny, which is one of the best live seminars I’ve ever been to, and I highly recommend it if you guys haven’t been to Tony Robbins Date with Destiny.

I had some friends there that were platinum partners of mine, and but for the most part, it was like 3,000 people that were there for about eight, 10 days, and we were all growth oriented, very outgoing people. What’s cool about those kinds of events is that there’s a high concentration of people that just have a kind of a gleam in their eye, or a little bit of a sparkle in their eye. They’re the kind of people that leave their imprint on the world and society.

I just happen to see her the first night. She was a couple rows ahead of me. I wrote about it in my book, 3% Man. We made eye contact. She ends up leaving before the night is over, and I knew since we were there for a whole week, I’m sure I was going to see her again. Sure enough, the very next night I bump into her at one of the restaurants at the resort where the event was being held and I was staying, so I asked her out, made a date for the next night. Then after that we were just kind of like always together. It was just very easy, very effortless. Wasn’t trying to meet anybody. I was there to have a good time, and I was in an environment where I had some good friends there that I had made over the past year, and I was really excited about the event and to learn it. What was cool about it when I met her is that she’d also done some of the same events and things that I had done and we had a lot in common. It was very easy to talk about. I mean, we were there for a 10-day seminar basically, so we talked a lot about that and how Tony’s work had impacted her, changed her life and vice versa, so it was just a lot of sharing.

What is the likelihood that you’re just walking down the street and you bump into somebody like that in the grocery store, or walking down the sidewalk where a bunch of shops are and places to eat where you happen to maybe live? It’s possible, but again, you got to think in terms of, “Where are you fishing at?” Like attracts like. People that like the same things tend to like each other. It doesn’t mean you can’t meet good women on dating apps or in the bars and nightclubs, it does happen. Like any girls that I did meet in those environments, I never had one serious long term relationship from a girl that I met online, but when I did meet girls in a bar, it was usually because they were tangentially connected to people that were in our group or our entourage or whatever you want to call it. They were all out just having a good time together.

When you do things like that, whether you’re going, like in our case, it was going with the people that we worked with that were in real estate with, it’s a very social business. “Hey, we’re going downtown. We got a table at this place. Hey, we’re going here. You guys should come. Oh hey, there’s a company happy hour or a new home builders opening up a new community, and they got four models that are built there, and they have a band playing. They’ll have music and food and drinks.” So you go there, you see other people that are in the business. Then after the event like that ends, you’re like, “Hey, we’re going here for happy hour. We’re all going to meet at the Ale House,” or whatever it happens to be. So you end up hanging out as a group and all throughout the evening, people that are part of that group are calling their friends or their girlfriends and say, “Hey, come meet up with us.” So it’s like every weekend. It was just a constant revolving door of people that are like minded, that are in the business, that have similar interests, similar goals, similar values. When you’re doing things like that, it makes it very easy to meet other like minded people and have a lot in common and a lot to talk about. Or if you’re real big into art and you go hang out at art galleries or like where I live, it’s like once a quarter they shut the street down and they have a bunch of art and stuff out there at an art fair.

So if you’re one of those kind of creative people and you’re into that, you’re a painter or sculptor or whatever, and you’re into those things just talking to and seeing other artists and other people that are there shopping or just checking it out because they also like art, it just gives you a lot of things to talk about, or joining a yacht club if you love boating or joining a country club if you love golfing. Like in this particular case, this guy is really into health and fitness. So he started joining some groups that were all committed. It’s like work out exercise activities, like a CrossFit type type of thing, and it’s done real well for him.

So let’s go through his email and see how it affected his life.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I’ve come a really long way and I am writing to you to hopefully improve the lives of your listeners.

Very long story short, I followed the red pill crap from about age 17-23, went through various relationships and dating phases, before finally finding your work at age 26.

From about age 26-28, I took your work very seriously, had my successes and failures, and as I reflect on how far I’ve come, I think a lot of your students miss a huge part of your work, as did I. That is, to get lost in your hobbies, not on dating apps and girls from bars/nightclubs. 

Because again, the reason why you get lost in your hobbies is because you’re really into the hobbies. You’re not so much on into being on a dating app, because you want to meet girls and that’s the only reason you’re on there. It’s not because you enjoy swiping left or right. It can be quite a bit of work and almost like a second part time job with the amount of time you spend on an online dating app. That’s why it would behoove you, and it would be better to spend your time getting lost in your hobbies and your interests because again, taking the pond analogy, the fishing analogy, you just have a much higher concentration of the kind of like minded people that you really want to meet are also going to be involved in those particular hobbies.

So I used to study your work and apply it to online dating and with random girls at the bar, completely ignoring the key concept of how bars and nightclubs are the worst places you can meet girls. The same could be said about online dating. 

So just under a year ago, I started trying various group workout gyms (Instead of going to the gym solo), before finding one that I really enjoyed.

Yeah, there’s a lot of them. You got CrossFit, there’s like Orange Theory, you got Pilates there. I mean, you got yoga classes. It’s just going and getting involved with other like minded people that like the same things. It just makes it pretty easy, especially if you’re going to go to a yoga class and you’re a dude, you’re mostly going to be surrounded by women. That’s a great thing because you’re outnumbered by ladies and obviously women like guys. So if you’re hanging out at a yoga class with 20 or 30 women and you’re like one of two or three dudes in the whole class, I mean you stack the deck in your favor. So all it takes is one girl to start talking to you, and then others shortly thereafter will be talking to you because it’s a safe environment, and it makes it really easy to meet other like minded people that are healthy, that are into yoga, or tend to be spiritually focused, that kind of thing.

I’ve had my success dating and sleeping around the gym, but that’s not my point. My point is that without realizing it, I was indulging myself in the gym’s culture, getting lost in my new hobby, making friends there, meeting their friends, meeting their girlfriend’s friends, and so on and so forth. 

Yeah, that’s what happens. It’s like my girlfriend that had the daughter. When I met her, there was this guy I used to work with. He was a younger guy. He was just out of college when I was working with him and I hadn’t seen him in like five years. I was downtown with a bunch of the guys that I worked with, and we ran into him and he’s like, “Hey, what have you been up to?” I think we were getting ready to leave and he’s like, “We should get together.” I was like, “Well, we’re going to be going out next week, probably.” He’s like, “Here’s my number. Give us a call.” Sure enough, like that Frida, he texted me or called me and asked what we were doing. I told him where we were at, and he shows up with this particular girl that I ended up dating. He had actually, I didn’t know it at the time when I first met, but they had dated but had broken up and they were still kind of like friends with benefits, and neither one of them had anything going on that Friday night. So they decided to go hang out together.

So I mean, you guys read, I don’t need to go through that whole story because that’s in the book. Like I said, I wasn’t out trying to meet anybody. I was just hanging out with the guys that I work with because we were blowing off some steam. We had a good week. Then I run into a dude I used to work with that I hadn’t seen in five years. Then he ends up introducing me to this girl that I later found out she’d still kind of been seeing him as well, but it wasn’t going to go anywhere but they were still kind of friends with benefits. So that’s just kind of how it all happened. She was in the insurance industry, and since we did real estate and did mortgages, we had a lot of clients that had needed homeowners insurance. So we initially started talking about that, and then she told me that they weren’t really together anymore and that they used to date. They were kind of hanging out, but they were both basically a free agent. That’s just kind of how it happened. So she and I had a lot in common. Then as we got to talking, there were other people that we knew in the business that we both knew.

What’s interesting is eventually, just because of the connections we had, we probably would have met anyways, but that’s the kind of thing that happens. You lose yourself in the business, you meet other people that are in the business, you do things together socially. Attraction happens, chemistry happens when you meet somebody that you click with, and then it just kind of flows from there versus hoping to meet somebody online that you don’t have anything in common with, or hoping to meet some random girl in the grocery store or wandering down the street.

It made me reflect on a few of your episodes where you suggest getting lost in your hobbies, and meeting people that way. I believe you even suggest going to Equinox if you can afford it.

Well I mean, think about it. Equinox is one of the more expensive, if not the most expensive gym you can go to. So people that are broke as a joke, poor or just don’t have their shit together, they’re not going to be going to a gym like that. If you like to deal with other highly intelligent, high income, high net worth people, you might meet somebody like at Equinox. Again, you got to think in terms of, “Where are you fishing?”

So these little puppies decided that they weren’t going to let me film because they’re a little needy. So it’s better that than having them barking. Anyways, I hope you enjoy the furry additional entertainment.

I can’t confirm this enough. The gym that I now go to is expensive, and I by no means can easily afford it, but in addition to meeting plenty of attractive girls by way of my new gym, I’ve also met really successful growth-oriented guys.

Now I’m 29 years old, casually dating a beautiful feminine girl and I am in an interview process for a really good job that a friend of mine from the gym referred me to. 

Yeah, that’s another thing. Like when I was in college at FIU, I went to one of my good friends that I went to school with. He went to the director of our BCN Construction Management program and he’s like, “Hey, I want to get a job as an intern or something. Willing to work for free,” or whatever. He ended up going to work for Syntex Rooney. They were paying him like minimum wage. He was like, “I’ll work for free.” He’s like, “Well, we’ll pay you minimum wage, at least to start with.” So just through that idea gave me an idea. I eventually went there and I got an unpaid internship. Then that was my very first construction job.

So I worked for them for about a year and a half, got a bunch of experience, made a lot of connections. Like my scheduling manager professor also worked for Rooney. He was their scheduling manager. The guy that was the director of marketing for Rooney, he was also a professor that taught marketing and the the college I went to and the CEO’s son I happened to get to know who was the CEO of Rooney at the time, I knew his son, who now runs his dad’s company. They built the Marlins Stadium down in Miami. They do a lot of really, really big projects. He and I were buddies. We would hang out. Same group of college friends. We were all the same age. So just getting to know those people and developing friendships with just guys that was going to school with helped. It just created a series of events that when I decided I wanted to move to Orlando and work on a Disney project, I already knew the CEO, I knew the marketing manager, I knew the scheduling manager all through relationships that I made going to college at FIU. That’s just how all that stuff works with. I knew his son because we hung out together, we did things together socially. We’d like to go out and party and drink and have a good time. Now he’s pretty much running his dad’s company all these decades later. He’s still in the business. Obviously, I got out a long time ago.

Like I said, this is what happens here, just through the friendships and the connections. People get to know you and they know what you do and what you’re about. They like you and they hear about a job opportunity and they tell you about it. Now like he says, he’s 29, he’s dating this beautiful girl and now one of his friends from the gym told him about a job opportunity. That’s just how it happens. That kind of shit is not going to happen when you’re sitting at home on your couch watching TV or flipping through a dating app. I mean, it can happen, but it’s much more likely to happen when, like he’s losing himself in the gym culture that he’s going to, an expensive gym. You get high income, high net worth, high achieving type people that belong there, because people that are broke as a joke are just simply not going to be hanging out there. It doesn’t mean you got to be rich and famous to work out there. You can actually improve your situation if you think about it. Like in this case, it’s kind of probably a stretch for him to afford to go there, but because of the social circle and the group of people that he’s met, now he’s getting job opportunities because of his social connections that he’s made that will enable him to make more money than he’s made in the past.

That’s just what’s so cool about it. You just really focus on your network, not going out and trying to date, just losing yourself in your hobbies and your interests. Now he’s got a girl that he met through the gym culture that he got involved in or the gym network, and now he’s got a job opportunity that’s come along.

So I guess I write to you because I feel like a lot of your listeners either half ass your work…

I mean, that’s true. How many times do you guys see me roasting somebody that’s been following me for years, and they barely got through the book once, and then they wonder why they’re struggling in their long term relationship. You got to put your time in with the book.

There’s a great quote by Nick Saban, he said, “Mediocre people don’t like high achievers and high achievers don’t like mediocre people.” It’s so true. The other thing is most people tend to major in minor things anyway, so they want the quick fix, they want to half ass everything and they’re just like, “Hey, what’s the magic pickup line?” The people that really high achieve and do really well, of course they have puppies, they apply better success principles than most people. I’m just an average looking dude. I don’t look like the type of guy that should know this stuff, but what sets me apart is I know better success principles than most people and I apply it. I apply and I teach the fundamentals of the science, a high achievement for both your personal life and your professional life.

I’ve got a huge multi-decade track record of implementing and applying these things in my life, my businesses, my social life and teaching it to other people, and they get the same type of results, so it’s like the cheat codes to life. The more you apply this stuff, the more you immerse yourself in it. The more you take it seriously, the better you’re going to do. Again, most people won’t do it. When you look at somebody like Tom Brady and all the stuff he did with pliability and being anal about his diet and all the things he would do to keep himself flexible to help prevent injury, most of his teammates he tried to share that stuff with and it’s like they tune him out, they weren’t listening. It’s like, how many of you guys have drank Corey’s Green Juice or do the Green Smoothies? Why don’t you say so in the comments? It’s like a small fraction. It’s like a fraction of a percentage point actually take the stuff that I teach in Mastering Yourself and apply it in their own life. Most people just simply won’t do those things like, “Oh, I got my own thing going on.” Again, you get out of it what you put into it.

…Or don’t apply it properly. I know this because I certainly didn’t apply it properly, and I see a lot of my friends doing the same.

Again, we want the shortcuts to success, but the reality is there are no shortcuts. If you’re willing to discipline yourself for many years and decades, that’s why as the decades roll on, you achieve amazing things just because you stick with it, you keep learning it, you’re more disciplined and you spend your time and your actions more focused on things that actually get you long term results, instead of just half-assing it, trying to get through the work week to the weekend so you can veg out and space out on the weekend. Something simple like just driving in your car. Maybe you got a 20-30 minute commute to and from your job. Well, instead of just listening to music, which is nice, maybe you should be listening to an audio-book that fills your head with good knowledge, good information, good wisdom that can help you grow your reserve of knowledge and continue to develop your gifts, your skills and your talents. That’s what sets you apart.

All those connections I made back in the day at college and working at Syntex Rooney, I mean, I wasn’t thinking about the connections that I made down in South Florida and how some of those friendships ultimately were going to lead me to one of the great loves of my life, who I wrote about in the book, the girlfriend with the daughter. It’s just amazing how like when you carry the decades forward, how all those dots connected. It was just me being social, me taking my career seriously, me just taking the time to walk in to the Dean of the School of Construction Management at FIU and tell my plans, tell them what I wanted to do, him thinking about who’s got opportunities because he knows people in the industry and they get in contact with them. “Hey, we’re looking to hire some new people. Be on the lookout. This is what we’re looking for.” Then somebody like me just taking the time to walk in there. Most of the guys I went to college with, I seriously doubt whether they went in there and took that approach, I just looked at how many of them ended up going to work for the same companies that I did. Very few of them did. A lot of people go to school, they get their degree, and they just think all the opportunities are going to be dropped at their feet. It’s not how it works.

You got to apply yourself, as I love that quote by Jocko Willink, “Discipline equals freedom.” So when you’re highly disciplined, you’re disciplined in a way that most people are not. You’re going to get opportunities than most people do not. I mean, this guy is disciplined about taking care of his body, and he used the gym culture and where he works out to improve his social group. So now he’s got a girl he’s dating, he’s got a bunch of new friends he’s made and now he has a business opportunity that came his way. So he stretched himself financially to get into this peer group. It’s just like when my parents sent me to Cardinal Gibbons High School. A big reason why I did that is like that was a stretch for them financially. They hoped that getting me and my brother around other successful people who grew up in families that were much more successful and wealthier and well off than we were, that we would befriend them, and that would raise our expectations.

As Tony Robbins says, the quality of your life is in direct proportion to the expectations of your peer group. So if you grow up with other people that are rich and successful, you go to school with kids whose families own NFL franchises, they’re entrepreneurs and they’ve created multi-billion dollar businesses, the names of which have I mentioned here, you would definitely know those companies. You get to know those people, you hang out and you go to their houses or their mansions when they have their parties and the parents are away and you befriend people like that, you realize these guys aren’t any smarter than me. It’s like, I can do the stuff that they do, so you are who you associate with. If you associate with other high achieving people, even if you kind of really can’t afford it, it’s kind of like you’re in the club and if you develop your personality, are friendly, outgoing and take a sincere, authentic interest in other people and you’re a high character person, you’ll attract and you’ll meet other high character people.

The thing that’s interesting is that people with money tend to be more relaxed, they tend to be more social, they tend to have a better code of honor and ethics than the average person that you’re going to bump into on the street. They also tend to marry women who are attractive, fit and in shape. Therefore, they have kids, they have beautiful daughters that grow up to be attractive, fit and in shape and also highly intelligent versus hoping to meet somebody like that just walking around and bumping into them on the street. So you got to think in terms of this is, “What kind of people am I going to meet as I do my hobbies and my interests?” Because if you’re hanging out with a bunch of people that just want to smoke weed and play video games all day, well that’s the expectations of your peer group, and that’s what you’re going to become because that’s who you spend your time with. If you’re stretching yourself financially, like this guy did to go to a gym, that’s a little more expensive, you’re in the upper class or the higher socioeconomic classes of people, and they’ll kind of pull you up to their level. Like in this case, he’s got a job opportunity that’s coming his way, and you get paid based upon the value that you bring to the marketplace. Like what he’s done developing his social connections. That’s one way that you can improve your income earning potential, your peer group, your friendship group and ultimately the quality of the women that you date.

Now, dating apps and bar girls can be great for boosting your confidence and comfortability talking to girls, but to actually use your book to self-improve how it’s meant, it’s essential that you take these concepts and embrace them in all aspects of your life, and as for dating, apply them to the girls you meet outside of dating apps or at the bars. Which means, putting yourself in situations to meet the kind of girl that you’re looking for in the first place. 

So go get lost in a hobby, become a regular at whatever it is you do, network and meet girls that way.

This is the way.

Thank you Corey!

Bob

Well, thanks for sharing that great success story! Just to remind you guys to again, raise the expectations, hang out with higher quality people, you’ll make better quality friends, you’ll date better quality women, you’ll improve your career, you potentially get clients out of it. If you’re hanging out with other people that are stretching and trying to become better than they are and reach their full potential, they’re going to encourage you to do the same because again, as the old saying goes, “You become like the five people that you spend most of your time with.”

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